[droptheapple]

I gave my son up for adoption 26 yrs ago, only I gave him up to my half sister I hardly knew.

My mother initially asked me if she could take my baby on vacation a 1000 miles away. I didn`t think nothing of it, not until she didn`t return.
I went to see what was taking her so long.
I was 17 when she told me I had nothing to offer my baby. At that point she told me she would not be returning home.
I feel I was manipulated into signing a paper thinking my mother knew best.
I tried to ignore it for years. They changed his name which really hurt.

But what really hurt the most was that I was not allowed to have any contact at all. No birthdays, no Christmas. They told me I would be his aunt and all would be good.

I can tell you, I know what its like to give my baby up to strangers.

I tried to communicate by a card here and there, every few years. In 1994 I got hate mail that said "you didn`t want him" I had to read it over and over, I could believe what my mother had writen. My sister I guess didn`t like my son getting a birthday gift. I signed my birth name, so I couldn`t see what the problem was.

I did sit beside him once while I was passing through. I could amagine what his soft hands felt like. I was to afraid to touch him for fear of my family. "I`m your mommy" I said aloud in my mind.

So many years of trying, now here`s my chance, and now i`m afraid. he even invited me to his wedding. What more could I ask for.

Its so awkward now. When I see his picture I feel like I want to just hug him. I want to go there like he`s asked. I can`t get past being so angry. I wish I could just make it go away, just focus on him. But, I`m scared. he lives in a small community where my sister and her family lives. ( half brothers and sister of mine I hardly know)
He doesn`t want to talk about the adoption now that we are trying to communicate. He says it bothers him. Our communacation is very strained.

he would like to meet his father. I was afraid of him. I have the medical files to prove it. Although that isn`t his problem, it is mine. he looks like him alot.

I don`t know how to deal with this if he won`t talk about it.
They didn`t tell him he was adopted. He found out on his own from school. Small town.
Can anyone help...i`m in the dark. I expected to just forget about it like it was nothing, but he was and still is something to me.

[Anetscat66]

Being a mother is something that will always be inside of you! The feelings and intuitions don't go away!

I am sorry for your sadness and want you know that we are beind you all the way! Give you son some time and when he is ready, he will let you know.

Try to find other things you might have in common, it might help him relax more. Letter writing and cards on occasion might be the answer too!

As far as meeting his father, it should be his choice and he can decide in which direction that goes!

I truly wish you the very best and hope that you can build a new connection with your son.

A friend..

[kakuehl]

I know we mention this a lot around here, but have you had counseling to help you deal with your anger and with what's happened to you. Unfortunately, unresolved anger tends to hurt you more than your half-sister & family.

As you read the postings in these forums, you we find that have a child that has been adopted by someone else is not "nothing" and not easily forgotten. Keep reading and see how many others have dealt with situations similar to yours.

[Gracie86]

I think it is terrible what your family has done to you. My mother didn't give me a choice at the age of 16. But mine was through an adoption agency. But to this day I carry anger and resentment towards her and my father.
You are your son's mother. You may not have raised him, but that doesn't break the connection you have to him.
In my opinion, I think it is time for you to be you! Forget your family to a point. I mean seriously...they were soooooooo wrong in what they did to you!
Take time with your son. Talk to him about today. When I was reuntied with my daughter I wanted to so badly to tell her everything, but realized that I overwhelmed her with alot of it. So my suggestion is to take it one day at a time and just be there for him. Can you imagine the things he has been told about you now that he knows. Let him get to know you, the real you...and try and let everything else go. By you worrying about your family, you are still letting them be in control of your life. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of and you are not alone!!!!!
Don't be afraid of him knowing his bdad. He is a smart kid, he will see the truth once he meets him.
Stay strong for you and your son. Live life for you. Trust in the connection you have with your son and just don't rush it. It will all fall together. Be patient.
These are all just my opinions, but trust me, you are not alone.
Many hugs!
Dawn