[MissScarletLa]

GMH,

I can't undertand why you wouldn't give a birth sib a chance. They had as much as you did to do with this adoption, NOTHING!
Stop and think about this for a moment, if one of your half sibs contacted you and wanted to meet you, Would you honestly slam the door in there face and put them through the same hurt you are feeling now? Is that fair? Just because the Birthmom did it to you doesn't mean the sib is like this! This is like saying siblings are guilty by guilt by association! The sib is hurt and this time by YOU and is that really fair?

I can understand an adoptee fearing rejection of a birthparent when you are searching but you must understand siblings of birthparents search too. We fear all the same things too. We fear rejection too. Anyone involved in searching fears the rejection factor. I'm sorry you had a bad experience. I know it hurt and there is nothing that could hurt worse. But, don't let one bad experience ruin something that could be good and positive. Not everything and everyone is bad.

I helped one of my best friends search for his mother, we found her and she didn't want anything to with him. He was devasted. He has 5 half brothers and a month later, she died of cancer. Right before she died she sent him a letter and said she didn't want him to see her like that, she didn't want anyone to see her like that and that she was sorry if she hurt him, but she had always loved him and hoped that he had always had a better life than she could have given him at the time she gave birth to him. She signed it, I love you and her name.

I'm just blurting now, but this was one of those experiences when you live through it you Never forget. Just wanted to share it.

God bless and good luck

Terri

[GMH]

Terri
They dont even now exsist so there want be any contact anyway.
I had a call from the social worker who did a lot of the searching on my case last night and between the notes written at the time of the adoption and whats gone on now ,we have been able to work out the following only her parents and her brother even new she had me ,she does have a large family so my intro would
create waves and hurt .Which I'm diffently not interested in doing
I lost my A-Dad(cut me up 100 times over) this year I'm moving home soon ,then taking up apromotion not long after that at work all with a very demanding son .Now I have to way up whats important to me and how much I can cope with and I think I'm pretty near my limit if I was to starting cracking up or being affected by a birth familys anger to me or whatever came from a reunion from them ,that would affect my family now and I'm not going to let that happen.
Thinkabout those people(b-family) they live on the other side of the world forming a relationship would be just e-pals and on the phone anyway .Lets just say all these people are great and we get on like a house on fire ,because of a nasty childhood I had that would be like a slap in the face with a wet fish.I don't think I will ever be able to understand from a birth families point of view I have tried and its still not working ,so call me an ignorant pig but I can't help it.
Anyway I'm pretty sure b-mom will keep me secret so its not going to happen .
I have agreeded with the social worker to get all my stuff done then at the end of the year I will send her an email , reflecting only that I would like medical info from my birth father even if
she calls him and finds it out then lets me or the social worker know.She actually had written in her notes father "unaware of pregnancy".

[Angelwings2002]

Originally posted by Robinsmom
Renee,
I think it is rude that you take one line out of a post, and jump on it without knowing the story behind it. If you care to read our whole thread from beginning to end, you might learn, that we are just a group of people, who are trying to resolve our feelings, you should not address just one line. Its not fair to the person who wrote it. I am sorry, even though I did not write this particular, line, that you were upset, by it. I also am a birthmom, and knowing the person, who wrote this, I took it in stride, because they were not talking about all birthmoms, just thier birthmom, who may or may not deserve it. Everybody has a story, and everybody has feeling, read the whole thred, if you are interested, otherwise, lighten up.
Colleen

FYI........I did read the whole thread..

[GMH]

Angel

I sent you a PM.

[Robinsmom]

GMH,
Now this is the man we know, always so glum. Has anybody said that you have to unweld your door? I don't think so. You take everything so personal, Banjo, was just being friendly, you should know that by now. I know that the e-mail before hers, wasn't very nice, but we all have the right to ignore the bad ones, don't let them bother you so much. Those of us, who have been here the whole time, know your story and accept it. You don't have to explain to us. Remember the blurt theory? It still applies, we say what we feel, and we don't have to worry about what anybody else thinks. So, as far as I am concerned, shut your door, nail it shut tight, and never open it again, cause its thats what you want, what you think you should do, then it is alright with me. Talk to you later.
Love,
Colleen

[redrose2]

Originally Posted by jojo1948

Hi,
My bson contacted me almost 2 years ago and it has been touch and go since then. He told me he only contacted me for medical info but I believe there are other reasons. He tells me all the time I am not his mother and there is not hope of us getting close. I need some help in trying to understand this. Please help.

Let them know, it wasn't the child that was rejected, it's usually, the circumstance and timing. It was in my case.

[scarlet1]

You got to understand that he doesn't want his A Mom to feel funny about all this . I would give him time.

[stephanie1981]

JoJo,

I am sorry that you are having this issue with your birthson. I am a 27 year old adoptee and I feel the same way he does. I hope you can understand this. I was adopted when i was a few days old. I have always known my adoptive parents to be my parents. I was always taught that your mom and dad and family are those who love you and take care of you, they are the ones that will be there everyday of my life to stand behind me. I have never had intentions of meeting my birth parents even though in my case it was not their decision to put me up for adoption. I too have just been interested in getting my medicals. In some way I do want to meet them just to see if someone else in this world looks like me or acts like me or if I have siblings. However, they will never be my family who has been with me the last 27 years. It is hard to grow a bond with a someone that has always been a stranger to you.
Best of luck to you.
Stephanie

[slbullough]

I am a mental health and learning disability nurse and now completing my MSC in Advanced Practitce. I work with families and children on both sides. BUT I still dont have any answers (lol) every case is individual.
I am also an adoptee who for the first time is trying to seek my birth family. Why I ask ? Im happy and have had a fantastic life with Aparents.
My first thought was I required a medical and psychiatric history as I have children of my own. However my collegues who are psychiatrists and psychologists made me reflect on these thoughts. What happens if she wants more, What happens if she suffers social deprivation, What happens is she is unwell, What about siblings they might have no money ect.... All of a sudden I relised that I do care and would ensure that the bfamily recieved all the support they needed I would never turn my back. The moral of the story is it takes time and sometimes friends to make you think. Goodluck give him timexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx