[zachsmomma]

Hello, I want to give a short history. My fiance and I broke up for a 2 week period in 1992, I had sex with a guy from work, strictly physical. I became pregnant, I had an intuition that the other guy was bio father, but too close to really tell. Told both guy and fiance (now husband). The other guy was younger than me and already had a 1 month old, since I wasn't 100%, my husband and I choose to raise the baby as ours, not knowing. My son was born and looked 100% like me, but as years go on, the resemblance to other guy is scary. Husband and son don't have good relationship, husband very bitter that son isn't his. We have paternity test and the results show husband is not father. I decide to tell my son the truth and he took it rather well for a 15 yr old. Found bio father with no problem. The day I contacted him, we met and he was obviously in shock. Next week we met him, his fiance and his 5 yr old. We liked them a lot. Next week, my son, me and bio dad meet. To say it's awkward is an understatement. I had asked bio dad if he wanted paternity test, he didn't commit to it, so I asked him while son sitting there, so do you think he resembles you? He said, looking at the pictures, not so much, but now that he's here in front of me, I know 100% that he's mine. Bio dad wants to throw him a bday party (he just turned 16) to meet his whole family, son is scared and doesn't know how to feel about the whole thing. I need to start him in counseling, but don't want just anyone-need someone with experience.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks for listening,
Zachsmomma

[cetalley]

contact counselors that their expertise is in adoption issues. I would never take him to regular counseling. I would also suggest you and your hubby get the counseling you will both need to continue this journey. This is tough, but you sound like you are resolved to find the best coping mechanisms for your family...I applaude you in your effort to be the best Mom you can be, Good Luck and GODS Blessings..

[JustPeachy]

I would re-think the whole birthday party thing right now. Your son has been hit with huge news that cuts to the core of his entire identity. Give him time to process what he already knows. He may need to back off a bit right now. I think a huge party and meeting more family will be overwhelming. Ask him about this. If you can find a counselor that specializes in adoption issues, that would be ideal, but I don't feel it is absolutely necessary. I have worked with a wonderful counselor that does not specialize in adoption who has helped me tremendously. I guess what I'm trying to say is I wouldn't opt out of counseling altogether if you cannot find one who specializes in adoption.