[woundedannie]

I am a birth mother whose biggest wish in her life was to one day meet her relinguished daughter...and low and behold - i did.. face to face. I loved the sight of her and then the tug and pull of reunion and all of its potential train wreck possibilities started to evolve. People in my immediate family were not versed on reunion because of course they did not need to read a book..My sister actually told me that she felt i was allowing my b daughter to meet our parents to HURT THEM.

Needless to say i was floored and to this day 2 years later i have not quite forgiven her for that assumption. Then my bdaughter went to meet ny raised daughter without including me and i felt hurt since i had told her I really wanted to be present..It was a shock for my raised daughter to see her because she looked so much like me...even though my raised daughter says it did not bother her -i was angry that my b daughter did not consider my feelings .
Also i find that my bdaughter is very cavalier about getting together..she was supposed to meet myself and her sister ( my raised daughter) but could not find the time when she was here in our home town for a visit
Once you get started here all these questions start bubbling to the service..right or wrong ..I believe i feel safe enough here to get REAL...hopefully with myself. Is it wrong to just let it go? Just admit that the reunion was a bust and that another 30 years waiting for potential crumbs would be passive abuse...sometimes i wonder if i should have let this dog sleep..

[keds]

I have taken a " break " from reunion as it was too painful. Bson is busy with his life, I "told" extended family we had met so now I have to deal with the "why isn't he calling/writing/want to meet us" crap. I too often wonder "why" I did this to myself again and then I realize. It meant alot to him to "know" me. I know that the crap I endured in high school/throughout the last 30 years is worth him knowing he was wanted and loved. I love and appreciate my friends on this site but health issues and, now, emotional issues make it hard to post. Hang in there, time allows us all peace of mind.

[saj]

Dear Annie and Keds,

I'm so sorry that your reunions are causing such emotional upheavels in your lives right now. I wish I had words that could comfort you.....but I just don't.

I guess I can only repeat Ked's words to "hang in there" and let time sort things out.

Most sincerely,
Saj

[txrnr]

Keds... I am so sorry your reunion is in this state. I've followed it all along and was hoping things would progress as you wished. He's young, so I know you still have time.

Woundedannie... Your feelings certainly do matter. Please don't let anyone, family included, imply they don't. I'm an adoptee, meeting my family in Jan. so I haven't been through this yet, and I'm on the other side of the coin so to speak. I can understand wanting to meet a sibling seperate from my mom. I would want that relationship to have a life of it's own in case the reunion went south. I think adoptees have become skilled at compartmentalizing relationships and it can carry over into our reunions as well. Please don't take this as you were wrong to be upset, or to feel as if your wishes weren't considered. I think in reunion, it's possible for more than one way to be correct. I just wanted to offer my perspective in case it could give you some peace.