[kakuehl]

Funny how easy it is to be paranoid about our bchildren! I guess most of us have that basic insecurity. I usually IM D, for several weeks now, however, he's been working in situations where he can't IM so we haven't talked much. I do talk with his wife almost every day... (I tell her I'm her illegal mother-in-law - or would that be mother-out-law!) She leaves me messages when I'm not online.

I'd love to get together with D for our birthday next week, but it's not going to happen... Sigh!

[keds]

Susieloo, I agree with Kathy, don't change your plans as IMO you may regret not going later on. Also, I would be "general" about comments regarding her bdad. As Kathy said, mention that you're glad that he is making an effort and appears to have matured over the years but at the time you were dating things were said and done that made you think about whether or not a long term relationship was appropriate. I am very careful not to saying anything negative about anyone as it usually ends up backfiring and their true character usually is revealed on its own. I think the one thing that is most worrisome is the amount of time it takes between contact. As quantum mentioned - I too can only stand a week or two before I'm thinking I've "blown it" with my bson and I have to keep reminding myself that he is busy with "life". Hang in there and best wishes.

[quantum]

Kathy, I cannot imagine how hard it is for you to share a birthday with D!!! Good grief. I have struggled with my bsons birthday forever and now I struggle with mine. How do you deal with the same day?

[kakuehl]

I suppose the good news is that it's only one day to struggle with, LOL! I have to laugh (sometimes through my tears) when someone on the forums will ask if bmoms forget their birthchild's birthday! Wow, I was typing this and just got hit with a wave of sorrow! I guess it reminded be that next Thursday is 35 years! To answer how I deal with it... it helps to recognise what's happening and to know that basically things are ok and the pain will recede again. The first couple years were the hardest although I have to admit, being in reunion has brought the memories back to the surface! I try to remind myself that I do have a choice.. to focus on the pain and sadness or to recognise the blessings in my life... and I have truly been blessed!

[susieloo]

thank you so much guys for your quick replies. You are all the new treasures in my life.
Thanks for shouting at me kakuehl...probably what I need!!Its amazing nhow those waves of sorrow can hit...I have had the same happen sometimes as I have been posting. Part of the PTSD I suppose. When I met up with her birthdad last year, after 27yrs, he did tell me he was determined to explain to her that he wanted to keep her. Aghhhh.....as if i didn't!!!!!! How he has put this to her I dont know. He also told me when he made contact he would let me know how it all went....and he hasn't. Just hope he is not on a " I'm going to pay her back crusade"
A quote from a movie I saw once " How hard you think this will be, you will wish it was!" Think I ly in there somewhere. I could never Have imagined that one bonk could lead to such a journey!!!( LOL)
Thanks too for you replies quantum and keds. I couldn't wait to get online this am to see if someone had heard me! I feel heard now. Its so good and gives me the warm fuzzies.
I am all into getting on ok with the bdad..There is a sign outside a local church that has little quotes of wisdom. This weeks says " Those who have tact have less to retract", so in the same vein as what you said keds about the negatives. I guess I am a bit passive aggressive by nature...at least I am aware of that, so will hold off the negative come back ( Just yet!!!!!lol)
My daughter will be 29 in Jan quantum.
Love you all.
susie

[kakuehl]

Here's another quote, "Better to keep you mouth shut and have people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt!" Chances are, bdad will show his true colors if he keeps talking. Be yourself with bd and her family and things will be fine. (Here's advice that's easy to give and hard to do: Don't be defensive!)

[susieloo]

Well opened the inbox and there was an email. So why am I still not happy???????
Well in one way I am, coz she did send me one, but alot of questions unanswered, no ref. to my letter. It just seemed NOT ENUFF!!
She did end it " See you on the 10th Nov." so I guess I'm still going to world cup. She arrives in the country in 4 weeks. It almost feels like first reunion meeting again!
Anyone else feel like this when you finally do have contact? Are my expectations too high? Just seemed so 'token' after nearly a year. I just want to know ALL the little details as well!!!!!!!

[keds]

Susieloo, I'm so glad that you heard back and the trip is still on. You are not alone. I always think it's not enough! Maybe it's me trying to make up for lost time but I see my bson quite often, I'm very lucky, and I dread when it's time to leave. As for letters/e-mails and phone conversations he is very quiet - maybe he just likes the sound of my voice - ha ha! I obsess over every word and don't call as often as I would like - every 3-4 weeks as I don't want to "intrude". It's still early on for us so still finding our way. I tell myself I have no expectations and that I am so thankful that I have him in my life and yet, like you, I want so much more. I'm looking forward to hearing about your trip. Take care.