[sandy424]

I have searched for and found my daughter after 20 years. She has an adopted sister that was rejected by her birth parents. After an initial phone call and a few e-mails, she has stopped contact. I have had contact with her adopted sister also, but have had no contact with her either. Both of them have stopped contact about a week ago. My daughter and I seemed to "hit it off" quite well. I gave her info to my parents and they contacted her. I don't know what went wrong, but she seemed very keen on contact. We scheduled a reunion meeting in December, since she'll be close by. I think she is re-considering this decision because it is too soon. She seemed very excited. My husband is behind me 100% and she has two half sisters which she seemed to be very excited to meet. Any advice?

[Renda]

Sandy,

All of this will be a lot to take in for your daughter, it's possible that it may be too soon for her to meet, I would write her a letter saying that there is no pressure and if she would like you could keep in touch using email or mail for as long as she needs, or leave all contact until she is ready, you will be happy have her contact you in her own time.

This is just what I would do, I am an adoptee and know how mind blowing all of this is, each piece of information takes tome to digest as its uncovering a piece of another life sort of.

Be prepared also Sandy, she may only be curious and not want to keep up regular contact , this is a real situation that could arise, I don't want to put the dampers on things for you, but want to be realistic.

Take care

[Jackiejdajda]

I agree with Renda..

She is probably going to need to take some time to sort how to handle this..

When my bson stopped contact with me I sent him a letter telling him I was here if he wanted to know me and just knowing he was okay was enough..


Jackie

[Juscuz]

It's quite a journey for both of you, give it the time you both need. At least she knows that you are there for her, when she's ready.......you'll both know.

Good luck.

[joycie]

Originally Posted by Juscuz

It's quite a journey for both of you, give it the time you both need. At least she knows that you are there for her, when she's ready.......you'll both know.

Good luck.

Hi Sandy,
I wonder if you have had any further contact with your bdaughter yet? I say "yet" because if you haven't, I feel sure that you will, sooner or later.
It is amazing how long some children need to sort out their feelings and desire for contact where their bmothers are concerned. My bson cut off contact with me quite deliberately after a year of limited contact. I was totally crushed and came very close to a real meltdown. I was quite pessimistic and felt sure I would never hear from him again, despite reassurances from well-meaning friends. How could they be so sure, I'd ask myself? There was a lingering sadness inside of me, but as time went by, I did learn to accept what I considered the inevitable. I knew so little about him, only that he lived on the other side of the world and what his first name was. I didn't know his phone number , address or even his surname...just an email address and 5 pictures he had sent addressed to the intermediary who initially contacted him. The whole experience felt like the equivalent of giving him up all over again. Double pain. Then one day, out of nowhere, when I least expected it, nearly 2 YEARS after he had told me he "wasn't ready for this", guess what?? I got an email with a single little message saying he thought he was ready to talk! This happened at a time when I thought there was absolutely NO HOPE! It has been steady progress since that day, 3 and one half years ago. We have developed quite a friendship via email mostly, since then.
So, you see, the message here is loud and clear: never give up hope entirely. Let her know that you will always be happy to hear from her and that she may take whatever time she needs. She is the one who needs to define the time line and even the nature of your relationship to a large degree, although not entirely, I believe, anyway. Hope you have lots of things going on in your life to keep you distracted if you are still waiting.

I do wish you the very best of luck and hope you don't have to wait as long as I did to get things moving. When I finally got my arms around my boy, it had been 38 years, 4 months and 1 week of separation and did it ever feel wonderful. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and your daughter. Joycie

[angelsmom]

This is so, so common! People often take steps toward reunification and then get frightened for any number of reasons. All you can do is patient. (Yeah, right!)

As others have already said...You might want to drop her a note and say something to the effect that "I AM HERE and WILL ALWAYS be here for you wehnever you are ready."

Let her know tthat you understand her need to proceed at whatever pace is comfortable for her.

Be short and sweet.

And then pray an lot and be grateful for your husband's support -- and the support you get here!

DO NOT attempt any spying or any unwanted contact at this point.

An do NOT take this as a rejection, as she has not met you and doesn't know you. This is about HER issues, readiness and fears and has nothing to do with you.

In sisterhood,

Mirah

[mamabee]

I just ran across this thread and wondered if there were/was an update on this situation?