[djvj]

Originally Posted by Stormster

Thanks so much for sharing the stories in this thread. I find threads like these tough to read and until recently could not accept that placing was more painful than death, even in OA.

My grandmother's son drowned at 21, she was never the same. My mother "lost" her son to Schizophrenia at 19, she was never the same. Both lived their lives with a dark cloud over them and the pain in their eyes never went away. I just couldn't imagine that something that others view as a choice could cause that kind of lifelong pain. But I get it now. And the social stigma is like constant salt in the wound.

I sometimes try to make myself feel better by telling myself our son's birth mother's age, life situation and the fact that she placed before means that she is in less pain. I think it's very important that I as a partner in an OA realize constantly (not suffer constantly for anyone else) but be aware of this unresolved/unresolve-able (word?) grief so that I can continue to be present, conscious and supportive in our OA. Thanks for allowing me to share.

stormster, i just have to say, i've read so many of your posts and thought "what a great woman"...
i do believe this - yes, all bmother's suffer grief and loss, however, if there is any balm for this grief, it would be the kind of compassion and understanding you direct towards your child's bmom...
i think women like you will hopefully change things much for the better, and have GREAT respect for you
vj

[taramayrn]

I think that's the key for me how do you grieve a child who's still living and have people understand your need to grieve? Especially for me being in an open adoption - I get to see my child and that should make it all better and well I did "choose" this so I shouldn't have a right to grieve. Oh goodness....

[Janeytwo]

Dear Dickons,

My heartfelt sympathy in the loss of your precious son.

I lost my son at 5 weeks of age to SIDS, the first day I returned to work my co-worker told me she always watched her babies

...

Shaking my head in disgust as I read what this woman said to you. You know, sometimes the callousness of people...well....it's just beyond belief.

I wonder when people say such mean-spirited things if they really have any concept that other human beings are on the planet with them or if it's just that they don't give a darn.

Wishing you well today,

Janey

[TxMom65]

Originally Posted by Janeytwo

Dear Dickons,

My heartfelt sympathy in the loss of your precious son.

...

Shaking my head in disgust as I read what this woman said to you. You know, sometimes the callousness of people...well....it's just beyond belief.

I wonder when people say such mean-spirited things if they really have any concept that other human beings are on the planet with them or if it's just that they don't give a darn.

Wishing you well today,

Janey

I thought the same thing. That makes me furious that someone could be so....stupid.

[djvj]

i also am outraged on your behalf. i truly can not understand cruelty like that...

[Dickons]

Thanks for the comments...I was shell shocked by her comment and never spoke to her again, (ended up leaving the job), even though I knew in my rational brain that it was stupid it still stung me...to this day it is one of the few things I remember...almost 24 years later.

People know when they are being cruel...just like bullies, it makes them feel superior even though in reality they are small hearted people that seem to have no empathy for anyone.

Kind regards,
Dickons