[lahdh4]

I am starting to feel angry and upset and I don't know why.
I hate the fact that I open my mouth to scream and no sounds come out.
I hate that I want to call up B.
I hate that I am feeling so low that I want to do this.
I hate that I look towards him when I feel this way.

The train keeps passing me by and won't stop for me.

[taramayrn]

Leigh - I wish I could take away your pain and make things better. ((((HUGS))))

[keds]

OMG - if it makes you feel better I FEEL the same way! I hate that I'm angry and upset that he doesn't call, or respond for a few weeks, or that he is so protective of his heart that he CAN'T. I want to call him, but I don't because I gave up that right but know that he said it was OK, I feel low because he may think I don't call because I don't care but that is the furthest from the truth and YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!

I think we all hold back because we feel we aren't "entitled" but at the same time are angry because we don't "call". If only, those who convinced us that this was the "best" had warned us that we would be circling in the same degrees but never crossing over we may have made different decisions!

[bajj]

Originally Posted by lahdh4

I am starting to feel angry and upset and I don't know why.
I hate the fact that I open my mouth to scream and no sounds come out.
I hate that I want to call up B.
I hate that I am feeling so low that I want to do this.
I hate that I look towards him when I feel this way.

The train keeps passing me by and won't stop for me.

((((lahdh4))))) I am sorry you are feeling this way. Please take gentle care of yourself today.

[thanksgivingmom]

Leigh I just hate this for you...I truly wish that there was something I could do, any of us could do, that could somehow positively influence this situation.

All I can do is be here for you, which you know I always am

[josh1788smom]

((((LEIGH)))) - I am so sorry you feel this way. I don't know if it helps, but everyone does at some point. Your feelings are true and real and unfortunately, a part of life. Hopefully, they become less frequent each day!!!

Wishing you many blessings!!!

[Teekay74]

Hey girl- I am so sorry your feeling this way!!! I wish I could make you feel better. I'm thinking about you!
Love ya-

[browneyes0707]

((((LEIGH))))

I have my moments too. I'm here for you!!!

[Mommy24]

(((((((((((Leigh)))))))))))))))

[RavenSong]

Leigh, I am so sorry you're feeling badly right now. Anger is such a powerful emotion. I've felt angry so many times in the past 36 years, and many times the depth of my anger frightens me...and then I feel guilty for feeling angry. It can be a real vicious cycle for me. I try to just let myself feel the anger, acknowledge it, write about it, pray about it. When I try to bury it deep inside me, it becomes ten times worse. Keeping a journal really helps, as does writing poetry.

Keep writing....

PS: Here's a BIG (((HUG))!

[lahdh4]

Originally Posted by RavenSong

and many times the depth of my anger frightens me...and then I feel guilty for feeling angry.

This is the part that is getting me. It is like, everytime I get this way I get angrier each time.
Writing so far hasn't helped. I just end up so frustrated that I just go and rip up the paper. I try to vocalize it and I can't.

UGHGHGHGHGHHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thanksgivingmom]

I was thinking about you today and just wanted to give you more hugs. Hope you're being good to yourself this weekend

[lahdh4]

Thanks.
Tried to do some scrapping last night didn't work.
Tried to do some writing last night didn't work.
Seems the only thing that did work is having a few drinks and falling asleep listening to Evanescence (?)

[keds]

Leigh,

(((hugs))) I have to say I can relate to your anger. I am just recently "out of it" in I vented - both in journals, yelling while driving my car, all sorts of stupid things but I needed to get it out of my system. There is nothing wrong with being angry, and showing it, as long as I'm not destructive or hurt anyone else. I is only in the last 24 hours that I feel "at peace' with all of this relating to adoption - in the sense that I can't change the past, have little control over the future, or much of the present, so I have to live today as best I can. I'm not saying I'm not going to be "angry" again, or have my low days but I'm going to go with the "flow".

If my bson can't see me or hasn't talked to me in a few weeks, well there's not much I can do about it. I had to let "go" of a few relationships because they made me feel bad about myself, even though they were "friends". I only want people in my life that aren't "judging" me, my decisions, and will share a laugh and provide a shoulder to cry on (when I need it). I hope that I can do that for them as well. If that means I only have 1 friend, well, I think that's all I need!

Take care of you!

[zxczxcasdasd]

(((((Leigh)))))