[renegade]

I'm an expectant mother who has been suffering from depression for six years. I am asking all single parents, bmoms, or anyone who is/has been in a similar situation to lend their advice. I don't want to be a depressed mother. I have been in therapy and talking to my therapist about how my depression has to do with me not being given opportunities to achieve my goals in life and really flourish the way I needed to. I feel if I have a baby, I won't be able to do this maybe? And I will become more depressed and resent the child, perhaps. Or maybe a child is exactly what I need? Maybe relinquishing will only send me into a deeper depression? I'm not sure what I need to do to fill this void in my life with something other than depression! Help!

[lilly123]

Hi, if you have been in therapy, hasn't your dr given you a perscription for an anti depressant?? Maybe you should inquire about it. I am a bmom of a 12 year old daughter, and a mommy to a 2 and 3 year old (girls), after my 3rd was born, I didn't want to go through a depression again (I have been fighting depression since 1995), on and off meds, zolaft for a long time until I think I just got an immunity to it. Recently, I went to my dr and got prescribed Lexapro 20mg, I honestly feel like a new person. There are some meds that you can take during your pregnancy also. As far as looking for an answer about the baby, I don't think anyone can tell you if the baby will make you better or not. You are in an awesome place though to express yourself and concerns. If I had to do it over again, I think I would have thought long and hard about giving my first born up for adoption, it has been a long and hard road for me. But I can tell you, that when I held my 2nd and 3rd daughter in my arms right after birth, they made all my fears and anxieties disappear!!! Congrats on your pregnancy, and we are all here if you need us!!!


XOXOXOXOXO
Lilly

Life on earth seems to be an eternity, but to God, it is merely a blink of His eye.

[Pinakitha]

Originally Posted by renegade

I'm an expectant mother who has been suffering from depression for six years. I am asking all single parents, bmoms, or anyone who is/has been in a similar situation to lend their advice. I don't want to be a depressed mother. I have been in therapy and talking to my therapist about how my depression has to do with me not being given opportunities to achieve my goals in life and really flourish the way I needed to. I feel if I have a baby, I won't be able to do this maybe? And I will become more depressed and resent the child, perhaps. Or maybe a child is exactly what I need? Maybe relinquishing will only send me into a deeper depression? I'm not sure what I need to do to fill this void in my life with something other than depression! Help!

I am so sorry for you. I don't know if I can give you advice because everyone is different and their circumstances are different too.

I know a great deal about depression. I too was suffereing from it when I was pregnant. Sadly, it was a long time ago when people didn't approve of single parents etc, so my baby ended up being adopted BECAUSE OF the fact I'd had treatment for depression.

How did I feel after the birth? Actually, I was not depressed but I did have Acute Stress Disorder. It was the calloussness of others and the manipulations and lies of the social workers that made me like this.

It may or may not be the same for you but I was perfectly able to look after my son. I did, in fact, love and care for him for 5 months before giving in to pressure. THEN I got depressed and have suffered from PTSD and depression ever since.

You may or may not get depressed whilst you have your child. What counts is that you have GOOD SUPPORT. That means possibly your family, definitely friends and maybe a sympathetic counsellor or other person who can advise you about the practicalities of what to do and how to cope if it happens. If you are hoping to keep your baby, then I would try to get to know other expectant moms at the clinic/hospital where you are going for ante-natal care. You will certainly meet them at the hospital when you have the baby AND at baby clinics thereafter. It will be good for you to have friends who also have babies or other children and you will feel less alone and isolated. This in itself, plus the fact that you will be kept pretty busy caring for your baby, should help you to stay on an even keel. If you think things are not going well, get help immediately and tell your friends so they can help you.

I'm not sure if this helps. I have just tried to suggest things that I wish I had known and I wish I had done back then in the hopes that you will not end up like me - without a baby and in an even worse state because of it.