[mamabee]

I had a question...Is it common for everyone to go into some sort of depression when experiencing reunion?

[Montraviatommyg]

It does seem common...

Pip

[Found at last]

I have suffered with depression for as long as I can remember. I tried to commit suicide at 17 and then again at 25. I placed my daughter when I was 19. I have been divorced twice. I'm married with two children and two step-children now. In 1993, I was having wide awake nightmares of taking my life again, so my dh told me GET help or else. I was on antidepressants until this year.In 2003, my daughter found me. After two months, she pulled away. This reunion was very difficult for me and when she pulled back, I was crushed by her silence, my own guilt and grief. So I had to get some real help. Therapy has helped me a great deal. Helped me to take control of my life again. I will always have depression, but now I'm control of it instead of the other way around.

Hugs to all,
Barb

[mamabee]

Found at Last-I feel your pain and I understand totally. If you have read any of my other threads, I wrote about my struggle with my reunion with my daughter and our time out/pull back. The reunion alone began causing me depression even before our trouble set in. I guess the depression is a result of repressed feelings due to our relinquishment. I am glad you are receiving therapy; I don't know how sane I would be without it. Please do not consider suicide as an option; come here and we will talk. You will feel better and your kids will see you dealing with your emotions in a constructive manner as opposed to the alternative. P.S. my name is also Barbara

[Umbilical child]

I am an adoptee who has just found my bio Dad after 37 years......I feel as though I am trying to redefine my Identity for the third time (found bio Mum when I was 23)......This Identity mind f%#k along with being a parent myself seems to have thrown me into a tail spin....the little blue pills help to some degree but I feel very lost at the moment.....

[mamabee]

Umbilical Child--Yes, I can see where you would be having some rocky emotions. How are you handling all of this? Is everyone being supportive?

[Umbilical child]

Well it is a little hard as I live on the other side of the world from my bio parents and just communicating and getting to know each of them and their families....1/2 siblings..has been tough...as for support there is only my wife and this forum...not to mention a particular kindred spirit who emails me her tales of woe so we can disect each other and attempt to sew it all back together......I have been to therapists but truthfully they just don't get it......yeah I am going O'K but hurt from time to time.......the whole adoption gig is a heavy wieght to drag....

[mamabee]

The whole adoption gig is a heavy weight to drag...I am glad you are coming here talking and reading. My reunion with my daughter hasn't worked out in the way I hoped and dreamed...it has been difficult to digest as I keep replaying every conversation in my mind trying to figure out what went wrong...but since I have been coming here and reading from all aspects of the adoption triad, I am gaining peace.

Just like talking with you, my heart aches for your emptiness and I wish I could replace it but I can't. But I can be hear to listen and to throw in a suggestion every once in awhile. You know, in your own way you are grieving (IMO). Your grief could possibly be your loss of identity. You still must go through the grieving process...you are going to get mad, you are going to get sad and somedays you are just going to not care. But that is ok...take one day at a time and talk and talk. My therapists has told me it is better to talk than to keep it bottled inside. You don't want to do that because then diseases can set in and/or all that other yucky stuff...let it out...talk and began to heal. You may never find the answers you are looking for but you can find acceptance and PEACE...

[Pinakitha]

Originally Posted by mamabee

I had a question...Is it common for everyone to go into some sort of depression when experiencing reunion?

Well, it probably is. After all, it is such an emotional time and there are all the issues of what might have been, loss, anger and fear. Both parties are having to confront the past and do away with their fantasies of each other. Yes, it wouldn't surprise me if many people didn't suffer from depression somewhere along the line in reunion.

Or is it just me being an idiot for thinking that?

[moo11]

i have found the only support i have is my family my ,church and a few close friends. i feel like the chat room here has let me down somebody needs to explain to people that not everyone wants to air their dirty laundry.

[Patty-cake]

Looking back I think I suffered my first episode of depression at age 12. I was the baby of the family by many years doted on by my siblings. All three married and left home that year. I remember being so lonely that every night after supper I'd take a walk and have a good cry.

I had major depression triggered by the adoption of my daughter 35 years ago. My parent's were in denial of my mental condition for whatever reason. (I had wanted to keep the baby and they had been opposed.) My parents were believers in the "stiff upper lip". About 7 months into depression I went off to school and lived in an apartment alone in a strange town. I was suicidal for about 2 years but afraid of going to hell- so I did not do it. I kept my thoughts silent because I didn't want to be locked up. I did get antidepressants which helped somewhat. Eventually I learned to stuff it and get on with life.

When my daughter found me 33 yrs. later the joy of reunion also brought back the painful memories. Also some of the issues brought up looked different through adult eyes- bringing up all new issues. I wish now that I had started into therapy then. I was crying every day. When my daughter withdrew I was devistated but I made the decision to deal with this no matter how long it takes. No more "stuffing it". I began therapy, antidepressants and an exercise program.

My husband was amazingly supportive. Although I had told him that I had a daughter that had been adopted- I never would discuss it in the 18 years of our marriage pryor to the reunion- because I was unable to do so without crying.

After 18mo. I was doing pretty well. Then my medication quit working and I started going down hill in a big way. I think Christmas-eve was the last time my house was clean. I suspect that I've always had a little ADD and when I'm stressed it gets worse. I was having trouble getting my work done on the job- then when the bosses started jumping on me I just froze completely and ultimately lost my job. I'm now on medication to help me focus and my antidepressants have been increased.

I took a low paying temporary part-time stress-free job and tried for two months to get into a less stessful permenent occupation- not easy when you are 54 years old. We finally got so broke that my dh was bewildered and threatening to leave. I have recently started working in a different field of my usual occupation- so far so good. If I lost my dh I don't know what I'd do.

My depression seems to be getting better. Finding this site recently has helped a lot.
Knowing that others have had simular experiences makes me think maybe everything thing that happened was not necessiarly due to my failures as a human being. People here are very supportive. Reading some of your stories reminds me that I am blessed to at least know for a fact now that my daughter was placed in a loving home and is alive and well. I also think sharing some of my experiences and mistakes may help someone else and that is a good. Love to all.

[Found at last]

(((Patty)))

Sincerely,
Found

[tannabanna83]

Hey everyone, my name is Tanna and i am 24 and Im trying to find my mom, dad and bother. I know where my sister is but have not got to see her in almost 4 years or maybe even longer. I have been dealing with depression since I was a little girl. I was put into foster care as a baby and was later adopted at the age of five. Yes I was happy then tell later when I was a little older. I find myself crying and longing to be with my real family even though I do not know them. I belive every child longs for there mom. I cry myself to sleep at night wondering why I was put on this earth to live by myself I know that the Lord is with me and that he can help confort me but I need the physical love and affection you get from family I never really got to have that. Its so hard living life these days..... Does anyone live in California that is where I was born. Mybe someone may know my Mom Julie Vickers Dad Gilbert Vickers, brother Gilbert Alan Vickers and he goes by Alan he is prob in his early 30 now. God bless you all

[longingtomeetyou]

Originally Posted by tannabanna83

Hey everyone, my name is Tanna and i am 24 and Im trying to find my mom, dad and bother. I know where my sister is but have not got to see her in almost 4 years or maybe even longer. I have been dealing with depression since I was a little girl. I was put into foster care as a baby and was later adopted at the age of five. Yes I was happy then tell later when I was a little older. I find myself crying and longing to be with my real family even though I do not know them. I belive every child longs for there mom. I cry myself to sleep at night wondering why I was put on this earth to live by myself I know that the Lord is with me and that he can help confort me but I need the physical love and affection you get from family I never really got to have that. Its so hard living life these days..... Does anyone live in California that is where I was born. Mybe someone may know my Mom Julie Vickers Dad Gilbert Vickers, brother Gilbert Alan Vickers and he goes by Alan he is prob in his early 30 now. God bless you all

makes me wonder how my daughter is doing

[Sapphire1961]

I've been lurking since I joined and this is a thread I keep coming back to as I suffer with depression so have joined up with another place to post about it as it is partly adoption related partly other reasons whish is in my signature - that forum isn't adoption related so it isn't a conflict of interest.