[Montraviatommyg]

Andi, as much as I understand the "not eating" bit as I'm struggling with that one myself still START EATING ONE PROPER MEAL A DAY. Okay got that out of the way milk is good for you but try to cut down on scrummy cookies ... my one weakness is cookies ... I must admit I prefer savoury food though. What I would do to have a ton of twiglets right at this minute, great comfort food.

Hmm it's not just "darn kids" who don't flush the toilet I've got a husband like that, he sometimes "forgets" and don't you just hate it when men don't lift up the seat. I am lucky though as ny husband like hoovering and dusting so it's makes my life easier to keep the house clean. Good thing too as I have found it hard to get motivated lately.

You're bound to feel stressed atm about the letter as you haven't had a response back. My thoughts are with you on that one even though I haven't been through it myself as my son responded to me quickly. However he would understand what you're going through.

Wednesday wasn't a great day for me as I got woken up early and couldn't get back to sleep. There is a bakers in the next street along with an alleyway behind it and the houses opposite. The owner of the bakers arrives at 4.30 am then he gradually increases the noise he makes just to annoy the neighbours. Fortunately the council and enviromental people are aware of the situation so several of the neighbours including me are keeping diaries. I was tired and irritable all day made worse by the fact that my husband went out in the evening and didn't get home till 11.30 pm. It is a regular thing for him to go out on a Wednesday but he is usually home but 10 pm. I would have gone to bed except my husband would have only woken me up when he got home.

Yesterday was better although I got woken up early so I was irritable in the morning. What helped to cheer me up was that I chatted with my son on and off during the afternoon and evening. He's "dying", probably of flu, and wanted cuddles so being the very sympathetic person I am he got cyber cuddles and cyber kisses from Chyna my angelic puppy ... um sorry 92lb, 2 yr old rottwieler . Not quite what he wanted but it was the best I could do but it was nice to know he wanted his "mum" ... still makes my feet curl when he calls me mum .

Today isn't too great as I had a c****y night's sleep so I feel exhausted today and am very grumpy. My husband is at home today so he knows to keep quiet. Sounds awful that but normally he's happy and loud but knows I don't appreciate when I'm having a bad day(s) so he is being thoughtful.

Pip

[Montraviatommyg]

Since Wednesday my mood has been gradually going downhill then it nosedived completely yesterday. Didn't help by only get three hours sleep and I am finding it a stuggle to keep taking the medication. Before anybody else "says" it for me I know it's still early days yet. I really need to pull myself together as I am going through one of my "what's the point in trying" moods. Okay, okay I know I'm feeling sorry for myself but I am trying to be honest here so I can get a few "kicks up the bum" ... please .

Pip

[Tigger27]

Oh, Philippa,

I know you can do it. You've helped me through a lot more than you know and you're still helping me. You've always been such a good example to me too and I admire you and your strength for what you've gone through and what you deal with on a daily basis and you're still here and going strong .

And don't even think about not trying anymore or else I'll have to come over there to the UK and help you get your bum back in gear .

Hugs and Love ya,

Anne

[shef]

well Pip, since I am in the Uk it seems that i might just ahve to ride my motorbike over to your place and come and give you an encouraging hug.......and you know I dont do hugs......we are with you on this......and youre only being real with us......pain is inevitable but misery is optional......so we are here to keep you from staying in the pit.....and we are going to form a human ladder of encouragement so you can climb out easier...we are pulling for you...

shefalie

[Montraviatommyg]

Thank you both for being "here" for me today I needed it. I was rushed earlier as I had been to church this morning, had to get dinner ready then get the dogs again before going to church again. Apart from having sleeping problems again I am struggling to eat as well which I have to do when taking my medication. I think that's what is making this even scary for me as I know the warning signs of when my mood is extremely low. The last two days I have also got very compulsive about doing certain things such as getting poetry on the website which is memory of my mil which is another sign. I get so engrossed that I don't realize how much time has gone by ... I don't even stop for a drink let alone for food. I need to get myself organised so I allow myself x amount of time to each "task" including allowing myself to read or go out for a walk on my own or with one of the dogs.

Pip

[anifish]

Pip how much longer before you will have a therapist, it has taken a long time,, frusterating because I really think it will help. I know it is hard to get used to the meds, do you have something to help you sleep, and if you do not, maybe you might want to consider it. I have a feeling the grumpyness is from a lack of sleep, I have noticed a pattern with you. Since the start of the meds if you are not sleeping you are mentioning more irratablility. I have also seen you posting late into the night. Only because I am also up too late. You need to sleep, and also your meds most likely are the reason you are not hungry. I am here with everyone else. You can do this, it has not been long enough for your body to be used to the meds, soon though. Call the Dr. and ask about something to help you sleep, Trazadone is a good one. And it is a mild antidepressent. It will help you sleep and I have tried it. It works great. YOU NEED YOUR SLEEP> It will be like fighting a loosing battle if you are not rested. I have to go,,,, it is going to snow here tonight and I have to pick up the yard.. I am here though if you need anyone to talk to. I will check in a bit to see how you are doing!

Love ya,, andi

[Montraviatommyg]

Just a quick note here as it's 8.30 am here and I've got to get my "puppies" out shortly. Yep another of my compulsive things that I have to check my emails as soon as I get up.

Andi, when I first saw my doctor although I was honest with my doctor about not sleeping he refused to give me sleeping tablets. The ruling at the surgery is that the doctors will only prescribe 5 at a time. The reason behind that is the person taking them can't overdose on them if he/she has forgotten if he/she has already taken one. The fact that I was feeling suicidal when I saw my doctor and have a on/off history with self harming is another reason he wont prescribe them. He is concerned that I might try and overdose again even though I said I wouldn't as anybody who is serious about it will do it which I have in the past. On the other hand he has told me to ring if I get really low as he doesn't want me to risk overdosing.

I'm still waiting for an appointment a counsellor so if I don't get an appointment in the next one or so my doctor will chase that one up. I know I desperately need it but I am keeping up ... just ... with writing down how I am feeling. It does help as I do reread everything I write.

Hugs 'n' love
Pip

[shef]

Hey Pip....you made it through the long dark night, and you are here today...I guess its one day at the time isnt it......you are doing ok..especially with coming here and writing what you feel whilst you wiat for your counsellor appointment.

I was wondering if you have to "do" so much....like go to church twice a day...and is there a place and time where you could make a list of the things that have to be done, and let the rest lie, whilst you get some rest when you need it, or soemthing for yourself...your own space and time.
Also, I have found that herbal medication is good for insominia and goes ok with other meds im on..and is non addictive......
hang in there Pip.....and keep letting us know how you are doing...

shef

[anifish]

shef you are so right I forgot about that. good idea..I have tried that too and it worked really well. I have major sleeping issues and I took one of them but can not remember which one. pip you are doing great. hang in there, andi

[Montraviatommyg]

Shef,

That is a good idea making a list of things to do. It's only on a Sunday I go to church twice then I only go down during the week if there is a meeting I want to go too or a conference. Mind you on Sunday evening I was asked if I would consider playing the keyboard on a Monday afternoon. On Monday afternoons there is a friendship hour which mainly over 60s attend (they aren't all church goers). I haven't played much for years but used to love playing the keyboard so I said I would provided I could practise on the church keyboard. It will be a healthy distraction for me and it will get me out of the house. I need routine in my life and this will be an ideal opportunity for me.

Tomorrow is my shopping day so I will see what herbal remedies I can pick up. Otherwise I shall go into town as there is a Chinese herbalist in the shopping mall.

Pip

[6boysrus]

Thought I'd post some helpful sites about organizing and planning. Many of these have helped me to develop my own system that integrates my Prayer life, Homeschooling, chores, errands, etc..

Takae a look, perhaps they will be of some help to you as well..

http://organizedhome.com/index.html

http://household.donnayoung.org/

http://www.kristensguide.com/Printables/index.asp

http://www.flylady.net/



There is also a very good Christian book called:
Bonnie's Household Organizer: The Essential Guide for Getting Control of Your Home
Its helped me a great deal learning to prioritize and how to actually make the schedule..
its on amazon for about 9 bucks.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0312...08#reader-link

Hope some of this can help
~ Yvonne

[Montraviatommyg]

Thanks Yvonne,

I've had a quick look but will have a proper look later as it is 1.50 am and I should be in bed .

Pip

[6boysrus]

YES.. GET SOME SLEEP!!!!

[Montraviatommyg]

Yvonne, Tuesday is a busy day for me generally as it is the one day of the week I am organised but I have joined http://www.flylady.net. It has already been of help for me as it has got me thinking.

Although the start of my day wasn't great it has improved so I'm feeling less anxious now. This morning mydh and I popped into our church this morning so I could ask if I could practise on the church keyboard. The pastor said I can anytime I want to which cheered me up no end as I love music so I had a bit of a practise this morning.

One of the elders was there as well and we had a chat with him before leaving. He is a foster care counsellor and is arranging a basic counselling course in November so asked if we would be interested in going along which we are. The elder does know I suffer with depression and he does also know about my son but looks at that as advantage as I've got a lot to offer because of it.

Pip

[shef]

Pip, How right your elder is (is an elder an older mature person?)......you certainly do have a lotto offer and tohave you there would be an enormous wonderful resource to them...a gift I would say......that is seeing past your depression.....and seeing you the person and your character.
Depression isnt who we are.......it does not define us.....

shef