[sammmax1]

Those who have relinquished their babies through an open adoption, something that is really advocated today, is this really the best scenario, in terms of adoption. Does knowing who the adoptive parents ease feelings that are associated with adoption

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by sammmax1

Those who have relinquished their babies through an open adoption, something that is really advocated today, is this really the best scenario, in terms of adoption. Does knowing who the adoptive parents ease feelings that are associated with adoption

It is not only about knowing the adoptive parents. Certainly the fear of the unknown is a part of those who place their children in closed adoptions. But grief is also a huge partof it. There is still loss and grief in open adoption. Studies have shown that in the beginning especially those feelings of loss and grief are perhaps greater than those in closed and even semi-open adoption. I see this as a plus because it means that birthmoms in open adoptions are working on those issues in the beginning, they are not repressing those feelings. For many in closed and semi-open adoptions those feelings of grief and loss resurface at reunion.

More importantly to me is what the children get out of it. When birthparents are a loving, engaged part of their child's life, the child grows up with many things.... The knowledge that they have always been loved by their birthparents, a fuller sense of who they are, their complete history. They never have to go through the agonizing dance of reunion because they already have all their answers and a relationship. Someone once asked my son (when he was about 13) who he thought he looked like, his birthfather or me. He said, "That is the stupidest question I ever heard! I've never even thought about it." For any adopted person to have the freedom to not even wonder who they look like is an amazing thing.

[JPDakota]

I respectfully disagree. Open adoption may be best for the birthmother, although some may debate that. For the child, however, not so much. Should a child have the right to know where they "came from"? Absolutley, when they are old enough to understand. The child should ALWAYS know they were adopted. They can learn the particulars when they are better able to deal with them. Many adoptees never seek out their birthparents even though they can. Some do, however, and take great pains to reconnect. My take on that is that open may be best for some children, but not for others.