[clara]

Whether you face an unplanned pregnancy alone, single parenting or are considering adoption as an option, whether you are a birthmother,/birthfather, adoptee, adoptive parent, foster parent or parents with challenging children, or even parent children with depressive disorders, please feel free to come together on the depression forum located on the adoptees forum.


It is there for all of you.

Should you be looking for resources, links or general information please ask away and I'll do my best to get you the answers you are looking for.


keep smiling

[bostonbabe]

hi clara im glad you started this thread.im a sinlge mother of 3,two boys and a girl,and am 8 motnhs pregnant with my 4th and last child.ive been under a lot of pressure lately from people who want me to keep my baby.theres no way i can take care of four children by myself,im not working right now.besides,i want my daughter to have a mother and father,not just a mother.my kids father is dead.i dont want to give my lil girl up,but i dont have a choice,i cant afford to care for 4 kids by myself,so i asked my parents to adopt my daughter when shes born,and they agreed.i know theyll love her like shes thier own.it wasnt an easy decision,believe me/

[clara]

bostonbabe,

I think you are extremely brave and couragous and by asking your parents to adopt your baby is far from letting him/her or yourself down. You are very lucky to have such supportive parents and you will be very much a part of your child's life, which afterall is still the most important aspect of it all.
No one is ever in a position of such perfection that they can judge why another person finds themselves in a particular predicament or faced with having to make certain choices. Your honesty will teach your children a great deal about integrity and selflessness.

take heart in the knowledge that your child remains with you and that he/she will grow up knowing family.

affectionately

clara

[partin1221]

Can someone in this thread help me???

My situation is posted in Single Parenting under

"Can someone help me?"

[asiandadatheart]

Hello, June, 11, 04
I am glad to know that there is a support group for adoption related. I went into a pretty bad depression when I found out that my child was placed for adoption. It was so bad that I almost shot myself. There were about 5-6 police cars came to my place one night. One of them escorted me to a mental facility. I have regianed myself and got back on my feet. thanks for friends and family there were there for me. Everyday is one day closer to find my child. I am going to live as long as I could. I am not gonna die until I meet my biological daughter.
Glad I have found this site. Hope I could be a help to some of you guys out there. We are in the same boat.
Pat K

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I have had a depression problem for as long as I can remember...but it was very very bad last summer...almost the worst that it has every been...I felt desperate! I finally got the courage up to ask for help and was repeatedly told how strong I was and that I could pull myself up. I prayed everyday that I would get smacked with a truck and even made arrangements for my daughter... I kind of shut myself off from everyone and if helped to not have to deal with anyone or anything.....my daughter went and spent her summer time with her dad...and I house sat for my parents in the backwoods.... I was totally isolated. It really helped a lot, it was to the point that if two people talked to me at the same time, my head would spin and I would freak out....


I recently was told by my cousin (last week)that this runs in my dad's side of the family!! I wish I knew this all along...I felt so alone...I felt like I was bringing it on myself...I thought it was caused by decisions that I made and it was something I had to deal with...and I deserved it....even up to a spell that I had in May! I had no idea this was something genetic! I feel like a huge thing has been lifted....maybe it is ok to get help after all....

Deep personal post...

Christine

[Kashmir]

numbr1dbcksfan, I know exactly how you feel! I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2001 & then it was determined to be bipolar disorder last year. It was so wonderful to find out that it wasn't "just me"; it was a chemical imbalance in my brain, and, yes, it IS genetic. Best of luck to you with your treatment.

[FL_GirlByProxy]

Christine and Kashmir,

I'm sure I was meant to read your posts here today. I have been fighting this label with myself for a long time. Tomorrow I am seeing a therapist who specializes in PTSD. I have no idea what is different about what she'll bring to the table, but at this point I'll try anything.

There is depression in my family, but I never wanted to face up to it happening to me. Nobody else in my family has ever lost a child to adoption, thank goodness, and their issues seem so small compared to giving birth to a son and never knowing him, wondering if he is safe, healthy, happy, and if he just hates me for what I've done. I'm sure that it's not fair to measure my situation against theirs, but I can't help it.

Stories about adoption on TV, events in my family, spark these enoromous feelings of loss and panic, and I really want to confront this now. My regular doc has prescribed a couple of antidepressants, and I really didn't want to get into that, but I have relented. It just feels like there is 200 lbs. on my chest and no matter what I do, I cannot get free of it.

My son that I gave up for adoption is 19, and we are not yet reunited. I know that I have huge feelings of guilt, and unresolved family issues that will just stay unresolved (they pressured me to give him up and offered no help or option for me to keep him, major control issues over me, even though I was 19), and I just want to learn how to live with this. I want to be a great wife to my husband and a great mom to my other 2 kids, but for now this part of my life has a hold on me like never before.

Thanks so much for listening. Everyone here is in my prayers.
Peace,
LeeAnn

[numbr1dbcksfan]

LeeAnn,

I also have problems with measuring other's situations against mine... sometimes it makes me so mad....like I would pay for THAT to be my biggest problem right now... But I kind of grew up with a lot of issues and total drama, so it is very hard for me to understand where people who grew up in a 'normal' situation are coming from.... I have worked on that so much in the past year, and am getting a lot better at putting my self in someone else's shoes..... but it doesnt always work! LOL

I was having wicked anxiety attacks last year. I went to the hospital for the worst one that I had and that was when they confirmed that it was anxiety --but it was so humiliating...they asked me if I wanted to kill myself and all of the really embarassing questions... then said I should go see my doctor and he would give me prozac. Just the thought of that day right now makes me want to cry. I was SO embarrassed.

As for medication....i dont take any....I was previously prescribed an anti-depressant for prevention of migrains and it screwed me up so badly, that now I am totally afraid of them.... (amitripilene (sp) ) I was searching frantically for a support group after Cindy and before mother's day approached....i was totally spinning. Luckily I met some great ladies during that time and finally got ahold of someone to talk to until I can find a support group of some sort. I am totally all for therapy (for everyone!!)! I hope that it helps you! For me talking about it and putting things in perspective helps in ways that I cant even put into words....
Ill stop rambling!!! LOL

Christine

[FL_GirlByProxy]

Hi Christine,

Thanks for your response. It's a struggle, isn't it? I know that without this forum and all these great people, including you of course, I'd be in a much tougher situation right now. I'd be feeling totally alone and isolated like I have the past 19 years, and I'm so thankful that I have this link where I can connect with my sisters in adoption. Everyone here from all sides of adoption has been so supportive and I feel so blessed.

Here is the kicker. I'll bet you my left shoe that tomorrow this therapist tells me not to spend time here on this forum. One of my doctors told me that when I was posting to the 20/20 message board. Her advice I could understand, as I was always under attack at that message board, and constantly defending myself. That is actually when this resurfacing of panic and intense emotions began. This forum is totally different. I consider it, and all of you, my saving grace these past few months. I hope that I don't have to defend this tomorrow. Here I find the kind of healing that I don't think I could find anywhere else. Yes, it is a significant part of my day. However, losing my son is a significant event in my life, and my love for him has never wavered, and my feelings of loss have never decreased. I have just displaced the anger and grief and substituted it with work, and that is obviously not the way to go. This needs to be a part of my life. I need to give it the time it deserves, I need to deal with it.

Hey, I think I could be my own therapist sometimes!
Thanks again!
Peace,
LeeAnn

[Kashmir]

LeeAnn, I'm so glad you came here today & read this! It's so funny that I know exactly what my therapist would tell me, but just need to hear it from him for some reason. I'm real good at solving other people's problems, but when it comes to my own...well, that's another story! LOL! As far as support on Internet forums, I used to spend a LOT of time on a support board for bipolar disorder & my therapist ENCOURAGED it because it was so therapeutic. If you feel supported here, there is nothing wrong with it at all, IMHO.

Christine, there are sooooo many different antidepressants out there, that if you need one, there is sure to be one out there that will work for you. I take a real heavy duty one (Effexor), which has some unpleasant side effects, but they are nothing compared to the crippling depression I suffer from. Antidepressants have, literally, saved my life. Obviously, they're not for everyone, so consult with your doctor/psychiatrist.

Also, I know it can be hard to accept mood disorders, but ALWAYS remember that it is a physical condition that you have no control over, like diabetes or cancer, and it IS manageable. I applaud you both for trying to come to terms with your situations. I've never had to face having to place a child for adoption, & can't imagine the pain associated with that. My heart goes out to you two.

Debbie

[numbr1dbcksfan]

LeeAnn....

There have been times that these board have brought me down terribly!!! Those were the times that I just had to not come here for months.... people can be so mean here, and I have a habit of taking everything personally.. so even if it has nothing to do with me, I always had (have??...working on it..) a way of seeing how it applies to me and then being so upset and down by it..... everyone's stories make me totally paranoid about my adoption 'closong' when there really isnt any reason to be... the hardest time to be here for me is around the holidays as my birthdaughter's birthday is in January, so Im already upset and then everyone is on edge and at each others throats here... (I know the board has changed hands a couple times...but it has been the same around the holidays for the three years Ive been here...) (3 years? does that make me pathetic??? LOL) It just gets very hard. I used to meet great people in the chat room....weirdly...they were mostly adoptive parents... now I dont go too often...

I guess there was a point....if your therapist says to leave the board...she/he is probably right.....but right now, things seem to be very supportive here...nice change if you ask me!


Kashmir- I know there are lot's of medications, and I may end up using one in the end. We will see. I just really want to try to use awareness for a while.... its just hard for me when things are going well and I cant figure out what it wrong with me...I can understand it when things are bad, but when things are going so well and suddenly I feel like "what the he** and I doing here?" i freak out even more because I always thought that something MUST be wrong....it never really occurred to me that it might be something physically wrong....until I talked to my cousin about it...

Suddenly I had new understanding of the need for medical history......LOL

Christine

[FL_GirlByProxy]

Hi Christine and Kashmir,

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and advice. I know I need to come to grips with accepting this depression, and to give it the credit it deserves, it is a physical health condition as much as a mental health condition.

I just got back from my 1st appointment, and I think it went really well. She did want to adjust / change medication though, and I'm sure we'll have that worked out by the end of the week. After going through alot of questions and discussion, she did "classify" this as major depression with PTSD. I felt very comfortable letting her in on exactly what I went through and I'm sure that comfort level has to do with her approach as well as all the support I've gotten here.

We went over the various message boards. She could clearly see the pain inflicted upon me in the time I spent on the 20/20 message board, and honestly she seemed shocked or surprised that fellow birthmothers would attack my point of view and be so vindictive. On the brightest note, though, I explained this forum as a place where I have people I identify with, who have supported me for many weeks, and who I feel very comfortable with. She was very positive about my time spent here, in short, she believes it is a good thing. I was so happy to hear that.

I can't thank you guys enough. This is a little scary, but it's long overdue.

I know that I have some work ahead of me, but I can also see the sunrise in the distance.

Thank you so much,
Peace,
LeeAnn

[numbr1dbcksfan]

That is great! Im glad your therapist thought the boards were great....they used to be not so great! I used to be accused of NOT being a birthmother if I identified with adoptive parents....it was war in here!!! Its great that it is safer here now...and it is great that you feel safe here!

((Hugs of encouragement for you))

Christine

[Kashmir]

Christine ((hugs)) - I agree with you. It's that depression that just seems to come out of nowhere that throws me for a loop. Sometimes it helps me to write down all my negative thoughts & then write down next to each why it isn't realistic.

LeeAnn - YAY! It sounds like your appointment went great! As someone who's been through it, I can tell you that it DOES get better...hang in there! ((hugs))

Debbie