[Irish 136]

A family member adopted my child 30+ yrs ago. I'm known to him/her as Aunt. I have since married & have a son who he/she knows as a cousin. Both are only children. Should I tell him/her I am her mother & he/she has a brother? The adopted mother is deceased & we are very close? Thanks for any input

[pjinokeechobee]

First I am no expert on this. I truly don't know what to tell you you are in a difficult situation. Has he/she been told they were adopted? Have they ever asked questions on the subject? I have always been a firm believer in total honesty even if it hurts. Not everyone feels that way. I wish I had the answer for you and could be helpful the most I can offer is support. Good Luck!

[Jackiejdajda]

>Should I tell him/her I am her mother

I think the hardest part for me (when I was in secrecy) was that I could not tell my sister about my bson.. She had a son the same year..
He was legitimate and my son was not.

That secret eventually separated us.. I lost my friend from childhood.

My mon has died and she has died taking all her secret keeping with her.. My sister and I have a wonderful friendship now.. We discuss some of the adoption issues that I read on the net.. We have discussed the issues of a woman who is still in secrecy mode. Interesting conversations since her life was affected by the secret as well.. There were things she could not understand..

My daughter used to have a dream that I would leave her.. She had these dreams well before I told her about my bson who is ten years older than she is..

Secret keeping is very hard on a person.. IMO

It isolates..

Jackie

[MsChris334]

would you want to be told if you were in their shoes?? I think they have the right to know. Good luck

[BABSNVA52]

When a child is adopted with in the family I'm sure it is so much harder. Just my opinion. I feel the child has a right to know that you are their mother. It may be hard on the child at the present but if they by chance found out on their own I feel it would be so much worse, Just remember that the child could decide to search on their own or hire an agency to find for them and just imagine how devistating it would be....



Barbara
(Birthmother)
Lynchburg, Va.