[Sabra]

Hello Everyone:

This forum is designed to give a location to communicate about depression and what we can do to help ourselves in times of depression.

Has anyone sought out professional guidance regarding depression?

Hormonal changes can be part of what may cause some of our depression? What other types of depression have you experienced?

[bajohnson]

Sabra,
I am in the midst of a depressive episode right now and am not sure why. I know my search has hit another dead end and that may be causing it. I have my oldest graduating from high school in a couple days, that may be it. I have had maybe 3-4 episodes in my life, so I don't think it's chemical in origin. I have never been treated for it.
I appreciate you asking the questions, as this is one of those issues that needs to see the light of day.
Beth

[Sabra]

Dear Beth:

Thank you for your post. Nice to meet you.

It seems that you may have a quite a bit going on right now. I noticed your birthdate at the very bottom of your post. Did you just turn 39? I remember just turning 39. It really made me think about turning 40 and wondering so much what would that be like. Now that I have been 40 for 7 years, I think 40 is pretty cool, who would have known?) Also the very fact that you are searching is very emotional. Now adding a high school graduate in the mix wow. I can see it would be normal To react in someway. What is important is how we do or do not balance ourselves back. If a person does not have the ability to balance back by doing things that help them to regain their wherewithall then it is really good to start exploring why and what can help.

I love the way that you mentioned in your post referring to depression as "one of those issues that needs to see the light of day." What a beautiful way to give yourself your own remedy isn't it amazing that we can do that ourselves sometimes? We may know what we need! LOL! Researcher have proven the benefit of daylight to keeping people from feelings of saddness.

If you happen to be experiencing clinical depression it would be a very good thing to find out. If your last 2 to 4 episodes of depression lasted for any lengh of time I probably would talk to my doctor. Sounds like a smart thing to do . Who wants to be depressed?

There is a forum that discusses this at: http://www.adoptionforums.com/f762.html Clara will come on to help anyone that posts. She has suffered for years with depression and has done quite a bit of research.

Also regarding the things you are going through in your search we have chats that may be of help. You are so welcome to join our chat group on Wed nights at 7 pm PST in the Search and Reunion room. I am the host. We have a good time! We laugh as well as go through the ups and downs of searching and reuniting!

I am so glad we have this thread going as well as this one http://www.adoptionforums.com/f762.html it sure helps to bring things to the light as you said Beth.

Warm regards,

[bandfan]

I'm with Beth. It's so great that you're presented the opportunity to talk about this. I know I have my share of depressive moments in time. (I call them my blue funks) When I'm going through them, I don't even recognize myself as being depressed yet I know that's what it is. My husband says he can tell I'm in my funk because I don't smile, and he can sense that I'm sad about something. What triggers it? I have alot of baggage from my past that weighs me down every so often. It's not the fact that I was adopted that gets me down, but the way my adoptive family treated me. Then I get to thinking how other people have got it worse, and I'm able to snap back and feel better. I take time off for me to do something good for myself, and that helps so much.

My question is, how does one know if they should see a doctor for depression? I'm 32, and my funks aren't going away, but they aren't increasing, either. I don't feel like they're too bad, but as you said, who likes being depressed? (I've been going through this since I was 16 or 17) BTW, I totally agree about the sunlight factor! I have about 4 episodes a year and 3 of them are during the winter. Thanks a bunch! Sheila

[bajohnson]

Hey guys,
Thanks so much Sabra, for your encouragement. I do think talking about it helps put things in perspective. Sheila, we sound real similar in a lot of ways. I have had a couple episodes that last about 4-7 days, and then go away. I know I have a lot going on right now, but I just expect so much more out of myself, that I get even more depressed thinking, I don't have time to be depressed.
I will check out the other thread you mentioned Sabra and the chat room when I figure it out(the chat room) and feel able to talk "real time" to people.
Take care,
Thanks!
Beth

[bandfan]

Beth, thanks for stating your case. My episodes sound like yours! My worst one was about a week, I'd say. It's not like I crawl under the covers and don't come out for a few days, but he way I act, I might as well. I don't like going out in public, I don't eat, I can't sleep. (What a way to lose a few pounds! LOL!!) Otherwise, I'm normal, or I try to be. I can still keep up with the kids, my husband and the housework. But if I dwell on it too much, I know it could snowball, so I try to GET A GRIP and go on. That's worked so far. You were so right in saying talking about it puts it into perspective. Hey, at least I don't feel completely looney for my funky little blue moods!
-Sheila-

[nicolebrooks]

Hi All,
I'm embarrased to accept that depression has gotten a hold of me. I'm not even sure if I feel right calling it depression, it's sounds so cliche' (sp?). For the most part, I've generally been wrapped up in being a people pleaser all my life and now that I've started diving into my past I've been feeling so insecure about anything I do. I have a hard time finishing much of anything, feel totally misunderstood, alone, a burden, ugh.
I deffinately feel more relaxed under the but the nights overwhelm me.
I've broken down and made an appt. with a PhD, in hopes to help me prioritize what's most important so that I can still function at the level I used to. It's hard owning a business and feel justified in explaining to my clients and partners my inability to function because I've fallen into depression, I don't think it's acceptable. However, now more than ever, I fear calling people back because I'm not certain if I can handle one more obligation that I may fail to meet.
I wish I could fly to some tropical place and start a new life guilt free.

[MomTo1]

Does it ever just go away?

I mean, is there ever a cure?

I fought through 5 years of depression before receiving the placement of my daughter. I never took any meds but used physical activity and excersie to make me feel better.

Since our first visit with my daughters birthmom, almost a week ago, I feel I am sliding down again. I get up extra early in the mornings, just to go for a run, it helps some, but I feel so blue. I wasn't prepared for this to come back after a visit.

If I was to confide this to anyone, they would recommend I stop the visits. I don't think that is appropriate. This is my issue, not my daughters or her birthmothers. They shouldn't have to pay because of my inability to step outside of my own box.

Does anyone know of any good books regarding infertility, depression and open adoption issue's?

[niece]

I am a 27 yr female who is unable to have children. I have been looking at adoption for a while now. I know that it is what I have to do to complete my family. I have so many conflicting feelings. I am to the point where I cant walk into a store and go into the baby things without almost breaking down and crying. Is this going to get any better or will it just get worse? I know that adoption is a long process and everything I am so confused about the different ways to go and the fees and really just everything. Am I normal I guess is my real question.

[kmalay]

Niece

First off yes you are very normal. May I ask how long you have been dealing with infertility and could you just give me a little background so that I understand your issues a little more. Regardless Infertility is not something just effects you physically, it is something that effects your entire being. Mentally and emotionally are the two worst effects. We feel like we have let everyone down, ourselves our spouces, our families. We wonder way we can't control any of this. Why are our bodies doing this to us. Each month we are let down when we discover we are not pg. Then suddenly everyone we know is pg and the announcements start arriving and babies begin to pop up all over. It is hard to look at anything thing to belongs with a baby. Friendships slip by because you just have a hard time being around them. I myself dealt with all of this. I will admit I do have a bio daughter from a previous relationship and she is 16 now so yes I have experienced being pg, but that desire to have a child doesn't change. In the begining I was not open to adopting. My dh and I both were not interested, then I met a woman who was hoping to do international adoption. I found it all very interesting I mentioned it to my dh and he was still against it. Then I decided I wanted to really do a lot of research on adoption. I spent almost 9 months reseaching all the option and issues. By that point dh was on board too. I knew I was done with treatments. I was emotionally drained and that had not changed in those 9 months. I went through alot of different emotions including depression. I eventually was given paxil to help with my anxiety attacks which were terrible(fortunately I am off of them now and doing fine) but then one night at a PRIDE training glass the topic was loss. Of course mostly about the loss that children suffer when they are removed from their home, but also the loss that many adoptive parents suffer due to infertility. The teacher started talking about the grief that those who suffer infertility go through and need to go through to get to feeling that adoption is a good choice not a last chance. It really hit home to me that this was exactly what I was going through. Let yourself experience the grief. Don't stop thinking about adoption in fact continue to research it. Hopefully you will begin to get excited about it. To tell you the joy it can bring we were chosen two weeks ago to become the proud parent of two boys ages 4 & 7. It can and will happen. It doesn't matter how you are blessed with children. Children are born in the heart first and foremost. If you would like more support on all of this and how to pursue adoption please
feel free to join us over at the Adopting after Infertility forum of the infertility section. I would be more than happy to chat with you some more. Best wishes.

[kmalay]

Hi I think someone might have suggested the first book to you, but here is some books and a site to check out. I will post this over at the Infertility section too. Hope it helps.

Adopting After Infertility by Patricia Irwin Johnston is excellent

Also Patricia has a wonderful website with all kinds of adoption and
infertility info reading on it it is @ www.perspectivespress.com

The book The Ache For A Child by Debra Bridwell it is out of print but
still can be found. This is a book that needs to be reprinted in my opinion.

[Coley]

I think we all suffer from depression from time to time and a lot of times it is situational. After the birth and placement of my birthson, I was depressed for a while and then things seemed to improve for awhile. I can be going good and feel fine and then all of the sudden, life brings be back down and I feel blue again.

Depression and manic depression have always been a part of my life, since I can remember, as they run in my family. So I have always tried to watch for "trigger" signs in myself that may mean I am becoming depressed or likely depressed. As we all know ourselves, we could all probably name our "trigger" signs. For me, I start being a little more lazy and less active. I stop working on all my little projects and sleep a little more. Now, occasionally I need "me"time, but I have gotten to where I can judge and know what is healthy and not healthy. And when I feel myself slipping into the unhealthy, I do something for myself, something simple and something I want. Could be a manicure or could be some ice cream or an afternoon outside on a hike.

This works for me and was taught to me by a good friend. So I hope maybe some of you can learn to watch for your "trigger" signs.... And of course, there are times in life, when the simple little things will not perk you back up and this when you have to decide that you need help and should seek it. Some people have a problem asking for help, but we were not put on this earth to be alone, living all by ourselves, so sometimes taking that step just to reach out and ask for help is the first step.

Also, I wrote this article that has some little silly things that cheer me up for a few when I am feeling blue..... Grieving: Natural, Normal, and Neccessary

Be blessed all,

Coley

[MomTo1]

Kim, Thank you for your help.