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    <title>Adoption.com Community Forums</title>
    <link>http://forums.adoption.com/</link>
    <description>Adoption.com Community Forums</description>
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    <pubDate>Wed, 22 May 2013 07:20:27 +0000</pubDate>
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    <item>
      <title>Newborn adoption</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 06 Oct 2011 21:58:35 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/the-first-year/395786-newborn-adoption.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi all,
I hope I'm posting in the right spot....    my husband and I am hoping to be adopting a newborn in about 4-5 months.  It will be a private adoption, and we are in the very early stages of it being decided.  The mother is a close friend of mine for over 25 years.  Anyways, I am looking for...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi all,
I hope I'm posting in the right spot....  ;)  my husband and I am hoping to be adopting a newborn in about 4-5 months.  It will be a private adoption, and we are in the very early stages of it being decided.  The mother is a close friend of mine for over 25 years.  Anyways, I am looking for people who can give me some good insight on  how to prepare to bring home a newborn!  I know the obvious stuff but I kind of feel like since I'm not pregnant I might be missing some things that may otherwise be instinctual....  if that makes any sense....  :)

Thanks!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>sweetp27</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 06 Oct 2011 21:58:35 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>frustrated scared...single mom</title>
      <pubDate>Sun, 25 Dec 2011 20:02:16 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/single-parenting/398300-frustrated-scaredsingle-mom.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I have a 3 year old daughter...4 at the end of april. For the large majority of her life I have been taking care of her with no help. And when I say no help I do not mean purely no help from her father but also well no help at all. Eventually there was child support ordered...of which he avoided...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I have a 3 year old daughter...4 at the end of april. For the large majority of her life I have been taking care of her with no help. And when I say no help I do not mean purely no help from her father but also well no help at all. Eventually there was child support ordered...of which he avoided for 6 months. I don't trust his family, (for multiple quite understandable reasons not just because i do not like them) and I prefer her not being around my own family. 

I broke up with and kicked him out of the place I was living at when she was around 1 and a half but even before that it was nearly 90% 95% of the time me taking care of her, making sure she had what she actually needed while he would ***** and whine about me not letting him buy what he WANTED.  

Anyways after some bad stuff happend i entirely disallowed him to even be in my house but NEVER i repeat NEVER told him he couldent see his kid...infact for more then a year well pretty much since she was born actually I was BEGGING him to spend any time with her. Setting everything and all of that. 

Eventually it came to be too much and I just left it up entirely to him when he would come and see her. Which let to months between visits then at one point a full year. Magically his family decided to move back to the city I was in and suprise suprise sponging son moved back with them. 

Now he was asking to see her so i said fine. I asked him to set up a day each week where he would come visit her to start off with. He showed up two maybe weeks in a row on that day...then didnt show up for 3 weeks on that day. 

I then moved about 30mins away informed him which city I was in and that if he wanted to see her just call me set a day and i would meet him etc. 

He is now insisting on having my address which I refuse due to some issues he previously caused  me. But this is not me refusing for him to see her. He threatened me with lawyers which makes no sense...im not keeping her from him. He also says the stupidest things like i should bring her to him,... even when we were in the same city. He never asks if we need anything etc. And when he comes to see her he always has someone else with since she was very young.

I dunno all this is leading to how unbearable my life is when he just decides to randomly show up see her once or twice then dick off and slander me to his friends. 

He was the one who convinced me to keep my kid in the first place then he just ****ed off and acted like this. 

Im thinking of giving my near 4 year old up for adoption because im facing the fact that while her father isent father of the year material im certainly not trophy mom either. I started off with the best of intentions but I cant count the amount of times I think to myself, "should I have given her up for adoption?" 
There is serious questioning in my ability to be a parent. And while I do not want him to have her as its obivous he is quite incapeable...i cant take all the crap anymore. From him, from his family, from the drama, from the lies, from the everyday dealing with a young child. 

Its really grating on me and has been for a very long time. 

I hear about mothers who give their child up for adoption and regret that choice...but how often do you hear of someone like me who regrets the choice of keeping their own child? 

I was talked into in a way. 

Well im still thinking of it...and they way things are in my life with me with my kid, my ex butting in, causing issues, me not being stable, trying to go to school to....everything... shes nearly 4 and i dont want my own kid? 

i feel beyond disgusted at myself....]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>skylas</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sun, 25 Dec 2011 20:02:16 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>newborn care</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 22 Apr 2013 23:55:32 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/the-first-year/415540-newborn-care.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi I'm new here and it is my first time to take care of a newborn. Any tips about newborn care, do's and don'ts, important things I should have.

I am also interested to read about your stories. :thanks:]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi I'm new here and it is my first time to take care of a newborn. Any tips about newborn care, do's and don'ts, important things I should have.

I am also interested to read about your stories. :thanks:]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>heavenlee</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 22 Apr 2013 23:55:32 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>right age for school?</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 15 May 2013 03:31:13 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/single-parenting/416265-right-age-school.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I am thinking about your opinion about the right age for sons/daughters to go to school. :flower:]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I am thinking about your opinion about the right age for sons/daughters to go to school. :flower:]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>mamandy</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 15 May 2013 03:31:13 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>outgrowing baby tub--what's next?</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 18 Jan 2010 22:06:13 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/the-first-year/370245-outgrowing-baby-tub-whats-next.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[What do you use after your baby has outgrown the baby tub?  OUr daughter is almost 5-1/2 months old, and is really stretching in the baby tub.  My nephew had a ring of some sort he sat in the big tub, but that was a while ago.  What are the options?]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[What do you use after your baby has outgrown the baby tub?  OUr daughter is almost 5-1/2 months old, and is really stretching in the baby tub.  My nephew had a ring of some sort he sat in the big tub, but that was a while ago.  What are the options?]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>redbonec</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 18 Jan 2010 22:06:13 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Love &amp;amp; Logic</title>
      <pubDate>Sun, 10 Mar 2013 15:55:25 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/parenting-support/413976-love-logic.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I've been struggling with an angry 12 year old boy over the last few months, well actually since his grandma passes away at the end of November.  And he's the youngest bio child who now has a younger sister through adoption.  I think he is dealing with grandma's passing, but he has learned a new...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I've been struggling with an angry 12 year old boy over the last few months, well actually since his grandma passes away at the end of November.  And he's the youngest bio child who now has a younger sister through adoption.  I think he is dealing with grandma's passing, but he has learned a new way of interacting with everyone in the family.  The new angry, disrespectful, "I don't care", attitude needs to go.  We've tried yelling, grounding, taking away privledges and I feel as though our anger and frustration are feeding his anger and frustration; making for lots of anger and frustration in our home.  I've been looking for a good book, or parenting strategy to help us out.  About a month ago I found the Parenting Teens with Love and Logic book.  I had read through the original book years ago when the boys were little.  We've applies these techniques off and on over the years, but I"ve been trying to enhance my skills since finding this book.  I've even ordered a couple tape to listen to in the car to and from work.  I'm trying to use this strategy more and I think it is starting to make a difference.  The agruing has decreased, and I don't have to yell as much.  Has anyone else read these or had any interesting experiences applying these techniques?]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>mancubmom</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sun, 10 Mar 2013 15:55:25 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Mom On Strike!</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 31 May 2012 09:22:36 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/marriage-kids/404046-mom-strike.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hello,
This past mother's day was our first being parents, our adopted daughter came to us memorial weekend 2011 so she wasn't living with us the year before. My husband decided that we should not celebrate mothers day. WHAT?!?! I was totally hurt. He didn't want to upset her because she still...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hello,
This past mother's day was our first being parents, our adopted daughter came to us memorial weekend 2011 so she wasn't living with us the year before. My husband decided that we should not celebrate mothers day. WHAT?!?! I was totally hurt. He didn't want to upset her because she still misses her "real mom". But does that mean that I should not be recognized for all that I do? I see cards at the store FROM HUSBANDS TO WIVES. Mothers day is not just the kids celebrating their moms but the husbands celebrating what the wives do and provide for their families. So I quietly went on strike. I have not grocery shopped since. I have not cleaned one toilet or done a since thing around the house. I just pick up after myself. The kitchen sink stinks, the shower is nasty. The laundry is pilling up. My daughter has always cleaned her own bathroom and does her own laundry. Which brings me to my next cunundrum, during the hot summer months (it's 111 today) we don't use the dryer, we use the clothes line.  My husband was off the day before we left for memorial weekend and told me he was going to do some laundry. I thought "great, finally!" but he only washed a couple of pairs of HIS shorts and jeans. When we got back, my daughter did her wash but I didn't get a chance to do mine. So I decided to do a wash this morning before leaving for work, (I work 40 hours per week too!) setting for 8 hour delay so I could hang in on the line when I got home before it got dark. BUT THE LAUNDRY DETERGENT BOTTLE WAS EMPTY! Are you freaking kidding me?!?! My daughter was the last one to use it and failed to mention that we needed more or put it on the dry erase board. Not the first time she's done that either!  We were at the store together picking up a few things before the start of the work week and she didn't mention it. She also wets the bed about twice a week and this morning when I went to do a wash and discovered there was no detergent, asked her what she's planning on doing with her wet bedding? So I went to the store, bought a travel size single use laundry detergent, went back home and put it in the washer. Not my problem. They are going to have to fend for themselves. I never realized how helpless people are when they depend on someone else, I want my daughter to learn some independence. But I realize that both of them can live in a dirty messy house, have very little food in the fridge and be okay with that, problem is that I am not okay with that. I don't want to eat fast food every night. I guess they never really appreciated me like I hoped. I was hoping that by going on strike, they would realize how much I cook, how much I clean, and how much I do for them, but they are okay with me doing none of it, and I have to shower in a nasty shower. I get my own food for work and keep it at work, and I chose not to eat unhealthy fast food so we don't eat together. I want to take my strike further to really send a message but I am stuck. I don't know what else to do. I guess I can stopping running errands and have my husband do them and have my husband pay the bills, write the checks, stop at the post office. I am not going to the store this weekend with them like I did last weekend, reminding my daughter that she'd better pick out some lunches for summer camp. Last time, my husband let her pick out a lunchable with nachos and taffy, SHE HAS BRACES! HELLO! Let them figure it out. On a different note, my husband bought me an exercise bike a couple of months ago, without me asking for it, I assumed he was hinting at something because he works out, he lifts weights. So I used it everyday and dieted and lost six pounds before our memorial getaway at a nice resort. I layed out and tanned every weekend and bought a new bikini, and HE DIDN'T SAY ONE WORD! NOT A SINGLE COMPLIMENT!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>lulahigley</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 31 May 2012 09:22:36 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>baby co-sleeping</title>
      <pubDate>Tue, 07 May 2013 22:10:18 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/bedtime-baby/416010-baby-co-sleeping.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi. I have a new baby and placing him in a cot. My husband and I recently talked about baby co-sleeping but I've read somewhere that it's a bit dangerous.

Does anyone here have a personal experience about it? Any advice please?

My baby is just 2 months old. :thanks:]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi. I have a new baby and placing him in a cot. My husband and I recently talked about baby co-sleeping but I've read somewhere that it's a bit dangerous.

Does anyone here have a personal experience about it? Any advice please?

My baby is just 2 months old. :thanks:]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>heartgel</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Tue, 07 May 2013 22:10:18 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Poor Speller and Reader-Need help</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 10 Jul 2006 07:59:07 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/schooling/258325-poor-speller-reader-need-help.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I have a 12 year old son who is ADHD.  He is having problems with spelling and reading.  Over the last few years we have had problems getting him the help he needs due to the fact he went to a private school and the public school didn't want to help.

Anyway, I am wanting to find a computer...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I have a 12 year old son who is ADHD.  He is having problems with spelling and reading.  Over the last few years we have had problems getting him the help he needs due to the fact he went to a private school and the public school didn't want to help.

Anyway, I am wanting to find a computer program for him to use to help increase his skills and one that he enjoys.  Any recommendation would be appreciated.

We are moving him to a new school this fall.  I am hoping that they will be able to help.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>LeighM</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 10 Jul 2006 07:59:07 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>milk for newborn?</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 29 Apr 2013 20:34:52 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/single-parenting/415742-milk-newborn.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi. I just adopted a newborn baby and it's my first time to take care of a baby. I am wondering about the right milk for a newborn since I can't provide her a breastmilk. Any suggestion please?]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi. I just adopted a newborn baby and it's my first time to take care of a baby. I am wondering about the right milk for a newborn since I can't provide her a breastmilk. Any suggestion please?]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>admina</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 29 Apr 2013 20:34:52 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Creative Consequences</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 15 Apr 2013 06:19:58 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/parenting-support/415230-creative-consequences.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I'm at a loss with coming up with some creative consequences for my children (They have only been with me for 8 months). It's more for my 9 year old son. He has been diagnosed with several things (ADHD, ODD, and finally PTSD). He is a very angry little man. Yet, he really truly has a big heart of...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I'm at a loss with coming up with some creative consequences for my children (They have only been with me for 8 months). It's more for my 9 year old son. He has been diagnosed with several things (ADHD, ODD, and finally PTSD). He is a very angry little man. Yet, he really truly has a big heart of gold. It's just that he has been exposed to so much neglect and abuse for 9 years, that he's struggling to adjust. (Not to mention that he and his siblings were living with their 70 year old great-grandparents and did anything and everything that they wanted to do. I was told "those kids ran the house.") Due to the abuse, my son hates to be alone. He absolutely will not get out of bed in the morning until his sister or I get up.

I am convinced that this is the first house that he has lived in that has had rules and consequences. He has told both me and his therapist that he would rather get a "whooping" than be sent to his room for 10 minutes. He would rather get a whooping than any other form of discipline. I will not discipline him that way. I have tried many forms, yet the only thing that seems effective is sending him to his room. However, I will have to literally pick him up and carry him to his room. Then, as soon as I walk away, he's walking out of his room. Sometimes, I can get him to stay there, sometimes, he will keep walking out and then become "dead weight" when I try to get him back in his room. And I feel cruel sending him to his room when I know that emotionally, it is crippling him.

I can't have him write sentences because that was one form of discipline that his father used and I absolutely do not want to remind him of his abusive father. Oh, and currently, he is having his allowance withheld until he pays for something very expensive (medicine cabinet) that he broke because of his anger. And until he pays me back for it, he has had all of his electronic privileges taken away, except for the computer when used for homework and his electric guitar because he's taking lessons right now.

So, what are some effective and creative consequences that you have tried and would like to suggest to me?]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>kochanie</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 15 Apr 2013 06:19:58 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>I just don't know where to turn next!!!</title>
      <pubDate>Tue, 11 Dec 2012 05:26:44 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/parenting-support/410837-i-just-dont-know-where-turn-next.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[HELP!!!
I just don't know what to do with him anymore.. He is 9 years old and takes medicine for ADHD.
 
He is a chronic liar...among other things but the lying seems to be the cause of all the other arguments.
 
He lies about everything..then when he is questioned and confronted, he lashes out...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[HELP!!!
I just don't know what to do with him anymore.. He is 9 years old and takes medicine for ADHD.
 
He is a chronic liar...among other things but the lying seems to be the cause of all the other arguments.
 
He lies about everything..then when he is questioned and confronted, he lashes out screaming and yelling. We have discussed honesty and modeled the behavior for him. The consequences do not bother him. The yelling just continues.
 
As a manipulation, he yells about not being loved and why did we 'bother' adopting him. It's very hurtful but we try not to react because he wants the attention for saying such things.
 
He is stealing things at school. He had detention last week for that...he fights on the school bus, too.
 
He destroys his belongings. He is still very oral as he puts non food items in his mouth (blanket, coat zipper, robe ties,etc. Negative for pica. 
 
He sees a child psychologist weekly and he is working with him. Every day is a struggle. He fights for total control of everyone and everything.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Luke+Dawn</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Tue, 11 Dec 2012 05:26:44 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>am i a bad parent?</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 16 Nov 2011 17:01:26 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/parenting-support/397128-am-i-bad-parent.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[My husband and i were on the last leg of being approved to adopt our fourth child through foster care.  we just got an email stating that the agency is rejecting our homestudy because of a form of disipline that we used for our boys.  they share the same room, and our younger son was turning the...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[My husband and i were on the last leg of being approved to adopt our fourth child through foster care.  we just got an email stating that the agency is rejecting our homestudy because of a form of disipline that we used for our boys.  they share the same room, and our younger son was turning the light on to play after he had been put to bed.  our older boy would complain that he couldnt sleep, so we had to turn the light off again.  this happened three times and since it was getting late, my husband made the decision to remove the light bulb from the light to get everyone to calm down and sleep.  we had forgotten to replace the bulb when the caseworker came and she stated that it was a form of child abuse to have taken away the bulb.  the bedroom door is open at all times and we leave the bathroom light on all night, so the boys' room in never in darkness.  i am so confused...does anyone have an opinion?]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>noamjo</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 16 Nov 2011 17:01:26 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>You Know You Have a Toddler When . . .</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 16 Jan 2009 20:43:49 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/toddlers-preschoolers/352012-you-know-you-have-toddler-when.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Ok, I stole this idea from a thread over on the foster care forum . . . :)  Anyone have some to contribute??

You know you have a toddler when . . .

. . . you find yourself in a serious discussion with your BIL about the relative merits of Steve vs Joe (from Blues Clues).

. . . you...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Ok, I stole this idea from a thread over on the foster care forum . . . :)  Anyone have some to contribute??

[B][I]You know you have a toddler when . . .[/I][/B]

. . . you find yourself in a serious discussion with your BIL about the relative merits of Steve vs Joe (from Blues Clues).

. . . you regularly say things like "DON'T LICK YOUR BROTHER!"

. . . you've tried to [I]catch[/I] throw up in your hands or on your shirt.

. . . every single meal you make contains at least one of the following:  cheese, macaroni, crackers, or anything shaped like a dinosaur.

:arrow:]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>jalapeno</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 16 Jan 2009 20:43:49 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>International-Adoption: School or HOMESCHOOL?</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 02 Jul 2012 08:16:56 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/schooling/405168-international-adoption-school-homeschool.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hello.  My husband and I are adopting two sisters from Central America and we will be bringing them home with us probably in late Summer or early Fall.  We are seriously considering the idea of homeschooling the girls, at least 'in the beginning'.  Was wondering if there is anyone out there who has...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hello.  My husband and I are adopting two sisters from Central America and we will be bringing them home with us probably in late Summer or early Fall.  We are seriously considering the idea of homeschooling the girls, at least 'in the beginning'.  Was wondering if there is anyone out there who has experienced homeschooling their internationally-adopted children (ESL/ELL/teaching English, etc..) Or, what have been the positive and/or negative experiences for your internationally-adopted children in public/private school.  Would love to hear from you.  Any and all info would be greatly appreciated by this newbie!  Thanks!  :-)]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>jsjs</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 02 Jul 2012 08:16:56 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>HELP!!! Arguing Driving me NUTTTTSSS!</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 05 Dec 2007 13:39:48 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/disciplining/319010-help-arguing-driving-me-nuttttsss.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I have two sons - ages 9 & 11.  They are always toghther and constantly argue.  It is usually about something ridicilous (ie. he is making a face at me, he keeps looking at me, he won't stop making noises, etc...)  I am at my wits end.  I am grateful that they do not physically fight, but I kid you...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I have two sons - ages 9 & 11.  They are always toghther and constantly argue.  It is usually about something ridicilous (ie. he is making a face at me, he keeps looking at me, he won't stop making noises, etc...)  I am at my wits end.  I am grateful that they do not physically fight, but I kid you not when I say that I hear "MOM....he did (fill in the blank here)" at least once every five minutes.  It is seriously driving me nuts.  I try to straighten out the argument and come to a resolution with them (which my DH says I need to just ignore them) and all is usually fine for another 10 minutes....then we start again.  If I do not intervene, they usually escalate to pushing or getting really ugly with one another.  I would LOVE for any advice on how to quell the constant arguing????????
 
Rea]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>REBAV</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 05 Dec 2007 13:39:48 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>how often do you ...</title>
      <pubDate>Tue, 13 Apr 2004 07:11:41 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/marriage-kids/143796-how-often-do-you.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi,

I remember when my sons were young and how much I relied on babysitters ... it seems my schedule was dependent on their schedules.

When my sons were babies, I didn't like to leave them ... and as they grew up and I started working again, I still didn't go out that much ...

Yet, I think...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi,

I remember when my sons were young and how much I relied on babysitters ... it seems my schedule was dependent on their schedules.

When my sons were babies, I didn't like to leave them ... and as they grew up and I started working again, I still didn't go out that much ...

Yet, I think it is important to go out, to have time with your partner and to take a break from parenting once in a while.

So I'm wondering how often you go out ... what do you do and who are your babysitters?

thanks!
NancyNic]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>nancynic</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Tue, 13 Apr 2004 07:11:41 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>my 3 year old rebuts with, &amp;quot;why?&amp;quot;</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 17 Mar 2007 18:00:21 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/disciplining/290615-my-3-year-old-rebuts-with-quotwhy-quot.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[So here it is; my son is going to be four in May. He has always been such joy in my life. I love him sooooo much. He is smart, loving, and energetic. The problem is he won't listen. He has never had a problem with it before. He has always cleaned his room when I ask, to be quiet when I ask, and...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[So here it is; my son is going to be four in May. He has always been such joy in my life. I love him sooooo much. He is smart, loving, and energetic. The problem is he won't listen. He has never had a problem with it before. He has always cleaned his room when I ask, to be quiet when I ask, and never used to get into things. Now he throws food and toys on the floor all the time, won't leave the cat alone (he is mean to her), won't clean his room, interrupts conversations, and talks back. That is just a few things that he has started doing. I have always praised him for being good, and telling him I am proud of him and disipline kept to a talking to. Now he is just testing my patience all the time, and rebuting with WHY, even after an explanation. OOOOH I can't stand that. For punishments I have; swatted his butt, and gave up on that. (SPANKING DOESN'T WORK!), time outs, taken toys away, etc. Now it just is me screaming at him. I gave us a little time off by sending him to my mom for the weekend, but he is still acting bad. What do I do?]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>colelovechan</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 17 Mar 2007 18:00:21 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>2 Year Old Says &amp;quot;stupid&amp;quot;</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 02 Jul 2005 22:54:38 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/disciplining/206218-2-year-old-says-quotstupid-quot.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[My two year old heard Flounder (from Little Mermaid) say the word stupid.

Now she says " Flounders says Stupid" I tried to redirect and say "he said Stop it" but she clearly knows the difference.

How do I stop her from saying "STUPID"? I don't want her using this word.

I was shocked that a...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[My two year old heard Flounder (from Little Mermaid) say the word stupid.

Now she says " Flounders says Stupid" I tried to redirect and say "he said Stop it" but she clearly knows the difference.

How do I stop her from saying "STUPID"? I don't want her using this word.

I was shocked that a Disney Cartoon would use such a word.

Any ideas how to handle this for future unpleasant words?

Thanks,
M]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Big Dreamer</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 02 Jul 2005 22:54:38 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Rude boy</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 30 Nov 2012 03:40:55 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/disciplining/410461-rude-boy.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hello Everyone,

We have a 7 year old boy and he is very persistent and aggressive. Many times he shout on us and through many things on us. I am worried about his future. 

I need you advice, that he is a normal kid like others? or I am overreacting?]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hello Everyone,

We have a 7 year old boy and he is very persistent and aggressive. Many times he shout on us and through many things on us. I am worried about his future. 

I need you advice, that he is a normal kid like others? or I am overreacting?]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>JamesWilson</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 30 Nov 2012 03:40:55 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>When is a boy's hair too short?</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 11 Oct 2012 07:09:21 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/raising-biracial-child/408720-when-boys-hair-too-short.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hello everyone, my name is Valinda and I'm a newbie to this forum, which I found accidentally while browsing the internet.  I am a single mom and live in Texas, where I have an 8 year old adopted black boy (not bi-racial). He is adorable and has been the greatest joy of my life. I am re-posting a...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hello everyone, my name is Valinda and I'm a newbie to this forum, which I found accidentally while browsing the internet.  I am a single mom and live in Texas, where I have an 8 year old adopted black boy (not bi-racial). He is adorable and has been the greatest joy of my life. I am re-posting a question I put into another discussion thread, so my apologies for the duplication. My question to you mothers of little black boys is what type of haircut do you give him? I am currently having Curtis where a "zero" cut, which is basically shaved almost clean with clippers all over his head. It looks like someone drew little dots or sketched hair on his head. After experimenting with different styles and lengths over the years I have found this to be the most manageable look for him because his hair is extremely course (nappy) and therefore nearly impossible to comb or brush with him still looking presentable. I think he looks very sharp, nice and neat if you will, and I often receive compliments from others on how cute he looks.  Where I live it stays relatively warm all year so this is his standard look. I am posting this thread because recently a white mother of a bi-racial child at my son's school (I'm Hispanic) questioned my decision to cut his hair so short, in her opinion, saying he was "bald-headed" and little boys shouldn't be bald-headed. My son's teachers have no problem with it and nobody else has ever confronted me about it until now. But it made me wonder, when is a boy's hair too short? Also, based on how I described my son's haircut would you consider him bald-headed??? I thought only men who shave their heads with a razor were considered bald-headed but I guess my son could be included in this description as well, I just never thought of him like that until now.  Any feedback or thoughts you can share on this would be greatly appreciated and I'm very happy to be part of this forum!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>SuperMom97</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 11 Oct 2012 07:09:21 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Need Suggestions: Still feel older and &amp;quot;different&amp;quot; than other families</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 09 Feb 2008 16:49:23 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/parenting-after-35/325667-need-suggestions-still-feel-older-quotdifferent-quot-than-other-families.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I'm being honest...

At 46 years old with a 9 year old boy, an only child adopted from Colombia, I still feel frustrated hearing stories about pregnancy and the endless talk about so and so looks like mom, dad, etc.   I thought that at this age, after this much time, infertility issues would be...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I'm being honest...

At 46 years old with a 9 year old boy, an only child adopted from Colombia, I still feel frustrated hearing stories about pregnancy and the endless talk about so and so looks like mom, dad, etc.   I thought that at this age, after this much time, infertility issues would be over.  Instead it still hurts, of course not as much, that now my nieces and nephews are having babies and my sister-in-laws are saying, when I was pregnant I remember...

It also bothers me, that I feel I'm being deceptive when I say my son was born in Colombia and that if I don't offer that he is adopted in the conversation, I feel like I'm lying.  However, I've come to the conclusion its none of people's business how we became a family, but does that mean I have to always be careful what I say?  I think the answer is yes.  

I'm mostly concerned about how these feelings will be felt by my son who is a wonderful little guy and is very sensitive.  I want to find other Mom's who are older and who've adopted in my area but it just seems there is no one out there.   "Everyone" is 10 years younger and hasn't gone through any of our experiences (wanting a kid in my twenties, trying for years to get pregnant, than my husband and I adopting when I'm 38 years old and he's 40.) 

Who do you talk to?  I'm tired of being "the only one" who is "different."    In Minneapolis we knew several people who had adopted, but down here in a much smaller community in SE Florida its such a "strange" thing, that I feel very isolated.

People have said the strangest things to us, and I hope Lucas doesn't hear it, but he's bound to eventually (such as I "knew" he was adopted because you're both blonde and hazel/blue eyes and he's got brown eyes and brown hair.)  When he was an infant he looked like us and does still a lot but as he gets older, he is no longer blonde and I feel guilty that I even am saying this.

Thankfully L has tons of friends and we're so proud that he told his closest buddies up the street he was adopted from Colombia.  They didn't believe him so he asked us to confirm it to them and they thought it was cool.  

Any thoughts or experiences?  I feel I can't be the only one that has gone through this.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>JAK</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 09 Feb 2008 16:49:23 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Please someone help me.....</title>
      <pubDate>Tue, 26 Feb 2013 07:53:18 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/discuss-your-childs-temperment/413561-please-someone-help-me.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[High friends!

I am really in need of some help. Having tough time to manage with my 4 years old son.

Let me explain you my problem first.

My son never listen to me what ever I ask him to do or not to do.

He does not share his toy's with anyone and instead he takes other kids stuff and...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[High friends!

I am really in need of some help. Having tough time to manage with my 4 years old son.

Let me explain you my problem first.

My son never listen to me what ever I ask him to do or not to do.

He does not share his toy's with anyone and instead he takes other kids stuff and shows his ownership over them.

His tone of talking is not good at all when ever he wants his own way. Due to that my temper also goes up and i slap him right away and I insist him to do what I say..and  I also shout on him u can say preaching...

some time i work on his attitude, i try to be calm, talk about his problem with him listen to him...try to explain him...for the time being he behaves gud and promiss me to behave properly but after again when the situation comes he behaves the same.

Another problem is which is very crucial for me to come out of it is that I live in a building where two other families live which are very close to each other and obviously their kids too.

every evening my son wants to play out side with their kids. which I can not stop as playing is an important part for kids. 

my son and she have bike too and my son try to follow her but she dont like it and say do not follow me, and my son gets angry and shout. I know he just wants her attention but she like to play with the third child which is very close to her.

Please friends suggest me something now what should i do...really need help of yours.

Garima]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>garimarga</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Tue, 26 Feb 2013 07:53:18 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Toddler bed?</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 25 Feb 2013 12:05:18 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/bedtime-baby/413524-toddler-bed.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[C now climbs out of his playyard.  I've tried transitioning him to a toddler bed, and it didn't go well (he cries rather than sleeping and doesn't seem to feel secure).  He's actually fairly safe about climbing out: the playyard is pushed against the toddler bed, and he only climbs out on that...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[C now climbs out of his playyard.  I've tried transitioning him to a toddler bed, and it didn't go well (he cries rather than sleeping and doesn't seem to feel secure).  He's actually fairly safe about climbing out: the playyard is pushed against the toddler bed, and he only climbs out on that side, so it is less far to fall if he does fall, as well as a soft landing.  Do I leave him in the playyard and hope he doesn't climb out (he's only ever done it when I'm standing there)?  If not, any suggestions on transitioning?]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>ruth74</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 25 Feb 2013 12:05:18 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>How to come to proper decision about adopting</title>
      <pubDate>Sun, 24 Feb 2013 20:17:06 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/parenting-support/413506-how-come-proper-decision-about-adopting.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Im not sure if im starting this thread in the right category or not, so if there is a different place for this please let me know..

I have always wanted to adopt. When I was a little girl and would play with dolls, even then i always said my baby was adopted. Im not sure what it is, but the only...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Im not sure if im starting this thread in the right category or not, so if there is a different place for this please let me know..

I have always wanted to adopt. When I was a little girl and would play with dolls, even then i always said my baby was adopted. Im not sure what it is, but the only way i can see myself as a mother is through adopting a child. 

My husband does not feel the same way. He wants a child of his own. I understand where he comes from but i feel so lost because i do not want that at all. This is the only, and seems to be the most important, thing that we have ever disagreed about, and it is odd for me since we always come up with middle ground. there is no such thing as middle ground here. Its hard for me to talk about it with him because i just end up crying. Can anyone offer any advice? I feel so sad and so lost. I want to give the gift of life to a child that maybe wouldnt have one. That would mean more to me than anything. My heart is truly saddened by this. I have never felt so sad about something. 

any words of advice would help. Thank you.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>GojiGirl</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sun, 24 Feb 2013 20:17:06 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Suggestions for a stroller?</title>
      <pubDate>Tue, 13 Apr 2004 09:59:03 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/car-seats-strollers-baby-gear/143828-suggestions-stroller.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[We will be adopting a baby in July and our 1st son will turn 3  next month.  I have a travel system that I used for my 1st son and still use the stroller portion of it.  My question is:  should I buy a whole new travel system with a double stroller so that both of the kids can ride at once or...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[We will be adopting a baby in July and our 1st son will turn 3  next month.  I have a travel system that I used for my 1st son and still use the stroller portion of it.  My question is:  should I buy a whole new travel system with a double stroller so that both of the kids can ride at once or should I try to find one that my old infant carrier will fit onto?    I know it would make more sense to use the old one but it seems that they don't make that specific one any longer and I didn't know if my carrier would fit on other strollers.  Also it seems that most of them only go to 40 lbs and my son weighs about 33 now.  Would it even be worth it?

I know that they make the ones where he could stand or sit on some sort pf platform but they just won;t be comfortable for my oldest should he want to nap or ride for a long time.

I never imagined that I would ever have a double stroller issue!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>conman50</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Tue, 13 Apr 2004 09:59:03 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Open Adoption Advice Sought</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 20 Feb 2013 07:32:03 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/parenting-support/413335-open-adoption-advice-sought.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hello

We adopted two little girls from our local Children's Aid. They were adopted at birth but came to live with us by 3mos. The intent was to have an open adoption with birth parent contact through letters, calls and visits on a regular ongoing basis. 

With our oldest, K, who is now 11. Her...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hello

We adopted two little girls from our local Children's Aid. They were adopted at birth but came to live with us by 3mos. The intent was to have an open adoption with birth parent contact through letters, calls and visits on a regular ongoing basis. 

With our oldest, K, who is now 11. Her birth mother had contact with us for about 5 years and then decided that it was too painful for her and cut back to phone calls only. K does not want phone calls but a return to her in person relationship and has refused to talk with her by phone. She is coping as well as can be expected.

Our youngest, E, who just turned 5 is the one with whom we have concerns. She was the 5th child of a drug addicted mother with a long history of petty crime. Her mother gave birth to her and left the hosptial the next day AMA to seek drugs. E was temporarily placed with her father's sister while the paperwork was filed for her adoption. We briefly had contact with this sister at the transfer but that stopped within a month. None of the other family members who have adopted her previous children would contact us. Neither parent despite several visits set up - ever showed up. At 5, E has suddenly noticed this lack in a big way and has become mildly obsessed with the issue and developing a fantasy life about her birth parent which is not anywhere close to the reality. She wants to know why her mom would not want to meet her- what was wrong with her? She is having nightmares about this

Any advice on what to say to her or how to proceed would be appreciated. Her mother is back in jail - should we contact her through her probation officer - CAS has washed their hands of the matter and were not very helpful at any point.

Strange to hear about so many birth parents who want connection and we have offered it twice to have it rejected in both cases.

Thanks
John Lunman]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>JLunman</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 20 Feb 2013 07:32:03 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Troubled 11yo Child</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 14 Feb 2013 01:08:41 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/parenting-support/413097-troubled-11yo-child.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I have two children adopted internationally.  My eldest, 11 yrs, though adopted as a young infant, has had a serious of health and emotional difficulties, which  started when he was five and his sister came into his life, but really got bad when he was about 8.  He does well academically, and has...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I have two children adopted internationally.  My eldest, 11 yrs, though adopted as a young infant, has had a serious of health and emotional difficulties, which  started when he was five and his sister came into his life, but really got bad when he was about 8.  He does well academically, and has tested as gifted, but socially and emothionally he really is like a two year old.  He is very self centered, and though initially makes a good impression, does not have healthy friendships, largely because other children lose interest in playing with someone who is so self absorbed.  At home, he has violent and destructive temper tantrums, makes threats of violence and I fear the day that I cannot physically restrain him to protect myself or our youngest. One of those terrible mass shootings occured in our community and he has expressed both fear of being killed, as one of the victims was born just a few days after him, and also of attacking and killing others someday. He has been evaluated by a very good psychiatrist, and we are seeing a very good family counselor,  which is really our only source of support.  He has a lot of anxiety and is doing better with an antianxiety medication.  Regarding a diagnosis, ODD, attachment disorder, and antisocial personality disorder have been mentioned, but he doesn't 'fit' the categories in any definitive way. Even though he is very self absorbed and low on empathy, I really don't think he has antisocial personallity disorder.  I think it is an attachment disorder and fear of not having enough from when he was starved.  He was low birth weight, no prenatal care, and did  not gain weight his first six weeks of life, though now he is obsessed with food and is quite overweight.  He definitely has issues with attachment - he is fearful that something may happen to my husband, his sister or to me, and he also rages against us for taking us away from his birth family and country.  He lies a lot, he steals, and he just likes to go through other peoples belongings out of curiousioty, stating he can't help himself.  This morning I spend 40 minutes looking for my car keys, which had been in my purse, butI found in his undewear drawer, and was late for work.  Sometimes he will confess sincerely and want to make amends.  Other times he lies in the face of ****ing evidence.  My husband and I are so worried about him, and also the effect of his behaviour on our younger child.  I just pray for strength and that we can help him develop empathy and learn better social behaviors.  He does better with consequences that are immediate, but not necessarily draconian (temporary loss of privileges with electronic media), but also making amends - repairing or paying for replacment of his sister's toys that he has destroyed, etc. and spending time in with family rather than out with friends.  He is obsessed with buying new things, but destroys most of what  he gets.  I am so worried about him.  I love my two children so much, they are the most wonderful things that happened to me.  Have any of you had these experiences?  What did you do?

Thanks

Siobhan]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Siobhan9</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 14 Feb 2013 01:08:41 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Things you never thought you'd say...</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 04 Feb 2013 13:33:03 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/parenting-support/412727-things-you-never-thought-youd-say.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I'm spinning this off from a thread on the toddlers/ preschoolers board, just for fun.

A couple of times recently I've heard something come out of my mouth and thought "did I really just say that?"  I realized that parenting is not just a different experience, but a whole different...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I'm spinning this off from a thread on the toddlers/ preschoolers board, just for fun.

A couple of times recently I've heard something come out of my mouth and thought "did I really just say that?"  I realized that parenting is not just a different experience, but a whole different language.

#1: Someone who works for me told me it looked like I had something nasty and sticky in my hair.  My response?  "Oh, it's probably just jelly."  

#2: This weekend my son was trying to go down his slide (one of the little plastic toddler ones) head-first on his back.  I say: "No!  We only go down head-first on our tummy!"  It reminded me of the difference between what I thought parenting would look like and the reality.

Anyone else have anything good?]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>ruth74</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 04 Feb 2013 13:33:03 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Single person nervous of home study</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 17 Dec 2007 10:34:09 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/single-parenting/320097-single-person-nervous-home-study.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hello there,  I'm a single woman adopting for the first time.  I've never been through a home study and I'm really nervous. 

I have a boyfirend (for about 1.5 yrs) but he doesn't live with me. We care about each other very much but are not making plans for a life together. I've wanted to adopt...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hello there,  I'm a single woman adopting for the first time.  I've never been through a home study and I'm really nervous. 

I have a boyfirend (for about 1.5 yrs) but he doesn't live with me. We care about each other very much but are not making plans for a life together. I've wanted to adopt for awhile and feel that now is the time to begin the process. I want to do this as a single person and hav not asked him (and we're not at a place where either of us would consider) to adopt as a couple.

I'm nervous that the home study person will either bring him into the picture and have him go through the same review process with me. We're not doing this as a couple but I'm not sure how to answer questions about him. I want to be honest but I really don't want to bring him into the picture more than is necessary.

Does anyone have any experience with this? Or know the rules on this type of thing?

Thanks for your help.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Stephanie4444</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 17 Dec 2007 10:34:09 +0000</pubDate>
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