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    <title>Adoption.com Community Forums</title>
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    <description>Adoption.com Community Forums</description>
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    <pubDate>Sat, 25 May 2013 11:21:48 +0000</pubDate>
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    <item>
      <title>adoption subsity</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 18 May 2013 06:42:47 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-care-adoption-what-like/416378-adoption-subsity.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Do they still give this?  We have a girl with us as a possible preplacement.  If all goes well she eventually move in with us.  They say her goal will be changed to adoption.  She is 12 with mild bipolar and adhd.  Shes on meds and in counseling.  She seems fine but just sometimes acts silly and...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Do they still give this?  We have a girl with us as a possible preplacement.  If all goes well she eventually move in with us.  They say her goal will be changed to adoption.  She is 12 with mild bipolar and adhd.  Shes on meds and in counseling.  She seems fine but just sometimes acts silly and younger than 12.  Would she qualify for subsity if we were to adopt her?  I live in PA.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>floodcitygirl</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 18 May 2013 06:42:47 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Ot- Poll- Vent!!!!</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 11:52:44 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416565-ot-poll-vent.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[POLL-  Would you be upset if you gave something to someone and they turn around and sell it???!!!

There's more to it of course and maybe I'm just over emotional about this, but I'm a little peeved at my bff at the moment.  

Her daughter (my God daughter) is about a year younger in size than...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[POLL-  Would you be upset if you gave something to someone and they turn around and sell it???!!!

There's more to it of course and maybe I'm just over emotional about this, but I'm a little peeved at my bff at the moment.  

Her daughter (my God daughter) is about a year younger in size than Sassy.  This works out great for handme downs and I'm always more than HAPPY to share the excessive amount of clothing that either barely or never gets worn.  She litterally hasn't had the need to buy an outfit for her dughter since she was 3 months old....NO JOKE!!  It's not only clothes, but also toys, shoes, walkers...You name it...We've passed it down to her.  

Here's the tricky part though.  Whenever we give them something, they always ask.."Should we keep this separate from her stuff? Or put your name on it in case  you want this back?" Our answer is always the same.  "Doubt we'll need it, but we'll let you know if we do."  We've never thought twice about the conversations...We know they appreciate it the stuff and they know we love helping them out.  (Plus, let's just put it out there..It's less mess/clutter for me to store)  I guess I figured when they were done with it, they'd pass it on to another mommy/daughter. 

Well a few weeks ago we found out there is a slight chance we might be getting another little girl afterall. (very doubtful..It's a teen pregnant sort of relative...Doubt it will happen)
Of course I mentioned this to my BFF when I found out.  She's very excited and supportive and actually MORE excited about it than us I think. LOL!  (We just KNOW better than to get our hopes up)  I even mentioned that I might need to borrow/take some of the stuff her daughter doesn't use anymore since we don't want to run out and buy a bunch of stuff over a "maybe".  I don't really remember how she responded but she acted FINE with it.

Well over lunch today she asks if we want the bassinet for the maybe baby.  My DH both agreed and told her to not even worry/think about returning/giving things right now since she's still got a baby and we are pretty sure this will not pan out.  We even explained that by setting up for the baby now, we'd be setting our selves up for heartbreak when it doesn't happen.  We told her that we knew were to find her when/if we need it in the future.  Her next remark almost florred me speachless....She tells me that  she selling eveyrthing that her daughter doens't need anymore in a garage sale!! 

Hm......Ok.....I guess I don't REALLY need that stuff back.  And I guess she doesn't HAVE to pay the favor back of handme downs if this DOES pan out. And you DID ask when I gave it you, if we wnated it back.... BUT come on!!!  You just got done telling me that your daughter didn't even use half of what we gave to her but YOUR'E going to sell it?  A good chunck of those clothes still had tags on them for crying out loud!  

I guess we never said..."Well you can have this stuff, but please don't sell it."  LOL!  And it wouldn't be a big deal if it had been a while..But we litterally gave her another 4 bags of clothes/shoes/toys less than a MONTH ago!  
I would have just thought she'd GIVE It away when she was done with it since most of it was GIVEN to her.  You know...Pay it forward?!

What would you all think?  Do you think this is rude? Or am I just being petty?

Just something to think/talk about?!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>4evermommy</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 11:52:44 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>How Long Did You Have to Wait?</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 15:54:07 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-care-adoption-what-like/416572-how-long-did-you-have-wait.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[My partner and I have been licensed and waiting since January 2013. Feels like we've been waiting forever. We've been considered for 3 placements and each time we've gotten 2nd choice family or second place. I was just wondering how long you guys waited to be placed? 

Some days it just seems that...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[My partner and I have been licensed and waiting since January 2013. Feels like we've been waiting forever. We've been considered for 3 placements and each time we've gotten 2nd choice family or second place. I was just wondering how long you guys waited to be placed? 

Some days it just seems that we will never be chosen. 

I hope everyone has a great memorial day weekend :)]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Blankenship2426</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 15:54:07 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Genital Warts on a 3 yr old?!?!?!</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 25 Apr 2012 17:31:54 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/402798-genital-warts-3-yr-old.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[ok, i'm freaking out here.  i have had a little 3 yr old for 5 days.  i took him for his standard medical exam and they found genital warts on his anus.  he is not in care for sexual abuse and there has not been any aligations of it.  the social work has been notified and she is saying the unless...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[ok, i'm freaking out here.  i have had a little 3 yr old for 5 days.  i took him for his standard medical exam and they found genital warts on his anus.  he is not in care for sexual abuse and there has not been any aligations of it.  the social work has been notified and she is saying the unless they can "prove" he was abused, he could still go home b/c "technically" you can get them other ways...but i feel gential warts on the anus is PROOF enough!!!

he is going to talk to a psychologist, but they don't think he'll say anything...but i feel that really doesnt mean he was or wasnt abused...he might not even remember it.  

has anyone else had this type of situation before?!?!  is it true that genital warts dont have to mean sexual abuse???  am i over reacting??  

THANK YOU]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>tands2007</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 25 Apr 2012 17:31:54 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Conn. foster mom pleads guilty for spoon-spanking</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 05:23:11 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416523-conn-foster-mom-pleads-guilty-spoon-spanking.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I saw this on the national news. Poor little girl. 

Conn. foster mom pleads guilty for spoon-spanking

Read more here: NORWICH, Conn.: Conn. foster mom pleads guilty for spoon-spanking | National News | The State]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I saw this on the national news. Poor little girl. 

Conn. foster mom pleads guilty for spoon-spanking

Read more here: [url=http://www.thestate.com/2013/05/21/2780401/conn-foster-mom-pleads-guilty.html#storylink=cpy]NORWICH, Conn.: Conn. foster mom pleads guilty for spoon-spanking | National News | The State[/url]]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Foster1Mom</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 05:23:11 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Munchausen and daycare</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 05:53:28 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416558-munchausen-daycare.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[So, a-man decided to fake sick the other day, couldn't be at daycare for 2 days due to their illness policy. I had FS apologize to daycare staff for faking sick and they looked at me like I was evil incarnate with 2 heads. 
Ummm, unfortunately yes my 6 yr old DOES now how to fake sick, dry heave...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[So, a-man decided to fake sick the other day, couldn't be at daycare for 2 days due to their illness policy. I had FS apologize to daycare staff for faking sick and they looked at me like I was evil incarnate with 2 heads. 
Ummm, unfortunately yes my 6 yr old DOES now how to fake sick, dry heave and make himself spit up. (He is unable to throw up like normal due to previous surgery). 

How do I get daycare to understand his behavioral issues related to his history? I can tell they don't believe me that he fakes sick. 

There are too many different teachers to have much of a conversation with them to discuss his special needs. 

So, any thoughts????]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>MaybeDays</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 05:53:28 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Found Bmom on facebook. Ready to contact. But how?</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 20:28:10 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/openness-foster-care-foster-adoption/416584-found-bmom-facebook-ready-contact-but-how.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I believe I found my daughters birth mom on facebook back in March. I've been nervous on how to approach her and when. I think I'm ready to write her and introduce ourselves but I'm not sure what to say? 

Should I keep it simple and just make it a couple lines saying we adopted so and so and...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I believe I found my daughters birth mom on facebook back in March. I've been nervous on how to approach her and when. I think I'm ready to write her and introduce ourselves but I'm not sure what to say? 

Should I keep it simple and just make it a couple lines saying we adopted so and so and believe you are the birthmom. We would like to open up contact with you if you are willing? kind of thing.

Or should I go into more detail about who we are and how we adopted so she gets to know us a little and will maybe feel more comfortable communicating with us.

I don't want to scare her away with too little information but on the other hand I don't want to overwhelm her with too much info that she may not be ready for or even wanting.

What do you think? Keep it very simple or add a bit more  heart? (she was placed for adoption at birth, and I'm not sure how much info she knows about us, we haven't had any communication up till this point and dd is 9 years old).]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>momof6maybemore</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 20:28:10 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>OT: talk to parents at a daycare</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 21:21:27 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416586-ot-talk-parents-daycare.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I recently started working at a small daycare.  The woman who runs it has her mother there who helps and now hired me.  The mother is from another country so English is not her first language But she appears to understand a Lot of English And can speak it relatively well.  One of the babies at the...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I recently started working at a small daycare.  The woman who runs it has her mother there who helps and now hired me.  The mother is from another country so English is not her first language But she appears to understand a Lot of English And can speak it relatively well.  One of the babies at the daycare has acid reflux. The baby's mom talked to the worker and the mother about the condition.  This was before I started working there.  Today I was talking with the one woman who works at the daycare about the little baby (I was talking with the mother of the daycare owner, not the owner herself).  She told me that because of the baby's reflux, he doesn't get burped until his entire 5 ounce bottle is done.  She told me that when I was trying to burp him after 3 ounces and he was crying.  The worker (the mother) took the baby from me after two seconds of him crying and started feeding him the rest of the bottle.  That's when she said about not burping him.  In all my years of being around babies, I have never heard of letting a reflux baby drink a lot without trying to burp.  I thought the more frequent burps help.  Oh, the baby is 4 months old and breast feed if that matters.  Anyway, the woman told me that the baby's mom gave the specific instructions about not burping him until he drinks it all.  My concern was that with the language difference, maybe the woman didn't understand exactly what she was being told.  Today, the baby spit up a decent amount of the milk within the next 45 minutes, even when he was held upright for the first 30 minutes after finishing the bottle.  Anyway, I was thinking about trying to talk to the mom personally to make sure I am getting the right info but I also don't want to cause problems.  So, should I talk to the mom?  Or just do it the way the woman said even though it didn't seem to do anything but make the baby not cry for a few seconds while trying to burp mid bottle?]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Adopt1180</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 21:21:27 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>So, he is here...</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 20:42:21 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416585-so-he-here.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Got Mr Man all tucked into his bed tonight...still trying to wrap my head around him being here for good!  

He seems to be upbeat at the moment...his foster family(but, mostly the sister) was not...apparently, she is giving her adoptive parents the silent treatment for not stepping up for MM and...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Got Mr Man all tucked into his bed tonight...still trying to wrap my head around him being here for good! :clap: 

He seems to be upbeat at the moment...his foster family(but, mostly the sister) was not...apparently, she is giving her adoptive parents the silent treatment for not stepping up for MM and keeping/adopting him. 

So...just a block away from their house...he says to me..."So, now your house is point A...and (FM's name's) house is point B."  I had to think for a second..then I remembered that last weekend, we talked about the move...and I told him about what it was like to move from Boise to Hawaii when I was 10...leaving everyone behind...how sad I was...what a big adjustment it was. (I used Mapquest as a visual for the conversation so he could get an idea of just how BIG that leap over the ocean is!) Then we did a map of the drive from his foster home to our home...and sure enough..in that map...his foster home had been "Point A" and our home was "Point B". What an interesting way to have processed that...gave me a little insight into how he thinks. I said "yes...that's right!"...

We read "The Invisible String" tonight before bed...I'm just hoping it gives him something to hold on to if he is feeling sad...because at this point, if he is, he is not showing it.  Even though he "knows" he moved today...in his head...I am not at all sure his heart has caught up with that reality. Because in conversation he is still reflexively saying things like "My mom does x,y,z"...which is just fine...who knows how long it will be before that is no longer his frame of reference for everything. But, that tells you that this has not truly "sunk in" yet. Everyone else seemed to think it had...I was pretty sure that would not be the case. If the adults in his life are having this much trouble wrapping their heads around this reality...how much *more* difficult is it for a 6 year old!  

Having said all of that...it is good to have him here...and we will continue to get "settled" in with each other and take it a day at a time!:laundry:]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>hopefulandwatching</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 20:42:21 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Contesting a Paternity Ruling</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 18:40:50 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416578-contesting-paternity-ruling.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Does anyone know how many times someone can contest a paternity ruling?  Here is our situation…FD’s plan was changed to adoption this past December.  Mom has named 3 different men as potential fathers for her….let’s call them Potential Dad 1, Potential Dad 2, and Potential Dad 3.  Potential Dad 3...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Does anyone know how many times someone can contest a paternity ruling?  Here is our situation…FD’s plan was changed to adoption this past December.  Mom has named 3 different men as potential fathers for her….let’s call them Potential Dad 1, Potential Dad 2, and Potential Dad 3.  Potential Dad 3 is listed on the birth certificate and is the only one who has taken a DNA test.  It came back negative – he is not FD’s father.  For reasons I won’t get into on here, Potential Dad 3 is contesting the change of plan to adoption.  The only way he can fight the change of plan is if the courts determine he has legal standing as father.  We had court this week to determine if he has legal standing but have not yet found out the judge’s ruling.  Prior to the hearing starting, I overheard Potential Dad 3’s lawyer tell him that if the ruling doesn’t go in his favor, they would contest it to the state level.  My question is how many levels are there that he can contest the ruling?  If the state level upholds the county ruling, does he then contest it to the federal level?  Is there such a thing?  If it helps, I live in MD.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>jtinhdg</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 18:40:50 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>BF left because of FKs (vent sorry)(long)</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 14:42:39 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416571-bf-left-because-fks-vent-sorry-long.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[So my relationship with my long time boyfriend (who is older than me) took a turn yesterday. We work together. He has an apartment though he isn't there hardly at all. 

Last year we had a rough 6 months when I found out I cannot have kids. Well... then I decided to adopt because I couldn't have...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[So my relationship with my long time boyfriend (who is older than me) took a turn yesterday. We work together. He has an apartment though he isn't there hardly at all. 

Last year we had a rough 6 months when I found out I cannot have kids. Well... then I decided to adopt because I couldn't have kids and I always wanted to anyways. Time to get the ball rolling. We made it through our rough patch and came out the other end so amazing. He held my hand through the process, he has really been there for me. We haven't argued, fought, needed to nag one another since. Its been great. He has been around the kids a lot, really seems to enjoy them, has a great time. 

Yesterday morning he says "I don't want to be tied down anymore" out of no where. The night before we planned our weekend and all the fun stuff we were going to do, all his ideas. I was floored. And shocked. I told him I didn't understand where this was coming from, he kept saying "I just don't want to be tied down anymore, I want to date who ever I want to" then I FINALLY get out of him "I don't like where my life is going right now, so I need a change." 

What he meant to say was, I don't want to be your baby daddy and I am out of here. Which became evidently more clear as the bickering started after the kids went down for nap. The whole thing started by him trying to start an argument and I wouldn't take the bait, so I guess that forced him to be blunt. I just feel so blind sided. Four years together. He knew this was important to me. Its not like there was a warning sign in sight. If he wanted to go do something I would offer to get a sitter and he would say "No baby bring the kids, they are apart of your life, and that means mine too" (literally he said that on Monday). 

I never asked him to "play dad" when I decided to do this I told him to please know this means a lot to me, and that if he didn't want to be all that involved, I understood. The last month he has been talking about moving in here for good and even got rid of his bed and large furniture from the apartment. 

I almost think he thought I was going to say "I will call the SW and get the kids moved and be done with this, I am sorry". But to be honest, in the short (almost) 2 months with these kids, my worst day as a mom beats my best day with just him and I, hands down. I love this. I love this feeling. And maybe I am crazy, but he has already raised a family. And I feel like he SHOULD know that just because he has done those things, doesn't mean that I don't want to. I still want to experience joys of life, kids, having a family, and a wedding. Am I crazy to be awkwardly okay with this? Yeah I cried yesterday (briefly 20 minutes maybe). When we took a "break" last year I cried nearly everyday for the month break. It was hard, but there was a lot going on. Now I am like "Get out of my house, don't come back, don't talk to me at work, I don't have time for this" and went back to being mom like it was nothing. I still feel nothing. Like he wanted me to choose between him and being a mom. I picked the latter. I feel oddly liberated, but kind of question if I am crazy to not fight for him.

Especially when these kids can very well RU, and I will start over with another child (whom I assume I will fall in love with too). He has been a permanent fixture in my life, and at a time where the two things I love most can be taken away at the drop of a dime, I still chose them.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>iHeartCWU</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 14:42:39 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Taking Good from the Bad, how have you changed/improved since fostering?</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 18:38:56 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416577-taking-good-bad-how-have-you-changedimproved-since-fostering.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Well, one thing I realized tonight. 

I have changed since becoming a foster prent. Big Time.

I used to be the people pleaser, never wanting to create waves. I HATE conflict, and want everyone to just get along.

Well, today, as I made my flurry of phone calls, with stern consternation in my...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Well, one thing I realized tonight. 

I have changed since becoming a foster prent. Big Time.

I used to be the people pleaser, never wanting to create waves. I HATE conflict, and want everyone to just get along.

Well, today, as I made my flurry of phone calls, with stern consternation in my voice, I realized. I am NOT the same person I was a few years ago.

The love I have for my STBAS, and for all my previous foster children......has caused me to be passionate. And passionate enough to go beyond my comfort zone to be the person they need me to be.

Their advocate, their voice and their passionate protector when no one else will do it for them.

I am emboldened, confident and not afraid to call people out on their crap. 

I am not the pansy who avoids conflict and just keeps taking it from people. Including STBAS's biological mom.

So, got me curious, what about you has changed since fostering?]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>MaybeDays</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 18:38:56 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>TPR Date and confused.....</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 18:13:15 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416576-tpr-date-confused.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[So our SW came out yesterday and told us that the TPR has been set for this December!!!!.... so we have to endure 3 supervisored visits/services every week until then.... have any of you ever have a TPR that did not result in TPR?? as these visits are hard and it is impossiable to get a regular nap...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[So our SW came out yesterday and told us that the TPR has been set for this December!!!!.... so we have to endure 3 supervisored visits/services every week until then.... have any of you ever have a TPR that did not result in TPR?? as these visits are hard and it is impossiable to get a regular nap time set for our little fire cracker and the BP are very difficult to deal with and their whole goal seems to make everyones life hard and try and pull strings and try and get everything their way... and all the SW says is they just dont get it.... yeah I can see that but now that the end is coming... but it seems like years to me... any advise is most welcomed!!! :grr:]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Tggrlilly</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 18:13:15 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Does it ever go away? :(</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 19:54:36 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416582-does-ever-go-away.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[So we bought a new computer and DH was transferring all of our data and we started going through old pictures. There were many from this past Christmas, with Squeaks. I forgot how tiny she was...and how wrinkled and angry, lol. She kind of looked like ET at first, but I thought she was gorgeous....]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[So we bought a new computer and DH was transferring all of our data and we started going through old pictures. There were many from this past Christmas, with Squeaks. I forgot how tiny she was...and how wrinkled and angry, lol. She kind of looked like ET at first, but I thought she was gorgeous. 

And I got that punched in the gut feeling of missing her. I didn't cry, but gosh I still miss her. Communication with her GPs has trailed off. If her mom's Facebook is to be trusted at all, she appears to be clean and working. But then she is counting down the days that Squeaks dad is out of prison so he can "meet his baby girl and we can be a family". THAT bothers me. I know CPS is still active, and mom is part of Squeaks sibs lives.

I just really hope and pray she is loved and safe. I still love her so much. :(

I love Daisy already too...but Squeaks was my first experience with being a mom...DH doesn't feel it as strongly, he is just worried for her 

I guess all I can do is pray that she is loved and safe.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>BS1979</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 19:54:36 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>I've given my resignation notice...</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 10:23:36 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416531-ive-given-my-resignation-notice.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[May 31st is my last day, and my last baby will be RU this week. 3 years and 15 kiddos... 

I wish all of you the best of luck and HUGS!!! Thanks for all your advice and support during the past 3 years.]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[May 31st is my last day, and my last baby will be RU this week. 3 years and 15 kiddos... 

I wish all of you the best of luck and HUGS!!! Thanks for all your advice and support during the past 3 years. :grouphug:]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>justmyhumbleopinion2</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 10:23:36 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Non-relative adopt?</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 19:27:24 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416580-non-relative-adopt.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[The placement of the dear infant we have will likely result in TPR.  Family is coming forward to adopt, and they are involved/ stable.  Is there any chance we will adopt?  :Terrified:]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[The placement of the dear infant we have will likely result in TPR.  Family is coming forward to adopt, and they are involved/ stable.  Is there any chance we will adopt?  :Terrified:]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>3forevermama8</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 19:27:24 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Should I visit Bio Mom in jail?</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 18:59:12 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416579-should-i-visit-bio-mom-jail.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I have always had a nice relationship with BM. She told me a year ago that if anything were to happen to her she would want her children to be raised by me, not her or Bio Dad's family.  I had an N Docket custody of her youngest, and when the older two children were removed from their paternal GPS,...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I have always had a nice relationship with BM. She told me a year ago that if anything were to happen to her she would want her children to be raised by me, not her or Bio Dad's family.  I had an N Docket custody of her youngest, and when the older two children were removed from their paternal GPS, Bio mom asked me to take them as well. That was Oct.2012.  CPS recommended the children all go into my Foster care at that time and since I was already an approved foster home, this made the most sense.
BM is now in the county jail and looking at 3 to 5 yrs in the state prison.  When she heard that the goal was changing to TPR by mid June, she freaked out.  I am feeling I should go in to visit her, especially since she is close enough, but the idea of visiting in a jail freaks me out!  Then I think I should just let this ride out.  I am thinking my visit would be to reassure her, but I guess she really already knows the children are in the best of care and she is just upset because it is looking like she has lost them.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>mickeyday</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 18:59:12 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Bios are like family!</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 19:42:39 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416552-bios-like-family.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I am just curious to see if my situation is rare. I have an open adoption by my choice. We see my son's birth family(paternal side) almost every week. We got to their house, park, dinner and shopping. They are truly my extended family. I was really scared at first because I never expected to have...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I am just curious to see if my situation is rare. I have an open adoption by my choice. We see my son's birth family(paternal side) almost every week. We got to their house, park, dinner and shopping. They are truly my extended family. I was really scared at first because I never expected to have an open adoption but it just happened. I was wondering how many others have a realtionship like this. I feel so blessed to be able provide my son with a true connection to his birth family.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>mykidsrmyheart</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 19:42:39 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>How much do they want to know?</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 11:57:58 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/becoming-foster-parents/416567-how-much-do-they-want-know.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[My husband and I have been talking about trying to adopt a child through the state's foster care system.  He has some concerns, and I was hoping somebody might know the answer to.   If he's been through counselling, would the agency expect to see the therapists records?  He is considering talking...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[My husband and I have been talking about trying to adopt a child through the state's foster care system.  He has some concerns, and I was hoping somebody might know the answer to.   If he's been through counselling, would the agency expect to see the therapists records?  He is considering talking with somebody to work through a past trauma, but doesn't want it to affect our ability to adopt in the future...In reality, he just wants to make sure he is prepared to be the best parent he can to a child...

Thanks for the help,  I'm  just not sure how much detail they will want about things like this.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>ConfusedBumblebee</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 11:57:58 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>No response from cw or supervisor</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 19:55:49 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416583-no-response-cw-supervisor.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I've just about had it with the incompetence. As those who read my blog already know, the cw we have is useless &amp; has admitted that she doesn't keep up with what's going on in the case. Add to that the fact that even seeing her is HUGELY triggering for fd. The cw was the one that moved her...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I've just about had it with the incompetence. As those who read my blog already know, the cw we have is useless & has admitted that she doesn't keep up with what's going on in the case. Add to that the fact that even seeing her is HUGELY triggering for fd. The cw was the one that moved her abruptly, with no explanation, so she thinks she's leaving every time the cw shows up.
 
Her counselor & I agree that, since DHS was considering changing the cw on the case, that they should go ahead & assign a new worker. 
 
Anyhow...I have always had trouble getting in contact with the cw. There have been times that it takes days to even get a response...& then it's usually a cryptic email, rather than the call back that I asked for. Most of the time, in order to get a response, I have to leave voicemails on both her office & cell phones and send an email.
 
I had thought it would be better when trying to contact the supervisor to request a cw change. Silly me! I've been leaving messages for over 2 weeks without a call back. :grr: 
 
I plan to go to the next court hearing. The judge will be informed.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>NDN</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 19:55:49 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>looks like we got a new one?</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 07:42:02 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416559-looks-like-we-got-new-one.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[baby boy, 2 weeks old, being released from hospital today. Placement didnt know much, but waiting to hear back from worker.....if everything seems doable, we're taking him.

 

Anybody wanna give me some tips?]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[baby boy, 2 weeks old, being released from hospital today. Placement didnt know much, but waiting to hear back from worker.....if everything seems doable, we're taking him.

:p 

Anybody wanna give me some tips?]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>80smusiclover</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 07:42:02 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Beyond angry...need response ASAP!</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 12:20:07 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416568-beyond-angryneed-response-asap.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[SO, they are going ahead with another regular visit tonight despite TPR being filed and completed. AGAINST the advice/recommendations of FS's therapist.

The reason....because biomom is not aware of the filing being completed (HELLO! SHe relinquished...she knows her rights are gone anyway!!!) and...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[SO, they are going ahead with another regular visit tonight despite TPR being filed and completed. AGAINST the advice/recommendations of FS's therapist.

The reason....because biomom is not aware of the filing being completed (HELLO! SHe relinquished...she knows her rights are gone anyway!!!) and because they dont want to cancel a visit at this late date.

The filing was completed on the 20th, so not sure why they didn't do anything ahead of time. 

CW supervisor (who took over for HORRIBLE regular CW while on paternity leave) defended his position by stating that the recommendations of the counselor is just "one opinion" on what's best for FS.......ERG!!

Have a call into HIS supervisor and the ombudsman....but of course no one will call back at 3pm on a holiday weekend.

How bad would it be to refuse to transport to the visit? 
I could be very evil and claim that there was a medical emergency with one of my patients (I work in home health care), and I can't make it. Now, I am sure they would know its a lie, but HIPPAA prevents them from being able to check.

What consequence would there be? 

There won't be another visit until the goodbye visit per CW supervisor....so why are we doing this one now?? Cause he is too lazy to cx and to weak to tell biomom her rights are officially gone  now??

WWYD?? I don't care if i ever foster again at this point!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>MaybeDays</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 12:20:07 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Failed RU and taking kiddos back</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 18:03:02 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416549-failed-ru-taking-kiddos-back.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[So my ffkids (age 5 &amp; 6) who were RUed to live with their mom in rehab nine months ago are back in care. DCF didn't call us, despite having promised over and over again that they would. (One of these kiddos we had as a preadoptive placement as a baby. So this is his 3rd time in care in his...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[So my ffkids (age 5 & 6) who were RUed to live with their mom in rehab nine months ago are back in care. DCF didn't call us, despite having promised over and over again that they would. (One of these kiddos we had as a preadoptive placement as a baby. So this is his 3rd time in care in his short life.)

We found out that they were in care and called DCF and raised hell. They agreed to a meeting next week to discuss having the kids moved to us. I think we can make a good case because the kids know us.

Here's where I'm struggling: We had the kids for 6 months last year and it almost destroyed me. They had the expected behaviors (tantrums, pooping, food issues, anxiety, etc.). We had NO support from DCF and weren't able to get services for the boys until two weeks before they left. And no daycare/camp/childcare vouchers are available.

We have two kids (adopted from foster care and STBA) who are the same ages and have their own issues and they were strongly negatively effected by having the FKs. My almost-6-year-old had awful acting out behavior which continued even after they left. We have only now (9 months later) -- and thanks to weekly therapy for all of us -- restabalized our family.

How do I put my family through this again, knowing how awful it was? But how do I not step up for the kids? 

(I should say, we didn't set out to foster. We were adoptive only, but love these kiddos and want to do what is best for them.)]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>MassachusettsMom</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 18:03:02 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>I wish them the best (cant believe I said that!)</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 17:43:07 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416575-i-wish-them-best-cant-believe-i-said-that.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[The other day I took my cousin and his girlfriend to dinner after a visit and talked. It was just a nice way for us to say that we are family and even though it looks like we are against you we are only looking out for the best interest of Turkey. I surprisingly had an okay time with them. Of...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[The other day I took my cousin and his girlfriend to dinner after a visit and talked. It was just a nice way for us to say that we are family and even though it looks like we are against you we are only looking out for the best interest of Turkey. I surprisingly had an okay time with them. Of course I was in the city which petrified me as I live about an hour away in "cow-town usa" but thats something I have gotten used to with transporting Turkey. They cursed a lot, talked about fights and slurred their words because of "pain-pills"... but I didn't cringe as much with them as I usually do. And it was honestly the first time I didn't resent them for what they did to Turkey and the fact that they told us they will make it as hard as possible for us to adopt the baby. Despite all that, I realized I am in a good place with them and truly wish them the best. Do I hope that Turkey is returned to them? No way. That will never be in the best interest of this medically fragile little guy. Do I hope they can get their life together and one day be a successful family with a baby to love and raise? ABSOLUTELY!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Romans818</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 17:43:07 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Medium/Large Breed Dog Owners...</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 11:38:33 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416535-mediumlarge-breed-dog-owners.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[So, I've mentioned my dog before, but just want to get some tips from other medium/large breed dog owners.

Jaxson (my babyboy) is a 40 pound lab/hound/whoknows mix. He has a big ol' head and a skinny lanky body. He is soooo sweet and loves to sit on laps and give kisses. He also likes to give high...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[So, I've mentioned my dog before, but just want to get some tips from other medium/large breed dog owners.

Jaxson (my babyboy) is a 40 pound lab/hound/whoknows mix. He has a big ol' head and a skinny lanky body. He is soooo sweet and loves to sit on laps and give kisses. He also likes to give high fives, even if your hand isn't there to receive it! :)

He is great with my daycare kids for the most part. He HAS knocked over the little bittys (new walkers up to 2 years) only because he gets so happy and excited he doesn't notice is in his path.

I have taught the older ones how to be around him (don't run unless you want him to chase you, don't say his name unless you want him near you, etc.) and they all do great.

Once the initial "your a new person, i'm excited to see someone new! will you be my friend?!" has passed, Jaxson is fairly calm. He spends most of the day laying around or sniffing around for food. (He's a scavenger!haha)

But initially, he *does* act like he just took a double shot of meth. :D 

So, we were VERY adamant about not accepting kids who were scared of animals. But since we are open to emergency placements, I'm going to guess that we won't always know of those fears. 

I DO NOT want to lock up my dog for any period of time, as he was a rescue and gets anxiety when he is locked up except at night to sleep. 

Also, I will not use a prong or shock collar to train him. The dog whisperer methods don't work when he initially meets someone. He is in "a zone". As long as whoever he is meeting does not engage him, he will just run around, but if they engage him he will jump on them, etc. 

Also, if I put him away first and THEN introduce him, he is like a bat out of hell and takes off. He is actually CALMER when he is already out. He will also bark at new people but NOT aggressively. 

So, should I just say "this is Jaxson, just ignore him for a second and let him calm down" OR should I let it play out on it's own or WHAT?

Please tell me I'm not the only one with a happy dog? Lol!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>PinkStar412</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 11:38:33 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Frustrated! Can anyone relate?</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 18 May 2013 19:02:57 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/new-jersey-foster-adoption/416391-frustrated-can-anyone-relate.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[We should have been approved and finished last month. Instead we are trapped in a paper forms can't get a straight answer nightmare. I'm wondering if anyone has had any issues? I'm not looking to stir waves or get anyone in trouble I just want my forever family, and I feel like this nightmare is no...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[[FONT="Book Antiqua"][SIZE="4"]We should have been approved and finished last month. Instead we are trapped in a paper forms can't get a straight answer nightmare. I'm wondering if anyone has had any issues? I'm not looking to stir waves or get anyone in trouble I just want my forever family, and I feel like this nightmare is no where near done. I am not getting any answers and feel like maybe I need to go higher up. :grr: 

If I am not getting any answers or called back. Am I wrong to go higher up? [/SIZE][/FONT]]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Wiserfuture</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 18 May 2013 19:02:57 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Eye Opening Documentation</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 01:43:47 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416522-eye-opening-documentation.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I just need to vent and also tell everyone how important it is to document.  I began documenting in great detail in February.  Things have slowly been escalating with our youngest and it seems like good days are fewer and farther in between.  Tonight I sat down with all of my notes and filled in a...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I just need to vent and also tell everyone how important it is to document.  I began documenting in great detail in February.  Things have slowly been escalating with our youngest and it seems like good days are fewer and farther in between.  Tonight I sat down with all of my notes and filled in a calendar with brief descriptions of behaviors.  I highlighted visit days with bios in one color, toileting issues in one color, and meltdowns/self harming in another color.  Visits are on Monday and Wednesday.  Every toileting issue, tantrum, meltdown, and self harming behavior has occurred on a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday.  The only exception are a few Saturdays when I also noted he was overly tired and not doing well due to lack of weekend structure.

Today was full on tantruming from 7:30 until 3 pm when I told him he was not going to the visit b/c he was self harming and the team didn't think it was a safe idea.  At that point this child who had looked at me all day as if he hated me and tried his best to upset me transformed into the sweet boy I see every Thursday, Friday, and Sunday.  

I'm staring at this calendar and all I can do is cry.  I am brokenhearted for him.  I hate what this does to him.  He has behaviors daily b/c of anxiety and ADHD but when I highlight the big stuff (meltdowns, toileting) I feel like I finally understand him.  I think he is just done.  He has been talking about adoption for a month now and his actions speak strongly.

Just some advice...document, document, document.  It is time consuming to write every tantrum that happens but it is eye opening and so worth it.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>wann2119</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 01:43:47 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Relative placement help</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2013 10:04:05 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/new-jersey-foster-adoption/416424-relative-placement-help.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I am completely new to this site and this process, so please bare with me...

My fiance and I are hoping to have our 2 year old niece come live with us, who was taken from her mother and placed in foster care. We spoke to our niece's social worker, gave her all of our information to do a background...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I am completely new to this site and this process, so please bare with me...

My fiance and I are hoping to have our 2 year old niece come live with us, who was taken from her mother and placed in foster care. We spoke to our niece's social worker, gave her all of our information to do a background check on both of us. Assuming the background check comes back with no problems, what are the next steps? I have done some researching, but haven't learned what order things happen in and in what estimated time frame.

Another question - we were honest with the social worker about this, but my fiance has something on his record from 18 years ago, before he turned 18; will this affect our chances?

We live in Monmouth County, but our niece lives in Passaic County, if that makes any difference.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Arimaberry320</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2013 10:04:05 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Birth Families and Birthdays</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 13:36:56 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416542-birth-families-birthdays.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[My children celebrated birthdays last month.   The birthfamily who haven't seen the children in a long time posted online and acted as if the kids were still around.    What I found so weird is that the personalities they described are not accurate on either child.   I know its been awhile but its...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[My children celebrated birthdays last month.   The birthfamily who haven't seen the children in a long time posted online and acted as if the kids were still around.    What I found so weird is that the personalities they described are not accurate on either child.   I know its been awhile but its obvious they aren't close to the kids.

How common is this?]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>latinosunshine</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 13:36:56 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>New Placement and I am so ANGRY!!!</title>
      <pubDate>Tue, 21 May 2013 13:16:39 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/416468-new-placement-i-am-so-angry.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[We got a call for a new little one, coming straight from the hospital she had been life flown too, 5 days prior. Although our placement lady told us &quot;normal baby care&quot; was discharge instructions. So that's what I expected-- well baby girl is a HOT mess, broken hand, arm, foot...scars...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[We got a call for a new little one, coming straight from the hospital she had been life flown too, 5 days prior. Although our placement lady told us "normal baby care" was discharge instructions. So that's what I expected-- well baby girl is a HOT mess, broken hand, arm, foot...scars everywhere!!! Perfectly round cigarette  looking ones. She is grossly under weight, at age 2 she fits a 12 month clothing size at 17 pounds. Her front three teeth are busted in half. I can handle allllllll that -even though I had to page the doctor in charge of her at 1 in the morning to get permission for Tylenol for pain. The trauma that caused the brain bleed that resulted in CPR to revive her to be flown out has given her a massive bruise on her head. She is so hungry, but her mouth hurts so bad, she tries and just won't .....I have emailed 6 times today!!!! To the worker and the supervisor to PLEASE get me the medical like NOW stat!!! This baby needs a dentist, she has nerve root exposed and is in so much pain. BOTH workers have told me just to wait because mom will get her back either tommorrow or the next day!!!! Is this real life!?!?! Like any human on this planet would deal with this for days!!! This is so inhumane I CANNOT stand it!!! Watching this baby have this many injuries and wallow in pain because they can't get me a freaking form for permission is unacceptable!!! I hate this system. My heart is shattered for this baby!!!!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>lovin2boys</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Tue, 21 May 2013 13:16:39 +0000</pubDate>
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