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    <title>Adoption.com Community Forums</title>
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    <description>Adoption.com Community Forums</description>
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    <pubDate>Tue, 21 May 2013 07:00:30 +0000</pubDate>
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    <item>
      <title>Home Study Fee</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2013 13:58:38 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/416438-home-study-fee.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I don't usually post on this side of the forums but I figured you would all have good ideas over here &amp; some BTDT. Does anyone have any fundraising ideas? I have adopted 2 kids from foster care already through my agency who I have worked with since 2007. There was no home study fee for my first...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I don't usually post on this side of the forums but I figured you would all have good ideas over here & some BTDT. Does anyone have any fundraising ideas? I have adopted 2 kids from foster care already through my agency who I have worked with since 2007. There was no home study fee for my first 2. But this year they have instituted a new fee of $1500 for home studies. I have never had to pay for anything other than my class $500 and the court costs for finalization in the past, so this is all new to me. I could pay the entire fee all at once but the saver in me knows there are other ways to raise the money. Any ideas???]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Lolley33</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2013 13:58:38 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>46 offered a new born to adopt help</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2013 17:53:48 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/relative-adoption-support/416443-46-offered-new-born-adopt-help.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I am married and 46 we have been given the opportunity to adopt a newborn that the mother cannot take care of and wants a good home for!!! 

Where do I start and what do I do?
She's in texas and I am in Ms. 

Do I? I have never had children and neither does my hubby of 38 years of age!! 

Are we...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I am married and 46 we have been given the opportunity to adopt a newborn that the mother cannot take care of and wants a good home for!!! 

Where do I start and what do I do?
She's in texas and I am in Ms. 

Do I? I have never had children and neither does my hubby of 38 years of age!! 

Are we too old?? What is right for the child? My hubby would stay home with the child while I work
:eek:]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>BowmanBowman08</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2013 17:53:48 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Confessions...</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:51:24 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/372665-confessions.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I confess that sometimes I don't like the fact that my kids have other parents out there.  

I have had really nasty thoughts about their bio dad specifically.

Some days I hope my kids don't want to search for them.  

I don't want anyone but my husband and or me walking our daughter down the...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I confess that sometimes I don't like the fact that my kids have other parents out there.  

I have had really nasty thoughts about their bio dad specifically.

Some days I hope my kids don't want to search for them.  

I don't want anyone but my husband and or me walking our daughter down the aisle.

I think of dyeing my hair auburn sometimes to avoid the questions of where the red hair of my sons come from.

I really don't live my daily life (outside of work on here) thinking about adoption regardless of some opinionated people telling me I am doing my children a disservice if I "forget".  I confess to telling one of these people to buzz off but not as nice as that.  I liked it...immensely.  

Sometimes I feel really sorry for other parents whose children are not that awesome and think "And you created those "bundles of joy", how nice for you!":rolleyes: 

I really like the fact that I can joke with friends from all sides of the triad in a really inappropriate "gallows humor" way because they get it.  Even if they aren't on "MY" side.  I confess a lot of it would really offend some others.

I confess...I'm not perfect in my thoughts as an adoptive mom trying to wade through all the emotions I have some times.  [B]And I'm okay with it.[/B]  I do the best I can by my children and think most moms do the same.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>crick</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:51:24 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>WAITING: 2013 Edition</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 02 Jan 2013 06:15:49 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/411485-waiting-2013-edition.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Happy New Year!  I though I'd start a thread for those of us waiting to be matched or matched and waiting for baby.  Here's to hoping 2013 is THE year!]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Happy New Year!  I though I'd start a thread for those of us waiting to be matched or matched and waiting for baby.  Here's to hoping 2013 is THE year!

:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>curiousaboutgeorge</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 02 Jan 2013 06:15:49 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Possible (Probably not) Relative Adoption in WA</title>
      <pubDate>Sun, 19 May 2013 20:11:14 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/416412-possible-probably-not-relative-adoption-wa.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hello all...long time no type 

We've been contacted about adopting my cousin's child in Spokane County, WA.  It's a long shot.  And by long shot, I mean we're not sure we will be able to raising a child with her specific special needs.  More specifically, we're not sure we are the best fit for...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hello all...long time no type :)

We've been contacted about adopting my cousin's child in Spokane County, WA.  It's a long shot.  And by long shot, I mean we're not sure we will be able to raising a child with her specific special needs.  More specifically, we're not sure we are the best fit for her...perhaps there is a family in the area that is better suited for a child with her needs.  She has Digeorge syndrome and mosaic Turner's.

The parents' rights have been terminated and CPS is looking for an adoptive home.  She is currently in the care of a relative (relative of the child's, not a relative of mine) and will be removed from that relative's home soon due to said relative's past issues with CPS when raising their biological children.  (What a freaking mess is all I can say).  We are the only relatives willing/able to consider doing this adoption (the other side of this child's family is not being considered by CPS at all due to past history from what I understand), and CPS wants to look at family members first before putting the child in a foster home.  I am supposed to call the caseworker when I get a chance.

So.  What questions should I ask?  What expectations should I have from this particular county in terms of how accurate the information they provide me about the case (how long it could take, whether or not they really would want us to do the adoption, etc).  I know nothing is for sure, but if this is a county that is notorious for dragging their feet or saying one thing then doing another, that'd be nice to know, if any of you have experience with this county.

Also, for those of you that are FB friends, please do not bring this up.  Our families (other than those directly involved with this child) do not know about this because we want to have a little more info before we talk about it.  My guess is that after I call the caseworker, this will all be over.  DH isn't too excited to get back on the adoption train.  Throw in the family dynamics and medical needs that we're not positive we can handle since we both need to work full time and you have a couple that's really not sure this is the best alternative for this child.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>usisarah</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sun, 19 May 2013 20:11:14 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>MO/IL - Adoption ICPC?</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2013 14:32:01 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/416439-moil-adoption-icpc.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I live in St. Louis, Bio mom also lives in St. Louis although she is staying for the birth in IL. Baby will be born in IL. Do we still have to deal with ICPC if B mom bring baby across state line? I've got a call in to the attorney but she seemed not very knowledgeable about the subject and was...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I live in St. Louis, Bio mom also lives in St. Louis although she is staying for the birth in IL. Baby will be born in IL. Do we still have to deal with ICPC if B mom bring baby across state line? I've got a call in to the attorney but she seemed not very knowledgeable about the subject and was "looking in to it". Just wondering for any of you BTDT's do you know how long ICPC takes MO/IL and if my scenario is possible. 

Thanks to all! Baby's being forced in to this world Friday and I'm trying to get prepared. 

Thanks!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>wrking21</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2013 14:32:01 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Adopting privately Hospital Questions...</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 08 May 2013 15:03:00 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/416039-adopting-privately-hospital-questions.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[DH &amp; I are in the process of adopting our 2nd daughter. We adopted our first through foster care (kinship, MO) however this is a private adoption and I'm just curious how it works at the hospital. I'm just really nervous about that part. The bio mom wants me to be there during the birth, I've...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[DH & I are in the process of adopting our 2nd daughter. We adopted our first through foster care (kinship, MO) however this is a private adoption and I'm just curious how it works at the hospital. I'm just really nervous about that part. The bio mom wants me to be there during the birth, I've been to ultrasounds, child birth classes, etc and we're planning on a very open adoption. 

However; it's still an adoption and I was wondering from those who have BTDT how is it? Tricky situations, awkward moments? please help me get prepared. I want to do skin to skin contact when she's delivered but I don't want to take that away from the bio mom either. 

Just so confused and not sure where my "place" is. Any advice is appreciated. Bio Mom is currently living with one of my best friends. It's her daughter's sister (her ex husbands daughter from another woman) 1/2 sister to my BFF's children. Thanks!!!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>wrking21</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 08 May 2013 15:03:00 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Too good to be true? Matched!</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 01 Apr 2013 20:20:14 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/414772-too-good-true-matched.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi all! My husband and I signed up with an adoption facilitator and attorney mid February. We got &quot;the call&quot; a month later that a birthmom chose us!!! She is due late July/early August and this is her 2nd child she has given up for adoption. Everything is going great...I am now thinking...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi all! My husband and I signed up with an adoption facilitator and attorney mid February. We got "the call" a month later that a birthmom chose us!!! She is due late July/early August and this is her 2nd child she has given up for adoption. Everything is going great...I am now thinking that this is too good to be true! I just want to enjoy this time and get ready for our daughter but I am so anxiety ridden and scared that something can go wrong!!!

Any advice to put me at ease would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!!!!!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>kharma247</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 01 Apr 2013 20:20:14 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Adoption Support Group?</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 04 Mar 2013 13:21:02 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/getting-started/413765-adoption-support-group.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hey all,

I'm in the beginning stages of trying to adopt ( researching agencies and attorneys, starting home study) and thought I'd see if anyone out there was in a similar place and interested in finding a few online friends to share the journey with.  

A little about me: I'm 26 and DH is 29. ...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hey all,

I'm in the beginning stages of trying to adopt ( researching agencies and attorneys, starting home study) and thought I'd see if anyone out there was in a similar place and interested in finding a few online friends to share the journey with.  

A little about me: I'm 26 and DH is 29.  We've been ttc for about a year and have decided to forgo fertility tests and treatments and try to adopt instead. DH has a son that lives with us part of the time and I'm kinda worried that will make us less desirable-since any baby we adopt will have a part time brother and not be an only child or have a consistent sibling.  We are meeting with an adoption attorney on Thursday so excited about that.  We will see how things go!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>smashley920</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 04 Mar 2013 13:21:02 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Informing others of &amp;quot;rehoming&amp;quot;</title>
      <pubDate>Sun, 19 May 2013 17:17:26 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/disruption-support/416408-informing-others-quotrehoming-quot.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[We are &quot;rehoming&quot; my adoptive son on Wednesday.  The new family is coming and will be taking him back with them to a different state.  I was hoping people have some advice on how to tell our friends, neighbors, and relatives about this decision.  Any help would be greatly appreciated! ...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[We are "rehoming" my adoptive son on Wednesday.  The new family is coming and will be taking him back with them to a different state.  I was hoping people have some advice on how to tell our friends, neighbors, and relatives about this decision.  Any help would be greatly appreciated!  Thanks!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>sunshine11</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sun, 19 May 2013 17:17:26 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>OT: Opinions on teaching a 3-year-old to read?</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 18 May 2013 15:21:09 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/416384-ot-opinions-teaching-3-year-old-read.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hello all. I haven't posted in absolutely AGES.  J is now 3 years old.  Like most preschoolers, he LOVES books and being read to.  Lately he's been basically uprooting our book times by insisting that he read the books to me.  Cute, yes, but obviously he doesn't know how to read, so I basically...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hello all. I haven't posted in absolutely AGES.  J is now 3 years old.  Like most preschoolers, he LOVES books and being read to.  Lately he's been basically uprooting our book times by insisting that he read the books to me.  Cute, yes, but obviously he doesn't know how to read, so I basically suffer through 30 minutes of him pretending to read the books!

He's also very smart (of course he is -- we all think our kids are, I know!)  He's no genius, just smart.  Knew all letters a bit before two, etc.  

What do y'all think about trying to teach him to read?  I'm a very firm believer in NOT laying on "academics" at this young age -- letting them basically engage in free play with a few formal learning endeavors thrown in sparingly. 

I'm just thinking about, while he's having his "Kindle time" , or portable dvd time, having him do learning-to-read things.

So - (1) - in your experience / opinion, are "regular" kids (not super geniuses, but really bright kids) even able to learn to read at this age?

(2) -- what learning programs, dvds, games, etc. would you recommend?  Even if not really "learning to read", but pre-reading skills?

Thanks in advance!  :)]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>MomAt41</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 18 May 2013 15:21:09 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Dinosaur Train</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 18 May 2013 17:25:35 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/416386-dinosaur-train.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[C just turned 2 (hard for me to believe), and I am allowing a little more tv; we recently discovered this show.  Anyone else know it?  First of all, there are both trains AND dinosaurs (riding the train), and really, how much more could my kid ask for?  However, there is also a tyranosaurs rex...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[C just turned 2 (hard for me to believe), and I am allowing a little more tv; we recently discovered this show.  Anyone else know it?  First of all, there are both trains AND dinosaurs (riding the train), and really, how much more could my kid ask for?  However, there is also a tyranosaurs rex adopted by a family of pteranodons (how much I am learning about dinosaurs these days).  Since I don't actually have tv I tend to miss these things, so I'm sure many of you are far more aware than me, but I'm so excited about this, and I wanted to share in case there are other people like me who might not hear about these things.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>ruth74</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 18 May 2013 17:25:35 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Bethany Christian Services</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 28 Sep 2011 23:36:53 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/christian-adoptive-parents/395537-bethany-christian-services.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I was wondering if I could get your personal reviews on Bethany Christian Services.  We are interested in doing domestic infant adoption. Please PM me. THanks!]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I was wondering if I could get your personal reviews on Bethany Christian Services.  We are interested in doing domestic infant adoption. Please PM me. THanks!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>mshell230</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 28 Sep 2011 23:36:53 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Illinois/Midwest Adoptions</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2013 08:15:34 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/416422-illinoismidwest-adoptions.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[My husband and I are currently ending our road through infertility treatment in hopes of adopting domestically. 

I am located in Illinois and have read quite a bit on Family Resource Center in Chicago, and Bethany Christian Services. Does anyone know or have an experience with either one? If not,...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[My husband and I are currently ending our road through infertility treatment in hopes of adopting domestically. 

I am located in Illinois and have read quite a bit on Family Resource Center in Chicago, and Bethany Christian Services. Does anyone know or have an experience with either one? If not, any information on agencies in the Midwest or even National would be very much appreciated.

At this point, I am open to any agency. I would say our adoption budget would be under $30,000. 

Please PM me!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>mbrink</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2013 08:15:34 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Adopting in Illinois</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2013 08:14:28 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/domestic-adoptions/416421-adopting-illinois.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[My husband and I are currently ending our road through infertility treatment in hopes of adopting domestically. 

I am located in Illinois and have read quite a bit on Family Resource Center in Chicago, and Bethany Christian Services. Does anyone know or have an experience with either one? I am...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[My husband and I are currently ending our road through infertility treatment in hopes of adopting domestically. 

I am located in Illinois and have read quite a bit on Family Resource Center in Chicago, and Bethany Christian Services. Does anyone know or have an experience with either one? I am interested in any information you can offer me. 

At this point, I am open to any agency. I would say our adoption budget would be under $30,000. 

Please PM me!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>mbrink</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2013 08:14:28 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Adopting-Illinois</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2013 08:13:21 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/getting-started/416420-adopting-illinois.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[My husband and I are currently ending our road through infertility treatment in hopes of adopting domestically. 

I am located in Illinois and have read quite a bit on Family Resource Center in Chicago, and Bethany Christian Services. Does anyone know or have an experience with either one?

At this...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[My husband and I are currently ending our road through infertility treatment in hopes of adopting domestically. 

I am located in Illinois and have read quite a bit on Family Resource Center in Chicago, and Bethany Christian Services. Does anyone know or have an experience with either one?

At this point, I am open to any agency. I would say our adoption budget would be under $30,000. 

Please PM me!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>mbrink</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2013 08:13:21 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Starting &amp;quot;The Talk&amp;quot; at 3 years old ... help?</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 18 May 2013 15:34:44 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/416385-starting-quotthe-talk-quot-3-years-old-help.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[So I knew, from the beginning, that it's best for kids to hear/be told about being adopted basically from babies, so that there's never &quot;that one time&quot; that they're told.

I thought about that often over these 3 years (I adopted J at birth - straight from the hospital), but have never...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[So I knew, from the beginning, that it's best for kids to hear/be told about being adopted basically from babies, so that there's never "that one time" that they're told.

I thought about that often over these 3 years (I adopted J at birth - straight from the hospital), but have never actually said anything about it to him.  I just never got into doing it, knowing that he wouldn't have any idea what I was talking about anyway.  Through asking about this before, I came across the idea of having a story book made for him about his adoption, and I think that would be the greatest way.  Then we could read it at story time, he would be hearing it over and over, and we could have discussions based upon that.

Having said that, here are a few questions I have. Please feel free to answer one, few, or all of them -- just whatever you have any experience in:

1. Where are some places to get these types of books made?  Are there places where they help you word it?  Like you can give them the information and some pictures and they figure out how to lay it out, how to make a "kid-friendly" story out of it, and so on?

2. I don't know what I should call his birth-mother to him.  Her first name?  Tummy mommy?  First mommy?  Birth mommy?  I know there's no "right" answer, but I would just like to hear what term others chose, and why -- maybe there are issues surrounding the use of these various terms that I don't realize.  

3. J's black and I'm white -- should that influence the talk/talks with him that I have, and how I put together his book, in any way(s)?

4. J's birthmom has older children and basically didn't want to start over again. There were financial concerns, but those didn't cause her to place.  What issues should I consider when telling him why she placed him for adoption?  Just the general "she couldn't take care of you?"  I guess I'm just asking for a discussion on that issue so that I can decide the best way to put it to J.

I know it's a pain to type out answers, especially if you have a lot to say, so I really do thank you in advance for any help / input you have to offer as I start this most important process with my son.  :)]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>MomAt41</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 18 May 2013 15:34:44 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Checking in and Updates!</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 15 May 2013 08:32:21 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/416279-checking-updates.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Howdy all! I know I'm friends with some of you of FB, but many of you I'm not...so since I heard some folks asked about me I thought I'd check-in :-)

I'm doing well overall....lost my job last October so that was a bummer...I haven't seen Cupcake or heard from Dee in quite some time, so I'm...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Howdy all! I know I'm friends with some of you of FB, but many of you I'm not...so since I heard some folks asked about me I thought I'd check-in :-)

I'm doing well overall....lost my job last October so that was a bummer...I haven't seen Cupcake or heard from Dee in quite some time, so I'm focusing on my life with my husband. We bought a house last summer which was exciting, and made us feel very grown up!

The big news though is that I am currently 37 weeks pregnant! :happydance: 

Life has moved very quickly these past couple of years and I know it's only going to get more crazy very soon!

I hope everyone is doing well!!!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>thanksgivingmom</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 15 May 2013 08:32:21 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Looking for direction</title>
      <pubDate>Sun, 19 May 2013 07:04:49 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/getting-started/416399-looking-direction.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi all,

It's been a while since I've been on this board.

A bit of background...

Husband and I have been ttc off and on for 8 years. We've done pills, surgeries, shots, everything up to IVF.

Last summer, husband and I began exploring adoption. Domestic infant adoption is what we want, as...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi all,

It's been a while since I've been on this board.

A bit of background...

Husband and I have been ttc off and on for 8 years. We've done pills, surgeries, shots, everything up to IVF.

Last summer, husband and I began exploring adoption. Domestic infant adoption is what we want, as first time parents. We were excited...FINALLY something within our control! We could become parents! We chose an agency, went to an information session, and then went so far as to put down a deposit on a homestudy. I'm a researcher, and as you guys know, it's impossible to research an adoption agency. We did the best we could, but I still began to worry that the one we chose had bigger problems than I knew. 

The more I read (about adoption in general as well as the agency) the more I worried. The more husband read, the more he worried. Especially after reading a story from a very nice poster on this board about how their adoption, after having their baby for several months, fell through. 

We live comfortably, but we can't afford to do this more than once. What if we spend a ton of money and the adoption falls through? What if the birth parents don't get along with us long term? You guys know all these fears, and I'm sure you've all experienced them. 

Last summer we decided it wasn't the right time for us to get started on an adoption. I was too frightened, thinking of giving our heart to a little one for months and then seeing them disappear. We cancelled our home study and went for three more rounds of fertility treatments, because they felt safer. 

But now? Our insurance coverage has run out, and we're at the crossroads again. 

We can afford IVF... once, or MAYBE twice if we're lucky, with no guarantees it would work. 

Or, we can afford domestic infant adoption... once. 

We've wanted to be parents for a very long and trying time. I've come to realize that there are no guarantees in this or any other way we go about becoming parents. 

So, I guess this is my reason for posting here.

I don't care WHERE my baby comes from. Honestly, I don't. It could be purple and green and I'd be ecstatic. I'm just trying to protect what's left of my battered heart. I know nobody can tell me whether adoption is the right choice for my family. But I'd love to hear hopeful stories. There is so much negativity floating around about adoption... Unethical agencies, scams, parents (both B and A) who've been harmed irrevocably. It's easier to find honest negative reviews than it is positive. 

So if you have advice or a story to share, I'd love to hear it. We are leaning heavily toward adoption again, but I need more information before I can commit wholeheartedly. And if you have any money-saving tips when it comes to this venture, I'm all ears. We're located in NC, and looking for adoption professionals too. So PM with those, if you know and are willing to share.

Thanks to all for listening, and for any advice you may give.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>JulyFly</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sun, 19 May 2013 07:04:49 +0000</pubDate>
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      <title>Question about adoption finances</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 11 May 2013 18:15:52 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/adoption-finances/416152-question-about-adoption-finances.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Out of curiosity, does anyone know what the cost of adoption might be around if you're not going through an agency, but are approached by an accquaintance?
:D :D :D]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Out of curiosity, does anyone know what the cost of adoption might be around if you're not going through an agency, but are approached by an accquaintance?
:D :D :D]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>ljrm18</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 11 May 2013 18:15:52 +0000</pubDate>
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      <title>Agency Opinions</title>
      <pubDate>Sun, 05 May 2013 17:53:00 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/adopting-african-american-children/415918-agency-opinions.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hello everyone.  We are still researching our adoption options.  I would love to know your thoughts on American Adoptions and the ABC Program through Gladney.  Feel free to pm me.  

Thanks!]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hello everyone.  We are still researching our adoption options.  I would love to know your thoughts on American Adoptions and the ABC Program through Gladney.  Feel free to pm me.  

Thanks!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>AnneNic</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sun, 05 May 2013 17:53:00 +0000</pubDate>
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      <title>Food for thought</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 16 May 2013 18:47:06 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/transracial-adoption/416330-food-thought.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Figured this was a good place to share this.

My youngest is 4 1/2.  He's also deaf.  This makes communication a bit of a challenge with us all working on learning sign language.

One of the things we've signed to him forever is that he's 'beautiful brown.'  He now starts the day pointing to...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Figured this was a good place to share this.

My youngest is 4 1/2.  He's also deaf.  This makes communication a bit of a challenge with us all working on learning sign language.

One of the things we've signed to him forever is that he's 'beautiful brown.'  He now starts the day pointing to his arms, legs, toes etc and signing 'beautiful brown' about himself.

Today he caught me by surprise as after we both pointed and did our 'beautiful brown' routine, he stopped, pointed at me and signed 'beautiful pink".

Made my day both in that he came up with it on his own and that he recognizes the difference and for a 4 1/2 year old it's 'beautiful' either way.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Guppy35</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 16 May 2013 18:47:06 +0000</pubDate>
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      <title>Article: Woman left in a dumpster as an a newborn - X-posted</title>
      <pubDate>Sun, 19 May 2013 13:58:45 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/416403-article-woman-left-dumpster-newborn-x-posted.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Woman left in dumpster as a newborn: I forgive my birth mom - TODAY.com
 
 
Interesting story - I do wonder after reading it though why she specifically believes it was her mother who left her because realistically it could have been somebody else - even some of the safe haven laws in different...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[[URL="http://www.today.com/news/woman-left-dumpster-newborn-i-forgive-my-birth-mom-1C9948610"]Woman left in dumpster as a newborn: I forgive my birth mom - TODAY.com[/URL]
 
 
Interesting story - I do wonder after reading it though why she specifically believes it was her mother who left her because realistically it could have been somebody else - even some of the safe haven laws in different states allow for people other than one of the parents to leave the baby.
 
 
Also note that the therapist in this article from CASE was on Creating A Family Radio Show last week titled "Talking About Adoption at Different Ages" (speaks to the cognitive understanding levels). I enjoyed it and she really seems to understand.
 
 
[URL="http://www.creatingafamily.org/radioshow.html"]Creating a Family: : Radio Show[/URL]
 
 
Kind regards,
Dickons]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Dickons</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sun, 19 May 2013 13:58:45 +0000</pubDate>
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      <title>Looking For My Birth Mother</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 23 Nov 2002 08:56:23 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/uk-ireland-adoption/86988-looking-my-birth-mother.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[My name is Mary Broome, I am looking for my birth mother,her name was AMELIA ANN TURLEY. She worked in a Machinist Rubber Factory. She lived in CLIFFORDS MESNE NEWENT. GLASTONBURY. She gave birth to  a daughter at City Maternity Hospital Gloucester on the 24th september 1971 and named her Sarah Ann...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[My name is Mary Broome, I am looking for my birth mother,her name was AMELIA ANN TURLEY. She worked in a Machinist Rubber Factory. She lived in CLIFFORDS MESNE NEWENT. GLASTONBURY. She gave birth to  a daughter at City Maternity Hospital Gloucester on the 24th september 1971 and named her Sarah Ann Turley:]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>piggin mary</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 23 Nov 2002 08:56:23 +0000</pubDate>
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      <title>what happens if you relocate</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 17 May 2013 22:11:01 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/416375-what-happens-if-you-relocate.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[If I move to a different state what does that do to my adoptive children's benefits?

both states are in the medicaid compact so I don't think they will loose that, I can't seem to get a good explanation about the subsidy though.

I keep seeing pages that say we can renegotiate it if we move but to...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[If I move to a different state what does that do to my adoptive children's benefits?

both states are in the medicaid compact so I don't think they will loose that, I can't seem to get a good explanation about the subsidy though.

I keep seeing pages that say we can renegotiate it if we move but to be frank I don't need more money if it just stays the same we can keep dumping it into the kids' higher Ed fund I am not keen on going through any of the process again.

trying to get an idea about the whole picture as we consider these options.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>arbuckle17</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 17 May 2013 22:11:01 +0000</pubDate>
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      <title>Adopting my Fiances daughter (uk)</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 17 May 2013 14:54:00 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/416360-adopting-my-fiances-daughter-uk.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi there
I have been with my fiance Charlotte (25 Im 28) for 4 years now, Her daughter Millie (nearly 5) was the result of an 18 year old girl and to much alcohol (the sperm doner was told and refused to accept or be involved and has vanished off the face of the earth and never seen her), she is...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi there
I have been with my fiance Charlotte (25 Im 28) for 4 years now, Her daughter Millie (nearly 5) was the result of an 18 year old girl and to much alcohol (the sperm doner was told and refused to accept or be involved and has vanished off the face of the earth and never seen her), she is amazing and i have fathered her since she was 8 months old, she knows me as daddy, and i class her as my own, me and her mum are marrying, and at this very moment in time Charlotte is in the early stages of labour with our baby boy who was due yesterday lol, now we are both proud people and adore Millie and obviously our son when he finally pops out, we have agreed as we dont want to have two children with different names (Millie already uses my surname unofficially) we now want to make it all official, Charlotte wants me to adopt millie and I will be honoured as like I said as far as im concerned she is "our" child.

i am hoping there are some people from England who can give me advice and some pointers on how we go about making this all official, we are in a very very solid happy relationship (me and Charlotte have known eachother all our lives so it was kind of fate that we ended up where we are lol) we live in a gorgeous detached Bungalow in Street In somerset and I work as a mechanical engineer and support myself Charlotte, Millie and our newborn son Harley when he finally makes an appearence , and adopting Millie will make our family complete (i know its just a piece of paper and name change to some but to us its completing our family)

so as said, any info and advice greatfully recieved]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Tomtomtom</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 17 May 2013 14:54:00 +0000</pubDate>
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      <title>what do you think</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 15 Apr 2013 21:11:42 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/415269-what-do-you-think.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Heres our story, we had a 17 day old boy placed with us. Bio-parents rights both termanated. Our original apotion date was set before his 1st birthday, 2 week prior to our adoption a bio-aunt intervened in our case. Eight months later we were granted adoption. The Aunt filed with courts of appeals...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Heres our story, we had a 17 day old boy placed with us. Bio-parents rights both termanated. Our original apotion date was set before his 1st birthday, 2 week prior to our adoption a bio-aunt intervened in our case. Eight months later we were granted adoption. The Aunt filed with courts of appeals and our adoption was overturned. Now we are waiting another adoption hearing set in June, My attorney contacted me today and ask how I felt about meeting with a mediatior. Any have some advise on this matter. by the way he is almost 4 years old now]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>lovinmybabies</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 15 Apr 2013 21:11:42 +0000</pubDate>
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      <title>Michigan Failed Adoption</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 21 Oct 2006 12:16:58 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/failed-contested-adoption/272312-michigan-failed-adoption.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Oh my goodness my heart is aching so bad and I have no where to turn. After 4 months and 5 days our adoption has failed and we had to return our child back to the **.  How hard that was for us and we are so scared the stress it will but on our child.  He just cried and cried because he did not know...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Oh my goodness my heart is aching so bad and I have no where to turn. After 4 months and 5 days our adoption has failed and we had to return our child back to the **.  How hard that was for us and we are so scared the stress it will but on our child.  He just cried and cried because he did not know what was going on.  If you have been through this before where the ** changed her mind, did you have to sign any paperwork to give your baby back.  We didn't.  Did your agency ever file anything with the courts?  Ours didn't.  PLease help us.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>SadMomma</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 21 Oct 2006 12:16:58 +0000</pubDate>
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    <item>
      <title>Newbie adopting fiances daughter</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 17 May 2013 15:05:38 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/getting-started/416361-newbie-adopting-fiances-daughter.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi there
I have been with my fiance Charlotte (25 Im 28) for 4 years now, Her daughter Millie (nearly 5) was the result of an 18 year old girl and to much alcohol (the sperm doner was told and refused to accept or be involved and has vanished off the face of the earth and never seen her), she is...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi there
I have been with my fiance Charlotte (25 Im 28) for 4 years now, Her daughter Millie (nearly 5) was the result of an 18 year old girl and to much alcohol (the sperm doner was told and refused to accept or be involved and has vanished off the face of the earth and never seen her), she is amazing and i have fathered her since she was 8 months old, she knows me as daddy, and i class her as my own, me and her mum are marrying, and at this very moment in time Charlotte is in the early stages of labour with our baby boy who was due yesterday lol, now we are both proud people and adore Millie and obviously our son when he finally pops out, we have agreed as we dont want to have two children with different names (Millie already uses my surname unofficially) we now want to make it all official, Charlotte wants me to adopt millie and I will be honoured as like I said as far as im concerned she is "our" child.

i am hoping there are some people from England who can give me advice and some pointers on how we go about making this all official, we are in a very very solid happy relationship (me and Charlotte have known eachother all our lives so it was kind of fate that we ended up where we are lol) we live in a gorgeous detached Bungalow in Street In somerset and I work as a mechanical engineer and support myself Charlotte, Millie and our newborn son Harley when he finally makes an appearence , and adopting Millie will make our family complete (i know its just a piece of paper and name change to some but to us its completing our family)

so as said, any info and advice greatfully recieved]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Tomtomtom</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 17 May 2013 15:05:38 +0000</pubDate>
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    <item>
      <title>Families with more than 1 adopted child</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 30 Nov 2012 11:28:33 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/researching-open-adoption/410471-families-more-than-1-adopted-child.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi!  I am new to the forum.  We have a son whom we adopted domestically at birth.  We are currently a "family-in-waiting" for our second child.

Have any of you had any experience, or do you know of any research I can review, regarding families where there was an open adoption with one child and...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi!  I am new to the forum.  We have a son whom we adopted domestically at birth.  We are currently a "family-in-waiting" for our second child.

Have any of you had any experience, or do you know of any research I can review, regarding families where there was an open adoption with one child and a closed or semi-open with another child?  Though we were open to an open relationship with our first son's birthfamily, our "relationship" with them has been purely through letters and pictures on our part only, which we send to the agency each year.  

With the new child we have gone into the adoption seeking more of a closed adoption to mirror the scenario with our first son's birthfamily.  We are trying to be mindful of any feelings that might be generated in him given that his birthparents don't want any contact.  We don't want him to feel hurt that the new child has a relationship with their birthfamily while he doesn't with his.  But perhaps we are foreshadowing unnecessarily??  This is unchartered territory for us and while we want to be mindful of first son's feelings, we also don't want to unnecessarily limit our exposure to potential birthmothers based on a perception on our part that our first son might be hurt.  Any insight or literature you can direct me to would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>hopefullymomoftwo</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 30 Nov 2012 11:28:33 +0000</pubDate>
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