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    <title>Adoption.com Community Forums</title>
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    <description>Adoption.com Community Forums</description>
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    <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 10:26:14 +0000</pubDate>
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    <item>
      <title>End it?</title>
      <pubDate>Tue, 21 May 2013 14:52:15 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/adoptee-support/416471-end-it.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[There are a few of you here who are familiar with the chronicles of my relationship with my a-father; those same few of you may remember when I posted about seven weeks ago about we had an argument that turned physical.

Fast-forward to mid April, when we have that ever-dreaded conversation about...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[[size=1]There are a few of you here who are familiar with the chronicles of my relationship with my a-father; those same few of you may remember when I posted about seven weeks ago about we had an argument that turned physical.

Fast-forward to mid April, when we have that ever-dreaded conversation about love and feelings, and he informs me that he still doesn't really view me as his son and won't ever have the love for me that he has for "his two kids".

Ever since that conversation, I hate being here. I'm on his health insurance as a dependent that he's been paying for since I got laid off from my job.
I just landed a job and am thinking about moving at least 30 minutes from here, but two things come up: I don't want anyone to think I "rode" him (per se, for a place to live and a way to go to the doctor) until I found another job, and I do at times wonder if the issues I have with my b-mother are influencing my desired response to him at the things he says. He's accused me of taking out "other people's stuff" on him.

If certain things hadn't happened/came out of his mouth, I honestly wouldn't be looking to run from this place like a bat out of hell.

I had to dig my birth certificate out today and seeing his name on it pissed me off. I can't win for losing. And I promise I'll stop posting threads like this, I just feel the need to get honest insight from people who get it.

Thanks again. :o[/size]]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>dectski</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Tue, 21 May 2013 14:52:15 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Passports and Adoptees</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 22 May 2013 11:06:20 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/adoptee-support/416495-passports-adoptees.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[First I want to apologize if this is in the wrong forum. Please move the thread if it is. Just didnt know of a great place to put it.

I am an adult adoptee (27 yo) that has known about being adopted since I was 13 or so. I just recently applied for a passport and the app was not accepted because I...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[First I want to apologize if this is in the wrong forum. Please move the thread if it is. Just didnt know of a great place to put it.

I am an adult adoptee (27 yo) that has known about being adopted since I was 13 or so. I just recently applied for a passport and the app was not accepted because I was found to be a "non-institutional birth" from my supporting documents (ie my birth certificate). Therefore it asked me to send in other documents supporting my date and place of birth.

First question is: did being adopted have anything to do with me being labeled as a "non-institutional birth"? I dont have an "original" hospital bc because I didnt have an official name until I received my certified bc (at 7 months old). 

Second question is: if it does, would sending in my official decree of adoption cure this? It is signed by a US judge stating my citizenship and birthdate among a myriad of other information.

I am getting differing answers from the NPIC on what I should do next. All they can tell me is they will put in a "request" for the passport agency to call you within 2-7 days to discuss what I should do.

My travel date is July 2nd. I just dont want to waste anytime if I dont have to you.

Thank you for all of your help.

Nathan]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>tx_waves</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 22 May 2013 11:06:20 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Adapt</title>
      <pubDate>Tue, 21 May 2013 10:26:58 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/adoptee-support/416459-adapt.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I am an adoptee, adapt an organization  formed in South Jersey  geared towards supporting one another in a group meeting setting sharing with each other stories and embracing each other as hard times and good times arise each 1 teach 1 is our model. Holidays &amp; birthdays are hard on most of us...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I am an adoptee, adapt an organization  formed in South Jersey  geared towards supporting one another in a group meeting setting sharing with each other stories and embracing each other as hard times and good times arise each 1 teach 1 is our model. Holidays & birthdays are hard on most of us we need to Unite.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>tuckertuck</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Tue, 21 May 2013 10:26:58 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Looking for adoptees and adopters who wouldn't mind being interviewed...</title>
      <pubDate>Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:56:34 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/media-adoptees/409847-looking-adoptees-adopters-who-wouldnt-mind-being-interviewed.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi there!

I am currently making a documentary film about adoption 
In particular I am looking at the ways in which a family with adopted children might differ or function in the same way as a family all of the same blood.
Both of my parents are adopted and and so I have interviewed both of...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi there!

I am currently making a documentary film about adoption 
In particular I am looking at the ways in which a family with adopted children might differ or function in the same way as a family all of the same blood.
Both of my parents are adopted and and so I have interviewed both of them already, but I really want this film to be well informed and to feature a lot of different opinions....

So I'm looking for people - adopted or adoptive parents - who wouldn't mind answering some questions for me! If you do not want to be featured on camera, I would be grateful even for some questions answered by email, but no identities would ever be disclosed in the film. I don't want lots of personal details, though I realise this is a very personal subject, I just want your opinions.

The film will never be broadcast or seen by more than a few people. It's solely for a course I am studying at the moment.

If anyone is interested in getting their opinion or view on adoption out there, or if anyone has anything to say, then I would be eternally grateful! I might even be able to offer some payment if needed.

People in the UK, I can travel to talk to you, people elsewhere, email or private message would be amazing!

Thanks
Sophie Allen.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>slallea93</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:56:34 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Avoidant Personality Disorder and Adoptees</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 20 Feb 2013 22:40:21 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/relationships-others/413383-avoidant-personality-disorder-adoptees.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I know a lot of adoptees seem to have issues with abandonment, and it impacts how we engage with others. I was wondering how common something like Avoidant Personality Disorder might be in adoptees due to these fears.    

For those that don't know what it is: 

It's diagnosed when they display...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I know a lot of adoptees seem to have issues with abandonment, and it impacts how we engage with others. I was wondering how common something like Avoidant Personality Disorder might be in adoptees due to these fears.    

For those that don't know what it is: 

It's diagnosed when they display a pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation, and avoidance of social interaction. 

Some symptoms: 
*Hypersensitivity to rejection/criticism
*Self-imposed social isolation
*Extreme shyness or anxiety in social situations, though the person feels a strong desire for close relationships
*Avoids physical contact because it has been associated with an unpleasant or painful stimulus
*Feelings of inadequacy
*Severe low self-esteem
*Self-loathing
*Mistrust of others
*Emotional distancing related to intimacy
*Highly self-conscious
*Self-critical about their problems relating to others
*Problems in occupational functioning
*Lonely self-perception, although others may find the relationship with them meaningful 
*Feeling inferior to others
*In some more extreme cases — agoraphobia
*Utilizes fantasy as a form of escapism and to interrupt painful thoughts

Any thoughts? :confused:]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>kai555</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 20 Feb 2013 22:40:21 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>DNA testing?</title>
      <pubDate>Tue, 21 May 2013 17:54:29 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/the-wait-reunite/416476-dna-testing.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Has anyone gone through the process of having DNA testing done?

I don't just mean to confirm paternity/maternity when meeting birth family members (though that's valid, too). I've seen a few companies out there that will give you a break down of your genetics - health and ancestry - and that...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Has anyone gone through the process of having DNA testing done?

I don't just mean to confirm paternity/maternity when meeting birth family members (though that's valid, too). I've seen a few companies out there that will give you a break down of your genetics - health and ancestry - and that seems particularly appealing in the face of not knowing ANYTHING at all about my birth father.

I was wondering if anyone else took this path and had feedback (good/bad) about one of the DNA testing companies? If so, I'd appreciate hearing it...]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>emerald23</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Tue, 21 May 2013 17:54:29 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Going to visit Bio Mom's grave</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 18 May 2013 08:20:02 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/grieving-death-birthfamily-member/416380-going-visit-bio-moms-grave.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[With alot of digging,we were able to locate where my mom was buried.We are going to visit on Monday.This is something I have to do,to say goodbye.:wings: I have a flood of emotion going on and I dont know why..hard to explain.]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[[B][/B]With alot of digging,we were able to locate where my mom was buried.We are going to visit on Monday.This is something I have to do,to say goodbye.:wings: I have a flood of emotion going on and I dont know why..hard to explain.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Ashley1980</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 18 May 2013 08:20:02 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Adoptee Advice</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 06 Apr 2013 00:12:35 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/adoptee-support/414947-adoptee-advice.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi! I'm new to this forum and really need a place for advice. I recently connected with my birth family-- my dad and sister. They had been actively looking for me but thought I had moved out of the state where I was born. I was so happy to find them but am now realizing all the obstacles in my...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi! I'm new to this forum and really need a place for advice. I recently connected with my birth family-- my dad and sister. They had been actively looking for me but thought I had moved out of the state where I was born. I was so happy to find them but am now realizing all the obstacles in my life. I'm graduating this year, with that comes finding a job, a place to live. I'm going overseas in 2 months and I have to plan for that. I feel like everything about my adoption story was perfect up until I contacted my biological family. Not that I regret it but the timing isn't right. Another factor in all of this is my biological family. My mom knows from experience with my biological dad that he's tough to deal with. I also found out my biological mom's side of the family has excommunicated my sister and dad but really want to connect with me. My biological mom died 2 years ago. I really wish I could've met her. She looked exactly like me! I just wanted some advice on dealing with life and trying to reunite with your biological family. For me I wanted to reconnect with my sister and find out medical information. I want a lasting relationship with my dad but from what my sister tells me I'm not sure that's possible. I haven't met him yet only talked on the phone. I told him I needed time to get my life together but he didn't seem to understand. I'm hopefully going to talk to a school counselor soon to talk about this!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>waterdragon4</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 06 Apr 2013 00:12:35 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>I need a friend</title>
      <pubDate>Sun, 31 Mar 2013 23:41:53 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/relationships-others/414739-i-need-friend.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Ive met like 3 adoptee guys but never any girls. Ive been through alot, I guess I just want someone to talk to to relate to. This feels lonely alot of the time...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Ive met like 3 adoptee guys but never any girls. Ive been through alot, I guess I just want someone to talk to to relate to. This feels lonely alot of the time...]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>daretofly11</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sun, 31 Mar 2013 23:41:53 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Regretting contact...anyone else?</title>
      <pubDate>Sun, 17 Mar 2013 19:47:08 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/birth-adoptive-family-relationships/414253-regretting-contactanyone-else.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I am adult adoptee.  I am content with my life and identity.  My adoptive parents were always open about my situation.  I have names and some info. about my bio parents.  However, I never had a desire to search for anyone.  There is no void or emptiness to fill.
My bio mom found me a few months...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I am adult adoptee.  I am content with my life and identity.  My adoptive parents were always open about my situation.  I have names and some info. about my bio parents.  However, I never had a desire to search for anyone.  There is no void or emptiness to fill.
My bio mom found me a few months ago.  I welcomed the contact, though I treaded lightly.  We've talked on the phone, exchanged photos, emails, letters,...   The initial excitement and curiosity has worn off.  There is a saying that people will tell you what's wrong with them, you just have to listen.  Well, there are a lot of red flags.  I'm actually angry about being found.  It does more for her than me.   Some information I shared with her, she later admitted she already knew (though public info, this still felt intrusive).   I have no desire to meet her or my 1/2 siblings.  It's just not important to me.  I have sincerely thanked her for her brave sacrifice.  I don't feel I owe her a relationship.
Has anyone else had a similar feelings?  Thanks.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Crossroads1</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sun, 17 Mar 2013 19:47:08 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>found out the Wrong Way</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 28 Dec 2011 09:28:42 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/how-i-found-out-stories-discovery/398369-found-out-wrong-way.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I am 35yrs old and found out I am adopted at 30yrs old. Apparently I was never to know. Backstory....I was seperated and going through post pardum depression. My ex had already taken my step-son (who called me mom) away from me and decided he wanted custody of our baby too(9mnths old). I called my...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I am 35yrs old and found out I am adopted at 30yrs old. Apparently I was never to know. Backstory....I was seperated and going through post pardum depression. My ex had already taken my step-son (who called me mom) away from me and decided he wanted custody of our baby too(9mnths old). I called my "mom" and asked her for help. She told me she would not go to court to speak against my ex or his family about what she had witnessed. I said, "Mom, I really need you to be a mom for a change." (i was raised mostly by grandparents/father). She proceeded to tell me that she wasnt my mom anyway. I WAS SHOCKED!!!! I asked what she was talking about. Needless to say, after speaking to my dad and my grandmother, it was confirmed that I am adopted. My birthmother is actually my "aunt". She is my adopted mother's sister. I am still battling bad emotions because of this and have actually been alienated by my family due to my behavior after learning all of this. My problem doesnt lie in the being adopted...it is about all the secrets kept from me and the lies told me growing up. I cant get a straight answer out of anyone.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>swampmom</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 28 Dec 2011 09:28:42 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Found - But denied</title>
      <pubDate>Tue, 14 May 2013 12:13:29 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/making-contact-communicating/416249-found-but-denied.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi all - This is my first post here. I am thinking that only people who have been through this process will understand.  

I have been searching for my birth family for 25 years. I had all the standard non-identifying info.  I always knew I had an older brother, but apart from knowing my mother...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi all - This is my first post here. I am thinking that only people who have been through this process will understand.  

I have been searching for my birth family for 25 years. I had all the standard non-identifying info.  I always knew I had an older brother, but apart from knowing my mother is 5'2" and 100 lbs, I had pretty much nothing else to go on.  Letters sent in the 80s went unresponded to.  I had decided that it wasn't meant to be and let it go. 

When my adoptive mom passed away, I felt if was right to start looking again.  I mean - technology is so different, who knows?  I reached back out to the agency, but found it was no longer in existence.  A new agency had taken the files.  I contacted them, and this time received much more information, apparently they thought that so long as they didn't give me last names, it was fine.  So I received my mother's first and middle name, the first names of my grandparents, an uncle and my brother.  I also received the first and middle names i was given at birth.  I was ecstatic!  

The agency reached out with letters and phone calls, finally getting my brother on the phone.  He advised that he was not confirming anything until she told him exactly why she was calling.  Well, we all know that she can't do that. So hello, impasse.

Being a techno-geek, I began to scour the internet using the newly-gotten info.  It took about a month, but I found her and my brother. I screwed up my courage and called him. I explained everything to him.  He was overwhelmed and said he needed to think before he talked to me again.  He called me the next day and let me know that he asked his mother about it, and she didn't deny it, but just shrugged her shoulders.  He decided that he wasn't going to press her anymore.  

So while he accepts that I am his sister, she apparently will not acknowledge me.  

Anyone experienced this reaction?  Finding her after 25 years and not being acknowledged feels pretty awful.  

:(]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>KRose1234</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Tue, 14 May 2013 12:13:29 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Anyone else have a disabled birth parent?</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 01 May 2010 03:29:56 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/relating-adoptees/374906-anyone-else-have-disabled-birth-parent.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Is there anyone else that has a severely disabled birth mother or birth father? I love hearing reunion stories and in many ways mine has a happy ending. However, it is very odd knowing that I was brought into this world by a woman that will never mentally be capable of knowing who I am (my birth...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Is there anyone else that has a severely disabled birth mother or birth father? I love hearing reunion stories and in many ways mine has a happy ending. However, it is very odd knowing that I was brought into this world by a woman that will never mentally be capable of knowing who I am (my birth mother was raped). At times this all still doesn’t feel real, like I am waiting for someone to jump out and say this was all a joke and your real birth parents are… Just curious if anyone else can relate. Thanks.

There are so many layers of dysfunction to my whole birth/adoption story but recently I realized that there is a part of me that is still very much in denial about who my birth parents are. I can joke about it, but it often doesn't feel real.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>mymotherssacrifice</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 01 May 2010 03:29:56 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Such an wonderful chance reunion...</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 15 May 2013 06:52:21 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/adoptee-support/416272-such-wonderful-chance-reunion.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Grammar alert - changed amazing to wonderful and hit post...
 
Adopted Teen Finds Long-Lost Sister At Track Meet | Indiana's NewsCenter: News, Sports, Weather, Fort Wayne WPTA-TV, WISE-TV, and CW | Top News
 
I hope they have many years to build memories of being sisters...
 
Made my day!
 
Kind...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Grammar alert - changed amazing to wonderful and hit post...
 
[URL="http://www.indianasnewscenter.com/news/top-news/Adopted-Teen-Finds-Long-Lost-Sister-At-Track-Meet-207379081.html"]Adopted Teen Finds Long-Lost Sister At Track Meet | Indiana's NewsCenter: News, Sports, Weather, Fort Wayne WPTA-TV, WISE-TV, and CW | Top News[/URL]
 
I hope they have many years to build memories of being sisters...
 
Made my day!
 
Kind regards,
Dickons]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Dickons</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 15 May 2013 06:52:21 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>I hate mother's day</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 15 May 2013 08:55:18 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/adoptee-support/416280-i-hate-mothers-day.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[:grr: 

I'm doing it again guys,
I'm not allowing myself to FEEL what i need to in order to heal. I keep forgetting some days that I'm ONLY 26 and that over time I will come to terms with my adoption and not always have to be the happy smiley thankful adoptee.

But Mother's Day was a horrid...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[:grr: 

I'm doing it again guys,
I'm not allowing myself to FEEL what i need to in order to heal. I keep forgetting some days that I'm ONLY 26 and that over time I will come to terms with my adoption and not always have to be the happy smiley thankful adoptee.

But Mother's Day was a horrid day for me as usual.

My mom and I got into it that Saturday before so I was already fuming and questioning whether or not to call her and wish her a happy mother's day.

Then I mopped around all day because I was wondering if my 1st mom was celebrating with children that she may have parented, wondering if she had thought about me, or just pretended that I don't exist.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>BabyRachelVA</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 15 May 2013 08:55:18 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Just beginning the search process</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 11 Apr 2013 19:44:14 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/adoptee-support/415147-just-beginning-search-process.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi all
I've always known I was adopted.  I was adopted just days after birth, reportedly the product of a teen pregnancy.  I have two younger brothers, one of which is also adopted (no biological relationship between us) and the other was a surprise to my parents.  
Growing up I always wondered...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi all
I've always known I was adopted.  I was adopted just days after birth, reportedly the product of a teen pregnancy.  I have two younger brothers, one of which is also adopted (no biological relationship between us) and the other was a surprise to my parents.  
Growing up I always wondered about my biological parents/family.  As I got older I never felt any pull or desire to want to find them.  I felt much the same way through my 20s, wanting to know my medical history but really didn't feel the desire to actually locate them.  
This past Christmas my parents, brother (the adopted one) and I had a conversation about our adoptions:  My brother's biological parents chose mom and dad, and had named him.  For a year or so after his adoption, even though it was technically a closed adoption, pictures were sent to his bio-parents.  His bio-parents chose to place him for adoption as they simply were not in a place to raise a child.  It is believed they went on to get married a few years later. Our parents are certain should my brother pursue it they would be very receptive to a reunion. 
Me, I was born to a single teen mother, my father no where in the picture.  There is some doubt about them being receptive should I attempt to locate them. 
After hearing all that and hearing that my parents consider both our bio-families to be an extension of our family (dad straight up called them family) and hearing them say they'd be supportive if we decided to search was reassuring.  
After that conversation I decided I wanted to locate my non identifying information.  I'm now in my early 30s and am now realizing I want to know, if possible, my medical history.  So, I contacted the adoption disclosure people to get the paperwork done and the process started.  After discussing it with them I decided to have them try to locate my biological parents at the same time with the understanding that at this point I am very unsure about actually connecting with them.  They will attempt to locate them and if successful I will reevaluate how I feel when the time comes.  
I submitted my paperwork a few months ago and when I checked a week ago I have yet to be paired with a social worker so nothing has been done yet with my case.  Apparently it can take 6-12 months before I'll get paired with someone.  In the mean time I've posted a looking "ad" on a message board with all the info I know (which isn't much) hoping someone will see it and will contact me.  
As I said earlier I am most interested in my medical history and information.  And I'm curious as to whether or not I've got siblings.  I assume I do on both my bio-mother's side and my bio-father's side. I'd also like to know what my heritage is. 
I really don't know what to expect from all this.  This is a journey I never really planned on taking until recently.   Aside from it being a teen age pregnancy and my b-father out of the picture I don't know the circumstances surrounding my adoption: did she make the decision on her own or was she forced by her family? At the time my b-father clearly wanted nothing to do with the pregnancy, but now, 30+ years later, does he feel differently? Does she feel differently? 
I had a great family and childhood: my parents were great, I couldn't have picked better if i tried.  So, I'm not looking for anything from my b-family. I don't hold any resentment or anger.   If I do decide to reconnect with them I don't expect us to be all buddy-buddy and one big happy family; that may happen eventually it may not.  
Obviously I have no idea how I'll feel or react if/when the time comes.  Part of me hopes to be welcomed with open arms, part of me wants to see them once and that be it, maybe exchange emails periodically. I just don't know what I want from all this.  Logically I know I need to just take it one step at a time but it is so difficult not to wonder about all the possible scenarios that could play out.  I'm trying to be patient and wait until I can see a social worker.  I also have to be prepared, based on what my parents have told me, that they may want nothing to do with a reunion.  Though this many years later who knows if they feel the same way.  I also have to understand that they may not be able to find them.  I already have doubts about them locating my bio-father since he wasn't around when I was born - my b-mother may be the only key to finding him. And part of me thinks that since they've made no attempt to locate me maybe they don't want to connect with me.  I know. logically, that a closed adoption makes that very difficult for them, but that doesn't change the fact that I sometimes feel that way.
Anyway, now that this has gotten to be much longer than I had anticipated I'll attempt to wrap this up.  I looking forward to browsing the threads on the board, and being able to share this process with people who have gone through it or are currently going through it. 
To those of you who made it through reading my ramble: gold star for you!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>isitmeyourelooking4</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 11 Apr 2013 19:44:14 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Looking for Birth Parents, Adoptees and Parents</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 16 May 2013 00:47:16 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/media-adoptees/416309-looking-birth-parents-adoptees-parents.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I specialize in Adoption related issues and support. I am currently publishing a book with stories from children parents and birth parents. If you would like your journey to be told it would be great if you could get in touch. :thanks:]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I specialize in Adoption related issues and support. I am currently publishing a book with stories from children parents and birth parents. If you would like your journey to be told it would be great if you could get in touch. :thanks:]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>life-is-beautiful</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 16 May 2013 00:47:16 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Kind of OT: Blog Topics</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 15 May 2013 11:22:16 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/adoptee-support/416284-kind-ot-blog-topics.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[So I've been a very horrible blogger lately... Mostly because i really haven't been wanting to write about anything adoption related, but i've noticed that when i dont get it out there my mind fills up with adoption crazy brain and i shut down emotionally.

So if you could read about adoption...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[So I've been a very horrible blogger lately... Mostly because i really haven't been wanting to write about anything adoption related, but i've noticed that when i dont get it out there my mind fills up with adoption crazy brain and i shut down emotionally.

So if you could read about adoption related things in a blog
what would you want to hear?

I've got 2 posts I'm working on now

Angry birthmom letter - 


and A lovely Rant about things that make me crazy about people outside of the triad making comments that they shouldn't

I'm open to suggestions on new posts

so just let me know!! thanks all!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>BabyRachelVA</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Wed, 15 May 2013 11:22:16 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>found my birthmother - but I was too late</title>
      <pubDate>Thu, 02 May 2013 23:46:26 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/grieving-death-birthfamily-member/415854-found-my-birthmother-but-i-too-late.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I started my search for my birthmother earlier this week. Amazingly, in just a few days, I'd gone from having no more than her name and a vague sense of where she'd lived before my birth, to finding her high school yearbook photo, her parents' names, her sister's name, then her own married name......]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I started my search for my birthmother earlier this week. Amazingly, in just a few days, I'd gone from having no more than her name and a vague sense of where she'd lived before my birth, to finding her high school yearbook photo, her parents' names, her sister's name, then her own married name... and then her obituary.

She died a little more than 3 years ago. I was too late.

I've been in tears much of today. Which... I don't know... does it make sense to cry so much over someone I never knew? 

Because I find that I am grieving for the questions I'll never have answered, the stories I'll never hear, the relationship I'll never have. I'm grieving for a woman who died before she turned 60 - way too young. And I'm grieving for the young woman she was back in 1976 when she signed the papers that brought me into a new family - a woman who, I imagine, did plenty of grieving of her own.

Add in some guilt... I should have searched earlier, should have reached out years ago, spent whatever it would have cost (back in the days before half of our lives were accessible via Google)... I shouldn't have waited so long. My tears are a mix of sadness and regret...

It feels like a very real loss to me, and that's something even my husband, who has been supportive, doesn't quite understand. Tears for a stranger? And yet... that stranger was the one who gave me life.

I'm not quite sure how to handle this.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>emerald23</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Thu, 02 May 2013 23:46:26 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Birth Mother says &amp;quot;do not contact your siblings.&amp;quot;</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 23 Feb 2013 07:47:31 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/making-contact-communicating/413455-birth-mother-says-quotdo-not-contact-your-siblings-quot.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I'm 59 years old. My birth mother who is now 83 and living  in an retirement community, has told me she does not want me to contact my bother and sisters who don't know I exist. She feels ashamed about having an affair (in 1954), of which I was the product of. I've found out through People Search...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I'm 59 years old. My birth mother who is now 83 and living  in an retirement community, has told me she does not want me to contact my bother and sisters who don't know I exist. She feels ashamed about having an affair (in 1954), of which I was the product of. I've found out through People Search that 2 of my siblings have already passed away, and 3 are still alive and well. I want to contact them, but feel like I need to wait until my birth mother has passed away. And if I wait, the possibility of meeting the remaining brother and sisters grow shorter everyday was we all age. Does anyone have any advice about how to contact them against my mother's wishes?
Thanks in Advance!!!]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Scarlet54</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 23 Feb 2013 07:47:31 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Searching for Dad's family (Mount Morris, NY)</title>
      <pubDate>Sun, 12 May 2013 16:02:46 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/making-contact-communicating/416171-searching-dads-family-mount-morris-ny.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[This is a strange one, but here goes. My dad does not know he was adopted. My grandparents decided not to tell him this because of his learning disabilities (they didn't think he could cope with it). I was made aware of the fact that he was adopted by family ("But don't tell your dad!") and so far...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[This is a strange one, but here goes. My dad does not know he was adopted. My grandparents decided not to tell him this because of his learning disabilities (they didn't think he could cope with it). I was made aware of the fact that he was adopted by family ("But don't tell your dad!") and so far I've heard many different versions of the events surrounding the adoption. What we do know is he was born in Mount Morris, NY (1953) and that he was taken from his mother who was not caring for him properly. I want to know where we come from, and I think I have a right to know. All my searching seems to hit dead ends. The only way we can get definitive answers is if Dad registers as an adoptee in NY and how can he do that if he doesn't know...? Any words of encouragement or advice is very welcome. :thanks:]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>mountmorris</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sun, 12 May 2013 16:02:46 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Can't believe it's true!</title>
      <pubDate>Tue, 30 Apr 2013 23:54:36 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/how-i-found-out-stories-discovery/415785-cant-believe-its-true.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I am 31 and I've just found out that I was adopted! How could this happen- how is it possible??? Those are the main questions running through my mind. My parents have no idea that I know this piece of information and I don't know how to approach them. I first realized that my parents are not my...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I am 31 and I've just found out that I was adopted! How could this happen- how is it possible??? Those are the main questions running through my mind. My parents have no idea that I know this piece of information and I don't know how to approach them. I first realized that my parents are not my birth parents while reading through medical records from a few years ago... It clearly stated that my parents did not conceive me, but I was in denial and continued to question the information in my mind only. However, a conversation with a family member confirmed that it is true. I have so many emotions and don't know exactly how to decipher them. I want to know my history- who am I/ my birth parents? How/ why was I adopted? But I just don't know the best way to approach my parents about it. I'm afraid that my knowledge will hurt them- there must be a reason why they planned to always keep it secret... But why? What should I do? My husband feels that I need to just continue my life as it is]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Sherry6910</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Tue, 30 Apr 2013 23:54:36 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Ready to mail the letter</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 03 May 2013 21:21:12 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/making-contact-communicating/415880-ready-mail-letter.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I just spent the last 3 hours composing a letter for my birth mother. This is not the first time I wrote one, but usually I tear them up after. I actually addressed this one and put a stamp on. I haven't mailed it yet, I'll do it on my way to work tomorow. But I know this one will be mailed because...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I just spent the last 3 hours composing a letter for my birth mother. This is not the first time I wrote one, but usually I tear them up after. I actually addressed this one and put a stamp on. I haven't mailed it yet, I'll do it on my way to work tomorow. But I know this one will be mailed because like my hubby says, I'm too cheap to waste a stamp.
I have always known I was adopted but until 7 years ago I was searching for the wrong people thanks to my a-parents. When I found out the truth I tried to write 7 years ago. I only had an address for him, not her, i kept chickening out, I felt really intimidated. There is a long dramatic story that I will save for another day. From what I know, they don't seem like good people. But at the same time, I have those empty holes that need to be filled. I know now, I look a lot like him, but did I get anything from her. Where do my artsy abilities come from? What is my ethnic backround? Does cancer run in thier families? 
I am not expecting a teary eyed Oprah type reunion? Just the courtesy of those questions being answered. For seven years I have told myself that it didn't matter, that what little I know would be enough. But it isn't. Yesterday I recieved a package from my stepdad, he was cleaning out some of my late mom's files and thought I would want her copy of my adoption papers. Seeing the papers again brought all the old emotions back to the surface. I sunk deep, called in sick to work this morning.
Then I found this website. Reading all of your tales gave me the courage today to write the darn letter. I'm not sure how I feel right now, a little numb maybe. But it's done. Hopefully I will have the courage this weekend to write to him.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Jlynnaron</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 03 May 2013 21:21:12 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Just starting my search</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 16 Nov 2012 08:29:46 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/the-wait-reunite/409976-just-starting-my-search.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I am new to this forum, and just now beginning to search for my birth parents. I'm in my late thirties now, and have known I was adopted since I was three. When I became twenty-one, I petitioned the court for my non-identifying information and queried the Ohio gov't reunion registry (no release...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I am new to this forum, and just now beginning to search for my birth parents. I'm in my late thirties now, and have known I was adopted since I was three. When I became twenty-one, I petitioned the court for my non-identifying information and queried the Ohio gov't reunion registry (no release filed). I also signed up for ISRR (which I need to update).

After I received my non-id info, I sat on the information for another fifteen+ years... until this past week, when I came to the realization that I need to find my birth parents before it becomes too late. I want them to know that I grew up happy. I want them to know that I became successful in my profession. I want them to know that they have the most gorgeous grandchildren. I want them to know that a part of me has always missed them deeply.

I want to know them. I want to know their stories, and those of their (my) families. I want to know what makes them laugh, and what makes them cry. I want to know the stories of their good times, and (maybe someday) their not so good times. I want to know and love the people they have become, whoever that may be.

I want them to know that I do not intend to barge into their lives and turn everything upside down. They were kids when I was born. I acknowledge the pressures (internal and external) they must have faced to give me up. I acknowledge the possibility that they never mentioned me to their spouses or other children, and might not want to mention me to them- ever. That doesn't offend me in the least. Times were different then, and old secrets die hard. 

I want them to know that I waited all these years to search for them because I was scared. I was scared of messing up their lives. I was scared that they would not want to know me. I was scared they would be angry at me for finding them. I was scared that I would not be good enough for them. I was scared that they would be disappointed in me. I was scared that I might find that they had died. I want them to know that I'm still scared about all of these things, but I'm determined.

I feel a lot better having gotten this out. Thanks.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>JavaMonkey</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 16 Nov 2012 08:29:46 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Transracial Adoption Research Survey</title>
      <pubDate>Sun, 12 May 2013 17:36:17 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/adoptee-support/416173-transracial-adoption-research-survey.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I am assisting my wife, who is conducting research described in detail below.

I am an Assistant Attorney General for the State of CT.

My specialty involves the litigation of Termination of Parental Rights Petitions, so in addition to my wife's research, I am very interested in the impact of...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I am assisting my wife, who is conducting research described in detail below.

I am an Assistant Attorney General for the State of CT.

My specialty involves the litigation of Termination of Parental Rights Petitions, so in addition to my wife's research, I am very interested in the impact of of Transracial Adoption upon children.

Any assistance and or suggestions to spread the word, would be greatly appreciated.



Hello. My name is Jennifer Bumpus. I am a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology at Antioch University New England. I would like to thank you very much for visiting this site.  I am seeking participants for a research study about the experience of adoption for African American adoptees. I have worked for many years with foster and adoptive children. One of my research goals is to gain a better understanding of adoption for African American children. This study can help to inform the professionals who work with adoptive families.

Your participation is valuable to my study! Answering this survey will allow you to enter a drawing to win a $50 Amazon.com gift card. A total of four gift cards will be awarded. Odds of winning are 1 in 33, or better. PsychData.com will randomly select the winner. PsychData.com will notify the winners by email. I will not know the identities of any of the participants.

Participation in this study includes taking an online survey. We estimate that the survey will take about 20 minutes to complete. To participate, you must meet the following requirements: 

You are 18 years old or older.
You are African American. (For this study, African American means that you have at least one African American biological parent.)
You began living in your adoptive home before the age of 10 (even if your adoption was finalized after your 10th birthday).
Your adoptive parents are a same race couple (e.g., both Caucasian or both African American). If adopted by a single parent, your adoptive parent is Caucasian orAfrican American.
Your participation in this study will be anonymous. The survey will not ask for your name or contact information.Please share this link with other African American adoptees you may know. Again, thank you in advance for your time and participation.

Please click on the link below to get started!

 

[url]https://www.psychdata.com/s.asp?SID=153705[/url]

 

Jennifer A. Bumpus, MS, PsyD Candidate

[email]jbumpus@antioch.edu[/email]]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>avatarwgb</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sun, 12 May 2013 17:36:17 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Thank you to the birth mother I have never know.</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 02 Apr 2004 14:40:12 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/thanks-life/142252-thank-you-birth-mother-i-have-never-know.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[To whoever the brave woman was.....


  Thank you.

I pray that you are well.  I pray that you are comforted by the knowledge that your sacrifice has allowed me to grow up in a family that was able to support me.  

I pray that you were able to go on and have a family of your own.  I am...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[[b][color=blue][size=4]
To whoever the brave woman was.....


  Thank you.

I pray that you are well.  I pray that you are comforted by the knowledge that your sacrifice has allowed me to grow up in a family that was able to support me.  

I pray that you were able to go on and have a family of your own.  I am thankful that you did not choose an easier way, 

I know so little of you, or your world.  I believe you were a student at Cal state and being pregnant in college with your life before you must have been a chore.

I am thankful that you choose to give me my life, and I want you to know that I do not judge you, or your decision.  I imagine that your handing me over to another was one of the hardest things you ever had to do.

Were you ever even allowed to hold me?  I do not know.

I do know that my mother (the one who adopted me) has loved me.  Things have not always been easy, (as they are not for anyone) but she has loved me.  You would have been pleased.  

I pray that if you read these words they might be a comfort to you.

I have never sought you out, but have been content to respect your decision.  My info is posted in a few places, in case you should have ever come to need to know.

I am content to live in the knowledge of who I am.  I am the sum of the experiences I have lived, and the choices I have made.

Some are good, others not, but I can not regret them for [i]I am them, and they are me.[/i]

I hope you do not regret your choice, for I do not.

Please know that the little one you gave life to, has lived it.

Thank you.[/b][/size][/color]]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>C_Amos</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 02 Apr 2004 14:40:12 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Start of an unknown journey</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 27 Apr 2013 14:57:45 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/how-i-found-out-stories-discovery/415685-start-unknown-journey.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I've known that I was adopted since I was about 6. I found out in a lonely and not ideal way but hey could've been worse. Since then my curiosity to know 'why' has steadily increased. My pending emigration along with lack of medical history, I suppose has given me the excuse to start the ball...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I've known that I was adopted since I was about 6. I found out in a lonely and not ideal way but hey could've been worse. Since then my curiosity to know 'why' has steadily increased. My pending emigration along with lack of medical history, I suppose has given me the excuse to start the ball rolling. My original fact finding motivation is steadily changing into an emotional need to find my bm. I have mixed emotions including sadness and even excitement. However I have thought of every scenario leading to my conception, adoption and also outcome of any future contact with my bm. As the story unfolds I have gone from a proud Yorkshireman from England to a 'wow I'm Scottish too' as my bm was born there!!! I may be babbling please forgive me it's my first time on any kind of forum just want to share my journey. Questions/ comments welcome.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Jackb72</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Sat, 27 Apr 2013 14:57:45 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Question for Adoptees</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 05 Sep 2011 15:37:01 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/birth-adoptive-family-relationships/394749-question-adoptees.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I have been on these boards now for the better part of this year. I am a bmom who is in reunion with one of my sons.  I tend to read the adoptee threads the most since I already know how I feel. I want to get perspective on how adoptees feel.

I know this is probably a volatile question, and I...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[I have been on these boards now for the better part of this year. I am a bmom who is in reunion with one of my sons.  I tend to read the adoptee threads the most since I already know how I feel. I want to get perspective on how adoptees feel.

I know this is probably a volatile question, and I debated the weekend about posting it, but I truly am interested in the answer so that I may work though some of my feelings regarding pain, loss and guilt.

OK, so here goes. 

On some of the posts, I see that adoptees say that they have anger issues regarding their bmoms and feelings of abandonment due to their adoption that they need to work through.

My questions then is why only your bmom? Why not your bdad? The adoption industry? The aparents for perpetuating the adoption industry? 

Disclaimer: I am in no way saying that any of the above are solely at fault and should have all of the guilt. I am in no way saying that the aparents should take all of the guilt. I am in no way saying that the agencies should take all of the guilt. 

I am curious because as a bmom, I have a ton of guilt and I feel like I am taking it ALL on myself. But just recently it has been pointed out that I was not the only one involved in the adoption process.

I am sorry if this becomes a volatile thread.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>identicaltwins</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Mon, 05 Sep 2011 15:37:01 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Birth mother has passed away</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 25 Jan 2013 22:05:08 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/grieving-death-birthfamily-member/412368-birth-mother-has-passed-away.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[So I finally got the courage to search for my birthparents, i am older, my adopted parents are no longer alive and i felt the time was right. I just found out that my birth mom passed away in 2001, she never told the father she was pregnant. Only her mother knew about the birth and she died in...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[So I finally got the courage to search for my birthparents, i am older, my adopted parents are no longer alive and i felt the time was right. I just found out that my birth mom passed away in 2001, she never told the father she was pregnant. Only her mother knew about the birth and she died in 2011. Catholic Family Services contacted one of her brothers and he knew nothing of the pregnancy and was not interested in any contact. What hurts the most is all i asked for was a picture. I have 2 half sisters that I will never meet and who will know nothing about me. I'm not sure what to do at this point, i feel very sad about a person i never met. Growing up i guess I had a different expectation of what I would find if I decided to search, now I can't take it back. I don't know anyone else who is adopted, is it normal to feel this way?]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>nickt</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 25 Jan 2013 22:05:08 +0000</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Not sure where to start looking</title>
      <pubDate>Fri, 08 Feb 2013 21:00:53 +0000</pubDate>
      <link>http://forums.adoption.com/making-contact-communicating/412902-not-sure-where-start-looking.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hi,

I'm new here, and I was adopted in Illinois as an infant.  My birth certificate has the names of my adopted parents.  I'm looking for my three older sisters, and the information I have is vague, at best.  

My mom and dad, who adopted me at six weeks old, tried to adopt all four of us, but...]]></description>
      <content:encoded><![CDATA[Hi,

I'm new here, and I was adopted in Illinois as an infant.  My birth certificate has the names of my adopted parents.  I'm looking for my three older sisters, and the information I have is vague, at best.  

My mom and dad, who adopted me at six weeks old, tried to adopt all four of us, but there were issues with the states not cooperating.  Either Michigan or Minnesota.  

Does anyone have any ideas on how to start looking?  The adoption agency was willing to give some information, for a fee.]]></content:encoded>
      <dc:creator>Wesfanemt333</dc:creator>
      <pubDate>Fri, 08 Feb 2013 21:00:53 +0000</pubDate>
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