[angelical]

My husband and I are in the "searching / waiting" stage for an older child adoption through the state.

We are thinking about putting together some sort of a photo album or scrapbook to show the child that we are matched with at the initial meetings.

Since we'd be getting an older child (maybe as old as 11), we want the child to feel as comfortable with us as possible before placement.

However, my dh & I are disagreeing on the format to use.

I think it would be nice to set up a scrapbook... add pictures, draw a family tree, write notes about the town, maybe a pic of her school, etc.

My husband, though, is afraid that something so elaborate would just point out how much "better" our life is than what the child has had... sort of a "neener neener neener, look what a good life WE have".

So, he is voting for a small simple photo album. Nothing too extravagent.

What do you think? has anyone made anything like this?

Thanks!
Sharel

[spaypets]

How about something that the child can keep?

I don't pretend to know much about this, but I do know that a lot of these kids don't have any possessions, so giving her an album or a note book or something with pictures of the new life she's about to embark on, will give her something to look at at bed time.

For me, that would direct me to doing something on the computer with photos and captions and some description -- this is your room, you can paint it whatever color you want, this is your new school, this is the store, this is the mailman, this is your new Aunt Carol, she likes to cook...

Maybe having a place where she can put pictures of her life now or from her past, would be good too. How about giving her a disposable camera so she can take pictures of what she's leaving behind?

[ladyjubilee]

My social workered suggested a 12x12.

[angelical]

Originally posted by ladyjubilee
My social workered suggested a 12x12.

What is that?

[DianeS]

Well, I think the purpose of a scrapbook sort of thing would be to keep you from being so strange to the child, and keep the move from being so scary. Give her something to look at so she's familiar with major things before she has to encounter them for real.

With that in mind, I think either of your ideas would be fine. So how about doing something in between?

She definately would need photos of the two of you and your son, labeled.
Same with the house, and what will be her room.
Pictures of the school she'll attend, the church (if you go), a distance shot of the neighborhood, etc.

I'd skip the family tree - that's a REALLY sensitive topic for adoptees. Focus on helping her transition and leave the "whose family tree are you on now" discussion for later. Include pics of grandparents if they'll be over often, though. If she won't see them soon after moving in though, you can skip them, too.

Avoid material things, too. No listing of toys you've purchased, don't set up an expectation of Christmas presents, etc.

Avoid over-glorifying it with stickers and glitter pens and such. Keep it simple and easy to read and thumb through.

And whatever you make, be sure to leave it with her between visits, so she can look through it to remind herself of it when she starts to get worried about the move.

One of my favorite ideas is to make it a loose-leaf binder. Put in a few really-important pages first, like pics of your family and the house. Next visit, bring pages that talk about the neighborhood. Next visit, pages about the school and park. Etc. It ends up being a bigger album than one you make at one sitting, but introducing one type of thing at a time is easier for the child to take in.

Good luck!

[lucyjoy]

We useda small photo album which we gave the kids to keep while doing visits. I put pictures of us, the other children, our dogs, the school, the house, grandma and grandpa and labled with names.

[scrapandtell]

While 12 x 12 albums are great for older children (as this post regards) I always suggest a smaller album if the album is being made for a younger child. Larger albums get bulky and heavy and are hard for a younger child to manage.

[gclvaruba]

My husband, though, is afraid that something so elaborate would just point out how much "better" our life is than what the child has had...

The man is very perceptive.

DH & I put together a photo album of our home, family, the new school, pets etc. We presented the album to our prospective adoptive daughter on the day which we asked her to join our family.

Of course she took the album to school and showed it to all of her friends. The contrast between present environment and future environment was a horrible stimulus for jealousy and ultimately peer pressure.

She was told how she would "never fit in", "why do you want to go live with those rich people (we are far from rich- but of course compared to what she had and where she was...)", "you will not fit in", "you will not be able to make new friends, 'cause the other kids are 'too' different", "the other kids will dress different". I think you get the picture.

Needless to say her friends knew much more than we did (well at least SHE thought they did), and the child decided not to join after family after 4 months of visiitations and just a week prior to placement.

Next time I think we will hold off on the album until placement. BUT, would instead purchase some disposable cameras and nice photo album in which to place the photos. They can them accumulate whichever memories of their present home, school, friends, etc which they would like. Also pictures for pre-placement visitations with us.

[rastachris]

I think a 6 X 6 scrapbook with family photos mounted on plain colored card stock would be a great way to start. If she is receptive to the album, suggest giving her some stickers and other embellishments and let her decorate the pages herself. If she's interested, this will give her time to look at the pictures and maybe even "bond" a little with your family while adding her own touch to the album. If she chooses not to decorate it, then she still has a nice album of pictures of her new family and surroundings.

As mentioned earlier, I would steer clear of things that would hold too much promise. I think nice pictures of your family, your town, the local mall, pets and her room would be plenty. With most albums, you can buy additional pages to add later. As you and she develop memories together, you can either add them to the first album or create a new one together.

The other suggestion of a disposable camera is a good one to let her take her own pictures, even pictures of her life before joining your family. Maybe you could even let her know that you will give her supplies to make her own album on her own for the things she wants to remember.

I really think these kinds of craft projects can bring people together and even be therapeutic. I understand your DH's concern, so a middle-of-the-road approach might be best.

Best of luck!

Tina, momma to Aidan and Makena

[J.Ro]

We did a tri-fold brochure for the sw to show the kids initially. Then just prior to our visit she presented them with our photo album. It started with pictures of us doing different things, then pictures of all the animals (we have a bunch), pictures of the farm, extended family, my class, and just a few friends. Behind each picture we put a piece of colored construction paper and with gel pens wrote simple explanations of what they were looking at. It was a full size album, and we left about half the pages blank for it to be added to. One album for both kids.

Our kids (11 and 12) loved the album. We sent along 2 disposable cameras so they could take pictures to add to it of their friends and foster family. They definitely wanted to keep it. They did show family and friends, but fortunately, they had no nasty peer pressure as a previous poster mentioned. When we visited we took the cameras, developed the film, and added in their photos. They have it now to look at until they arrive next Tuesday. They had lots of questions about the pictures and the people. And when they meet extended family, the faces will not be so unfamiliar. We also made some digital movies that we sent on disc of our town, schools, and house...and us. They were out of state so it was a way for them to see us walking and talking before we arrived.

Hope this helps and best wishes! Our kids are awesome and I wouldn't do adoption any other way.

[SAHmom]

When we met our daughter after being selected, she was eleven and had been in the same fosterhome for three years. I made up a basket consisting of a disposable camera, photo album, address book & pen, stationary, envelopes & stamps. I also gave her a folder telling about ourselves {each child's likes, etc} and included pictures of our home, siblings, cousins, etc. Our son likes soccer, so I included a picture of the soccer place and the school he would be attending.

[sfbaymom2000]

When we made our album, it was of course with our future daughter in mind. However, it crossed my mind that our SW might want to show it to the childrens' workers during the matching process. She did, in fact, ask if she could show it to other SW's. I don't know if it made a difference in our getting matched, but I am sure it didn't hurt!

We kept it pretty simple - pic's of us, our daughter C, front of house, yard, playroom, her bedroom. And the cat, of course. She "narrated" the book - it was very cute.

M loved the album during visits. However, once she was home with us, I did notice that it started to bother her to look at the pictures of us with C - like she was jealous she had not been with us then. She is fine with other photos of me, DH, and C around the house. Anyway, I put the album away for now.

Good luck!

[JenWen]

I put together a scrapbook too. I am not sure what the final age of our child or the gender is going to be. Our range has morphed a little bit. As of last weekend it's 7-10 yrs. So, the scrapbook had to be appropriate for any of those ages.

We did our with a yesterday, today, tomorrow theme. The first page has our last name, so they can become accustomed to it. It also has a little chalkboard with eraser & chalk (all velcroed on) and we wrote "Welcome Home" on it. We included pics of the house, grandma and grandpa (who they will see all the time), us, and all of our pets. We put on the My Parents page multiple pics of us doing different things and what we were looking forward to doing with them.. what kinds of things we liked doing too, so they could get a feel for our personalities. We also included pets personalities. And we wrote in there that we left a bunch of pictures blank for pictures they may have that they want to put in there and for future pics. I took to heart the advice I read about not overwhelming them with too much info. We didn't directly reference our pool or put a pic of their room. Just an arrow to where their room is on the picture of the house. I am thinking during transition I can make other pages and give them one or two pages each time we visit. Maybe during transition we can make a page together. I'm also interested in giving them a disposable camera for pics of their current friends and foster family. My book is an 8X10. I'm thinking about putting in some pics of kids that we are friends with too.. neighbors and friends children that they will meet. Not sure though. That would probably be a page to be added after the initial scrapbook introduction.

Someone else had a cute idea.. to do it from the perspective of a pet. I didn't see that before I did mine. I liked the idea a lot tho.

Good luck with your scrapbook!

Jen

[missmargaret]

I am currently working on two pre-adoption scrapbooks for a 3 year old and a 4 year old. Thanks for the suggestions above. Does anyone have any tips on what would be appealing to girls of the above ages?

[DianeScraps]

Dora, Barbies, webkinz, are all hot.

To be honest I was sooo nervous before I first met our girls I went to the toy store because I wanted to have something small for them ( they were 4 & 7 at the time) There was a mom and young girl in the toy isle. I stepped way out of my comfort zone and asked the woman if she and her daughter could recommend something for a 4 yr old, they were awesome (and my, now daughter, LOVED it)

Another suggestion I have heard is plush - it gives them something to 'hug' when they are nervous meeting new people and dealing with new situations.