[NJMommy]

Wow! i have read some threads with opinions of agencies very similiar to ours. I guess it doesn't matter whether you are a lifemom or an adoptive mom, the agencies are exploiting our emotions and that is not right. i don't know why but I never felt right about paying so much for a precious child. In my mind I believe there are children God made for us and one way or another they will get here. Somehow I don't think paying X amound of dollars to MAKE it happen is right.

We are praying to meet the lifemom God has for us. We are also advocates for open adoption since we have found it to be so rewarding with our adopted son.

What would a lifemom feel more comfortable with, going private and meeting the couple face to face, etc. or going through an agency (seems so cold)?

What have adoptive moms done to locate lifemom's on their own? Any ideas? Thanks in advance!

Michelle

May I ask what your experience is in working with an agency? We have adopted two children, both through private Christian based agencies. We plan on doing a third adoption and will use an agency again. We have had wonderful experiences!!!! We were placed very quickly and did not have to do any of the "foot" work. I am very uncomfortable with setting up a website and letting anyone look into my life and contact me, that is how potential parents are scammed. The agency weeds out birthmom's who are not serious about adoption and provides help to those who are going to parent. I will agree that some agencies are bad, just like some birthmom's are in this for the wrong reasons, and that some ap's are not great. It depends on who you are working with and what your experience is. Not all agencies are expensive either, we payed less than $10000 the first time and $12000 the second time. It would have cost us more the second time around if we had just "found" our birthmom, she had no medical coverage and had to have an er C-section. I wish you luck on your adoption journey and Happy New Year.

[NJMommy]

We have interviewed 50+ agencies and all have fees of $20K-$35K plus. Our very first choice was a Christian agency and sadly they turned out to be the most expensive because they are private.

I wholeheartedly agree with what you are saying about an agency doing the screening and protecting you during the process. But what about an attorney in an independent adoption? Couldn't a good experienced attorney do the same thing?

I never said anything about having a web page on the internet. I think an attorney would be more along the lines of what I was thinking or word of mouth through our church.

I haven't been able to locate a reputable and reasonable Christian agency to faciliate an adoption and would be very interested to look into the agency you have used if you care to share that information.

I do not think $10K to $12K is excessive at all and would be okay with that provided the agency was very reputable.

What Christian agency are you using?

Thanks,

Michelle

[Marfrey]

In your post you said What would a lifemom feel more comfortable with, going private and meeting the couple face to face, etc. or going through an agency (seems so cold)? I have to question this because if you've interviewed 50+ agencies (as you stated), surely you've come across those agencies that do advocate open adoption and the birthmother can meet the potential adoptive parents in person. Not all agencies are so cold as you seem to think. And because you feel this way makes me question how much "research" you really have done. Adoption does not have to be expensive... but it can be. Even using a private attorney doesn't necessarily make it cheaper. Happy New Year and good luck in your journey.

[bromanchik]

I know some agencies that do fully open adoptions that work on a sliding scale. Where do you live?

E-mail me privately.

--
Brenda Romanchik, Director
Insight: Open Adoption Resources and Support
721 Hawthorne
Royal Oak, MI 48067
248-543-0997
toll-free expectant parent/birthparent line 877-879-0669
http://www.openadoptioninsight.org

Where are you researching agencies? We have adopted from two different agencies and looked at dozens, we are military so we have been all over the US. Most agencies promote open adoption. I have NEVER been in contact with one that does not let the birthparents pick the adoptive family if they want to. Have you looked at Catholic Charities? There is an agency in TX. called Abrazos, they are around $16000, and place very quickly. TX laws are very favorable for adoptive families. I guess I am still missing the point of your post? We have a great open relationship with our first birthmom and our second adoption has little contact by the choice of the bp's, we stand by our choices and so do the birthmom's.

We have used Catholic Charities and Bukcner. I understand your position and you have the right to adopt wherever you want, but don't post a thread entitled "boycotting agencies" and then not expect to be questioned. You said you were willing to pay 10-12000, some people consider that still alot to do an adoption. We are a single income military family who will adopt one more time and we make do, our children have college funds and don't go without anything they want or need. If there is a will there is a way!!! I do believe God "connects" people together to be a family when they are working within an agency.

[NJMommy]

Please! I'm not going to explain myself anymore. I tried in a post right above Bailey's last interrogative post, but it has mysteriously been "erased".

Anyone can read this thread and see that I meant no harm, was only stating my opinion (which is shared by a majority of adoptive parents and birth parents who have been emailing me on the subject), and merely just wanted to say I trust God to open the door like he did in our first adoption where we did not have to pay $10, $15, or $20 thousand dollars and the end result was a perfect match with a wonderful open adoption and relationship with our son's birth family.

I don't know how else to tell you for us personally we don't feel comfortable paying that much money to adopt. It's just our own opinion and we are entitled to it.

What is concerning is when I took the time to explain (didn't really have to but did so because I felt you were demanding me to!), my post was erased. ??? The only post left is yours. ???

I came here looking for advice on pursuing what I now know is called an independent adoption but instead was attacked because I choose not to use an agency. What are you so defensive about? Why have you attacked me for this?

I haven't said anything to offend anyone. Just stated my opinion. Please R-E-L-A-X!

Who moderates this forum? I have felt attacked by Bailey when all I did was look for some advice on pursuing an independent adoption. Hello? Moderator?

[NJMommy]

Bailey writes:

"don't post a thread entitled "boycotting agencies" and then not expect to be questioned".

I don't understand why you feel entitled to "question" me about a matter that is very personal to me and my family.

Why do you insist on making me feel bad and uncomfortable?

What have I done wrong Bailey?

[Jennifer]

NJMommy

I can't see anything wrong with your post. You are merely stating your own opinions and that is what forums like this and others are for. Some people question everything and some are looking for answers themselves.

I am a hopeful adoptive mom who has no problems in helping a bmom who needs legals and medicals covered, our law here in PA states no living expenses may be paid by the aparents, which does make it tough in some cases.

I do not know which Christian organizations you have contacted but I do know of a couple down south in the VA and NC areas and I know one may have some bmoms who are not matched, if you are open to race and gender. I know on one the fees are $14,000. but this is also so they can be reimbursed for the expenses they have paid out for this bmom.

We are trying to do an independent and private adoption as I also cannot see where it is right to pay an agency up to $35,000. for a precious child.

I'm sure I will get bashed too but I would rather have $35,000.00 in an account for our child than in someones pockets.

If I can be of any help you can write me at Poogiebr@ptd.net
Just my opinion

Jennifer

Don't know what happened to some of the posts we both wrote, I guess they deleted us? Don't know why? We were having a disagreement, but nothing bad was said.

I was not trying to make you feel bad or wrong about your choices. You said your choice is a very personal one for you and your family, then why come here and post it if you don't want others opinions? I am sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, that was not my intention. I was giving my opinion.

[Alura764]

Hey NJmommy, I completely agree with you when it comes to cost. I have been looking on this computer for 3 months and cannot get over how much they are charging a couple to adopt. I wonder who they think is going to support this child while it is growing. Before anyone says anything, I have looked into the agencies that are reasonable and because I have 2 biological children they will not work with my husband and I. So it will be a private adoption or none. I want to be able to give this child a good life and I don't think we would be able to do that when you have to take out a second mortgage just to pay for it.
I don't mean to offend anyone, but when I look at these charges I am offended. I mean they have caps on everything, from football to dental and yet they charge whatever they want for a child.
Then I look at the differences in these charges, I mean when they want 20 to 30,000 for a caucasian infant and yet they want only 10 to15,000 for an african american or bi-racial child. How is this fair, I mean if I was the mother of one of these children I would be insulted, to have someone tell me my child is not worth as much as the other. I know the wording is probably offensive to some people but I feel offended seeing these people selling these babies for that much money. How much really goes to birthmother anyway. Who is benefitting?

Please these are my opinions and may not be yours but as you have said we are entitled to our own so here is mine.

By the way I am also from Pa. and you are right about paying for living expenses, or using a facilitator. All we have are agencies. So I will search on my own and if god willing then a beautiful little human being will bless us with his/her presence if not then that is the way god wants it. But I will not buy a baby; a car, a house, food, clothes, but not a human being. That is degrading to this human being.

Sorry if I offended anyone but these are my views, and not the views of the forum.

God Bless all of you in the New Year
Ruth

[Marfrey]

You said
I mean they have caps on everything, from football to dental and yet they charge whatever they want for a child.

I'm not sure what you mean about having a cap on football - sorry I just don't quite get that one. But as for having a cap on dental, well, it's dental insurance that has a cap on what the insurance company will pay - it's certainly not a cap on how much dental work costs. I spent more on my dental work last year than the cost of a high priced adoption - and yes, the dental insurance had a cap of $2,000 then I paid out of pocket. So I hope you can understand the difference between the cost of dental work and the maximum amount paid by dental insurance.

You said
Then I look at the differences in these charges, I mean when they want 20 to 30,000 for a caucasian infant and yet they want only 10 to15,000 for an african american or bi-racial child. How is this fair, I mean if I was the mother of one of these children I would be insulted, to have someone tell me my child is not worth as much as the other.

The fee for adopting an African American or Bi-Racial child,at some agencies and/or thru some attorneys is lower than the fee for a caucasian child not because they're "not worth as much" (as you said) but rather to provide more of an opportunity for the AA or BR child to be adopted. This has nothing to do with my opinion, but rather it is information provided to help you understand. Do with it what you want.

[NJMommy]

Look, those of you who did use an agency I don't think any of us are criticizing you for that so please stop trying to defend yourselves.

Listen to what we are saying! Geez, can't we be ourselves here? Most of us are in the same boat. Most of us have been through a lot and ALL of us love children and want to share our lives with them, give them a good home and a whole lot of love!

It's just so frustrating when you have to admit that money can be a big obstacle in your way of doing what you know you were called to do. It's a good thing to adopt these children. It's a good thing that these wonderful lifemom's are choosing LIFE for their kids. Look at these boards and all the lifemoms and all the potential adoptive moms and then there is the greedy (okay I've said it) agency there with their grubby hands out, and they are capitalizing (yes they are) on the lifemoms despair and desperation and our despair and desperation and they sit there and make money off us!!! I think that is what offends me the most--how bout you?

Of all the good Christian organizations out there (I went to Christian school, Christian College and naturally looked for a Christian adoption agency,) I was soooo disappointed that there wasn't ONE single Christian agency who would work with us for less than $20,000. What are the real overhead costs to faciliate an adoption? Why isn't there a Christian Pregnancy Crisis Center who out of the goodness of their hearts, places these kids in good homes without charging an arm and a leg. I know there is overhead but I'll never believe they aren't overcharging.

Adoption is business and it's big business.

Years ago I think it cost about $20 to adopt a newborn. But good ole' economics, supply and demand (thanks to legalized abortion) and now you have big business.

Like I said sure I could take out a second mortgage or borrow against my 401(k) or whatever but I just can't see doing it! I want that money to go to the child, I don't want someone to profit off of this.

Thanks for all the opinions, this thread really has gotten quite interesting.

Michelle