[sneall]

Hi, Just wanted to throw out that question because it is one that I have had on my mind lately. We are waiting to adopt-and so I decided instead of waiting on our (slow) agency i would try creating a web page on Hope To Adopt. It just does not feel right to just sit here while everyone else does all the work! So far we have had alot of lookers-and the first page gives our age (me 41 and hubby 51) after this I have noticed that bmoms stop reading!
If only I could get people past the first page!
Any one else feel this way? Or am I just being sensitive? I know that we are not too old!
Thanks for listening to me vent..it sure helps sometimes!

Stacie

[debsdone]

HI Stacie! Perhaps you should move that little bit of info back a bit? I don't think you are too old, but if it is an issue, don't lead with it. I, for 1, know I was and am a MUCH better parent in my 40s than I was in my 20s! So there you go. Good Luck! Debi

[Jennifer]

I agree..... either move it to the back a bit and use some different wording that appeals more or even take it out all together. Our website makes no mention of ages and we are like you and your dh. Being older gives you the benefits of being more settled than someone in their twenties and please no bashing for that comment, I know when I was in my early 20's I would not have been ready to conceive or adopt that is all I meant by that. We have gone farther in our lives and worked hard to be able to provide for a family. Plus when you are involved in years of treatments you cannot get those years back.

Hope this helps and good luck.

Jennifer

Hi, we were 23 when we adopted our first child and 26 when we adopted our second and I think we are great parents. We did not wait long at all and our caseworkers have always told us our age helped us. Both of our birthmom's were young and were really drawn to the fact that we were a young family. When we have gone through our training classes most of the couples in there were old enough to be our parents and it seems weird to us. We have made some great friends through the process!!! I have known since i was a teenager that I would never be able to become pregnant so I think it was a plus for us. I would move your age information to the back of your website. I hope you find your match and good luck to you!!!

[calfriend]

You know, I've thought about that also, since my husband and I are 40 and 41. However, our age provides maturity, stability, and better resources to provide for a happy family! I think it works to our advantage!

[Mary Ann Bednar]

I was 40 when I adopted my first daughter and 45 when I adopted my second. Both were infant adoptions. In my bio I never mentioned my age. Being older, I think, made me a better Mom. I am also a single Amom, and again I don't think that interfered with my being selected.
My youngest is now 6, and we are starting the process again, and are patiently waiting to be selected for a special needs/older child/children.
Just let your letter reflect all the positives, and age won't be an issue. Good luck.

[battchief21]

My parents were 48 when I was adopted. yes they were more stable $ wise but were so set in there ways and thinking that you could not even discuss cetain things with them.

When i was 12 my parents were 60. after a days work they were worn out. Cook dinner and maybe do some work around the house and they wanted to goto bed by 8:00. There wasn't any ball playing or going anywhere in the evenings. Weekends were spent at church or napping.

All of my aunts and uncles and grand parents died when i was very young and I never really got to know them. As a young child I went to numerous funerals but never a wedding.

It was like being raised by my grandparents, not the normal generation gap, but a double gap. Both of my older bro. and sis were adopted from different bmoms. They were 13 and 10 when I was born. They seemed more like aunts and uncles to me than bro and sis.

At 17 and a senior in high school my parents were 65 and retiring. This is when i really noticed a difference in them and my friends parents. Thier parents were active and seemed to understand our generation a little. They could listen to the music and like it. (somewhat) They were active in thier childs life. They were 40 to 45 years old and still active.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything my parents did for me, but it was a difficult life style. I learned to be quite, entertain myself and be very adaptible to any situation.

My wife and I are 44 and would never have a child at this stage in life. When a person is 25 thier parents should be at thier wedding, not needing thier diapers changed. If a parent is 50 when they have a child, what are the chances of them living to see graduations, weddings or grandchildren.

I would never say older folks can't adopt, but realize that there are ramifications that you my not have thought about.

[sneall]

Thank you for your feed back. When I posted that message I was really interested in what bmoms think about age when choosing their aparents. I want to look at this adoption journey thru their eyes as much as I possibly can.
We have put alot of thought in our decison to adopt. Age was never really a big issue for us. Alot of our friends have young children and alot of my friends are still trying to have children. For some of us-we chose to marry latter in life. Me at 38 , for the first time, and my husband married at 44 the first time. I knew that I wanted to be a mom and discussed this before we married, unfortunetly my fertility efforts failed. I have decided that I will not let age stand in my way. I feel no different today than I did when I was 25.
Some people just grow old faster than others-to me age is just a number. I say bring on the birthdays-they are better than the alternative!
I am 100% ready to parent regardless of my age!
I am sure some bmoms will want younger aparents and that is ok-but I also know that there is a bmom out there that will chose us-and how old we are will not be the reason she chooses us to parent her child.

Stacie

[Ataraxic]

Hi,
I'm a 30 yr old birthmom (of twins) who is searching for aparents. I have to say that age was a consideration for me for several reasons. But also that is was on a case by case basis. There were couples in their late 30's who seemed too 'old' to raise twins. There were couples in their late 40's who were very young at heart. There was one couple who were both 51, that I liked alot... but I kept thinking to myself that they would be almost 70 when the twins graduated from high school.
I think for me, that although I would have prefered a couple between 30 and 40, that the amount of time they had been married was a much more important factor. One reason that age might be a factor would be if I felt I might not have any thing in common with the aparents due to their generation or whatnot. But as I said before, this is on a case by case basis. Also, I'm a little older than your average birthmom, so I don't know if this will help you at all. I can tell you the five most important things I looked for in aparents, though. Stability of marriage, how 'settled' in the area they were, how open they wanted the adoption to be, whether one parent planned on being a stay at home, and lastly but not leastly....that 'just right' feeling.
My advice to you would be to be yourselves and be honest, keep your age in your info, but maybe place it farther down so that potential bparents will not have that as their first piece of info for you.

Ataraxic
(too tired to be making coherent posts )

[londar]

i have read alot of your posts and i definetely do not think you are too old to be parents. the adoptive couple i chose was 37 and 38 but that was a personal thing. my aunt adopted from russia when she was 42 and her husband was 55. do not get discouraged your bmom is out there.

[karabur]

You seem young at heart. I would move it to the back. I think people know if they should or should not adopt. I am very young both dh and I are under 25. We have been married 3 years. We bought our first home. We are the youngest couple on the block. I think age has every little to do with being good parents. There are pros/cons with both. We are adopting overseas in an unwed mother program. Our agency thinks our age will help us. My parent's are in their 40's and they say no way would they want to parent again. They want to be grandparents. I guess what I am saying is each to their own. Good Luck

[longgreengrass]

to me age does mean alot to me. i dont want some 25 year old for my child. thats not to far from my age. i want some couple between 40-55

[karabur]

Good thing I am not some 25 year old. I won't defend my right to parent to you. If it is good enough to my husband and I and to the INS, agency, and our pastor than I think I have enough approve. All I was saying is my best friend had a baby when she was 18 and is the best mom. Should she have wait probably but she is a great mom. My own mom was 21 when she had me and we are super close. My dh's mom was 25 when she had him and baby #3 came when she was 30. My Mil's mom had her when she was 19. Great mother! I have also known wonderful and bad moms in their 20's, 30's, 40's. I am sorry if I insult you but I have been nothing but supportive to any who wants to be a mom from all the way from their 20's to well over 50. So I think it is rude for you to call me SOME 25 year old. Well I am not 25 and neither is dh he is 24. There are a lot of young amoms on these boards and we get tried of the "why so young?" You can check my post I have never once said anything bad about bmoms or older amoms.

Sorry you think I am too young but I am not.

I am sure I will get some nice blast posts.

[longgreengrass]

i didnt mean you were some 25 year old. i didnt word my post right. I ment to say i dont want someone thats only one or two years older than me to raise my child.

[londar]

i loved your post. i dont want anyone over 40 raising my child. when people adopt after 40 they do not think about the fact that they will be over 60 when their child is grauduating. instead of worrying about which college to choose they will be worried about finding a nursing home for their parents.