[Lexical]

Hello, I am new to posting here although I've been reading the boards since I found out I was pregnant 6 months ago. From reading this has been a really great place of support for me so I want to say thank you for that.

I'm now 29 weeks along and due in August. I am planning on doing an independant adoption and placing with a friend of mine. We've been talking/planning it for months and I really feel they're the right family, however the legal part has left me entirely lost. Everything I look up on the internet only talks about adoptions through agencies. Even when I looked at the laws for my state, I couldn't tell if it was referring to all adoptions, or those through agencies.

My biggest question is, since it's a private adoption and we aren't going through an agency, do they still need to have a home study? I am getting more and more nervous because I know those can take a while and I'm due in 2 and a half months. They are planning to talk to a lawyer but don't seem too concerned that we're going to run out of time before baby arrives. And maybe they're right, but I just don't know and I don't have the money to talk to a lawyer myself (we were planning to talk to one together that they paid for a few weeks ago, but I got really sick and am basically on bedrest and don't know when/if I can make the 3 hour journey to see them again.)

Anyways, any information on private/independant adoptions and the laws surrounding them would be extremely helpful. I live in Washington state. Thanks!

[caths1964]

Originally Posted by Lexical

Hello, I am new to posting here although I've been reading the boards since I found out I was pregnant 6 months ago. From reading this has been a really great place of support for me so I want to say thank you for that.

I'm now 29 weeks along and due in August. I am planning on doing an independant adoption and placing with a friend of mine. We've been talking/planning it for months and I really feel they're the right family, however the legal part has left me entirely lost. Everything I look up on the internet only talks about adoptions through agencies. Even when I looked at the laws for my state, I couldn't tell if it was referring to all adoptions, or those through agencies.

My biggest question is, since it's a private adoption and we aren't going through an agency, do they still need to have a home study? I am getting more and more nervous because I know those can take a while and I'm due in 2 and a half months. They are planning to talk to a lawyer but don't seem too concerned that we're going to run out of time before baby arrives. And maybe they're right, but I just don't know and I don't have the money to talk to a lawyer myself (we were planning to talk to one together that they paid for a few weeks ago, but I got really sick and am basically on bedrest and don't know when/if I can make the 3 hour journey to see them again.)

Anyways, any information on private/independant adoptions and the laws surrounding them would be extremely helpful. I live in Washington state. Thanks!

Hopefully, someone will be able to help you.

From what I have read on these forums, I am pretty sure they would need a home study. Also, if you are going through a lawyer, you shouldn't have to pay a cent for one.

I would assume that you should both have separate lawyers but others may be able to clarify the situation.

It might also be worth seeing an independent counsellor with whom you can discuss the situation and any other queries you may have.

[usisarah]

What state are you in and what state is the adoptive couple in?

You should have a lawyer representing you, in my opinion. And you should not have to pay for it...those fees should be covered by the adoptive couple.

[Lexical]

Me and the adoptive couple both live in Washington State. They are definitely willing to pay for the lawyers, we just weren't sure if two were neccesary or one would work for both of us. I agree that having my own lawyer seems like a good idea, but then I think about since open adoption isn't legally enforceable anyways, would they really be doing anything for me? I suppose it couldn't be a bad thing to have my own lawyer though.

[Dickons]

Lexical,

1. Open adoption agreements are legally enforceable in Washington state under the following conditions:


http://apps.leg.wa.gov/rcw/default.aspx?cite=26.33.295

RCW 26.33.295
Open adoption agreements — Agreed orders — Enforcement.

(1) Nothing in this chapter shall be construed to prohibit the parties to a proceeding under this chapter from entering into agreements regarding communication with or contact between child adoptees, adoptive parents, siblings of child adoptees, and a birth parent or parents.

(2) Agreements regarding communication with or contact between child adoptees, adoptive parents, siblings of child adoptees, and a birth parent or parents shall not be legally enforceable unless the terms of the agreement are set forth in a written court order entered in accordance with the provisions of this section. The court shall not enter a proposed order unless the terms of such order have been approved in writing by the prospective adoptive parents, any birth parent whose parental rights have not previously been terminated, and, if the child or siblings of the child are in the custody of the department or a licensed child-placing agency, a representative of the department or child-placing agency. If the child is represented by an attorney or guardian ad litem in a proceeding under this chapter or in any other child-custody proceeding, the terms of the proposed order also must be approved in writing by the child's representative. An agreement under this section need not disclose the identity of the parties to be legally enforceable. The court shall not enter a proposed order unless the court finds that the communication or contact with the child adoptee, as agreed upon and as set forth in the proposed order, would be in the child adoptee's best interests.

(3) Failure to comply with the terms of an agreed order regarding communication or contact that has been entered by the court pursuant to this section shall not be grounds for setting aside an adoption decree or revocation of a written consent to an adoption after that consent has been approved by the court as provided in this chapter.

(4) An agreed order entered pursuant to this section may be enforced by a civil action and the prevailing party in that action may be awarded, as part of the costs of the action, a reasonable amount to be fixed by the court as attorneys' fees. The court shall not modify an agreed order under this section unless it finds that the modification is necessary to serve the best interests of the child adoptee, and that: (a) The modification is agreed to by the adoptive parent and the birth parent or parents; or (b) exceptional circumstances have arisen since the agreed order was entered that justify modification of the order.

(5) This section does not require the department or other supervising agency to agree to any specific provisions in an open adoption agreement and does not create a new obligation for the department to provide supervision or transportation for visits between siblings separated by adoption from foster care.
[2009 c 234 § 3; 1990 c 285 § 4.]

Failure to maintain openess does not over-turn an adoption but at the same time they do have ways to try to enforce the agreement.

THIS IS WHY YOU NEED YOUR OWN ATTORNEY...

The agreement must be signed by you and the PAPS and approved by the court. There are specific rules the attorney must follow or it is NOT legal and that would be a shame.

Adoption is far to important to just blindly do what others want you to do. Your friend even though your friend is biased in her favor because she wants your baby. It would be almost impossible to be otherwise.

2. PAPs must have a valid homestudy completed. This can take months.

3. You need to have your own attorney (and the PAPs pay) and you also need to consider counseling before you sign anything.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[Lexical]

Dickons, thank you very much for that info! I didn't know that and I'm really glad to see there are in fact laws in place about openness in this state. I will definitely be getting my own attorney now as it makes sense I need someone who's interested in protecting my rights...if both me and the PAPS used the same lawyer I would bet the lawyer would be more interested in their rights, since they're the ones paying.

I do have a hard time standing up for myself sometimes, but I'm doing a better job at it now than I probably ever have, because even when I doubt myself I never doubt my baby's right to well being. I am not looking forward to placing and it's going to be a loss no matter what, but I do think these parents are the best chance I can give my son. They are wonderful people and so full of love for everyone around them. That said, I don't know how well I'll cope when I actually have to say goodbye to my son. But I am trying to be as educated as I can before that time comes. Thanks again for the info.

[usisarah]

It does not sound like you have a whole lot of time for the adoptive couple to get a homestudy completed. I think it really depends on who is doing the homestudy and how they go about the process...some take a long time, some don't.

IMO, you should contact an attorney this week to discuss your rights and how to go about the process. You should ask what happens if the adoptive couple cannot get a home study completed in time...perhaps guardianship is something you can look into if the homestudy isn't complete by the time the baby is born?

[gerberdaisy79]

I was in a similar situation, only my husband and I were the adoptive couple. When our baby's birthmom selected us she only had 2 months left in her pregnancy. They rushed our home study due to the short time. I believe the social worker will make the couple you selected a priority and get the homestudy done in time. I would just tell them to connect with an adoption practitioner asap to get the process started. They will need at least 3 or 4 visits. Good luck to you. You are doing a very brave, difficult and loving thing for your baby.

[Lexical]

Thanks everyone for your replies. The PAPS got a hold of a social worker and got everything started (fingerprinting, home study scheduled etc.) The social worker told them I could fill out and sign the TPR papers before birth...I flat out said no...not going to happen. Even though I am still just as much planning on adoption, signing papers before birth feels completely wrong. The PAPS are totally agreeable with that, although I think they don't really understand it, but they are respecting it because it's what I want to do.

[Dickons]

Lexical,

I am glad you said NO - keep saying it.

I don't think siging any papers before birth is ever a good idea. I think it is manipulative in the extreme.

You should only sign papers when you are good and ready to sign those papers. YOU should be the one to say I am ready. If the social worker is hovering around as soon as you give birth tell her/him to go away and tell the hospital staff you don't what that person around until you give the okay.

Adoption is far to important of a step to do what others say on their timeline.

Also understand the laws in Washington - you can read them in the link I provided above simply by clicking the back link to each previous section above the text.

Another point I really want to make - IF and when you are ready to sign the papers it appears that Washington allows you to do a conditional surrender naming the PAPs and that if they are not approved by the courts to adopt then your rights are not revoked. FIND out about this as once you sign surrender papers and the courts accept them there is no going back.

I would require that the open adoption agreement must be included in their petition to adopt in your conditional surrender paper. I say this because once the courts accept your surrender you do not get notice of their petition to adopt so you will not know whether they submit the open adoption agreement to the court. TALK to your lawyer about this. YOU have retained an attorney haven't you?

Has the social worker met with you and the PAPs to create an open agreement document showing the MINIMUMS? If not and even after birth if it is not done and signed by both parties - do not sign surrender papers.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[jp4ga]

Originally Posted by Dickons

Lexical,


I would require that the open adoption agreement must be included in their petition to adopt in your conditional surrender paper. I say this because once the courts accept your surrender you do not get notice of their petition to adopt so you will not know whether they submit the open adoption agreement to the court. TALK to your lawyer about this. YOU have retained an attorney haven't you?

Has the social worker met with you and the PAPs to create an open agreement document showing the MINIMUMS? If not and even after birth if it is not done and signed by both parties - do not sign surrender papers.

Kind regards,
Dickons

Dickons is right. Do not sign anything until you are ready and you make sure that the open adoption agreement has been signed and will be submitted with other paperwork.

I really do not understand the need for people to have everything signed prior to birth or within hours after birth. The bmom of my DD took her time. She had DD for 7 days before signing papers. Of course we were not matched prebirth, so I was surprised when we got the call, but I think the fact that M took her time and spent time with DD helped her to make sure she was doing the right thing for her and DD.

Best wishes as you finish up your last trimester and don't let anyone push you into anything you are not ready for.

[Lexical]

Dickons thank you again for your help and finding specific laws for my state, that really helps me. I am in the process of getting a lawyer to talk to. I had to explain to potential Amom why I felt I needed a lawyer instead of the both of us just using one. I am worried it might have made her feel as though I don't trust her, since we are such good friends, but I told her I would feel I need legal representation no matter what the situation was.

And jp4ga, I totally agree with both of you that signing in the hospital doesn't seem right. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be exhausted physically, emotionally and every other way for atleast a few days afterwards. Though my decision has been made (as much as it can be) I want to sign when I feel more in control.

[Dickons]

Lexical,

One of the reasons - besides the obvious is she is your friend and you want to remain friends - business and friendships need lawyers in place to represent so neither side has regrets.

Glad you are standing up for yourself - I know it is hard but if you do this you do not want any regrets about HOW it was done or HOW it turned out...feeling jacked over etc.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[Lexical]

Things are so complicated...the PAPS are not going to be able to pay for a seperate lawyer for me and want me to use the same one as them, prospective Amom did not understand why I need a seperate lawyer and I couldn't really explain why besides just saying it would make me feel more competent...I STRONGLY feel this is the family I want to place with though...I would not be able to consider another family at this point. They want to wait until after the birth to do the homestudy etc because they want to be sure of my decision and I won't be 100 percent sure until after the birth (although I know I'll place with them...i literally don't even have somewhere to bring him to from the hospital).

We are planning to do temporary guardianship when he's born so he can go home with them but we are dealing with the birthfather showing up out of the blue (after no contact or support whatsoever through the pregnancy) saying he wants to parent. If he won't sign TPR we'll go to court but it will be a long process and I don't know if I can even survive it. Him getting custody is my worst nightmare and everything I've been trying to avoid (he is violent, very unstable and physically abusive). I just want this all to be over and my baby to be in a safe place.

[GrowingAgain]

They want to wait until the baby is born to get a homestudy done? They're not willing to pay for your attorney? I'm sorry, but I'm a bit shocked. My dh and I are prospective adoptive parents and wouldn't blink . . . We have adopted before and are homestudy ready, though we are planning on adopting from the foster system, I have a hard time thinking of a birth mom choosing us to parent, it seems too big to me. Anyway, most states require two attorneys because it's a conflict of interest otherwise. You can give guardianship, but often the baby goes to interim care if the family is not homestudy ready. It sounds as if they don't want to sound money if you don't place, is money a concern for them? Do they have children? Do they want more chidren, or are they viewing this as helping you?

I'll be praying for you, sounds like you have the family you want but are getting mixed messages here.