[s00nerfanatic]

i recently relinquished my rights to my two little girls who are now 5 and 1. the adoption just got finalized this month and now i am almost 8 weeks pregnant. i am not sure how i feel about keeping the baby. the father and i are not a couple but we are roommates/best friends from high school. i would feel guilty if i kept this baby since i didn't my previous two. the father is excited but i'm on the fence about it all. any advice or help?

[massey33]

I can't offer any advice but did want you to know that I will be praying for you and your baby. I know there are many on this web site that can offer you great advice.

[Dreamsofchild]

First of all you need to really look at how you feel now that your two older children have been placed with another family. Can you emotionally handle going thru with an adoption plan again? If you want to parent is there are thing that could keep that from happening? I am saying is their any chance of the state taking custody of this baby? Look at those options and feelings and maybe talk to a therapist about your options and look at all options and see what Your happy and comfortable with. Best wishes
Terrie
If you do place this child would the adoptive parents of the other children consider adoption of this new baby at birth?

[JustPeachy]

i would feel guilty if i kept this baby since i didn't my previous two.

I urge you to get unbiased counseling on this issue. While I don't wish to dismiss your feelings, I don't believe the guilt you are feeling is a good reason to place a child for adoption. Setting aside your feelings of guilt for a moment, do you want to parent this child? Do you have adequate support from the father (it sounds like you do) and others? Please take time to think this through and work through your feelings. Are you currently getting any counseling?

[rmsept81]

There is also a blog and I think a forum on this website about First moms who now parent. Perhaps that would be a good resource too. I agree with the OP that guilt shouldn't be the reason. Circumstances change and sometimes very quickly and since that might be your situation it might be something to explore.

[Boulderbabe]

First of all, congratulations!

One thing that might help us help you is if we knew the kind of adoption your previous two children are in. Were they adopted through foster care, or did you place them voluntarily? If they were adopted through foster care, you might not have as many options with this new baby, since DSS will probably get involved. If everything was voluntary, though, and DSS was never involved, you have more options.

One thing you might do is list out all the factors that led you to place your first two children. Then, on the second half of the page, list the things that have happened to help change those situations. Do you have more resources (emotional, social, financial) now than you did then? Are there more people ready to chip in and help you? Are you in a better place mentally and emotionally now? Do you have more secure housing or a better job, things that might take some of the pressure off you? If you can list how your life circumstances have changed, you might feel more secure in your decision to parent.

Good luck to you! I hope you have a happy, healthy pregnancy!

[lascoux]

First of all, I want to send you big virtual hugs. I know you must be going through such a tough time. I am pregnant and planning on adoption.

I think that you should try to move past your guilt and really look into your heart. I would never presume to tell you I think you should or shouldn't, I think that's an answer you can only get from yourself. But, I hope that you do not let guilt drive your decision. Just because you gave up your children does not mean that you aren't fit to be a wonderful mother to your next baby, if that is what you feel in your heart that you want to do.

[ReadytoAdopt2009]

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I can't give advice either but wanted you to know that there are many birthparents out there online and counselors who can give you unbiased help. Wishing you lots of strength as you figure out your next steps...