[Janeytwo]

Hey Kalee! :-)

I'd like to echo what Rave said.

It also sounds to me (my opinion only) as if deep-down in your heart you are not at all ready to relinquish and there is no going back if you do.

Alaska sounds like a good thing - IMO. It sounds from what you've said that you'd have good, solid support there; not just financial but emotional too.

Plus, it would get you away from your mother. Not judging your mom at all here, but is being with her perhaps making this decision harder and more confusing? Sometimes we want to please others and it then it only ends up causing us more hardship.

So....sorry didn't meant to write a book there! LOL!! Again, I echo Raven. Though of course you must make your own decision, I would think very seriously about Alaska if it were me.

Keep posting okay?

Hugs to ya!

[cetalley]

Kaylee, You are such an amazing young Mother, and you are handling this with only Jonahs' best interest at heart. it sounds like your sis, is a great sis, and maybe understands what your Mom and Dad, can be like at times My opinion is as the others, Alaska would offer an exscape from dealing with the current living arrangement, and also give you some much needed breathing room. Hormones are hell, add 2 bickering adults to the equation, and its a wonder you haven't lost it yet! Sweetheart, there really and truly is no time frame to relinquish, by getting away, it will allow you to clear your thoughts, and spend quality time with lil monkey. If you still decide there are parents whom can give him more than you can offer....you have gained way more than most of us would have ever dreamed of...loving , quality time, with our child. IMHO, go, allow yourself this get away, and it will benefit , the side effects of hormone-hell. I am so happy you came to update us, and do not worry about your MOM'S critical remarks. Judging you on your past behavior pre-pregnant, is definately not conducive to future behavior. Go, keep us update on Jonah, enjoy, relax, and spend no time worrying about all the other "junk' that is bothering you. Kiss Jonah, he is lucky to have you..... ...C.J.

[hhdavis29]

Hi Kalee,

I apologize I have not read all the replies to your post, so I may be repeating what someone else has said. I had a baby a 15. I desperately wanted to keep my son, and my mother was more than happy to help make that happen. After 11 months, it was clear that my mother was not able to help (alcholic), and no other 'stable' adult in my life was willing to help. My parents were going through a divorce, my boyfriend's parents weren't healthy, and my boyfriend and I were flat out too young to do it alone!

I decided to entrust my son to adoption after 11 months with him. It was awful relinquishing him after almost a year. However, I believe it is awful at any time, no matter how long or short of a time you've bonded. That being said, I would not trade the time spent with him, the bonding, the memories, pictures I have for anything. All the time I spent with him was worth any amount of heartbreak because I have memories of my son that can never be taken away.

I recently read in The Primal Wound that my decision to keep him with me for those 11 months may have been helpful to his development. You see I have always felt so guilty about keeping him then deciding on adoption. How could a mother have her baby for almost a year and then let him go??? That book explained to me that by keeping him with me for that period of time allowed his emotional development to take place in a healthy way. It gave him time to adjust to the "outside world" with the only thing he knew to keep him secure...me! He was spared the separation right at birth.

My son's adoptive mother sent me pictures and letters for a few years after the adoption. That was great and so reassuring to see him healthy, happy, and thriving. That kind of communication is always an option, and one I, as a birthmother, would highly recommend.

It is 19 years later now, and we have been reunited for a year and a half. It has been wonderful, but I always wonder what else I could have done to keep him. Did I do everything. Again, I wanted to parent him, so I don't know if we differ there. If you want to parent him and just don't have the resources to make it happen, I would find a way...any way. Youth is temporary and is not a reason to separate you and your baby. If there is one ounce of you that is unsure, keep him with you. Don't let anyone else make this decision for you or pressure you either way.

I strongly recommend you read The Primal Wound. It's very enlightening.

And, YES, it is SOOOO normal to be frustrated when you're sleep deprived, and you have a fussy newborn. That happens to the most "normal" of parents...married, stable, etc. Don't beat yourself up for that. Sleep when your baby does and soak in every moment you spend together! Sorry for any typos, etc!

[hhdavis29]

Just read some other replies to your situation. GO TO ALASKA! If your sister is willing to help, that is awesome! You can get your head clear and spend time with that sweet baby boy! Whatever you decide, you will treasure this time together forever!!!

[cetalley]

BRAVO....HHDAVIS29...you were and are so so blessed. Kaylee will be fine too, she is so smart, and getting away will give her new strength, and some calm...maybe even some sleep You are so blessed to have had time with your son, and so lucky to have reunited. I am beyond happy for you. Memories, sometimes, is all any of us have;(

[hhdavis29]

Cetalley, i am so, so blessed, AND it was my memories that sustained me for so long. Actually, they continue to. Having a relationship with my son is great, but I still miss that little baby (and everything in between) every single day! Some wounds never heal no matter how much time goes by or how the circumstances change. No doubt, I'm loving our reunion. It just doesn't make everything else "all better".