[Jo Ellen]

Oh sweetheart I want you to know there are many here to help you and give you direction as you work through the pain you are feeling right now. I was born in an era...1962.... when unwed monthers were denied the time with their babies. In fact most were denied even having more than a glimpse of them as happened with my birth mother. I am 46 years old and have been reunited with her and my birth father for three years now. Of course we cannot go back and undo what happened but she tells me if she had it to do again she would have fought tooth and toenail for me. The best thing I can say is consider what others have said and spend some time with your baby girl. Don't rush into something you will regret later. Babies are affected by this more than is realized sometimes and they need time to know thier mommy. Blessings to you and your precious one in the journey that is before you where ever that journey takes you.

[Rondidondi]

I've been following the thread for awhile. You have been given some great support, which is why I haven't posted yet. I would have been echoing everyones words.
If you are questioning the adoption as much as it sounds, you need to look at your option of parenting. Take a few days and look into any assistance you may receive, or what support systems are out in your community for you. Look into parenting and then re-eval your adoption plan.
Get your sweet lil Opal for a few days. Spend time with her. Tell her everything you are feeling and she will help you make the right decision that is right for the two of you.
Remember...YOU ARE HER MOTHER! You have every right to keep her if that's what you choose.
I was 110% positive I was going to place my son for adoption. I am now parenting a happy, very energetic two year old. His two older brothers and I couldn't be happier.
I faught and lost the first two weeks (minus visits I had with him) of his life because I didn't want to destroy the PAP's dream. In the end the two weeks probably made it harder on them than if I would have just done what I wanted to from the MOMENT he was born. I kept telling myself that the feelings I was having to parent were normal and that was the way I was suppose to feel. I was SUPPOSE to parent, that's why I felt that way.
Don't just sign those papers because that's what your suppose to do. Sign them because you truely/honestly feel that is right decision for you and your daughter.
Keep us posted...we are all thinking of you!

[Janeytwo]

Dear Sam,

I am just catching up on this post and see the deep desparation in your e-voice.

Call Brenda. I have met her personally. She is a fabulous person with an amazing amount of compassion and wisdom. I can't stress enough how important it is that you get in touch with her.

She's not a game player. She's not motivated by any selfish concerns. She's professional and kind and if anyone can help you sort this out - even if it's just from an emotional perspective - it's her.

I know you don't know me but I'm asking you to trust me.

Call her Sam.

And hang in there sweetie. Don't make any decisions you're not ready to make. If others don't understand where you're at or they dont' approve of where you're at......that's their problem.

You have much greater concerns.

Praying for you with every breath I take.

[calimomX3]

Hi Sam, How are you today? You are on my mind daily. I agree with everyone else, you need to do what is right for YOU and OPAL. Not anyone else. She is YOUR daughter, you can be a single mom, it will be hard at times but you can do it. Talk to someone SOON and get your baby back if that is what you really want. Don't let ANYONE change the decision you make. This is not a decision anyone but you can make. Don't let the guilt of the adoptive parents get to you, you made and gave birth to Opal, she is yours! They will hurt but not as much as you are hurting. My aunt and uncle had a baby boy they were to adopt for a few weeks with them, the birth mom changed her mind and came back for her baby. Of course my aunt and uncle were devastated but with in a small amount of time, they got a call for my cousin who was 2 months at the time and is now 18 years old and looks just like all of us. So things happen for a reason. Opal needs her mommy just as much as her mommy needs her.

[Samonster]

i think i know what i have to do. tomorrow im speaking with one of the woman ive been worken with
i had a breakdown last night and she has been informed
im not sure what we will go over but this urge i feel this need and wanting is not my hormones and yes im drepressed but i have a level head so i can clearly see over this depression.

a good friend of mine told me some flaws that i have and it hit home (duhh)
she told me that i care why to much what other people want and i worry waaay to much about everyone else.
she is right and the more i listened the more i understood
she then wwnt on to say that i never listen to my heart
that is also true
she begged and pleaded for me to for once listen to what i had to say ..

i think i might
im not afarid to parent
many people know my past but they do not know ABOUT it what it held in inside
i raised my yonger brother, i HAD to no one else was even in the right state of mind to, so i knwo the kind of work and effort that goes into raising a child with the hopes and prayes that they grow up and become decent members of this world
the love and time
im not scared of being a "single mom" ha, its funny because i always pictured myself being a single mom
a "dom"
i picture myslef with Opal and i only see happiness sure there are struggles and hardtimes but thats a blur in the background
i knwo its not all sunshine and butterflys
and i knwo all my resourses
its just making that first step into getting my daughter back or giving her away (i wish there was a better way to state that) that scares me

i knwo with what ever i do there will be regret one has more then the other.
my whole life has been one huge regret i just odnt want to start her life out like that

if i did place her im sure that i would be able to see her but could i?
i could not keep walking in and out of her life pop in this year three years go by and i pop in again...

how much pain will that bring?
i knwo the answer but there are no letters that i could put together to make the words

im going to see if i can spend sometime with her
if thats an option im willing to take it..
i cant stand knowing she out there with out me..
it breaks my heart

i think now im willing to do what ever it takes im feeling this way for a reason right?

maybe this is what i needed to realize that i can do this

the days moving on is only letting my feelings grow stonger the feeling of wanting to be whole again

i spent nine months in peace knowing there was no way that i could be alone..ever

and handing her over was only reopening that fear of loneliness
im terribally afarid of loneliness

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by Samonster

im going to see if i can spend sometime with her
if thats an option im willing to take it..
i cant stand knowing she out there with out me..
it breaks my heart

It's not an option, it is your right. If anyone gives you a hard time getting your baby back, PLEASE call me. I have helped a number of moms go head to head with agencies/lawyers/facilitators who tried to keep them from their children. I am at work all day today. I will e-mail that number to you again.

[Rondidondi]

It's not an option, it is your right. If anyone gives you a hard time getting your baby back, PLEASE call me.

Don't let anyone try to change your mind. You are one step closer to finding out what is right for you and Opal.

She is YOURS and you have FULL RIGHT to get her for however long you wish.

DO CALL BRENDA, if anyone tries to tell you otherwise.

[calimomX3]

You are strong Sam, don't let the feelings of guilt get in the way. Do what is right for you and Opal. I am like you I let what everyone else thinks get in my way of what I really want. Hugs to you and sending you the strength to do what you feel is right for you and Opal. I dont know Brenda but as everyone else has said call her. She will help you.

[scoobydoo08]

I know what you are feeling. This past october was 1 year ago that I gave birth. I placed him because I wasn't 100% sure about becoming a parent. Now I have to tell you that I was 43 when I found out. I have no other children. I don't regret my decision one bit. You must do what is right for the child. It hurts but it will hurt even more if you decide to parent and you find out that you can't be the parent they need. Raising a child is the most important job you will ever have in your life.You can't figure it out as you go. Don't you think your child deserves a mother & a father? I know that you will make the rigt decision,but either way it will be the hardest thing you ever do but the rewards are many.

[scoobydoo08]

I think that you need to be very honest with any adoptive parents you talk too. You can set up a schedule of how often, where, when you would like to see her. I have a wonderful open adoption. I am lucky but I will tell you it takes work. I think that the child needs "ALL" of their mom's & dad's in their life. How can you tell someone they are loved too much??????
Be specific in the type of couples you are looking for. I specifically wanted either a mom or dad that was adopted. I felt that they could help with the questions later on. They understand better than anyone can...
Goodluck!!!!!!!!

[Amaurosis]

Oh, Sam, I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

I don't know whether you should parent your child or place her. Only you can make that decision. But, as others have said, you have to take the time to make sure that placing her is the right decision for Opal and for you before you do anything else at all. Don't let anyone pressure you into signing anything before you work this out. There is no timetable for this, no matter what the agency or anyone else tries to make you think. You have every right to do whatever it takes to make the best decision for your child.

[bromanchik]

Samonster, How's it going? You've been on my mind.

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by scoobydoo08

Raising a child is the most important job you will ever have in your life.You can't figure it out as you go. Don't you think your child deserves a mother & a father?

Your latter statement is an argument that has been given to women for decades to justify splitting up families. I would argue that many times staying with the mother the baby is born to can be the best thing for the baby. Also, as the mother of three I can honestly say that you really do figure it out as you go.

[cetalley]

Originally Posted by scoobydoo08

I think that you need to be very honest with any adoptive parents you talk too. You can set up a schedule of how often, where, when you would like to see her.

. I think that the child needs "ALL" of their mom's & dad's in their life. How can you tell someone they are loved too much??????
Be specific in the type of couples you are looking for. I specifically wanted either a mom or dad that was adopted. I felt that they could help with the questions later on. They understand better than anyone can...
Goodluck!!!!!!!!

SCOOBYDOO, I am pleased to cyber-meet you and am so so happy your OA is going wonderfully. However, I am in the majority, of "THE FIRSTMOMS'" club, and can say this is not the nor. We wish it were a law and could be a part of the legal process, for if it were a legal binding contract, then alot of Firstmoms whom had no choices or support structure, would not feel so much pain. By you giving her your journey, Sam is basically be told by a 43 yr old woman, that she would be better to place OPAL with a 2 parent family. This is a brainwash tactic used for years by seemingly smart people....but is a bunch of HOG-WASH. There is nothing better for a newborn child than its mother(barring the mother is not a lunatic,abuser, mentally unstable) and clearly this is not the SAM we all know and love. If you re-read all her post, but especially the ones since birthing HER daughter, you will CLEARLY see, that she has questions of relinquishing HER daughter. ANYTIME there is questions by the mother, there should be no way ANY ADOPTING PARENT, should try to parent this child. I gave birth to my 1st son 2 months shy of 18th b-day...no manuals, no guidelines, no nothing....I LEARNED as I went along...this is GODS' way. I also noticed at 43 you were "100% certain" we are all so truly happy for you....please let us know in 17 more yrs, after a few gutteral aches, and 7000 days goes by. A child born...only has bonded with its OWN mother...no one else, to put that child into a mothers arms it does not know will have affects on the child forever. OA is not legally binding, SOME mothers in OA close for no reasons other than feeling threatened by not being the childs "FIRST"mom, therefore insecurity.... as a mom, they are not thinking of what is in the better interest of the child . There is no law that stops this...so I wish you luck. Sam is already a great mom, she loves her daughter with all her heart, and does not want to leave her, so EVEN YOU, can surely muster a little bit of that hidden motherly love and support her in this. Sam I hope you are well, and spending time with OPAL, so that you can make an informed decision of whether or not you can parent her....guilt free for any aparents feelings! I send this with hugs and blessings....Scooby welcome and congrats, we will be here if and when you need us too...

[eparker91]

I know you have probably had your baby by now. But as an adoptive mother.. I feel that the feelings you have are normal. I pray that God will give you the peace your looking for.