[RavenSong]

Sam, I have been trying to figure out what to say to you for ten hours now. Your posts have touched me deeply, and I'm so worried about you.

Like Kathy said, there are no words in our language that can describe the depth of the pain you're feeling right now. But many of us have gone through the same pain when we surrendered our babies. Reading what you're going thru right now is bringing back so many memories for me.

One thing I can tell you, and other people may disagree with me, but that's okay because I know it's true for me. This is as bad as it gets...this is the hardest thing you will ever go through during your life. If you can just hang on and get thru this part, you will never have to feel this much pain again. This is as hard and as tough as life gets, sweetie.

You're a survivor, Sam...hold on for Sam and hold on for Opal. You owe the both of you that much, and I know you can do it.

[cetalley]

SAM, i AM JUST CATCHING UP ON SOME OF THE POST...RAVEN IS SO RIGHT...YOU KNOW SHE IS! Life is what we have to endure..."our"feelings are that ,feelings no one else who has been through, will NEVER know! Opal, is content, she is biding time to find you again...please be there for her...when that time comes. "WE" cannot teach "OUR" children to be quitters...for this will only defeat our purpose to begin with. Hope and Faith...this IS what we know is definate...C.J.

[kakuehl]

Dear Sam,
You have many of us who care about you waiting to hear how you are today. I have been thinking about all that you hae shared since you joined... and thinking how, while I've lived with 36 years with my decision to place D for adoption, I've never experienced all that you have gone through. Your life appears to be short on unconditional love (or love of any kind), while difficult as my decision was I never experienced a lack of love and support in my life. Your love for Opal and hers for you is such a unique part of your life. That's why it hurts so much now. I hope, like the others, that you will choose to live to be a birth mother Opal can be proud of. Even in the midst of your pain, you do have choices. (to choose life or death, to choose to get help moving through grief, or to continue in this living death where you are today.) Again, please know that you have found a place where we care deeply about you even though we've never met you in person. We are all hoping (and praying) that you choose to live and to make your incredible sacrifice one that has value for you and for Opal. Become the person that you were created to be, continue to reach out to us with your eloquent words and know that you are not alone. (As always, feel free to PM or IM me. )

[lahdh4]

Sam, pm someone please.

[Samonster]

Hello, Yeah Im still kicken around.

Life has be hard. Just awarked really. I have no ambition to do anything. I really wish that after my period of not writing I could come forth with even a shread of progress, well the fact that Im still here.
Life moves slow when you in pain im guessing, well this I know. The days feel like months and the months fell like years, but when I look at the calender it feels like years. I don't know what to do in my free time. My life is consumed by school and work. haha I started crying at work today, that was fun.

Im filled with all this meternal instinct and I dont know what to do with it, so I went out and bought two rats knowing that they will die. Not now I know this but there not exactly a long term pet =[.

I just long to take care of something, someone, anyone..

As Ive been saying here and in "Real Life" I will be better in time..

God I hope that I am right and that some day I will be..

Ive now come to the conclusion that life as it is, is a waiting game.


I made the statement the other day that I just have to see her. Its a must. I miss her.

[dpen6]

SAM!!!!!

It is soooo good to hear from you......just hear from you, thats all....I don't expect you to have done wonderous things with your life in this short of time! You are working and going to school...THAT is awesome!!!

I know other birthmoms could probaly relate to you better then I could but GAWD...I am so happy you are posting and moving your little steps one minute at a time....

Its ok you cried at work.....

Have you talked to anyone IRL....?

[calimomX3]

Just wanted to say HI. I think of you often and wonder how you are.

[bromanchik]

Sam,

Going to work and school are huge steps, please give yourself credit for that...grief can be so debilitating that doing every day things can be so hard.

So are you able to see your wee one? What kind of contact have you had?

[lahdh4]

I am with Brenda -- Are you able to have a visit?
glad that you check in.

[sailorgal76]

talk to a counsler ask if you can have a open adotion were you can know your child if you have questions but firts talk to a counsler find the right way for you be it oparent,birthmom,or involved talk to some one befor you sighn see what your resource are and then decide but do whats right for u.

i gave my son up when he was born i never saw him because i knew if i did i would not be able to part from him i felt he was a gift for these other people who were not me.i was at peace with this descision and i never regrett just know listen to yourself take the time you need befor sighni ng and if there are questions find the answers for you good luck all of us birth moms are here for u

[Samonster]

I havent had any contaxt what so ever and i dont think im going to.
i cut off ties with the agency because of a conflict with someone who worked there.
now i have no connection.

im just gonna hve to wait for Opal to come to me.

[bromanchik]

Can you try to contact the a-parents directly?

[JustPeachy]

Hey Sam, I'm glad you checked back in with us. Can you re-connect with the agency? Maybe work with a different person there? Or as Brenda suggested, contact the aparents directly?

[Teenmom2007]

wow, we're both pretty similar I moved cross crountry from NC to UT to get into the "right frame of mind" and think about what I wantd. All I knew was my dad and step mom had a new baby and Christian's (my daughter) birth father was into drugs and his band.
I stayed with a great couple and decided to let them adopt Christian. They couldn't have kids.
But many thoughts were going through my mind...
Did I want it to be very open? My case is unusal. I'm so close to the adoptive parents, they consider me daughter and my own daughter and I are raised like sisters (until she's old enough to comprhend I'm her birthmom)
I was scared that it being open would hurt me emotionally and I'd never be able to live with myself adn move on. I think it totally did the opposite affect. I hoped thorughout my whole pregnancy that the birth father would get help so he could get off drugs and want to be with me and the baby, I cired and got jealous and felt alone when I saw a couple. I felt like I didn't deserve any of that, even in the future.
A few months after I placed (I don't like to say gave up)
I met my now husband and I have a son (9months) and because i just had a baby, just got married had another baby 15 months later and i'm only 19 life seems over whleming at times.
I go to LDS Family Services for birth mom support group. Some girls keep their babies, others place and have open or closed adoptions. Its helped me emotionally to be with people who understand, I don't feel alone.
I wish you the best of luck!