[tippitoezz]

My husband and I are considering placing our baby due in Sept. for adoption. We have been reading birthmother letters...etc...now we are ready to move to the next step and begin contacting some of them. What kind of questions do you think we should be asking them? Are there questions anyone wishes they would have asked etc...
Thanks for your help!

[Dmommab]

You should really feel free to ask them anything you want that will effect the life of your baby. If you ask "different" questions and they seem uncomfortable with that then that will tell you a LOT about them. Just be yourself & ask WHATEVER you want. Good luck in choosing the right family for your baby if that is what you decide to do.

[quantum]

Also make sure that you ask yourselves if this is what you really want to do! Remember that adoption is forever.

One thing I wish is that I'd had open adoption as an option. So think about what sort of adoption you'd like to have. I was pushed into a closed adoption but it was extremely difficult for me on a number of levels not knowing anything about my son and not even being allowed to speak about it.
I'm in reunion now, and that's great, but it was nearly 22 years of silence.

A lot of what I've felt and what I've heard from a lot of other birthmothers on here is that we wish we'd understood the impact of giving up our children on us, as well as really having fully explored ALL options. I may have still chosen adoption, but it's hard to know for sure.

As far as questions to potential aparents, try to find someone with the same ideas as you guys have as far as contact and so on (open vs. closed adoption etc), and just remember that at anytime before signing the final papers, you can change your mind, for example if it starts to feel not right with parents you'd thought you'd chosen, you have the right to keep looking.

Others have more experiance with this. I wish you all the best in your decision making.

[EZ2Luv]

I just want to reiterate that adoption is a permanant solution for what might very well be a temporary situation. Circumstances can change and you will have already relinquished your baby with no turning back. Please think about this and seek counseling(not from an agency) I can only pray that your decision is carefully thought out and you are at peace with it.

EZ

[taramayrn]

Welcome to the forums. Please know that adoption.com is NOT a matching site. So, it is against our rules for someone to contact you from here asking to adopt your baby, as is it against our rules for you to contact someone requesting they adopt your baby. If you have someone contact you, please let either myself or one of the moderators know.

[Marimar]

I think before you start reading "birthmother letters " and before trying to decide what you want in an adoption parent .

There are questions you need to adress yourself.

Did you really considered all your options.
Is adoption really necessary?
Do you think your baby needs you or do you think you are replacable?
Do you think it will be easy or difficult?
Do you think that once you give birth and adoption happenes you will turn back to your old self?
Do you think that other babys you may have in future will replace this child?
Do you know that there is also posibility of never having a baby again ?
Have you made any plan on parenting before considering adoption? Why do you think it will not work?
Do you feel attached to your child?

Do you think that you can be a good mother?
Or do you think that you can not be a good mother?
Do you have any support system?

I think untill it is too late there are questions that needed to be adressed?
I am just worried for expectant mothers that once they go to a agency they are never asked these questions..


Good luck ..