[hannagrace]

I am new to this website so please bare with me as i try to describe my situation as best as i can, and i warn you its gonne be a long one....

I am 22 years old, youngest of four kids and still living at home with both my parents. i have graduated from highschool and have been working full time since for a real estate company and had plans to get my real estate liscense. I recently just gave birth to my beautiful baby girl HG. when i found out i was pregnant i was already 31 weeks far along. The father and i were not really in a realtionship nor did i ever see us having a relationship. I told my entire family about the pregnancy and started to look into adoption. I picked out the family, met them. felt great about them.

In a way i sorta denied the whole pregnancy to myself and didn't feel the connection that most pregnant women feel. or at least i denied it to myself every day. Plus i was already 7 months along and didn't have that time to react to the shock of it all. In a way i still feel like im in shock, everything seems so surreal to me in a way .
Well the time came for me to give birth, I was induced, however my little girl was stubborn just like me, and was refusing 'to come out' . My doctor decided that c-section was the best thing at that time . Needless to say i was scared of course, my mother's been with me throughout the whole process, even met the adoptive family with me and has been a real rock of support for me.
Well now my little girl is here in this world and i've never felt so connected to anyone. I had to stay in the hosiptal for four days due to the c-section but to be honest, im glad i had extra time there as i was able to spend that time with my daughter. I got to feed her, hold her, change her etc as much as i wanted and I did. Now i've been home for a week and she's all im thinking about.
When i finally left the hospital,not that i wanted to, my mother told me that she'd support me either way and since then i'v ebeen trying to create a plan that invovles me parenting. Now my mother doesnt seem to be supporting this idea. I really feel like the only thing that is stopping me from parenting HG is the financial aspect. I've never lived on my own but that doens't scare me really. I can't assume that my parents would let us live here although i dont know why they wouldn't offer that to me. My mom has told me that she doens't think that i am ready to parent and i really do value her thoughts and feelings but i feel like im sorta having to now choose between my mom and my daughter and thats just something im not prepared to do.

the reasons that i had when i was pregnant about why i should place my baby for adoption just done'st seem to matter anymore, basically i was worried bout how my life would change and what i would be giving up, what would people say and how they would judge me,, and now that my daughter is here in this world, none of htat is important to me. i am proud of my daughter and want to continue that. I need to make this decision sooner rather then later as my daughter is in temp. foster care and needs to be settled but i just can't seem to make this decision. I've been to several different cousnlers and still can't seem to decide. Please help and tell me what you think, HONESTLY!!! I am so torn up about this.

Thank you for reading all that and for your help, i really do appreciate it!

[SuddenlySusan]

Please consider parenting your child. I know this is your decision, but you did ask for opinions. This is my opinion: You can do this. You will need help, but you CAN parent your baby. Resources ARE available. Once you make the commitment, your mom may become more supportive. It will be hard, but you know what? Being a mom is hard no matter what. It is also a great joy!

Don't worry about schooling right now. There is no rule that says you must go to college, or finish college, at a certain age. Make the calls to get the resources you need. Bring your baby home where she belongs -- which is with YOU! YOU are her mom, and she needs YOU!

Adoption is FOREVER! Are you ready to let go of your daughter forever? I surrendered my son, and it took 36 years before he was back in my life. I would not make the same choice again - no way! And, you can never reclaim all of that missing time.

As for open adoptions -- there are only a couple of states which actually enforce visitation. There are no guarantees in adoption. No one can promise your daughter a better life, only a different life. Adoption does not necessarily mean a better life for your daughter.

Please, please, please! Bring your baby home! She needs YOU!

My thoughts are with you...
Susan

[taramayrn]

If this is something you want to do, please seek out your state's financial assistance program. Have you signed away your parental rights yet? What is the revocation period in your state?
((((HUGS))))

[hannagrace]

I should have mentioned that i am canadian and some of the financial support is different from the states. I have not signed any papers for the Open Placement yet, as i cannot legally sign anything before 21 days from her birth. The aparents have already been approved but i couldn't send my daughter there knowing that i may not sign the papers on that 21st day which would only break there hearts een more. sorry i should have stated all this before...was there other things i left out by chance? let meknow and i'll update ya with the answers! and thanks again everyone, i reallly do appreciate everyones input on this.

[Mommy24]

There are resources in Canada for single parents. Taramayrn may be able to assist you in finding them as she is from Canada as well. I googled "Financial resources for single parents" through a search engine and found some resources, you can do it if you chose to.

Best of luck to you!

[EZ2Luv]

I do not know much about Canadian assistance as I am in the states, but please consider your needs and and you baby's needs and do not feel as though you "OWE" these people your baby. Think about your own heart and your baby's heart being broken for the rest of your life. Just read some of the posts that Biomoms have posts about not a day going by where they have not felt pain in their hearts for placing their babies. Every Biomom I have ever spoken with tells me that it is a pain like no other. Some adoptees also experience this kind of pain too.

EZ

[thanksgivingmom]

If you haven't signed any papers yet, then you definitely have to go with your heart and your gut and parent your daughter!

I don't know much about canadian financial support, but I know we have a lot of canadian women on these boards that can hopefully help you out some.

I know that you don't want to break the hearts of the hopeful aparents, but I think you've done the right thing for you and for your daughter by not sending your daughter there.

How long do you have before you're expected to sign? In other words, how long do we have to get you the resources you'll need?

[EZ2Luv]

For some reason I just keep thinking about you. When that happens I usually say an extra special prayer for the person.

I really think that `just the fact that you are posting about this tells me that in your heart of hearts you want to keep your baby girl. I cannot reiterate enough hw much you will regret signing her away. Just reading the tone of your posts tells me that you already know the answer in your heart. You need to know in your head that you can and will be a great mommy, that parenting IS possible for you. You need to know and hear about the positive things about keeping your baby not what is impossible. Yes you can and will be the best mommy for your little girl. So many times I read about mother signing their babies away because they think an adoption will give them so much more material things or better things than they can. All that matters to your baby is you. You are the most important in your baby's life. Nothing else matters to her and nothing will ever come close to the love, security and safety she feels in your arms.


EZ

[taramayrn]

Please pm and I can put you in contact with an Ontario birthmom I know Shelley, she is also a social worker and might be able to help you find resources. I am in Alberta, so I don't know that I can help you much.
If you haven't signed TPR yet and you are feeling such a strong desire to parent your child please do so. There are lots of resources that can help you. There are times I wish I had listened to my heart.

[lakewoman5822]

i'm an adoptee. if you have one single thought about keeping her, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do it.

i love my A-parents to pieces, adoption.......ugh.

[josh1788smom]

I would just say, read everything written above and I quadruple it. My son is 19, and I cannot tell you the 19 years of lost hopes, lost dreams, and lost wishes I have. Some of the things you cannot even imagine when you are looking at that baby are so much harder when you are faced with an 18 year old that you surrendered, or at least that was how it was in my case. I urge you to tell your mom to do some of the research that you are doing. Learn from the ones who say, "if I knew then what I know now." And if she doesn't get on board, well, then I've got to say she will have to get over it, you are 22 and you have a child to raise. Good luck finding the assitance to help you do that. Best wishes!

[Rondidondi]

I replied earlier to another post you made.
Just wondering how you are doing? Have you found anything out as far as assistance or anything?
Please, keep us all posted.
My thoughts are with you!

[FallenChild]

Don't Forget to get child support from the father or your baby - get a lawyer and take him to court for it if you have to - best, FallenChild

[hannagrace]

Yay

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well i have fantastic news everyone.. im raising my daughter!
i would have never thought that i'd be in this situation a year ago but now that i am i can't wait.
I went and saw my daughter on monday through the agency and was with her the whole day, not wanting to put her down at all... so my parents and i sat down monday night, but still dind't have the decision, and then yesterday i saw my neice for the first time since xmas (i had been sorta avoiding her and my sister for some reason, i've been pretty jealous and resentful towards them both only b/c the thought of my sister being able to keep her baby and not me ate at me but anways...) and when isaw her and her mommy playing and even while she was throwing one of her 2 year old tantrums it "hit" me, i knew that i needd my daughter back!
so needless to say i stayed up till bout 530am this morning not able to sleep but ot b/c i was sad, but b/c i am overwhelmed with excitment and happpiness, for the first time in MONTHES!!!!!
I called the agenecy first thing this morning and looks like my daughter will be home by tomorrow morning at the latest. My mom and i are going shopping now for some cute outfits and a moniter and just the fun baby stuff... my mom and sisters have already planned an announcing Hanna to my family and friends! I could'nt have asked for more! I am just sooo excited and happpy at last.

I wanted to say thank you to everyone here. your words of encouragement and support has been the only thing getting me through this. Its been such a wonderful feeling knowing that other women out there DO feel the same way and are courageous enough to share their feelings and thoughts with complete strangers in hopes of helping just one person! Well ladies i commend you all, and please know that you have touched my heart and for that i will be forever greatful!

[Rondidondi]

YAAAYY!!! I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!
Oh - I remember how I felt when I knew my son was coming home the following day. I couldn't sleep either!
I was so overjoyed, but yet I had alot of pain for the couple that were planning on adopting my son!
Shopping was hard for me! I had a limited amount of funds and had so much to get. If only I had prepared myself for 9 months.
This sounds like such a good decision for you and your family! CONGRATS!!!!! CONGRATS!!!!! CONGRATS!!!!!