[belleinblue1978]

As a first mom I had to answer a pretty indepth questionairre that my son's parents got. Lot's of health and family history questions. What my life was like growing up, I think the social history I filled out was about 7 or 8 pages long. That doesn't even touch the medical history.

I guess I figure if I have to give out that information, then I wanted that in return.

[cottonwood9]

Originally Posted by belleinblue1978

As a first mom I had to answer a pretty indepth questionairre that my son's parents got. Lot's of health and family history questions. What my life was like growing up, I think the social history I filled out was about 7 or 8 pages long. That doesn't even touch the medical history.

I guess I figure if I have to give out that information, then I wanted that in return.

I agree. It certainly seems like birthmothers are required to reveal a lot about their own lives, history, and family health issues, etc to the a-parents. I'd expect potential a-parents be equally open and at least allow a birthmother to read their homestudy. If they refused, it would look like they're hiding something. If it's up to the birthmother to interview the a-parents and find the best family for her child, how can a birthmother make an informed decision without having access to all the information, especially in regards to income and unresolved infertility issues.

[Vogi2002]

I didn't get a lot of information about my son's birthfamily...medical history yes. Medical history is a bit different considering you need this for your child's health, not just to know. I'm not sure why a birthmother would need to know our medical history unless there was something life threatening. Don't you think it would be a litte petty to ask my family's health history just because you had to share yours? Unless that would truley make a difference in your decision of course...oh and mental illness...i can understand wanting to know about this also if it is in the family.

Other information though, I would be happy to fill out the same form the birthmother filled out. I suspect though(at least in my case) it is nothing as personal as our homestudy. If it is, then I wouldn't want or expect it from the birthmother either. I think it's outrageous to ask an emom to fill out anything beyond medical history and openness and a few questions about placement / adoption (just like we filled out for her).

I am just astounded here...maybe you have never seen just how personal and long a homestudy is (I mean in America...and I know they vary). It's not about hiding something, it's about not sharing very very personal information. For example would you need to know:

Again - what if an emom changes her mind!? You would have all that information out there for people to know!! It goes beyond privacy, but also safety with identity theft.

[taramayrn]

Honestly there is no reason for super private and personal information to be in a homestudy. My son's parents' homestudy was not that way at all, nor were the other many many that I have read. It discusses parenting styles, thoughts on open adoption, medical history (which yes I as an expectant mom have a right to know, that definitely affects who I place my child with), etc.
If I weren't allowed to see a couple's homestudy that I was greatly interested I would not place with them. Sorry....

[belleinblue1978]

I have seen a homestudy, the one my parents went through when they adopted me.

Yes I understand that a child needs health information. You have NO idea how much I understand that, I'm adopted from the closed era and have very little health information.

I hardly think I am being petty for being interested in the health of the people I was considering for my child's parents. If I can be eliminated b/c of a history of heart disease in my family then I should be able to not choose adoptive parents based on that correct? Yes a family chose not to adopt our child b/c of my former partner's family's health history.

I didn't ask to see a home study, nor would I have. I don't feel I am petty at all. I think you missed my point in that we reveal some pretty personal stuff too and yes you can use that information in deciding whether you want to consider an emom as a possible match.

[Vogi2002]

Sorry I didn't mean to CALL anyone petty, I should have used another wording. What I MEANT to say was that I don't think the reasoning to see something is just because you had to give yours. I guess I didn't realize that health information is so important to the emom of the aparents, barring any life threatening / mental disease. Maybe that's because the health information (again, barring any life threatening / mental information) for me with a bmom wasn't important either.

Tara - I can totally understand seeing the questions of a homestudy like that!! I think that is GREAT that they allow you to see that. I honestly don't see the point in some of the questions they ask either, but I guess I do understand to a point why they ask them. I think it would be neat to see a bmoms questions answered about open adoption / history / etc also...just to be sure you are on the same page. I only got medical history and a short "why are you placing / dreams for your child" type thing (which I do cherish).

Again, I'm sorry I offended anyone, didn't meant it that way but realize it did come off that way.

[CoryEllen]

I think you can ask anything you want! I was thinking while reading all these responses, "would I let a pbmom read my homestudy?" yes, I would! But for those of us who completed our homestudy a year ago or more, there might be things in there that need updating! As a hopeful amom, I would be willing to share anything if it would help the pbmom feel peace in her decision.

I would agree that meeting the children would be more appropriate for a 2nd or 3rd visit. My oldest son (age 6) is very sensitive to other people's emotions, and I expect to be somewhat nervous when meeting a pbmom, and she would likely be nervous as well. Children can sense those kinds of things. Going to a park or somewhere fun would be ideal to see parenting in action, good idea!

Good luck!

[CoryEllen]

Have you interviewed any families yet? Did you ask the big questions and get good answers?

Just curious to know how your search for aparents is going! Keep us informed.