[ModernDayBradyBunch]

For those of you that matched with an afamily privately, and not through an agency, would you be willing to share with me how the process went? When/how did you meet, how did you communicate, at what point did you actually "match", and were there any problems going this route? What kind of arrangements did you have (how often did you talk, visit, etc) and how smoothly did it go? My husband and I used an agency before and so this is all new and we're just looking for some insight from others that have been there. Thanks in advance!

[spcsassygirl2007]

Hi,

I am an adoptive mom who completed a private adoption almost 8 years ago. We met the birthfamily through a friend at church. She chose us 2 days before our son was born. I would have liked to meet sooner but that is how God planned it this time. We hired a lawyer and he did all the work. We went to court when our son was 10 days old and they terminated the birthmothers rights and 9 months later he was ours.

We have an open relationship with his birthfamily but at this time they have chosen not to have visits. They only want pictures and letters. The first 2 years of his life we had it all visits, phone calls, letters, pictures. They said that was just too hard for them and chose to stop the visits and phone calls. That was their choice not ours. We would love to have more openness with them but we honor their wishes. I pray for his birthfamily every day and we thank God for giving this precious life to us to love.

We are hoping to adopt again in the near future and would love to have another private adoption and a more open relationship with his/her birthfamily.

Hope that helps,
Spcsassygirl2007

[StacyKelly2]

Ours was a private adoption. Through friends of friends we met with our son's birth mom. Our son's birth mom heard of us, and wanted an adoption plan for her baby. We spoke over the phone, and everything went well. After, our initial shock of finally speaking to an actual birth mom- we decided to all meet. We actually met at the hospital for her doctor's appointment, and we got to know one another. She chose us to be the adoptive parents!! We did run into complications with the birth father- he wavered in his decision-but thank God eventually a judge ruled in our favor. The birth father only saw the baby once in 2 years, which worked in our favor. We did even offer open adoption to the birth father but he agreed then refused. We have had our angel since birth and he is a happy, active beautiful 2 year old!! We still communicate with the birth mom send updates, and pictures. Dealing with a contested adoption due to the birth father was extremely emotional for 2 years-however, luckily for us our son's birth mom was just an angel!!! We are so truly blessed!!!

[Resseda]

My son's adoption was private. I am a birthmom, and did not decide on adoption until I was almost due. One of my best girlfriend's knew a friend of her sister was trying to adopt, and passed my information along. That friend was not interested (and, was actually pregnant at the time but didn't knwo yet), but passed the info along to another couple that we elected to go with. For us, it all came together very quickly; they were actually on vacation when the link-up happened, and within maybe 2 weeks, we had met with their lawyers and were set. We never met them; my theory was always that if it came down to that, no one would be good enough, and I would lose my comfort with them as a family. I know their address and names, they know my mother's address andmy maiden name. They cut off contact with me when my son was about 6 months old.

For us, it went well. Maybe not as smoothly as it should have, legally, but the adoption itself went fine. I would have no problem reccomending a private adoption in the future. On of my best girlfriends placed through and angency, and I don't see where her adoption was any too much better or smoother.

Ress