[noddy05]

Hello, im 17 and just gave birth to my little girl jayde just over a week ago, i found out i was pregnant at 35 weeks and my first decision was adoption.1, because i really wasnt ready, 2, im so young and 3, the fact that ive never wanted kids. but things do change when you have one.,

after i left the hospital, i still hadnt seen my baby and couldnt handle it anymore so i met with her foster parent the other day. i saw and held my girl for the first time.

even before this, id been having second thoughts about the adoption and i really dont know wat to do. i want the best for her but im not sure what that is.

i mean. i live at home with my parents, and were quite broke atm. they are supportive of my decision, whatever it may be though. another thing is. there is no father in the picture, can anyone help me?

[taramayrn]

Welcome to the forums and congratulations on your little girl.

I understand the experience you might have had having found out you were pregnant late in the pregnancy. That certainly adds to the panic. I didn't allow myself to think of parenting, just focused on adoption.

If you are having second thoughts you owe it to yourself and your baby to explore those thoughts and research what resources are out there to help you parent. I encourage you to talk with you parents. There are alot of financial resources out there for single parents.

Do not push these thoughts away - please listen to your heart and do what it tells you.

(((HUGS)))

[Nicole Elaine]

I have never given birth, but I do have some advice. I read so many stories of mothers who find adoptive families for their children, then later realize they wish they wouldn't have. I am not trying to disrespect anyone, so I hope that doesn't offend anybody. Just remember that financial situations can change- and they do- and if money/resources are the ONLY thing making you question raising your child, I think you should listen to your heart and keep her.

I do have the utmost respect for mothers who find loving, adoptive families for their child- but I also think if there's any chance you think you could do it, you should. Good luck with whatever you choose!

Let me know if you ever need help, or to talk. I haven't been there, but I'm a good listener.

[noddy05]

thanks for the reply. and sometimes.. ppl who havnt been there..are better advice.coz they cant take sides if they are open to both things.. the other thing is tho. i dont know if i could do it. ive never liked kids... but.. shes so beautiful.

[Rifilanna]

Once you decide on adoption you may very well not be able to change your mind. Finances do change, and it seems from your post that your parents don't feel that finances should be the deciding factor. There are resources and a social worker may be able to help you explore these options, prefrably one who has no vested intrest in placeing your baby, but in keeping your baby in the best family, which may be wtih you.

[noddy05]

Just another thing. If you are reading this.and have ANY feed back at all. PLEASE post a reply. it wud really be appreciated xx

[mommy2been1007]

Another thing to remember is that she is cute and cuddly now but babies grow up and this is a commitment for the rest of her life. You can't just have fun with her while she is little and then decide well the fun is over and now I don't want to do this anymore. Once you commit to keeping her it is for LIFE. Please consider that when you are deciding whether or not to parent your child. I am not trying to say this to hurt you but you did say to tell you all aspects and you keep saying "she is so cute". Children are a lifetime commitment they are not like playing with dolls where you can put them away when you get tired of dealing with them. Seek a counselor to help you decide what is best for you and your baby. You need to sit down with someone who is NOT involved and weigh ALL the pros and cons of parenting and adoption and then make your decision.

If you need someone to talk to feel free to email me or pm me here.

God bless you,

[paigeturner]

Will your parents be able to help you emotionally, physically and financially? Do you have a parenting plan? On the adoption front, have you found a family? Do you have an open adoption plan?

This is an emotional, tumultuous and very, very difficult decision for you. Seek help. And communicate with everyone involved.

With a good plan and enough support you can be a good parent. Parenting is the most rewarding, frustrating, difficult and wonderful experience. Whatever your choice search your heart; take your time because either decision is a lifetime decision.

My thoughts are with you during this hard time.

[Oceans]

I bet she is beautiful!! Congrats!!!

Here is my opinion about parenting – not necessarily your situation – just parenting a child as teen in general. Many times it is said that adoption is a “selfless” act. I won’t get into how I feel about that right now but IMO, choosing to parent a child as a teenager MUST be a “selfless” act. And that commitment, must renewed everyday.

By parenting a child, teens will lose the life they have today. They lose many of the freedoms that come with being a young adult and those freedoms are replaced with a great amount of responsibility. There are definitely rewards in parenting but in order to reap those rewards, there are sacrifices and parents need to commit to making those sacrifices daily – not for themselves, so they can know the joy of loving a baby – but for their child.

Are you willing to evaluate all the choices in your life going forward with her best interests in mind? This is in terms of your:

Education - it will be harder but you must complete school
Your friends - are you willing to lose most of them because your life will be so different
Working - most likely you will have to work and go to school. Every dime will go to her first.
Dating - you wont have time and you will have to be picky
All the other freedoms that come with being 17, 18, 19 20 etc.

If you want to parent your daughter and are willing to make the commitment then you can ABSOLUTELY do this. Talk to your caseworker, take parenting classes and get a plan together.

If you are unsure, I still encourage you to talk to someone about your options - parenting and adoption. This is one of the biggest (if not the biggest) decision you will ever make in your life. Learn everything you can in the next few weeks – there is no need to rush yourself.

Just my 2 cents.. My thoughts are with you too!!

I hope you stay here and continue to ask questions ((((hugs)))

[EZ2Luv]

Congrats on your BAby Girl!!

Remember one thing, Adoption is a permanant solution to a temporary situation. Please do not allow current lack of finanaces force you to give up your baby. Things changes all the time. Look or programs that can help you financially. It doesn't mean you will always need them, but just some help for now until your can get some type of job or stedy income. YES you can parent and do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Your baby is not going to know the difference on whether you make a million a year or are on welfare. All your baby knows is you right now and the love and bond you two have. If your parents are willing to let you live with them and are supportive all the better. This is why people pay taxes so there are programs to help you. Your baby needs her mother more than a 4 car garage that a PAP might have. I am pro adoption so please do not think I am trying to turn you away from adoption. I am an adoptee who was blessed with the best afamily ever. However, when I read posts like your where a mother is having second thoughts, that tells me that she really DOES want to keep her baby and that little voice inside her is trying to tell her to do so. Please listen to your heart for the sake of you and your baby. In the end your love is all that really matters.

EZ

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by mommy2been1007

Another thing to remember is that she is cute and cuddly now but babies grow up and this is a commitment for the rest of her life. You can't just have fun with her while she is little and then decide well the fun is over and now I don't want to do this anymore. Once you commit to keeping her it is for LIFE. Please consider that when you are deciding whether or not to parent your child. I am not trying to say this to hurt you but you did say to tell you all aspects and you keep saying "she is so cute". Children are a lifetime commitment they are not like playing with dolls where you can put them away when you get tired of dealing with them. Seek a counselor to help you decide what is best for you and your baby. You need to sit down with someone who is NOT involved and weigh ALL the pros and cons of parenting and adoption and then make your decision.

If you need someone to talk to feel free to email me or pm me here.

God bless you,

I find your post incredibly condescending. Nowhere did the OP say her baby was "so cute". She did say she was beautiful.. like a million mothers before her. I agree with her that you often do not know how you will feel about parenting until after the baby is born. I also agree with the others that financial concerns should not be the reason to place.

Noddy05, while parenting is a lifetime committment, so is adoption. You will never be able to go back to life as you knew it no matter what you decide. The real question is do you believe that you have what a child needs. I would also ask you to think about your life with her and your life without her. Which feels right to you?

[simpleme]

Hi, congrats on your new baby!
I know how you feel... I got pregnant and never wanted a baby in a miillion years. So, I thought that if I placed the child for adoption then my life would just go on, and I could put things behind me. (But I realized later that its not that easy!) I made an adoption plan, and things were headed that way... That is, until I saw my precious girl after birth. To the dismay of the adoption agency and the potential adoptive parents, I kept the baby, despite all my fears. For me, it was the best decision ever. Every day, I don't have to wonder and worry about her because she is with me. If I placed her, I would have an emptiness for the rest of my life. This is just MY story though. You or others may feel differently. Oceans does a great job at pointing out that there are many areas of life that will be affected with your decison. But to me, it is all worth it! Especially if your family is supportive. Also, there is WIC and a lot of programs that are very easy to get involoved in. You would be surprised at the resources that are so EASY to get to, as others have already posted. People in this country are very helpful to new moms with lower incomes if that is an issue. Don't let that be a factor... I wish you the very best!! Pm me or email me at simpleme33@gmail.com if I can help in any way. xxx

[mommy2been1007]

Brenda,

I didn't mean to come across as condescending, she did ask for all opinions though and I was just trying to tell her that babies do grow up and that parenting is a lifetime commitment. Maybe I did word it wrong and it did sound a little harsh, I never meant it to sound that way and I am sorry if I offended anyone especially the original poster. Please forgive me. Parenting as well as adoption is a lifetime commitment and both should be thought out completely. However, I believe I did suggest that she seek counseling from someone who is not connected in any way to adoption or has any interest in whether or not she parents her baby so that she gets an honest feel for what she is to expect in the future for whatever she decides.

Again Please forgive me if I offended anyone, that was NOT my intention.

I wish this birthmother nothing but the very best!!!

Hugs

[SuddenlySusan]

...just a side note: noddy05 is a mother, not a birthmother.

Dear noddy05,

Take your time with this decision. There is no rule that says you must relinquish by a certain date. If you think you might want to try to parent your baby, I would encourage you to do so. If, after trying your best, you do not think parenting is the best choice, you can still place your baby for adoption. There is no law that says you can't try to parent first. At least that way, if you do place your baby for adoption, you will know for sure that you did your best to parent and that adoption was still the best choice.

Spend some more time with your baby before you make up your mind. Perhaps your parents would like to spend time with their grandchild before you make the final decision as well. This may be their only chance to be with their grand-daughter. Keep in mind that while open adoptions are available, with rare exception (like in about 5 states) they are not legally enforceable. That means, once the papers are signed and the adoption is final, the adoption may be closed at any point in time according to the desires of the adoptive parents.

I encourage you and your family to try your best to keep your baby in your own family.

Best wishes,
Susan

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by mommy2been1007

I wish this birthmother nothing but the very best!!!

Unless she has signed TPR, which it doesn't sound as if she has, she's just mom.