[mybaby2007]

hi. this is my first post here and I need help. I am 22 years old and due in November. I thought my ex-boyfriend and I were going to be great parents but now he is gone and I don't think I can do this by myself. He says he wants nothing to do with me and my baby and he thinks I should place her for adoption. I sorta agree but I don't know right now,I know it is my decision and my ex-boyfriends and he says he will do it, but what about me? what should I do? I do think it is a good idea, I really do want my baby to have the best life and I don't think I can do it alone.

Someone please help me.

[mommytobug]

I rarely post in this area but saw you were due in November and it caught my attention. Our dd was born in November. We are in an open adoption and very close to her first mom.

Take a good deep breath first. You have some time to make a decision. Make the decision that is right for you and your baby. Making an adoption plan is never easy but it can be done with the right people and help. Talk about it, cry about it, pray about it. Our dds first mom has done so well with her decision. I am in awe of her.

[mybaby2007]

I just don't know who to talk to about it, I looked in the phonebook for an adoption agency, there are a few around where I live. Maybe I will call one.

[MrsD]

I am on the other side of the triad, a prospective adoptive parent, so I can't even begin to imagine how scared you must be feeling. Your post caught my eye on the main page.

The one piece of advice I'd like to offer, and I know you'll see it from other folks as well, is to talk to somebody who will give you objective information regarding your options. I would suggest you call a nuetral agency, I think planned parenthood is supposed to be good about that, instead of an adoption agency. Remember, an adoption agency is all about adoption; that is their job. They are not going to give you the support and advice you need to truly explore ALL of your options and that is what you need. This decision needs to be made by you, but it needs to be made with all the information you can get. Not just the adoption side but the possibilities of parenting also. It's a huge decision, and you will live with the outcome for the rest of your life. So please, do not rush into a decision and make sure you talk to a non-biased counselor to explore your options.

Good luck!! I'm so sorry you're in pain.

[StacyKelly2]

I cannot imagine what you are going through. Please just take your time and make sure that adoption is something you both want and have decided on. Make sure this is something you will be at peace with and will want for your baby. As an adoptive mom I know the blessings of the other side of an adoption. However, for us the main importance was the our son's birth mom was at peace with us, and with her decision. A child brings so much love and joy into your life..but also comes much responsibility. Posting on this board will give you the insight and information you need on adoption. Only you will know what is best for you and your little angel. Please if you need any information or just someone to listen you can pm me. I feel for you and know this cannot be easy. Follow your heart and do what you feel is best.

[mybaby2007]

Thanks for all of your support so far. I don't know much about open adoptions but I am learning alot just reading these forums.it sounds like something that could be good for my baby. I will continue to read and if anyone else has any words of advice, please tell me.

[Julienick]

I just wanted to ask if you have family that can support you through your decision. They will be an invaluable source of information. Parenting is tough but it it can and is being done by many young women alone.
And I agree with the previous poster that said you have time and please take it and weigh all of your options.
I was a birthmom once and I know that typically they do not make the decision to place (as I did) until the 3rd trimester.
I wish you and your baby the very best.

[lonni]

Can your parent's help you for a while?At 22, you said you would be great parents and now why not be a great single parent? Things can change so fast and you may meet someone and fall in love and they love your child too.Maybe the Dad will stop freaking out and step up. He has to pay support regardless.

[InBlindFaith]

Birthmom here...

going to a place like Planned Parenthood is a good idea. You need to know all of your options before jumping into an Agency. One thing you need to be aware of is...you will never forget. If you choose Adoption please make sure you have a good support system in place (and a good counselor). Placing a child is not an easy thing to do.

Please remember, this is your decision, you are the one who will have to live with this choice. Don't let your ex-boyfriend, friends or family try to make the decision for you.

If you decide to go the Adoption Route there are some other Birth Mothers and some Adoptive Mothers in Open Adoption who might be able to help you come up with some questions to asks. Open Adoption has come a long way.

(((HUGS)))

[Leigh131313]

If you want to parent your baby - do some digging and researching for assistance in your community. You'd be surprised how much is out there.

I agree with going to a neutral place - perhaps planned parenthood - where you can get some solid PARENTING advice before exploring adoption.

Good luck!!

[quantum]

((((hugs))))
Please do try to find some neutral advice and as much information as possible, especially about exploring your options as a parent.
I'm a birthmom and a lot of other birthmoms will say the same thing. I 'knew' back when I relinquished that it was the right thing to do BUT my heart has ached for my son every single day since. He has had a great life, one that I couldn't have given him and I do find that a comfort, but I still ache for those years I missed watching him grow up.
BUT I probably did make the right decision for all of us. I didn't know that I had open adoption options available at the time (it was 1985 I think it was all still so new), I can't help but think that would have helped make it easier.

I guess my big piece of advice is follow what you think is absolutely right for YOU in YOUR HEART.

Good luck with your decisions and pregnancy. Please ask questions, please let us know what you decide.

[jen40]

(( VERY BIG HUGS ))
We are not in your position, as we are on the other end, too...but from all of the classes we've had, I agree with the other posters - do your research and don't dismiss what your heart is telling you to do. What I often find helpful when I am uncertain (and of course, this is a much larger issue), I've made a list of pros and cons - - - and don't forget to add all of the wonderful things about YOU to the pros list You still have time to weigh all of your options. Trust in yourself that you will do the right thing for you and for your baby.

Lots of hugs and prayers,
Jen

[mybaby2007]

I have done alot of talking and thinking in the last 24 hours. I have come to the realization that I need to place my baby for adoption. It is only fair that she is able to have a chance at a good life and I can not provide that for her right now. I am meeting with an agency on Monday to discuss my plans.

Thanks for all the advice so far. I am sure I will be back with lots of questions.

[spcsassygirl2007]

Do you have a crisis pregnancy center in your area? They are good sources for giving you adoption agencies to look at and they are christian organizations. They have counselors to help you through your feelings. They are there for YOU not to force an opinion on you.

IF you need more info on one feel free to pm me.

God Bless,
J

[mybaby2007]

I did meet with the agency yesterday. I will be placing my baby for adoption. I hope to be able to find a couple that will let me be a part of her life in someway. They told me about the different kinds of adoption, most of it I knew from reading here. So I guess I want an open adoption. I talked to my ex and he wants nothing to do with baby, he said find a family and give her to them and let me sign the papers so I can move on with my life. Great help he is huh!

Thanks for your support, I am off to get a list together of what I want in parents for my baby.