[inwonderland]

I just very recently found out I was pregnant I am not 100 percent on adoption. I would like to learn all I can about adoption. But the thing is I don't even know where to start. Can some of you help point me in the right direction on where to find info on all the stuff I will need to know.

[bromanchik]

The first thing I would suggest is to find a competent therapist that is not connected to an adoption agency and fully explore your option of parenting. Adoption should really be the last resort. I am a big believer in family preservation. Separating a mother and child should only be done when absolutely necissary. A good therapist will help you determine the fact from the fiction.

If you feel as though you are unable to parent there are many ways of placing your child, different types of adoption. Please be aware there are many agencies that promote themselves as being open adoption agencies, but define that as being the birthmom getting pictures or letters once a year. I will pm you with other information.

[taramayrn]

Brenda has given you great advice.

As a moderator here I need to tell you that it is against our rules here for someone from the forums to contact you offering to adopt your baby. If you receive such pm's or emails please forward them to myself or another moderator.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Childwelfare.gov is an important resource. It lists all of the laws, state by state, that are pertinent to adoption, especially for expectant parents considering relinquishment. It is vitally important that you know the laws. For example, in my state and all but 16 (14?), open adoptions are not legally binding and can thus be closed by the adoptive family at any time without reason or warning. That is important to know about your own state. If you have problems traveling that site and finding information that you need, please don't hesitate to ask. I'm well versed in it now since I didn't have it as a resource when I was placing.

Furthermore, in addition to the stuff you've already been told, I encourage you to hit the "pavement," and seek out blogs by birth parents. Some are happy, some are NOT so happy but reading ALL sides of the story will help you better understand the grief and loss, happiness, longing, and hard work that are associated with adoptions, placement, openness and everything else involved.

If you have questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

[happygmom]

When my daughter was unexpectantly pregnant, she was not 100% sure about adoption either. After reading stories about the pain of relinqusihment, she decided to put adoption "on the back burner" and find out all that she could about single parenting. Although she has not had to use social services resources, she also checked into WIC and health insurance from the state.

I wish you the best of luck. It was very scary for all of us when she found out that she was pregnant but it did get easier as we started to see her plans falling into place.

Happy G'Ma

[spitzlvr]

People on this list are going to give you loads of places to get information about your options. May I suggest you set up a notebook with 2 sections - Parenting and Adoption. Find out every hurdle you can about both avenues, and how you will overcome them.

For Example - parenting - hurdle - I am young and don't have the resources. Solution - name the programs that help young women with children (there are many).
Adoption - hurdle - I will lose my child and never see her again - solution - find parents for your baby that would like an open adoption.

If you do this, as you research, I bet one of the options will start being the obvious choice.

Make the right choice for you.

One more thing - while I know it sounds impossible, try to enjoy the pregnancy. You have a baby right now - these 9 months might be the only time you spend alone with your child. Try not to miss them.

[TrinityAngel]

Originally Posted by bromanchik

The first thing I would suggest is to find a competent therapist that is not connected to an adoption agency and fully explore your option of parenting. Adoption should really be the last resort. I am a big believer in family preservation. Separating a mother and child should only be done when absolutely necissary. A good therapist will help you determine the fact from the fiction.

If you feel as though you are unable to parent there are many ways of placing your child, different types of adoption. Please be aware there are many agencies that promote themselves as being open adoption agencies, but define that as being the birthmom getting pictures or letters once a year. I will pm you with other information.

This is excellent advice.