[riverview]

as an adoptive mom, I think agencies do look at the money aspect and do not give the birthmother;s the respect they deserve. Here is a thought: have you considered asking a clergy/religious person in the area who know families personally and they can help find a family which meets your criteria. They are a wonderful resource and not looking to get anything out of it but happiness! Good luck

[hellerskinnerbay]

Hey, I just wanted to throw my 2 cents out there and was wondering if you had considered looking by yourself. I know (personally) of several websites that allow hopeful parents to post their ads. They are not checked out, but I'm sure if they are serious they could provide a background check/ homestudy. Feel free to PM me and I'd be happy to answer questions about indy adoptions. Just be careful because some states do not allow indy matches. 90% of adoptions are done without an agency and only an attorney.

[Daisha]

Haley...I completely agree with what you said in your last post. Openness is the only way to be in my opinion. This is why I am so in favor of open adoption. We even just got back from a camping trip with my son's Bio Dad and his family. We do a lot with Tyce's Bio Mom also.

Good luck and stick to your guns. If something doesn't feel right...it probably isn't!

[tanmansmom]

Another route you may go is the private route. When my son's birthmother found out she was pregnant, she went to her family to see if they knew of anyone first hand who may have wanted to adopt. Her sister works for my husband and knew that we were trying to adopt. She put us together and we knew instantly we were all put together for a reason. It is a private adoption, not open, but since the families are connected, and the biological aunt sees my son on a regular basis, the birthmother knows he is well taken care of. I also send pictures on a regular basis. I say this as an alternative to the agency. We were hands on throughout the pregnancy and went to all of her appoointments. She was very comfortable with us because we spent quite a bit of time together. You just might want to put it out to family and friends what your plan is. What a great gift you are giving someone. I don't think it is asking too much to know the people who will be raising your son as their own.

[Arruniel]

Personally, I enjoyed using the agency as a buffer between the prospective adoptive parents and me. I was feeling very vulnerable (and I was), and I only had 5 months to make the most important decision of my life.

I was very lucky, perhaps, even blessed, to find a very good non-profit agency in the phone book.

They gave me a whole book of pre-screened couples to look through, money for pregnancy related expenses, a social worker to help me through the entire process, and I never had to pay a dime. All expenses were borne entirely by the adoptive parents and the agency.

It was also a relief to have someone holding my hand who wasn't looking to take my baby. I never felt pressured by the agency one way or another, but it is naturally a given what the prospective adoptive couples want. Otherwise, they wouldn't be there.

The prospective adoptive parents would have moved on to the next pregnant woman if I started having second thoughts, but the agency had referral programs in place to help me to keep and raise my child if I so chose.

I hope a prospective couple would have been understanding, but I doubt they would have helped me like the agency offered.