[haleymaker1]

This is not easy at all...should I look for an AGENCY to do all the work for me or look through Adoptive Parent Profiles and speak with families privately? How do I know the family can't have other children, what if they find out they can later on and then my baby is "just the baby they adopted" Who is the best agency? Or where is a site for families wanting to do an independent adoption. What if I need financial assistance, does that limit the families your going to find who are willing to help you? I never want my children to go with out, So I know I have to this or one of my beautiful babies will go with out. We are just not where we want to be in life, to be able to raise 2 babies, we are doing it alone as it is. I'm just freaking out and I want to find the best family for me and my baby. How do you pick a family for your baby? How many families did you speak to before you found the right one?

[mommamarci]

Haley- Good luck with this process.

I am an adoptive mom, so I can't tell you anything from your perspective. But, I did want to share a little. First, off, find a counselor. Whether you go through an agency or independently, you need support during this time. If you decide to do an independent adoption, the family you choose should pay for counseling sessions for you. You might start by looking at Parent Profiles to see if there is anyone you might be interested in. If you go that route, it would be more work for you. If you go to an agency, they will ask you what you are looking for and pull the families that match that criteria.

As far as whether or not the family can have children: If that is important to you, specify that there must be medically documented proof showing they could never have a child. I will tell you my husband and I don't know if we can. We started trying 3 1/2 years ago, so we assume we can't. However, if we ever did get pregnant, Cameron would NEVER become my adopted child. He is my son. My biggest fear is actually that I would get pregnant and love that baby less than Cameron. However, this is your decision to make. If you want the baby to be an only child, say so. If you want a large family, say so. Don't let anyone push you around or try to change your mind. And if you chnage your mind, good! That's your perogative.

Good luck and I will keep you in my thoughts.

[Daisha]

I know of some really good agencies that are no pressure (per what our son's birth mom told us) but I can't name them on the open forum per forum rules. If you would like to know...you could PM me and I will let you know!

Hope all is going well

[baby_shimmer3]

I looked for people that reminded me of myself had my values and seemed sincere. You should just keep looking when you find them you will know in your heart, and don't get frustrated and always remeber you are not obligated to any family until you sign your rights away. if you meet a family then dont feel comfortable dont feel pressured to keep them. Stay strong, if you ever need anything you can e-mail me if you want this whole adoption thing was so hard and I had a friend who had been through it before it was very comforting.

[riverview]

as an adoptive parent's side... we knew the adoption was right for us because it felt right. It was peaceful. No reservations. No fears. A very calm process meeting with the birth mom, communicating with her and felt like we knew each other's souls. I think it comes down to trusting your heart ! Wishing you well

[StacyKelly2]

As an adoptive mom I would think it would come from your heart. Our son's birth mom said she knew from the first time talking and meeting with us, that we were the ones!! We had no idea what to expect. We actually learned from one another, and became wonderful friends. Our communication continues and we feel expressing our feelings and opinions all along helped us with the adoption. Ours was a private adoption no agency involved, which for all of us worked out fine. As hopeful adoptive parents we did not make any promises we did not intend to keep with the birth mom. Respect for our son's birth mom was a most important issue for us, without her we knew we would not have our little angel. Adoption is such a courageous and loving choice and together our adoption plan was a true gift from God above. We saw first hand the love and courage it took for our son's birth mom and we will raise our son so that he will know the love of his birth parents...

[Brooke12-30]

Good questions! I have the same ones
I have been going to an agency that I feel really happy with as far as the support they are giving me. I've looked through their parent profiles for an hour so far, but haven't found the one yet. They told me that is actually normal, and they recommended that I not go through profiles for longer than an hour at a time. I would have to imagine that we'll just feel it's right? I sure hope so. Lots of luck to you!

[ticosluv]

As an adoptive parent and being adopted myself I can only say trust yourself. When we meet our birthmom she became a friend and now she is a part of our family, we talk on the phone weekly and she is like a sister to me, she is in my home when she pleases and I go to her home as well. I think we are lucky to have her in our lives, and I hope that when we venture in to our next addition I hope it will be the same. Trust yourself to make the right choice and only make it if you are sure, Much love

[bromanchik]

Haley's mom,
I was just wondering how you are doing?

[ourdreamcametru]

I am an adoptive mother so I can't answer most of your questions but can say that you should interview different agancys and lawyers who specialize in adoption to find the right fit for you. Our daughter's bmother found us through a friend of a friend, we helped with some expenses before the baby was born and counceling. One thing that I noticed in your post is that you do not want your baby to become just the adopted child if the couple has other children. My husband and I have two bio boys who were 10 and 14 when our daughter was born and I assure you that in no way is she just the adopted child! Our feelings nor those of our family and friends, are no different for her than our bio children! She was our child the moment bmother told us she wanted us to raise her! our emotions were the very same when the doctor handed her to us in the hosptial the moment she was born. You just have to find the fit for you on this journey and do what you are going to feel most comfortable with. Good luck, I know it's not easy for you.

[adoptingemma]

My husband and I are in the process of adopting now, just waiting to be chosen so the only question I can answer is the one about your child becoming "the adopted child" if the couple you choose has other children. We have 2 boys ages 13 and 11. I had to have a hysterectomy 8 years ago, even though we knew we wanted another child. So, from a mom to biological children I have to say this... (for the most part) it is easy to get pregnant and have a child. That child may take after your great uncle Fred and look absolutely nothing like the parents but your child none the less. To ADOPT a child is 100 times harder. People who adopt have to go through background checks, questions upon questions about very personal things basically putting your whole life out there for everyone to see and then waiting and waiting for someone who thinks you are "good enough" to parent their child. Not to mention agency and attorney fees that are ridiculous. No one would go through this process unless they KNEW in their soul they would love this baby with everything they've got! My sister is adopted and I have a bio brother. I don't think of them any differently. (Actually I have way more in common with my sister than my brother)
Anyway, all I'm trying to say is that people who choose to adopt, choose to put their heart and soul into a paper booklet that can in no way reflect how much we desire a child, how much we love each other and how much love we have to give to another child but that is all we get to put out there for an expecting mother to choose from. Couples who already have biological children know how much they love their kids, not because of DNA but because they have nurtured that child from birth. That is what makes a parent, and I know I speak for the vast majority of adoptive or waiting to adopt parents when I say, we would never go through all of this stress, waiting and heartbreak if we thought for one second we would not love our "newest" child, as much as the children we already have. Sorry this was so long, I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say even though I tend to ramble on!! LOL

[char123]

Hello-just wanted to say that I agree with finding a councelor. If finances are a problem, you might try a college counselor or a teacher that you trust to point you in the right direction. Also you mentioned that your family is not close. Have you considered transfering to a school closer to family? Char

[joskids]

Brooke, I read your blog after seeing your post. My daughter's name is Brooke, it's been a difficult life for you as she decided to parent and 10 years later, things are still so hard at times. Just wanted to comment on what a strong and loving person you appear to be. I hope that your pregnancy continues to be a healthy one and that whatever choice you make for you and for your child, will be one that you find peace with. I'm an adoptive mom of 4 children and still find it so incredible that God feels I am worthy.

[mommieof2cuties]

I placed my baby girl 12 years ago, and am a mom today, pm and I can give you some personal advice if you need it. I didn't have this wonderful site to come to when I was searching for the perfect family for my unborn baby.

God Bless,
Summer

[KingdomWarrior]

I am in the opposite position, looking for a birth mom. I don't really have any criteria, as I don't even know what to begin to ask or where to begin my search.

But, yeah my advice is to look through parent profiles or even talk to youi OB (sometimes an OB may know someone who wants to adopt - this is one route I am going). Then contact that person, get to know them (if you want open).

I was adopted - basically my b-mom walked out of the hospital and left me without siging any papers. The hospital called my mom and she said yes - (I was 3 days old). I was taken home that day with my parents.