[amlee]

This has come as quite a shock to me. I am in a serious commited relationship. We have been freinds for years and dating a year and a half. We moved here to NYC 8 months ago and this seems a bit untimely. I can not bring a child into a life that is still not matured and emotionally prepared. I am 23. I still have so much preparation to do until I am ready to raise a child. I had an abortion when I was 18 and I honestly dont think I can do that again. I walked out of an abortion clinic earlier this afternoon. I am 4 weeks and 3 days. I decided to look into Adoption for the next few weeks to decide between the two.

Please give me some advice.

[StacyKelly2]

I read your post, and I think since you walked back out of the abortion clinic - you already know maybe this is something you don't want. Coming to this forum will give you the support and help you need. From your post you sound very responsible and will know in your heart what is best for you. Looking into adoption you will see their are many adoption plans..and you can even chose the family for your baby. Look on this forum and just maybe look to the other birth mom's who have been just where you are,and hopefully that may help you with considering adoption. I wish you peace in whatever decision you make.

[HappyTwinsMom]

Being so early in your pregnancy, you'll have lots of time to consider your options. I would recommend doing lots of research. Talk to birthmothers about their experiences with placing their child, talk to agencies about adoption options, and check out other resources that will assist you with parenting your child.

From what I understand from talking to birthmoms, the decision is one you will re-make over and over during your pregnancy and after your baby arrives. Be sure you get your needs met, as well as your child's. Be strong and don't let anyone pressure you to do something you don't want to do.

Best of luck to you!

[izzi_carib]

Hi, I actually work in adoption. One of the things that you should do first is consider ALL or your options. Whether you consider all of your options via the internet or by speaking to a counselor is up to you. I'm sure you will eventally make the best decision that for your baby and yourself.

If you decide to pursue an adoption for your baby, learn the different types of adoptions available to you. Learn how to pursue an adoption as there are several ways to do so. I suggest that you go with a certified adoption agency, as they will provide counseling to you regarding your decision and they will have several adoptive couples for you to view.

Good luck.

[Mommy24]

Hi Amlee and Welcome to the forums! What an emotional time this is for you, I have been there, 16 years ago I placed my first born son for adoption. It sounds like you are almost definite that you arent ready to parent, but please weigh all of your options and rememebr that being a mommy doesnt mean you still cant obtain your goals in life, it may be a little harder but If you want to do it there are lots of resources for you to do so!

If you do decide to go the adoption route, please do lots of research on your options there as well, there are semi open adoptions, where you can receive pics and letters of your child periodically, Open adoption, where you may have more contact, periodic visits even, closed adoption, where you still may chose your childs parents and give the info your child will need in the future for medical info or whatever....so as you see there are many things to consider. Also may I suggest unbiased counseling outside of the agency you may chose to use, you need some looking out for you and your child with no ulterior motives

Please feel free to contact me via Pm if I can be of help in anyway.

Good Luck!

[taramayrn]

Welcome to the forums. I need to let you know that it is against the rules here for anyone to contact you asking to adopt your unborn child. If you receive such emails or pm's please forward them to either myself or one of the other community moderators or forum moderators.

[lonelymommy]

I would like to tell you that you should think long and hard about your options. I
gave my daughter up for adoption this
Feb.12, 1975, 32 years ago. I wish I had
tried to get an open adoption. You always
wonder how your baby is , if she is alive,
and she needs her medical records for all
of my family's health issues. So, if you
decide on adoption, I would suggest an
open adoption so you will know that your
baby is okay. It is extremely hard for me not knowing if my daughter is okay
and being treated good. I pray everyday
that I find her one day soon. Kathi

[InionGrinn]

I got pregnant unexpectedly in my senior year of college, and it was a shock to say the least. My son's father and I were not together a year yet. I can't imagine even now how I managed to graduate and make the deans list while I was falling asleep during the first trimester!

I first felt that my pregnancy was de-railing my whole life. It was so out of order! I hated telling my parents, I felt like I had failed them. I was planning on law school and the whole professional thing. My relationship with my now husband of 8 years wasn't all that seasoned.

But we got through it.

My son was born when I was 22, and I didn't marry his father till the following year. Yes, it took me off MY course that I thought I had set for myself but it was a total blessing and gift. I was given a gift in my son. I had to stop and realize it wasn't about me, but perhaps it was about my baby. Maybe he needed to come along when he did, he needed to be born, I needed to be his mom.

The epilogue to this story is that we scraped by, we got married, I went to law school, graduated, took the bar exam 37 weeks pregnant with my second baby, became a lawyer (whoopee, not as hot as it sounded when I was 22) and life went on.

My unexpected pregnancy didn't ruin me. It was a blessing in disguise. It made me stronger. And had I made any other choice but to keep my son, I would be missing SO much.

Just one other perspective for you to consider. If you have the support you need, sometimes the other things fall into place in their own time.

Hugs to you as you make the decision that is right for you and your unborn.

[happygmom]

Originally Posted by amlee

I decided to look into Adoption for the next few weeks to decide between the two.

Please give me some advice.

I assume the "two" are adoption vs abortion? If that is the case, you do not have a lot of time to decide. I suggest that you find a counselor who is not associated with an abortion clinic or with an adoption agency so that you can get some support on evaluating how each choice will affect YOU. Neither is easy. It is a tough choice to make and a very, very personal choice. Please, get some unbiased help to guide you to the best choice for YOU.

Hugs,

Happy G'Ma

[73mach1]

Hi. I am even younger than you, only 20, and I just gave birth 7 weeks ago to a beautiful baby boy. I placed him with a foster family after he was born, until everything was straigthened out. I should have taken care of these things sooner, but for some reason I did not. Two weeks ago today, I placed him with a couple who have been trying for 15 years to have a child of their own. There were so many similarities between me and them that I knew they were the perfect couple for him. I do not have a job and I am by myself. There is no way that I could have cared for him the way he would have needed. But, the adoption is open. The couple have already sent me photos through e-mail. I am not saying this is the right thing for you, but it was in my case. I just thought that by my sharing my story, it may help make your decision a little easier. Although, this is not an easy decision to make. It is very permament and heart wrenching. I do not know if I will truly ever get over this, but it helps knowing he is with a family that loves him and can give him the life he deserves and needs.