[josh1788smom]

Couple of thoughts:
1. I think it is easy to talk of this "child" as it is while it is inutero. I cannot imagine looking at any beautiful, newborn, wonderful amazing baby with anything but love. Your detached thoughts may change once you see your child.

2. You are in an unfortunate situation. But you are not the first and will not be the last. There are many men out there raising other men's children, and there are probably many place childred because of similar situations. I know one family, similar to your situation. The husband and wife now have 4 children. One was fathered by another man similar to your time circumstances, but he is just as much a daddy to that little girl.

3. You and your husband need to get some counseling. What happens if you give this baby up for adoption, and then resent your husband for not supporting you while you raised YOUR child. It is my guess that at some point, this child may become yours and not just his.

Prayers are with you. You have difficult work ahead of you. My most positive energies your way!!!!

[physics junkie]

I'd say go for the abortion. Then again, I am a guy. There are plenty of children out there without homes(I've lived in third world ghettos so I know)...there is no reason to bring another child into this world when there are already many out there. If you disagree with abortion then by all means give birth to your child and put it up for adoption.

Don't get me wrong--there are plenty of hopeful parents around who would want to raise your child...but the abandonment issues on both ends are going to be intense.

I can tell you one thing--you and your partner will most likely not survive if you have this kid. It will be a lot easier for him to deny your child's existence than it will be for you. Don't expect any comfort from him if he's mad at this child already...much less when you start showing. He will probably resent taking you for pre-natal care, etc. I don't mean to sound harsh--just giving a guy's opinion.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by physics junkie

I can tell you one thing--you and your partner will most likely not survive if you have this kid. It will be a lot easier for him to deny your child's existence than it will be for you. Don't expect any comfort from him if he's mad at this child already...much less when you start showing. He will probably resent taking you for pre-natal care, etc. I don't mean to sound harsh--just giving a guy's opinion.

Wrong. That's a generalization and maybe your opinion but certainly not the case for everyone. We have quite a few members here who have remained in a long term relationship with the father of the child post-placement. Heck, my favorite pair just got married last year.

Let's keep stereotypes and generalizations to a minimum. If it's your own opinion, state that YOU wouldn't stay with the woman. Don't speak for the entire male gender.

[StacyKelly2]

I disagree with the abortion, but of course everyone is entitled to their opinion. We were blessed with an angel that has changed our world completely!! Words cannot describe how much this little angel means to us!! I remember the birth mom saying that even though she made a mistake the baby was not a mistake and should not have to suffer because of that....The choice of adoption is such a loving and courageous choice...and I saw firsthand the love the birth mom had and always will have for her little baby. I will never forget and always will hold such a special place in my heart for the birth mom. There are so many couples out there awaiting adoption. There is no greater joy in this world then hearing the words "mommy and daddy"!! and thanks to a birth mom we were blessed to finally be able to hear the words we longed to hear for years...She answered our long awaited prayers....I hope whatever decision you make you are at peace with....May God Bless

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by SchmennaLeigh

Wrong. That's a generalization and maybe your opinion but certainly not the case for everyone. We have quite a few members here who have remained in a long term relationship with the father of the child post-placement. Heck, my favorite pair just got married last year.

Let's keep stereotypes and generalizations to a minimum. If it's your own opinion, state that YOU wouldn't stay with the woman. Don't speak for the entire male gender.

OOOo me me!! I'm one of those members who are in a long term relationship post placement. My now husband and I were together for a little over a year when our son was born in 2000 and we got married in June of 2005. It has been hard work, but we're still together, strong and both involved actively in our child's life.

[Shellikin]

I did consider abortion. Briefly. I realized that adoption would be easier on me than abortion. I was very detached in the beginning, but grew more attached as the baby grew and developed. I had my second thoughts, that's normal, but knew that adoption was right.

And honestly, people can only advise based on their own personal experience. Personally, I've had a really good experience with adoption. I picked out the adoptive couple, got to know them, learned to trust them. By the end of the pregnancy, it felt like a surrogacy. They send me updates and pictures often, we talk. It's been amazing. I know that my son is getting the stable childhood I wouldn't have been able to provide him.

It's been my experience that a lot of the women on this site have had extremely bad adoption experiences. Which sucks, I wish everyone's experience could have been good. But while these women are saying "don't let anyone force you into adoption, etc" a lot of times the message comes across as attempts to force someone to parent.

Adoption may not have been right for you, you may regret what happened to you, but it is best for some people, and nowadays, we know more and are far more prepared for the hormones and emotions tied into placing. Honestly, I have my regrets, but they're mainly because I wasn't in a place to personally give him the life I wanted for him -- and that's why I chose adoption, a couple who is in that place. I don't regret the adoption. And everytime I see pictures of them, it makes my heart swell. I feel so happy that I made that decision.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by taramayrn

OOOo me me!! I'm one of those members who are in a long term relationship post placement. My now husband and I were together for a little over a year when our son was born in 2000 and we got married in June of 2005. It has been hard work, but we're still together, strong and both involved actively in our child's life.

Yeah, you were the "favorite" that I mentioned. Way to dispell adoption myths by living your life! WOO!