[SchmennaLeigh]

How did you tell your family about your pregnancy? In person? Phone? Letter? Email? How did they respond? Do you have advice to give to those experiencing an unplanned preganncy on how to tell their families? Anything you did that you're NOW aware shouldn't be done?

Do share.

[MommaKatja]

i told my family face to face it was awkward and i hated every moment of it but it was done and over with quickly and i didn't have to worry about it any more. I found out later my boyfriend left a card out for his parents to find (it was christmas time) saying merry christmas you're going to be grandparents....his much younger half brothers found it first....this was NOT a good idea (just to state the obvious)

[lahdh4]

You mean I was suppossed to tell them?! Yeah bad of me. Noone in my family knows with the exception of my brother and SIL.
It isn't fair to them or J but right know I know I cannot handle them knowing.

[taramayrn]

Well I originally told my mom over the phone - not a good idea. I had to tell my dad and step mom over the phone as they were living in Alaska at the time. Both were shocked but very supportive.

[chelsgirl22]

yes am wondering this

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by chelsgirl22

yes am wondering this

What are you wondering?

[kune]

lahdh4 and chelesgirl

33 years ago, I was pregnant and didn't tell my family. I went through the pregnancy and birth alone, and I would never ever advocate it as best practice. It was lonely and frightening.

33 years later, when I was contacted by my son, I had to tell my 84 yr old mother and two sisters and brother. And all my friends who thought they knew me and all my secrets.

I know now that I didn't have to do it alone. There would have been support for me. If I chose to parent, they would have had to support me, and if I felt it necessary to place the child for adoption, it would be my decision.

Go see your parents - tell them you are pregnant and need their help. Talk about your options, and if you do not have their support go see your college counsellor or some other professional who will help you access the services you need. Actually........you and your child need. There are now two lives involved - yours and your baby and you need to have support for whatever choice you make.

Where are the fathers? They need to take some responsiblity too.

((Hugs to you)) and please......take care and make the best decision you can for you and the babies.

Ann

[StorkWatcher]

I'm answering for a family member -

One of my sisters was so afraid to tell anyone in our family, especially because we didnt' even know she had a boyfriend at college, and he is of a different race.

She told her twin (couldn't hide it from her). When one of us others found out about it, another sister and I drove over to meet the twins right away to offer our support and get it all out in the open. Then as the oldest, I took charge, as she wanted to tell our parents but was afraid. I called a family meeting,a nd we all drove home to our parents. We four sat on a couch and held hands while I broke the news.

If there is ANYONE you can tell, please do it! A friend, a family member - someone. You might be surprised where the support will come from, and no one should have to bear that alone. Even though you may have decisions to make that are yours alone, it will help to have someone just to talk to!

[opalwench]

After much debate and lip chewing, I finally called my parents the afternoon after Suzanna was born. They took it better than I had expected, and I now wish I'd talked to them sooner.

We did choose adoption and my parents are having to deal with meeting their granddaughter and saying goodbye to her all in the course of a very short time. They're hurt and I do feel some guilt about that.

I think if I had a do-over I'd have told them earlier. Even if they'd exploded and disowned me like I'd been afraid of it wouldn't have weighed on me so much.

As for Jeff, there wasn't much "telling" of his family required. His mom was the one who basically kicked us to get my mysterious wieght gain figured out. And his dad is the one who's helping us wade through the adoption paperwork. ... And his half-sister is our daughter's new mom. So there has been alot of support and involvement on that end. Never real pressure though, they'd have been there for us if we'd have decided to keep and raise her too.

[Shellikin]

The day I found out, I sat my parents down and said "mom, dad... I'm expecting a baby. I want you to know that I was using two forms of protection, I wasn't being stupid about it. I guess that didn't work." They were shocked at first (can't blame them, really), but said "well, I guess times are changing" and told me they'd support me in whatever I did, but they weren't going to raise the baby... which is something I wouldn't have even asked. My mother's mother (the only grandparent I have that's still alive) got told over the phone by my mom after I had already decided on the adoption. She reacted by saying that I had disgraced the family... of course, no one in the family talks about how my mom was born 7 1/2 months after her parents were married. I'm still a little bitter about the Grandma thing.

The baby's father told no one... actually whenever we were around his friends or family, he'd make me wear a sweatshirt to hide the little bump. When I started showing through the sweatshirt, he stopped contact with me... picked it up again once the baby was born. He told me he didn't want people thinking he got me pregnant... I said "but you did." He never acknowledge the child and it's highly doubtful that he ever mentioned it to anyone in his life.

The best advice I can give is avoid phrases like "I know you're going to be mad, but..." because you honestly don't know how they'll react until it happens and people usually get mad when people say stuff like that. And tell them! Family is the best source of support that you have in this tough time.

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by kune

lahdh4 and chelesgirl

33 years ago, I was pregnant and didn't tell my family. I went through the pregnancy and birth alone, and I would never ever advocate it as best practice. It was lonely and frightening.

33 years later, when I was contacted by my son, I had to tell my 84 yr old mother and two sisters and brother. And all my friends who thought they knew me and all my secrets.

I know now that I didn't have to do it alone. There would have been support for me. If I chose to parent, they would have had to support me, and if I felt it necessary to place the child for adoption, it would be my decision.

Go see your parents - tell them you are pregnant and need their help. Talk about your options, and if you do not have their support go see your college counsellor or some other professional who will help you access the services you need. Actually........you and your child need. There are now two lives involved - yours and your baby and you need to have support for whatever choice you make.

Where are the fathers? They need to take some responsiblity too.

((Hugs to you)) and please......take care and make the best decision you can for you and the babies.

Ann

I got pregnant in 1963 at 15, delivered at 16 in Feb of 1964.

Like all Catholic girls I knew that if you missed 3 periods you were pregnant..

That was when I told my mother, who took control. Refused to listen to me and contacted a doctor to try and have me aborted. I was too far along and he wouldn't do it. It was illegal, I am lucky she didn't take my to some back alley butcher. As it was I was sent to a doctor who found babies for private adoption..
I was not told anything, I just closed down and did what I was told.

33 years later I found my son and we have a great relationship.

Knowing when you are pregnant and what your options are is so different now.

[EmorysMamma]

My mom was with me when I found out. I was 8 months along and didn't know I was pregnant. It was a Friday. I decided not to tell anyone until after the weekend. So, Monday came and I told my aunt, who was living with us at the time. Then I called my brother and he went with my mother and I to my Grandma's to tell her. Needless to say, everyone was stunned. My grandma didn't understand why I chose open adoption and expressed her disappointment in me everyday. My uncle didn't take it well at all and still is not accepting of my choice to this very day, almost 2 years later. My brother and grandma were a little uncomfortable for a while but, once they saw her and met her aparents, they fell in love with them. Pretty much the same for everyone else. They are very supportive. I sure lucked out.