[Lil daisy]

hey im going to place my baby up for adoption,i have just turned 18, the baby dad is not in contact anymore.I want a better life for my baby,a family a mother and a father..i have 12 weeks to go till baby is due,already i feel as if my heart is breaking in two.
but i cant give waht my baby needs and thats a stable loving home with a mum and dad...
is their anyone knowing what im going through??

[JNM]

I have a lovely 5 month old, but I have decided now to give him up for adoption. I am on my own and it seems the best thing for him- to have a mum and dad etc. I love him, but he was never planned and I don't feel adequate. I also suffer from bipolar and struggle to cope with that alone- I just don't want him to miss out. But if you have faith in yourself and want to do the parenting, I reckon that you could. It's your choice of course. You go girl

[SchmennaLeigh]

daisy;

Children need love, shelter and food. Where that love comes from doesn't always specifically matter as long as it is consistently available. That said, your reasoning was among the reasons in which I sought out adoption. I was convinced that children need two parents. Knowing that Munchkin has an AWESOME Mom and Dad DOES make me feel better at times. They love her to pieces. Do they love her more than I do? Differently, I suppose. No less, that's for sure. I've now seen a few of my friends bring children into this world and parent them as single Mothers. They have just as much love as my Husband and I have for our Son. It's a hard concept to work through while you're pregnant and even months afterward. We all go through the placement process with good intentions, for the most part. Have you been in counseling that is separate from any agency that you are working with? I would suggest that for these last twelve weeks to help you sort out your feelings and to better prepare you for the grief and loss that accompanies relinquishment.

JNM; many bipolar parents have found ways to cope. Do you have any support system at all? How have you bonded with your five month old? I would honestly seek out counseling separate from any parents or agency so that you can make the best, most educated decision possible.

You both will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[dmca]

yes honey that is exactly how I felt and it got worse. Please listen to the other ladies and get some help with all this.
BIG BIG BIG HUGS,
dmca

[JNM]

Thankyou dmca. I am having counselling.

[Lil daisy]

thanks heaps for the advice, i think i will need to do councilling as Im not sleeping at night now and having nightmares etc...but i just keep on reminding myself that my baby will be better off with adoption..im glad you guys know what im going through
i hope you are feeling better Jnm with councilling...

[SchmennaLeigh]

daisy; what are your nightmares about? They don't necessarily go away with relinquishment. After my Husband and I had our son last year, I kept having nightmares that I left him places... and once, when I found him, he was playing with the Munchkin. It's not hard to figure out where the basis of these nightmares lie! What are yours about? Do you want to talk about them?

You haven't told us much about your story so why do you feel that your child will be better off if placed for adoption? I'm not saying you're right or wrong, I'm just asking. We've all had different reasonings and stories.

[Lil daisy]

hey, my nightmares are giving birth in the car not at the hospital and doing it all by myself, also in my dream he is such a beautiful baby and i have to do all i can to not keep him but give him to the other mother in my dream, and other dreams of just being attacted at night and stuff like that..
well my story is that earlier this year,was when the babys father and i first started going out, he was 17 and same as i. we both still lived in our parents home etc,he had a job with his dad as a towie.
In march I found out i was pregnant to him and we both wanted to keep it, but as time went on he left me and didnt want anything to do with me.
but as soon as I found out what the sex was for our child he got interested again, as i was still in contact with his family.Things started to work out then my family told me I had to leave their house and start to grow up, to find a place on my own to look after baby...in the end Im now 12 weeks to go and the babys father doesnt want anything to do with me again, I also found out he is on the drug "p". he is also getting in trouble with the police and fighting alot.
i dont want my kid growing up to think that lifestyle is good and to look up to him,I dont want my baby to go inbetween my house and his with all the fights we have to live up with that..
i want my baby to have a father and mother living together happy wanting a baby, not to have the brokeness that Me and the babys father will have...
my mother was a solo mum and i know that i needed a dad and i dont want my kid to have that feeling..
i love my baby to pieces, all i want is the best for baby

[mom2GRLC]

but what happens if you place and then 3 months later find MR Right who would be the PERFECT father? How will you feel then?

What happens say if you got pregnant again...but this time decided to keep the baby? You then realize that you were strong enough to care for this child on your own..

I think it is wonderful that adoption exists...but all to often I hear of heart breaking stories on how a birthmother wished she new better and could have saved herself from a lifetime of pain, guilt and sadness.

sometimes adoption is used as a permanent fix to a temporary situation. Then when that situation improves....those reasons for placing just don't seem to be good enough anymore and they wish they would have just kept their baby and at least tried to parent.

I'm not trying to discourage you at all from placing....but I just thought I'd add a couple things to think about.

[Mommy24]

Just one more thing to think about, you want your child to have 2 parents that live happily together, remember that adoptive parents are human also, unfortunately nothing in life is guaranteed. There is no guarantee they will stay together and no guarantee that something tragic wont happen, although I dont wish these 2 scenarios on anyone it is important to think about.
Best of luck to you!!

[jenk76]

i just wanted to say that we all have a choice but u have to live with your choice forever so u do what is right for you and your baby..
I was adopted at 6mths and after 30yrs have just found my bmother and bsiblings..
please just think about the future that child will love u no matter what but its a hard and long road when u think your bmum didnt want or love you....
Just another point of veiw

[msdesi]

Please be sure about this.

Why are you so sure you can't give your baby what he/she needs? Only because the father isn't involved? I'm not trying to trivialize that because I know to you right now that seems like a very big deal. But a child can very much be raised with stability by a single mom.

[rilo kiley]

Lil daisy- hi! Welcome to the forums! You still have many weeks of this pregnancy to get in touch with your options and what your heart truly desires. I encourage you to continue to seek out your support system and options available to you.

I am so sorry the baby's father is not more supportive and present to help you through this process. I'm sorry your own family isn't able to support you as well.

There are many people here who can offer their personal experience to help you through this time in your life and your unborn child's. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you know there are many people here who understand your story all too well and that we all send you lots of and know you will make the best choice for youself and your unborn child's.

Thinking about you tonight.

[JeannineL]

I had just turned 18 years old, when I gave birth to my birth daughter. At the time, I felt like I could not give her the life that she deserves, so I gave her up for adoption. At the time, I felt like I was doing the right thing. Now, 21 years later, I still wonder if I did the right thing, giving her up for adoption. Sometimes, I wish that I had never done that. It is a very hard thing to do and I just want to tell you that whatever your decision is, it will always be a part of your life. Right now, I am trying to find my birth daughter, I have been for awhile. I will feel like a part of me will always be missing until I find her. I just think that you should really think things through before making a decision like that.

[happygmom]

Lil Daisy,

Adoptive parents separate and divorce at the same rate as biological parents so chosing adoption is no guarentee that your child will be raised on a stable two parent family. I apologize if that sounds too direct and harsh but I think that it is important that you face that reality now and not set yourself up for heartbreak later.

Mom2's words are very, very wise, I think that you should discuss them with your counselor. I am so glad that your counseling is helping.

Big Hugs,

Happy G'Ma