[FosterSurroBirthMom]

I have never been through it but it looks as if you got a ton of helpful advice and it seems that we all care. All I can say is follow your heart, it might be tough, (either way) but just follow your heart or your gut instinct...Good luck and we are all here to chat if ya need it Keep your head up!!

[FosterSurroBirthMom]

Do you know where she is? Or where she was adopted too or her name or anything? I wish you the best of luck! & I hope you find all you are looking for!! Good luck!
Hugs!!

Originally Posted by JeannineL

I had just turned 18 years old, when I gave birth to my birth daughter. At the time, I felt like I could not give her the life that she deserves, so I gave her up for adoption. At the time, I felt like I was doing the right thing. Now, 21 years later, I still wonder if I did the right thing, giving her up for adoption. Sometimes, I wish that I had never done that. It is a very hard thing to do and I just want to tell you that whatever your decision is, it will always be a part of your life. Right now, I am trying to find my birth daughter, I have been for awhile. I will feel like a part of me will always be missing until I find her. I just think that you should really think things through before making a decision like that.

[Lil daisy]

hey thanks all for the advice and replys,
I know solo mums are awesome and they are very strong,i know cause my mum was one and same as my friends are.
the thing is though, I hated not having a father in my life! i hated that i didnt have a father to push me on the swings,hang with,have the protectivness, the love of a father!!! i would hate to have it for my child!
sure I will most proberly meet mr right and start a future with him but I had a stepfather and from what I saw from it, i dont want that for my kid etc.
Why cant the child be happy at having a better chance in life with two parents and a stable home?!
my home is not a good home for a kid to growp up in, in and out of flats,in and out of realtionships,up and down with the family!
i know that the babys father is going to fight for custady when baby gets born,why should i go through that horrible fights etc when baby can be at home with a loving family.
hell yeah its going to break my heart, but i know that baby will be happy and better life for him,
i can have more kids later on with mr right, when Im older,stable job, etc.
yeah most prob my baby will hate me for letting him go, but out of my fullness of my heart im giving him away for a better chance in life!
and someday i pray he will understand...

[SchmennaLeigh]

but I had a stepfather and from what I saw from it, i dont want that for my kid etc.

Then don't marry a man like your stepfather. Actually, having to keep a child in mind will help you better select a mate: finding one who is not only considerate and loving towards you but children that aren't his biological ones shows a lot of character.

i know that the babys father is going to fight for custady when baby gets born,why should i go through that horrible fights etc when baby can be at home with a loving family.

The father still has to relinquish rights. If you are planning on not telling the agency who the Father is, that's not only unethical but one of the illegal practices in adoption. He has rights.

i can have more kids later on with mr right, when Im older,stable job, etc.

You are NOT guaranteed more children in life. Many firstmothers have chosen not to have more children because of the emotional grief and loss. Others have waited and found that, physically, they are unable to conceive.

Beyond that, your words right there simply play out to mean that, "Hey, I can have another so letting go of this one is okay." Is one better than the other? Never.

[Lil daisy]

so you are saying a p addict and person who has stabbed someone and is in and out of the law is going to be a great dad for my kid?! Hell no!!!
why cant you guys see that i dont want the kid to look up to me and his father?!!!!I know from my life that its not a healthy one and yet you guys say place a child in that to have a chance to be screwed up, i dont want the guilt of screwing my childs life...
giving him away at least has a chance in life..
I do love my kid more than anything in the world!!!!
and it will i know change my life and i will never forget him, no other child will be better than him, i was showing my hope that someday I will have more kids when Im older with a right guy etc, thats what i meant!!! i never meant in that i just better than the others i may have in life..

[SchmennaLeigh]

I didn't say he would be a great dad. I said he has rights.

[msdesi]

Originally Posted by Lil daisy

so you are saying a p addict and person who has stabbed someone and is in and out of the law is going to be a great dad for my kid?! Hell no!!!
why cant you guys see that i dont want the kid to look up to me and his father?!!!!I know from my life that its not a healthy one and yet you guys say place a child in that to have a chance to be screwed up, i dont want the guilt of screwing my childs life...
giving him away at least has a chance in life..
I do love my kid more than anything in the world!!!!
and it will i know change my life and i will never forget him, no other child will be better than him, i was showing my hope that someday I will have more kids when Im older with a right guy etc, thats what i meant!!! i never meant in that i just better than the others i may have in life..

I see what you're saying. When I replied my only meaning was to take care of YOU and be sure this is what you want. I see in your profile and even also from your way of speaking that you may be from the UK? You don't need to answer but I bring it up because I'll be the first to admit I don't know what rights a father is having in any country except the United States, so I can't advise you there.

Best of luck with your decision. (((hugs))) and no judgement.

[znuttycook]

I was adopted when I was 3months old in the 50 Mothers did not have the help they have now.When I gave birth to my son there was know way I was going to have him adopted.I was lucky I went back to live with my parents . I met my husband to be when my son was 7months old and we married when my son was 3years old and went on to have two daughters

[DeNaJa]

Daisy,
I think the people on this board were just trying to help you think of what it MIGHT feel like if and when you place so you are prepared. So often we make a plan and think we will feel only relief and are surprised when we feel sad or bad. You alone know the situation with your ex-boyfriend and your family. You alone know if the situation is one that you want to bring your child into. You alone know whether or not you are ready to be his mother at this point. Your reasons for considering adoption are valid. I respect your desire for a "better life" for your son...one hopefully that will include a mom and dad, a stable home, that meets his needs and is extremely loving. I am an a-mom and my daughter's birth mom was raped at 13. Her family wanted her to abort and she nearly did twice. She ended up standing up for herself and her daughter and insisting on adoption. My husband and I wanted to make sure she had her own attorney to advise her and counseling so she could deal with the rape and the make certain she wanted to place, prepare for the emotions involved, and get post-placement care. The 1st few weeks and months after placement were difficult. My heart was just BROKEN for her... She had fallen in love and her "head decision" was now being effected by her heart. She knew the reasons she had for wanting to place (very similar to your own) but walking out of the hospital with empty arms was painful (as you might imagine and expect). We have a semi-open adoption. I send videos, cards, letters, GOBS of pictures, foot and hand prints etc... we email also, and she has our contact information, but she never writes, calls or visits. We are open, but she is at a different time in her life. My comfort is that she writes me emails talking about how happy she is, how her life is going now, and how thankful she is. I think part of the success we are having is our respect and love for HER. We made agreements before the birth and we have honored them. We gained her trust. We want to make her proud and are doing our very best to raise this little girl into a woman she will be extra proud of. We really do LOVE our daughter's birth mom and consider her part of our family. We show our daughter her picture and talk about her regularly with the respect she deserves. Please make sure you feel you know and trust the family you choose to raise your son (should you decide to place) and make your wishes known in regards to the openness of the adoption, pictures, etc...and select a family who will honor these requests. You have plenty of time to continue to educate yourself on adoption as well as parenting (should you change your mind). I am impressed and awed by your comments that you know it will be hard for YOU, but that what is important is what your feel is best for HIM. This is the response of a true mother. We are selfless...our children come first. It may be that you decide raising him is best...you may decide adoption is best. You alone know what is best for your son.

Take care.

[littlebitty]

Lil Daisy,
I think you have made an educated and wonderful decision! You seem to know what you want for your child... a home with a mom AND dad, a beautiful life, a life that you just don't think you can give him.

You already made the most important decision... the decision to give this child LIFE! And for that, you are a strong woman! You could have given up so easily, but you didn't!

There is a couple out there right now that has been hoping and praying for the baby that YOU are carrying in your womb, and to be able to answer their prayers is an AMAZING thing!

I have a 2 year old daughter at home. I'm pregnant now, and in 7 weeks, her brother or sister is going to be placed into his parents' arms, and they will be taking him hundreds of miles from us. And it is the most amazing, beautiful and eye-opening journey that I have ever experienced.

This adoption plan has given me and so many others around me a new outlook on life... and it has given C & A a baby! AND it has given me and my little family a second chance. The blessings that have come from this have been overwhelming... and if you ever need encouragement, please PM me.

Peace be with you in your journey! You have made the hardest and best decision you could ever make for your child. You have made the decision to give him a life... and a BETTER life. And for that, you are being the best mother you could be!

Peace be with you!
Jeska

[StacyKelly2]

Lil' Daisy,
First off I want to say how responsible you seem to be through this. Reading your post I know you defintely love your baby and only want the best. Is the birth father willing to sign off his rights for the adoption? Being young and realizing that your home life is not where you want your angel to grow up, is something that could not have been easy for you. Follow your heart you know what is right for your angel. Giving him the gift of life speaks for itself..

[SMLH]

<<<Adoptive parents separate and divorce at the same rate as biological parents so chosing adoption is no guarentee that your child will be raised on a stable two parent family. I apologize if that sounds too direct and harsh but I think that it is important that you face that reality now and not set yourself up for heartbreak later.>>>


Very true. As a birth mom, I can't guarantee that my daughter A Parents will be together forever. I feel they have a stable marriage, but who am I to judge? I know an adoptive couple that divorced and the kids have split custody with both Amom and Adad. I NEVER want that for my daughter, my parents are still together, (just had their 25th yesterday) so I could not image what it would be like having to deal with divored parents. Let your heart guide you in your decision, but don't forget about the logics of life. There is no wrong decision! Remember that. You will never please everyone in this world. People look down on me for this adoption - e.i. my boy friend.. Anyway that’s another story. Do what is best for you, for your baby.Take Care of yourself

[Patty-cake]

Lil daisy,
Read in the sub-forums further down under birthparents. Read what it is like after you relinqulish your child. You deserve to know what is down the adoption road. It is not easy. Some deal with it better than others.

[karolanne]

Lil Daisy,

All the advice given here was wonderful and wise advice. Listen, take heart and end the end do what you feel is best. The choice to parent may be hard, but the choice to allow another couple will be very difficult too. I am not a parent, and I am not a mom who had to make an adoption plan, also I am not adopted.

Hannah

[TAMRMART]

Lil Daisy,

You sound like you are being level headed on the subject. I think that you sound as though you have thought it through. I give you props for thinking about it from all sides. The baby is the most important one in this situation. I know that it is hard to do what you feel is right for him/her. It is also hard to know what is right. Follow your heart. I am so sorry for what you are going through with the father. I know what it is like. I hope that you have at least been well for the past months. I admire you for thinking of your baby and putting him first. I have a friend who decided to parent with a father that was on drugs. The baby is 3 now, and neither parent is any longer in the picture. I feel for you in your decision. I have worked with pregnant teens in the past. I realize how tuff your choices are to make.
Please feel free to pm me. I would be glad to help you in any way that I can. Sometimes talking brings clarity. Best wishes sweetie.