Reasons for Relinquishing...

Ski_Bunny · #1 02-06-2006, 05:36 PM

Hi!
I am 7 months pregnant and still debating the parenting vs. adoption option.
What were your reasons for relinquishing? I want to make sure that if I sign my rights away for this little baby, I did it for the right reasons based on what I knew...

(a) How important is two parent home? Birthfather does NOT want any contact and complete anonymity throughout entire process. He has signed away everything (including paperwork to ensure records are sealed at age 18).
(b) Better life? Were you referring to material or emotional goods here. Although I have stable job, income, insurance, etc., I have NO knowledge about raising a baby. Does that make me a bad candidate to parent? I would be flying solo and I know nothing about single parenting.

I love this baby so so so much, and I only want what is best!!! I feel selfish for considering parenting when there are so many adoptive couples out there - but I think I would be a da** good mom.

Any input is appreciated!
Thanks, Ski_Bunny

bromanchik · #2 02-06-2006, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ski_Bunny

Hi!
I love this baby so so so much, and I only want what is best!!! I feel selfish for considering parenting when there are so many adoptive couples out there - but I think I would be a da** good mom.

Any input is appreciated!
Thanks, Ski_Bunny

It is not up to you to provide a baby to an adoptive couple. I do not think you are selfish for wanting to parent, especially if you think you will be a da** good mom. Are you being pressured to place?

cute · #3 02-06-2006, 06:14 PM

Ski_Bunny: If you have a job and can provide for your child then please do so.You love your baby,so why not raise your own child??? I would...

***taramayrn*** · #4 02-06-2006, 06:21 PM

I agree with what the other posters have said to you. As a birthmom who has a good open adoption experience but who also regrets placing her child for adoption, I urge you to really think long and hard about parenting. It sure sounds like you have the desire and the financial resources to parent. Don't worry about not knowing about children, there are many experienced parents in your life and there are great parenting classes.
Please know that it is not your job to provide childless couples with children. Do not feel guilty for loving your baby and for wanting to parent.

cute · #5 02-06-2006, 06:34 PM

FH-taramayrn: I agree!!! Also there is no manual that I know of writtten on how to love and parent your child.It is instinct....

***taramayrn*** · #6 02-06-2006, 06:36 PM

That's what I've heard cute. That almost every new parent has those same fears that they won't be good parents. You learn!

riverview · #7 02-06-2006, 06:41 PM

"It's not your job to provide childless couples with children"-as an adoptive parent, what an absolutely awful thing to write.

***taramayrn*** · #8 02-06-2006, 06:42 PM

I'm sorry you are offended Riverview, but it's the honest truth. It is not a pregnant woman's job to provide a childless couple with a child. She should not feel guilty for parenting her child instead of chosing adoption.

ddhuab · #9 02-06-2006, 06:43 PM

Not a birthmother... so sorry for butting in --

but as a child who was really raised by a single mom... I say you sound like you could absolutely do this. I think all moms have moments of doubt and fear -- but it sounds like you truly love your child and are realistic about things... as long as you put your child's happiness and safety first, I think you would be providing an environment with all the child needs.

My mom's life and mine were difficult at times, yes... a lot more so for her than me, I think. But that life made me who I am today and I am pretty happy about that (which is not a perfect person, by any means, but...).

Good luck to you!
D.

riverview · #10 02-06-2006, 06:54 PM

I don't think I've ever heard of adoption put into such cold words. Not offended, just stunned. On my side of the coin, I have the utmost respect for my children's birthmother's and thank God every day that we met them. I do not think that anyone should place their child with another family for adoption unless that person is 100% certain that it is their choice to do so. I would never wish any birthmother to have regret, anger , resentment in their decision. I would want her to know that her child is loved, safe and knowing that perhaps in the future they can meet again. In the end, I think that if she wants to parent, I wish her the absolute best because...it is her child.

evildishrag · #11 02-06-2006, 07:13 PM

Ski_Bunny, I think you've answered your own question with the following points:

Quote:

I think I would be a da** good mom
I have stable job, income, insurance, etc.,
I love this baby so so so much
I only want what is best!!!

I'd say you're a great mom already! Hell, you sound more together than some married couples I know. Listen to your gut and you'll be AOK.

You'll probably bring the little baby home and be terrified of it for a few days but that fear of not knowing will quickly pass and everything will fall together beautifully. Lots of moms don't know the first thing about babies but instinct takes over and you'll figure out what to do. Doing it solo can be a plus too, with no other clueless person interfering when you've got things under control.

One caution though, even though dad's out of the picture, that may change sooner or later. It's easy for him to say and feel that way now because he's panicked but he may decide he wants to be part of tha baby's life. Just be prepared.

Finally, IMHO a two-parent family is highly overrated. Definitely not an absolute necessity. And you may not be a single parent forever and step-dads can be just as good or better than bio dads.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Happy birthing!

Ski_Bunny · #12 02-06-2006, 07:19 PM

Yes - I have pressure from birthfather to place child.
We do not/have not/never will have a relationship...just a "friends with benefits" situation.

Recent career successes have spun him into the stratosphere, and he views the entire situation as a business deal turned sour. Unfortunate? He has made his stance clear that he does not want anything to do with this baby, and never will. In his words, "I don't want this kid showing up on my doorstep in 20 years, I don't want custody, and I don't want to be a parent." He has not told his family nor friends, and confirmed he never will.

I was an absolute wreck when I discovered I was pregnant, and agreed wholeheartedly that adoption would be a feasible option for both of us. Months later, I'm second guessing that assumption I made and wondering if I'm going crazy

Should I continue with the path I started; how many times am I allowed to change my mind???

evildishrag · #13 02-06-2006, 07:25 PM

Ok, then screw him. Well, not literally. Again. Ooops.

So you're authentically flying solo. Awesome. Do what feels right and he can go suck a pickle.

***Tigger27*** · #14 02-06-2006, 07:28 PM

You're allowed to change your mind as often as you want to and when you make a decision to place your child for adoption, you make that decision more than once because after you have the baby and hold them in your arms then you have to re-make the decision to either stay with choosing adoption if that's what you were planning or change your mind and parent.

You don't have to make your final decision until your baby is born.

I chose to place both my girls for adoption after I carefully researched and considered my options so I was at peace with my decision to place both times. Even though I don't regret the choice I made to place both my girls for adoption and I was and am still at peace with the choice I made to place them, I had to make the decision to place each of them for adoption twice - once while I was pregnant and had to re-make the decision after I gave birth and held each of my daughters in my arms.

You have to go with what you know and feel is the best and right choice for you and your baby in your heart.

If you take your time and listen to your heart, you'll know what to do.

God Bless.

Anne

***Tigger27*** · #15 02-06-2006, 07:35 PM

Ski_bunny,

Also, just so you're aware, I'm one of the Community Moderators on this forum and wanted to make you aware that it is not allowed for anyone to solicit or ask you to let them adopt your baby.

So, if anyone tries to solicit you to adopt your baby or coerce you into considering placing your child for adoption with them, then please make sure to tell either me or one of the other CMs - echaos, Crick, MrsSmith, or leaabc123 so we can take care of it.

If you have any other questions or would like to talk, then feel free to send me a PM.

Anne

Welcome to the Forums.	Register
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. You may have to register before you can post or search: click here to proceed. To start viewing messages, select a forum below that you would like to view or click View All of Todays Posts.