[jessalyn11053m]

Hello. I am 20 years old and currently the single mother of a two-year-old daughter. I am also three months pregnant and considering adoption for this baby.

This pregnancy was very much unplanned, as was my first. I was raped by a person who i thought to be a close friend.

I have no told this person I am pregnant. I do not believe that this person should be a part of this childs life nor do i think a part of this decision.

I am trying to make the best decision for my baby here. I need to know if there is any way i can go ahead with adoption without the father's consent?

There is a lot more to this story. . and my heart, but right now I am concerned about my baby's safety.

Thank you.

[BrandyHagz]

I need to know if there is any way i can go ahead with adoption without the father's consent?

Not and have it be legal...no.

Consent has to be given in some form or fashion, be it by signature or by default (Putative Father Registry, if they have them in your state).

If you're affraid and your sure adoption is the route you want to go (for now, you'll remake the decision several times) then allow the attorney to handle contact with him...that's what their paid for.

[jessalyn11053m]

What if i decide to say I do not know who the father is? I know that sounds awful. . but I know this person and he will want to have this child, and i cant stand the thought of someone who did that to me. . to be a father. I am chosing to give this baby life because it is my child and i do love it very much. . but i want to give this baby a good life.

Is there any way to get around this?

[BrandyHagz]

Lying will only jepordize the legality of the adoption. As I said, have the attorney handle it...if you don't and he finds out, he could assert his rights and cause a number of problems...or even get custody.

I've been there, its hard to do...but its the right thing to do.

[jessalyn11053m]

well, thank you for your help.

I have not even decided if adoption is right for me. I am trying very hard to not think of me in this situation, and think of this child.

I know that I will not inform him of this child if i decide to keep the baby. . Which a lot of people may think is wrong, but under the circumstances i have to protect my family..

I am really looking for some moral support.

What if I want to give this baby up and he wont sign his rights away? I know a lawyer is the right way to go with these questions, but i would rather prepare myself for the answers first.

Thank you, i really appreciate it.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

OK there is a lot going on here. Take it from someone who got herself in legal hot water over lying about my first daughter's father....

If you do not name him... or name someone else.. and parent... then he can come back and ask for rights once he finds out. THEN YOU will look like the bad guy for hiding it from him -- and with no record of any rape, it may seem that you are grasping at straws to the judge.

If I knew then what I know now..I would never, ever have left myself and my daughter open to such a thing.

Next... if he raped you... report it!! If you have his baby it is obvious that you had sex so he cant deny that... tell them exactly what happened...

If you do that... the possibility exists that if you decide to place (or even parent) the judge will terminate his rights.

If you choose not to... then yes, you need to get his permission. You need to name the father. You DO NOT need to speak to him.

Please know that when you are thinking about your child... by giving false information you are robbing him or her of who he or she is... a piece of their history. You not giving that information is really...when it comes down to it... not about the child.

If you choose to parent and take the chance of not naming the father.... then that is the right choice for you.. but to place your child... and keep that information from the child is robbing them not only of the information but of the choice to explore that information later.

You seem distraut about it... if what you say is true, then report it, please.

I guess look at it this way.. you grow up... meet your birthmom...then find out the information you have about your father is all lies... who would you choose to believe and trust?

Honesty is the best policy.

[kinnanepetersen]

I agree with the others, there are a lot of legal issues involved. First, they are 100% correct... you never have to speak to the birth father, you just need to name him. If you decide to place the agency you work with will completely handle the birth father situation. I would suggest contacting an agency / lawyer. If you call an agency that your considering working with they will take the time to explain the likely scenarios with you. If you then decide that you don't want to adopt, that's your choice but at least you've recieved some good free advice on how to handle the specifics.

All in all, if you decide to place the child I would suggest you don't lie... it puts you, your child, and the adoptive parents in jeapordy in the future.

Best of luck with everything. It's clear that with all your great questions your going to make the right decision for you and your child!

[BrianG]

I got involved with a woman that said she was in a bad marriage. After sometime she asked to come live with me having now where else to go. I felt I was being her hero and let it happen. After 2 kids she is back with her ex husband. 4 months ago she cut off all contact now I cant even continue to pay support. Three days ago I get a phone call from a lawyer wanting to send me adoption papers. Some of the comments here I found to relivant to me

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Does anyone else see a different last post here?

Am I insane.. it says wishing4blessing...

Deleted...or insane?

(watch it! )

[SchmennaLeigh]

Deleted. Not insane.

[LadySheehan]

Some women may not know who the father of their unborn child is and that is how they can avoid having to have a father sign. Hope this helps.

[BrandyHagz]

Lady Sheehan,

I've edited a large portion of your post - we don't allow the promotion of illegal activities on this forum. Your suggestion is that this person violate the law, which is not something we want promoted on our site.

If you have any questions, you can find our Terms of Service linked at the bottom of each page where it addresses the discussion of illegal activities.

[BrianG]

Originally Posted by jessalyn11053m

well, thank you for your help.

I have not even decided if adoption is right for me. I am trying very hard to not think of me in this situation, and think of this child.

I know that I will not inform him of this child if i decide to keep the baby. . Which a lot of people may think is wrong, but under the circumstances i have to protect my family..

I am really looking for some moral support.

What if I want to give this baby up and he wont sign his rights away? I know a lawyer is the right way to go with these questions, but i would rather prepare myself for the answers first.

Thank you, i really appreciate it.

If you have some one in mind that wants to adopt your baby then start the petition to adopt. What you are doing is what people are trying to do to me. If the Lawyer can find the birth Father he will be served on the grounds that he hasnt spent any time with the child or paid any support. See an Adoption Lawyer and he'll get ya going, but make sure your honest. My ex was not and now may lose the kids

[ContactChar]

Jessalyn,

It's critical that you talk to an experienced adoption attorney to make sure that you're protecting your rights and your baby's. The rights of the father vary from state to state. In some states, if he hasn't provided any assistance to you through the pregnancy, his rights can be terminated. In some, if the child is conceived as the result of an assault (as in your case), he cannot contest the adoption. In other states, the father can show up even after your revocation period, and contest the adoption. Until you know the laws of your state, you can't know the best way to proceed. I agree with you that there's no need to tell him about the pregnancy now. If you decide to place, he can be told after you make your decision (assuming your lawyer agrees).

Good luck!