[numbr1dbcksfan]

Alright.. so the thought crossed your mind that maybe placing for adoption is a possibility for you.

What did you do next? Did you look into it yourself? or Did you call an agency as a way TO look into it? How did you find the agency?

What was the atmosphere like? Was it what you expected? What DID you expect??

Talk about your experience with this...

[Montraviatommyg]

Would like to contribute positively to this topic as it's a good one but unfortunately placing for adoption never even crossed my mind. My choices were abortion or parenting but when it came to it I couldn't abort for several reasons ... the most important reason being I wanted to parent. I kept quiet long enough not to be pressured into having an abortion and my reasoning on that is on a thread I started. When my parents found out they were furious they couldn't pressure me into an abortion so they dealt with everything. Not once did I ever agree to this so the first time I saw a social worker was after my son was born and I still wanted to parent and the social worker promised to support my decision. The reality was she kept on reporting back to my parents, didn't put a stop to the adoption as promised, my parents added more pressure then I was eventually told when my son was 6 weeks that it ws too late to put a stop to the adoption. I found out a year ago that she lied to me but of course this was over 23 years too late for me to fight my ground. I am sorry I don't have a positive tale to tell but I hope someone does.

Pip

[numbr1dbcksfan]

So-- you saw a social worker.

I wonder if that is something women do here also... a social worker... would DES refer to an agency... or just do a straight adoption? hmmm...

[FauxClaud]

I looked in the local phonebook. Called a local agency and didn't like them. They sounded cold.

I talked to a private laywers office that I was referred to by my shrink, but they were more concerned about the costs of getting me out of my house and i knew I didn't want to be alone and pregnant.

Then I went back to the phone book and called an out of state agency because I like the name. They were nice and had what I needed and wanted.

And that was it.

the rest..what I expected, what I got...is here more or less;
http://musingsofthelame.blogspot.com...of-****ed.html

[Montraviatommyg]

Originally Posted by FH-numbr1dbcksfan

So-- you saw a social worker.

I wonder if that is something women do here also... a social worker... would DES refer to an agency... or just do a straight adoption? hmmm...

Sorry, should have also stated that the social worker was from an adoption agency but I wasn't even told what one it was so it was a long time before I found out . Sorry, still winds me up a bit after all these years so I suppose that's why I feel strongly about women being absolutely sure they are doing the right thing for themselves and their unborn child when placing for adoption. If they do so with unbiased help and support then that is fine.

Pip

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by FH-numbr1dbcksfan

Alright.. so the thought crossed your mind that maybe placing for adoption is a possibility for you.

What did you do next? Did you look into it yourself? or Did you call an agency as a way TO look into it? How did you find the agency?

What was the atmosphere like? Was it what you expected? What DID you expect??

Talk about your experience with this...

I got sucked in by big agency advertising on the internet that promised to help girls with unplanned pregnancies. What I didn't understand was that they promised to help as long as you "promised" to place your child. I thought I was going to be given advice on what was best in my (OUR) situation. I thought advice was given to each woman(mother) on a case by case basis. I didn't realize that adoption was going to be shoved down my throat. I was very, very naive and very, very trusting without resources to research on my own. I got sucked into a lot of "pretty promises."

Had I delayed contacting them (or not gotten sick at all....sigh), I don't know if I would have chosen to place. (Or, maybe if I would have contacted a more ethical agency. Ours didn't have the, uhm, best reputation, but neither myself or the aparents knew it at the time. Hindsight. Hindsight.)

[Free_to_be_me]

The first thing I did when I started thinking about adoption was read. I found a book that I read from cover to cover at least a couple times before I did anything else.

I didn't tell anyone that I was thinking about adoption until I was about 5 or 6 months along. I told my parents first. My mom made an appointment to meet with a social worker from the county. Before I met with her, I had a prenatal appointment and also met with the hospital social worker to talk about my "birth plan." She asked about pain medication, how I felt about this and that, who my coach was going to be, if I had had childbirth education classes and if I was planning on breastfeeding or bottle feeding. When she asked that, I looked at her and said with a perfectly straight face "I don't think I'm going to feed my baby." She got a little panicky, then asked me to clarify. I told her I was thinking about adoption and she helped connect me with an agency.

A few days later, I met with the county social worker (who was HORRIBLE, so I didn't ever call her back) and a week after that I met with my wonderful counselor from the adoption agency.

[scarlet52698]

When I told my parents that I was pregnant they took me over to the pastors house that day. He told me that my options were adoption or pray for a miscarriage.

8 weeks later I was on a plane to PTL to live at the unwed mothers home. Before boarding the plane my mother told me not to come home with a baby because she wouldn't support me.

Of coarse once I got to the home there was no mention of parenting other than to point out the horrors of living on welfare and what would happen to us in public housing (because of coarse that's where we would end up )

[TheDobergirl]

When I found out I was pregnant, I contacted a Catholic counselling service. The social worker was fantastic from the first minute I spoke with her on the phone. She got the basic scenario and some details in that initial conversation then said to come and see her. She explained everything about how they worked and what was available to me. She mentioned that although she could not refer me to any abortion provider, if that's what i chose, she would totally respect it.

She spent a great deal of time going over all the issues and things going on in my head before even mentioning adoption. I really can't speak highly enough of this particular organisation and am so greatful that I came into contact with them.
Luz

[numbr1dbcksfan]

That is great!!! It sounds like you were lucky to have them, they sound like ACTUAL counselors without an agenda in that regard.

There needs to be more out there like that.

[happygmom]

Originally Posted by SchmennaLeigh

I got sucked in by big agency advertising on the internet that promised to help girls with unplanned pregnancies. What I didn't understand was that they promised to help as long as you "promised" to place your child. I thought I was going to be given advice on what was best in my (OUR) situation. I thought advice was given to each woman(mother) on a case by case basis. I didn't realize that adoption was going to be shoved down my throat. I was very, very naive and very, very trusting without resources to research on my own. I got sucked into a lot of "pretty promises."

Talking from the point of view of a grandma here. The same thing that happened to this poster ALMOST happened to my daughter. I thank God every day for getting on the WEB and finding out what adoption is REALLY like for many first moms - long-term feelings of loss, broken promises in "open" adoptions, regrets about not parenting. I thank God every day for the first moms who share their experiences.

What did we do next? We deprogrammed her by telling her every day that we loved her, were proud of her decision to choose life for her child, and that we thought that she would be a great mom. We helped her to make a parenting plan instead of an adoption plan and agreed not to even discuss adoption until after her son was born. Eventually, she realized that the agency had denigrated her potential to be a good (great) parent and had convinced her that she should not "burden" us with her child, financially or morally (our own grandchild - really - the nerve!!!!).

She fell in love with her son the moment that she saw him. She's a great mom and our whole family is having a blast with this little guy. We would have made a lousy birth family.

Happy G'Ma

[tyiakoum]

Our agency is very unlike what happy gma talks about. I can't believe any agency would do something like that.
How can that be ethical? Wow.

Ours helps women in need, regardless of the outcome. It is hard for me to see stuff like that.... I can say that our agency does not even show a woman profiles of prospective families until the last minute, sometimes even after they give birth, because they want to make sure supports are fully in place for the mom.

Happy gma, you are a great asset to these boards, to help people understand the process and also to give your wisdom about your own experience w/in your family. You have probably given so many women/girls confidence to talk to their parents about their pregnancies.

[SchmennaLeigh]

It's not ethical. At all. Which is why it's great that we have families here to speak out about unethical agencies.

[DeNaJa]

These unethical places should be shut down. If agencies or counselors deceive women (potential birth moms), adoptive parents etc...they should not be able to continue. Adoption is a ownderful option, but not every woman should place her child for adoption when facing an unplanned prengnancy and seeking information. A woman seeking adoption info, as a woman seeking abortion info, should not be viewed as having made a decision simply because she contacted an agency, social worker, clinic, etc... for information. Provide the info...don't try to lasso her in and "get the sale"! ARG!!!

If we want real choices for women, they need to know the truth about their options in order to make educated decisions. I am glad this site exists to help all involved in an adoption or potential adoption. I know it has been helpful for me, personally.

Thanks all!