[melissa23melissa]

I am beginning the process of placing a child for adoption and I have a question about closed adoption. Just how closed is it? I know closed adoption isn't the popular choice anymore but I really think in my circumstances it's the best decision I can make. I really am not looking for contact or to be found at a later date. Any advice? Words of wisdom?
melissa

ps. I live in Ontario Canada

[AwaitingBeloved]

Hi Melissa,
I don't know how closed a closed adoption is. I am pretty sure that if someone really is motivated to search, they would find a way to locate their birthparents, one way or the other.

That's just a speculation based on what I've learned on this site, with all the searches and reunions from previous closed adoptions.

I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation. Hope my answer isn't disappointing or hurtful for you, I admit, I don't know much about closed adoptions so I'm sure there might be other people more helpful for you.

My very best to you, Melissa.

[Big Dreamer]

Melissa,

Closed can be as closed as you want it.

You can have someone choose the family for you or you can find the family and only exchange first names.

•You can request that an agency or attorney choose your child's adoptive family.
•You will not exchange any identifying information (full names and addresses).
•The adoptive family receives information about your medical history up to the point of placement. There is no planned, ongoing sharing of social and medical information after the adoption is finalized.
•There is no contact between you and the adoptive family, such as sharing of photos and letters, or visits.
Access to finding you (by your child) is limited by law and must be by mutual agreement at the time the child is of legal age.

Disadvantages
In this form of adoption, there is no ongoing exchange of information, other than a court-ordered exchange in the case of a medical emergency. As your child grows, he or she can have questions that remain unanswered. Confidential adoptions might make it difficult to get information that your child will want to know about you.

I was glad to see that you are still exploring your options.

How far along are you?

Think of you often and hope that you are doing well.

I am here if you want to talk.

Maria

[Jensboys]

Melissa, as far as I know, a permanently "closed" adoption is no longer a legal option in Canada. Even if you do not wish to have ongoing contact, your child, and for that matter you, will have the right to receive all records when your child reaches the age of majority.

If for whatever reason, you feel that you will not want contact in 18 or 19 years, I would suggest that you write a letter to the child explaining your reasons etc HOWEVER keep in mind, that the child (then adult) will still have the right to access the records, and your feelings might change over the course of time. (temporary issues or feelings etc). Often if your feelings do change, agencies are willing to mediate.

[Montraviatommyg]

I don't know about the law where you are but in the UK a closed adoption is exactly that so there is no contact whatsoever. However an adoptee can search once they turn 18 with or without the help of an intermediary ... law different in Canada and USA. The law has changed here recently that birth families can search using a registered intermediary (it's illegal to use an unregistered intermediary) although there's nothing stopping them search without outside help.

You have been given good advice though. My son's adoption was closed nor did I know about open adoptions so I don't know how I would feel in your position.

Pip

[SchmennaLeigh]

Melissa,

While you may not be looking for contact or to be "found," please think of your child's well being and best interest. Closed does mean closed but, as you know, there is a constant push to have records opened. Rightfully so. Your child, should you choose a closed adoption, also deserves his/her medical records as that is vital for him/her later in life. Beyond that, even in the most closed, tightly sealed, hush-hush of adoptions, children find their birthparents. You NEED to prepare yourself for that, even if you think it will never happen. In the closed era we told birthparents to foget about their placed children and move on so that when reunion came, to their surprise, they had no time to get their emotions in check.

I strongly urge you to do some more research, including parenting.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Thank you Jens, Im not familiar with Canadian law!

Is the father wanting a closed adoption, too Melissa?

[Killmark]

Originally Posted by melissa23melissa

I am beginning the process of placing a child for adoption and I have a question about closed adoption. Just how closed is it? I know closed adoption isn't the popular choice anymore but I really think in my circumstances it's the best decision I can make. I really am not looking for contact or to be found at a later date. Any advice? Words of wisdom?
melissa

ps. I live in Ontario Canada

Well they've recently changed Ontario's laws for requesting information so whilst you would be able to have a closed adoption its likely your offspring could trace you when they come of age (if they chose).

I'm pretty sure Ontario is the only province which doesnt have a veto on giving out details on birthparents/adoptee's (when they are of age).

Having said that I think all adoptee's deserve the opportunity to discover the truth about there roots and it is wrong for anyone to stop.

A

[evildishrag]

Hi Melissa.

I placed my child in a closed adoption through the CAS in Ontario. I was able to choose the family through anonymous profiles with no contact.

The change in Canadian law means that your child can access their original birth certificate when he reaches 18 and can learn your name at that time. You can request a 'no contact' order which means that even though they know your name, they agree to not contact you.

Never say never, who knows how you'll feel in 20 years, and like someone else said I too believe that an adoptee has the right to have their questions answered. But as for anonymity in the meantime, I'd contact the CAS.

Hang in there.

[NJNative]

"I am beginning the process of placing a child for adoption and I have a question about closed adoption. Just how closed is it? I know closed adoption isn't the popular choice anymore but I really think in my circumstances it's the best decision I can make. I really am not looking for contact or to be found at a later date. Any advice? Words of wisdom? "


Melissa,

I am the adoptive parent of a 15 year old son. Our adoption is closed. What that means in our case is that we do not have any contact with any member of his birth family at all. I have certain information that will help him locate them if he ever chooses to do so.

In some "closed" adoptions, you can still get an annual photo and letter updating on the child's progress.

Always be aware though that someday the child might still be able to find you.

Robin

[adoptionsearchblog2]

PLEASE read everything Jenna said thoroughly about 5 times! A closed adoption means that the record are sealed and neither mother nor child are ever to know each other (or anything much about each other) or meet. At the least until the child is an adult and sometimes never.

Access when the child is of age varies depending on where the adoption occurred. Check in your province as to laws there. Laws are constantly changing too, as many feel open records are not fair to adopted people.

As Jenna says though, your child may still find you someday though even if the records are sealed. My son found me when he was nearly 32. It was legal in the state his adoption occured for a intermediary to search for me. I do not believe a woman has a right to remain anonymous from her child.

Think not of what is best for you, but, your child. I would not recommend a closed adoption to almost anyone. Also check out Heather Lowe's new blog on crisis pregnancy. She is continuing to add some very helpful info there daily and can give you much to consider.

http://www.adoptionblogs.com

Click on "crisis pregnancy" on the right hand side.

[MamaTo6]

I also live in Ontario Canada. Our adoption laws are very different than USA adoption laws. Call your local CAS and get the info from them. Good luck hon in whatever you decide to do.

[taramayrn]

Just want to echo all the great words the other ladies have offered you. Please keep us updated.

Sorry my brain isn't working very well today - just started feeling a little down after being great all day today. Wish I could offer a bit more.

[melissa23melissa]

thanks for the feedback. i feel very nervous about contacting an adoption agency with out really knowing how works. making the right decision is very overwhelming and unfortunatly no one's gives you an instruction manual with all the right answers......anyway, i'm going to my local Birthright office tomorrow and we'll see what happens next
melissa

[AwaitingBeloved]

good luck, Melissa.

I'll be thinking of you.