[memoree]

Good Luck Melissa!

We are looking to adopt but are from the US in Ohio. State laws here vary and I'm not sure of Canada Laws.
Just wanted to offer you some support and prayers.

God Bless!

[evildishrag]

Hi Melissa. How did your appointment at Birthright go last week?

[melissa23melissa]

thank you for thinking of me evildishrag, it;s funny writing that as someone's name. I have gotten in touch with an adoption agency and they seem really supportive so far. I wasn;t sure if working with an agency would be a good idea, but i'm enjoying it so far. If anyone has any tips as to how to work with an agency let me know.

[AwaitingBeloved]

Melissa,
The only words of wisdom I have, is know your rights. My very best to you. Hang in there.

[michellesnook]

Melissa,

Just be honest with them. If you truly want a closed adoption, then you need to let that be known.

We are registered with 3 different agencies in Ontario and ALL of them made us confirm that we were comfortable with an open adoption as that seems to be the trend. And of course we totally have an open adoption with our son's bfamily.

But what my point is, is that most of the profiles that you read will say they want an open adoption - but if you find a couple you like, even if they say they want an open adoption, ask if they will accept a closed one as well.

At least that way, you always have the ability to come back at a later date if you choose. A family that wants an open adoption will welcome you back into your child's life (most likely) should you ever want it.

Best of luck!
Michelle

[plants]

im an adoptee and i dont understand why people want to do this closed adoption thing are you tring to tell me that you would feel good not knowing who your reall parent were and if you did want to know you never would be allowed to know

[dmca]

Plants,

Perhaps I can explain about closed adoptions to a birth mother.
When I relinquished my daughter, I had no options.
All I owned was on my back, literally. No support, no shelters, nothing. Back then women who were unwed mothers were next to prostitutes in the eyes of society.
It broke my heart to relinquish my daughter, but, I wanted a family with a HOME ( something I did not have, only finding a inhouse babysitting position two months before her birth ) food, clothing,.
It was one of the hardest things I ever did in my life.
If I saw her or knew where she was all the time, I would have gone mad. Seriously.
The pain was so intense. To see her, see pictures or hold her would have taken away my mind.
Or if not, I simply would have committed suicide.
I think each birth mother makes the decision on what she can and cannot do. For me, I COULD NOT have an open adoption. The mothers that do this, must have been a LOT stronger than I was.
does this answer why some birth mothers ( such as me) have a closed adoption?
dmca

[SchmennaLeigh]

dmca; while closed adoption was the only option back then, I believe plants was asking why people would opt for a closed adoption now when other options are available. That's all.

[Jannyroo]

Originally Posted by melissa23melissa

I am beginning the process of placing a child for adoption and I have a question about closed adoption. Just how closed is it? I know closed adoption isn't the popular choice anymore but I really think in my circumstances it's the best decision I can make. I really am not looking for contact or to be found at a later date. Any advice? Words of wisdom?
melissa

ps. I live in Ontario Canada

My son was put up for adoption and it turned out it was a closed adoption (1978) - that meant then, that there was no contact, you sign the papers and you are encouraged to forget and get on with your life. If the child dies, you will never know about it, if they grow up, as far as I knew then, you had to wait until they were 18 years of age and then they could approach the adoption agency with whom they were placed and ask to see records, such as birth certificate etc and possibly make contact, but even then, you could say no, don't want to do anything thanks. I'm not sure what closed means these days, but as you live in Ontario and I am UK, you may wish to consult Julie Baileys & Lynn Giddens book (which may show which states deny such access to records in your part of the world) its called the Adoption, Reunion Survival guide - this may also help you explore your options.

Also, you may feel this way now, but you may not in years to come. In the past 28 years since my son was adopted my feelings have changed regularly about whether I wanted to see him again. I was pretty convinced I didn't until I got contact from him when he was 28 - and I exploded... with joy and ecstasy!!! I couldn't believe my own reaction. We now have a great reunion and have a lot of catching up to do.

Please think carefully, I wish you all the best, but this decision really is so life changing... I never got over it... but you have to do what is right for you. Love x x x