[SchmennaLeigh]

NOTE: I have NOT yet read this book though I have placed it in my queue to be purchased in the near future so that I can thoroughly review it for this specific forum. That said:

I came across a book that may or may not be helpful to our expectant Mothers considering placement.

The Third Choice: A Woman's Guide to Placing a Child for Adoption, Second Edition by Leslie Foge, Gail Mosconi.

The book is described:

From Library Journal
Foge and Mosconi, both family and child counselors, have facilitated more than 500 adoptions in the past ten years, and this experience shines through in their book. They are respectful of the conflicting emotions experienced by women with unplanned pregnancies and are also aware of the myriad decisions that have to be made. They cover a lot of ground, but their approach is so low-key and nonjudgmental that readers can easily absorb what theyre trying to say. Areas covered include open adoption and other options, what to look for in adoptive parents, what to expect during pregnancy, what kind of emotions might come up, and the legal aspects of adoption. Although the chapter of the book dealing with birth fathers and other birth relatives seems to be thrown together, and the list of resource agencies could be a lot more inclusive, this book is recommended for public libraries.

The description of the book directly above gives me hope that it's not coercive, but, as I said, I'm going to read it for myself to better tell others what to expect. I personally LOVE how it says that the book also gives "what to expect during pregnancy" information as so many firstmothers I have spoken with told me that they were not schooled on pregnancy or childbirth during their situations.

Do note that some of the reviews (which I can't link to since they are on a retail site; PM me for info) say that the section on birthparent grief is utter nonsense. Apparently the book says that firstparents get over the adoption in a year. I can vouch for that simply being way off base. Still, I will be purchasing this book as it may have information that COULD be beneficial to women considering placement.

I'll keep you updated.

(PS - Have you read this book? Enlighten us.)

[bromanchik]

I liked the first part of the book. However, I do not recommend it. They have a piece on "A Change of Heart" that would make your hair curl. Here are a few "questions to ask yourself":
"Since I made my original adoption plan, has anything changed in my life that makes parenting a better option, such as a new job, a bigger place to live, or an inheritance? (italics mine)"
"Am I willing to make a decision now, in a very short time, that will undo a decision I've been working on for many months? (Again, italics mine)
Am I changing my mind about the adoption because of my feelings about my baby and being a mom, even though my circumstances have not changed at all? (Again, italics mine)

UGH!!!

And the Grief Section? It is so unrealistic I wonder what kind of research they did... if any at all.
They have a "Recovery Timeline for the First Year" that is hideous. By "By six months..A day goes by and you haven't thought about the baby... you wonder if you are beginning to forget about her." "At One Year: You are starting to get your life back and think about the future - your future." (italics theirs)

Save your money.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Thanks Brenda.

It frustrates me though. This is the part of the adoption process that, in my opinion, really needs work: proper and non-coercive education on considering placement, pregnancy and parenting.... possibly even abortion from a NEUTRAL standpoint... ALL IN ONE BOOK.

Now that's a project for you, Brenda.

[LynninOhio]

I like this post because I'm writing a book. I have different sections written . . one from the adoptees perspective including my feelings about my first conversation with my birthmom last Sunday. I have a whole other section (which may end up being a separate book) on step-parenting and then I am also a mom in a relative-adoption. Not sure if I can squeeze all these topics into one book, but maybe! I have been researching like crazy the birthmom perspective so I can write about that and be more understanding in my new relationship with my birthmom.

[Emster]

Lynn--sounds like you've got a series of books waiting to be written!

[happygmom]

Originally Posted by bromanchik

I liked the first part of the book. However, I do not recommend it. They have a piece on "A Change of Heart" that would make your hair curl. Here are a few "questions to ask yourself":

Am I changing my mind about the adoption because of my feelings about my baby and being a mom, even though my circumstances have not changed at all? (Again, italics mine).

"Well, yes ... duh."

Happy G'Ma