[anlopez1]

Hello everyone!

I am glad to be here. I recently found out I am a month pregnant. I am a 26 year old woman with a 7 year old daughter. I am opting to put this child up for adoption and would like to share my story with whoever will hear.

I know that now is not the time for me to have a child. I graduated from college in Dec. 2004, and I know how difficult it is to raise a child (to the best of ones abilities).

I also have a decent paying job (as a Counselor) with great health insurance. I feel like people might ask me, why? Why do I feel the need to do this?

Well, I have a long distance relationship (that is as stable as possibly can be). And I'm not ready(emotionally or spiritually) to give another child the attention, love, etc that he/she deserves. Also, I dont want to cheat my 7 year old daughter out of everything that she is used to.

So any and all support would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Andy

[RLK913]

You have to do what is best for you and I hope that you find the support you need for the decision you are making. Best of luck to you!

[Emster]

People undoubtedly will ask you why, and will probably be well-meaning in their questions and possible attempts to change your mind. Just know that there are others going through the same things out there somewhere and it might be helpful to talk with them to see how they handle it. Before its all said and done, you very well may make a different plan than you have today, but the decision is yours. As for me, I thank you for proceeding with the pregnancy no matter what plan you make, and giving your baby a LIFE! Take care of you!!

Sending good thoughts your way!

[MrsSmith]

Hello and welcome to the forums!

I am going to move this thread to a more appropriate forum for you. Hopefully that will help you get more responses.

Please also know that it is expressly against the Terms of Service for any prospective adoptive parent to "solicit" any expectant parent here, either via post, email or private message. Should this happen to you, please do not hesitate to contact myself or another member of the moderating team (Crick, echaos, leaabc123, Tigger27, BrandyHagz or Kiwi) and let us know. We strive to keep the forums a safe place for all members of the adoption community to find information and support.

Good luck to you in the coming months.

MrsSmith, Community Moderator

[momdad2bee]

Hi Andy and welcome to the forums! I joined these forums about a month or so ago - I am a hopeful adoptive mommy - and I have to say that I am learning soooo much and though I am not posting a whole lot - I am finding support in reading others postings and situations. I wish you much luck in finding support here as I certainly do.

I think that the choice you are making for your baby is a very admirable one and please don't let anyone make you feel badly about any decision that you make. Adoption is done out of love for ones baby .... and it shows in your posting that you love this baby and only want what you feel is right for him/her, you and your daughter.

I wish you peace in your journey and the best of luck in finding your forever family.

Best wishes Andy!

Jackie

[Southernroots]

"I think that the choice you are making for your baby is a very admirable one and please don't let anyone make you feel badly about any decision that you make. "

Andy, I am a birth mom, not an adoptive mom and have a different take than the poster above. While I wouldn't want to make anyone feel badly about their decision; I cannot judge whether your considering adoption for your child is admirable or not based on what little I now know. While I do not want to make you feel badly, I do hope that you carefully consider your decision including the possible long term affects. Sometimes adoption is a wise decision; sometimes not. It is rarely IMHO a one-time event. I consider the act of placing a child neither worthy of praise or condemnation. It bothers me when some adoptive parents automatically praise a woman considering adoption for her child. However, I suppose it makes sense that they would.

I know what losing a child to adoption feels like many years down the road. And
my heart goes out to you to have this heavy decision before you.

If you read some of the other discussions in "Considering your options" and "Unplanned Pregnancy", you will see the voices of many birth moms with varying opinions.

You will get a great deal of praise here for placing your child for adoption - there are many "waiting mothers" here. I will only say for now that placing a child for adoption is a highly significant event - and I hope you explore all your options carefully before you proceed. If you want to discuss your situation privately, feel free to PM me.

[momdad2bee]

Andy,
I do want to apologize if I can across as being unsympathetic to your situation. I am here to offer you support - no matter what decision you make for you and your baby.
Good luck in your journey ...

Jackie

[anlopez1]

thanks everyone! i guess i was looking for support, validation and reassurance when i placed my first post. the forums are difficult for me to navigate through, however, i'm learning! lol

have a great day everyone. and thanks for your comments.

anndee

[AwaitingBeloved]

Hi Andy,
Welcome to the forums! I still have a hard time navigating here, too, but if you sit down to explore the forums when you have some time on your hands, you'll find some great support, debates, happy stories, and unfortunately, the not so happy ones. I've learn a lot here, and hopefully you will, too.

I really liked your original post, because you were so honest with your reasons. You will get info from all sides here, good, bad, and ugly, my only advice is to hear it all and just follow your heart. If you decide to place your child, your reasons are your reasons, and I hope people wouldn't judge you for them. I know that's asking a lot.. and that people feel like they can ask you very personal questions (such as, but WHY?), especially when you're dealing with people who love you and your 7 yr old so much. They will be responding to their loss as well as yours. I guess that's what I'd be prepared for.

I'm sure this has got to be hurtful for you, even if you this is what you feel you have to do, and I respect you for knowing your limitations. Andi, only you know what you are and are not capable of doing, so if this is what you need to do, than I wish you lots of luck in finding a family for your baby that you will love, if you end up changing your mind, I also wish you lots of luck parenting both of your children!

Best to you

[flowergirl2802]

Dear anndee,

My strongest personal feelings to anyone considering adoption, parenting or anything related is to be strong in whatever decision you make. Don't ever let pressure, what so and so says, or how someone makes you feel about your decision. Know that your decision, whatever it is, will be the right one. Follow your heart, but don't forget to let education be your guide... Take your time and know you are the one making the decision and you have the right no matter what to change your mind. NO MATTER WHAT. Best wishes to you and your precious little one...

Lisa

~hopefully waiting for baby #1~

[lollie78]

I agree 100%, your decision should be your decision. I kept my first son because of pressure from my family. We had just lost my nephew from and issue at birth and "How could I take away another grandchild?" I sometimes regret my choice but I love my son. When I finally decided to give Jordan to his parents, I had a peace in my heart where I knew I was doing the right thing.

[kelceesmom]

Andy, You definately need to weigh all your options. Of course, not being able to have a child I was grateful that our birthmom chose to have our baby instead of abortion. Giving up your child is one of the most selfless acts you can do. There are pros and cons to all sides. As long as you can sleep at night with whatever decision you make that is all that matters. Our thoughts and prayers are with you in this very difficult time.
Denice

[ecogirl77]

Andy, I just wanted to tell you that I am in a VERY similar situation. I am now 7 months pregnant with a 3 1/2 year old daughter (from a previous relationship) and have been considering adoption since this baby's father and I broke up in January. Well, actually since I found out I was pregnant, but we decided to get engaged and I thought we could make it work. Boy was I wrong.

I too do know the struggles of raising a child by yourself and while I am also educated, I am not in a position to raise another kid right now. And I especially do not want to do it alone. I'm wondering, if your still visiting this site, how things are working out for you. I am still in the decision phase. I think I know what I should do, but as time goes on, I am more and more uncertain.

[melissa23melissa]

Hi,
I just wanted to offer some support as someone who has been through a similar situation and recently did place my daughter for adoption.It was a difficult decision because I knew I could be a capable mother, but it wasn't the right time for me. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy to say good bye to such a beautiful little girl and I do deal with the grief everyday, but I know I made the right decision for both of us. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is if you every need some support please feel free to send me a private message.

[SchmennaLeigh]

And I'm not ready(emotionally or spiritually) to give another child the attention, love, etc that he/she deserves. Also, I dont want to cheat my 7 year old daughter out of everything that she is used to.

This intrigues me.

You are a parent of a seven year old. So, when I ask you what children NEED to survive, what is your answer? Being a parent myself, I know the answer is food (which, for an infant, can be absolutely 100% free for an entire year if you breastfeed), clothing (which can be incredibly cheap if you are a bargain hunter), shelter (which you obviously have at this point) and love. Shelter doesn't have to be their own room; it needs to be a safe, secure place. If you co-sleep, you don't even need to purchase a new crib. The "things" in life (toys, pretty dresses/outfits and extras) aren't necessary to raise a well-rounded, happy child.

As for your seven year old... cheating her out of what? The understanding that sometimes you have to share things with others? Sometimes you even have to share PEOPLE with others? Aren't you, instead, cheating her out of the chance to learn these things while simultaneously experiencing the joys of having a sibling? Have you considered how she will take and understand the loss? Have you discussed it, thoroughly, with her and a therapist?

I may not sound supportive but I can't idly sit by while you throw out justifications for things that have other options. I wish someone would have challenged me to think about some of the things that I have posed in my reply which is why I do the same for expectant parents now.

Sit down and write out what you are losing as opposed to what adoption placement "gains" for YOUR personal family... not a potential adoptive family.