[Le soleil]

I'm a 21 year old college junior and I am seven months pregnant. I love kids and want to have a family someday but I don't feel now is the right time. Up till now, I have been in a serious state of denial, but now I realize I am going to have to deal with this, one way or another.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you decide what to do? I have talked to some people at the college clinic and got information on some options. I just don't know which one is right for me!

Thank you,
Le Soleil

[crick]

Le Soliel,

I imagine this is a very difficult time for you and am glad you are reaching out.

I have no advice persay as I've not been in your shoes but I wanted to let you know I think you've taken a good step forward. You might consider contacting a counselor at your school rather then the clinic?

I hope others with more experience will read here and reply soon. And there are some great resources here!

Take Care,
Crick

[Leah1976]

Well I definitely feel for you as I have been there. It's a scary time, trying to make a decision like this. Have you just recently been thinking of what you are going to do, or have you been wondering the whole time? It's going to take alot of soul searching and no one can tell you whats best for you and your child except you. Don't rush into anything and listen to all advice given to you with an open mind. I had alot of people pressuring me to give up my baby and I didnt want to hear it. Once I told them that I was keeping my baby they laid off of me, and a few months later I made the decision ON MY OWN to place my child. It's your decision and whichever choice you make you want it to be yours and yours ONLY. I wish you lots of luck and stay strong girl. You need to do what you think is right.

[Le soleil]

Thank you both for responding.

I have only just started to consider my options, until recently, I refused to even believe I was pregnant. I realize that’s not a healthy thing to do, but its done and I can't turn back time.

I'm not sure what I should do. I am sure I would have family support with whatever decision I make, but I don't think it’s my family’s responsibility to take care of this, its mine.

Obviously, abortion isn't an option, not that it would have been an option early on. Adoption is an option, but I know almost nothing about it. What do I do? Do I contact an agency and find out what I need to do?

I just don’t think I am ready to be a mother right now, I don’t think it would be fair to the baby.

Le Soleil

[faith2005]

As a birthmom the first thing I did when I figured out that I need to place was talk to my counsoler at the pregnancy center I was going to and she gave me numbers to agency and told me a little about adoption and the many forms of it. I would suggest looking for an agency and going from there. Libary might have some books on adoption and how and what goes on.
Make sure 100% that this is what you want to do as well and know that it is what you need to do.you will be in my prayers and thoughts. PM if you ever need to unload.

Jess

[BlueJeanBaby]

I just wanted to say I am in the EXACT same situation you are, only I am six months rather then seven. I was on the shot and never even got my period anyway, and then later was sick for 4 months with a really bad case of the flu. I was always at the doctors, but for some reason both me and my doctor never realized I was pregnant until I my stomach started rapidly expanding. And that was just about two weeks ago or so. I'm going to my first prenatal visit on teh 12. So nervous. I'm completely overwhelmed myself, but totally relate to you. If you ever need to talk to someone feel free to message me, or email me at exsalted_one@yahoo.com. I can honestly say that I think it would do me a lot of good to talk to you as well, simply to know I'm not alone out there and that someone else is in the same situation I am in.
For myself I have decided upon adoption. The service I think I'm going to use I found online and then later talked to the helpful people at PlannedParenting who helped me out and said good things about it. It's going to be hard to give up the baby I know, but I can't even keep a hamster alive, so I know for a fact I'm not ready for a baby! I just pray that he comes out healthy and that the family I find to adopt him will love him unconditionally.
Best of luck and be strong. ~Jorean

[Le soleil]

Again, Thank you for all of the responses to my post.

After giving it much thought, I have decided to look into adoption further. I just know that it’s the right thing to do. My baby disserves far more than I am able to give him or her right now.

So, how do you find parents? What is the best way to go? I am pretty comfortable where I am, so I would prefer not to work with an agency that will require me to move, if that’s possible. Do they all require you to move to their “dorms”?

I know nothing about adoption, is there some place where I can do some more research?

Also, I haven’t had any prenatal care, but I have been taking over the counter prenatal vitamins for four or five years, so will this make it harder to find someone to adopt?

Thank you,
Le Soleil

[SchmennaLeigh]

Le,

Do not move. Agencies that ask you to do such a thing are purposefully moving you to a state where the laws are easier for the adoptive parents, not the birthparents. Stay in your own state.

Look into local (and nearby cities) and state agencies before looking at any "big, national" ones. I tell this to all expectant Mothers considering adoption because in the bigger agencies, all people (birthparents and adoptive parents alike) can get "lost."

Beyond that, don't limit yourself to working with one agency from the beginning. Contact as many as you want and feel free to look at ALL of their profiles. You are the one searching for parents for your child. You have the right to use all the resources available to you.

Best of luck.

[faith2005]

My first suggeston is going to be call your local health dept. and set up an appointment a.s.a.p. You can get medicade and that will pay for hospital bills and bills for your prenatal care !! This is VERY VERY important for you and your baby ! I know that you are 7 months pregnant but they still need to do an ultrasound and check on your health and the babies.
An agency will not make you move at least mine did not. You have to call an agency and they bring you family profiles to look at and you get to make the choose of who you want to parent your child. since you are 7 months pregnant you may not have all the time in the world to look through a bunch of parent profiles. I was in a simular sitation .. I had no prenatal until almost 7 months pregnant and was 7 or 7/12 months pregnant before I talked to an agency I felt like I had very little time to decided !! Thank the Lord He was with me and helped me through to find the perfect family in such a sort period of time.
So first and for most call the health dept. and get check and get the baby check , get medicade that will help a lot ( there are some regulations for receiving it but you will have to call your social services dept. to find that out ) and then call an agency. you can even look around for a good agency if you feel uncomfortable with something in one. Your health dept should have numbers for agency as well .. at least mine do yours may so call them and find out when you call to set up an appointment.
Your in my prayers and thoughts !! God bless

Jess

[faith2005]

Let me clarify something reall quick .. do look carefully at the profiles this is your baby and you want him/her to have the best .. all though it may feel like you dont have lots of time you want to make the best choice for your baby and you are the one picking.
like Jenna said dont move if the agency wants you too.Also agree with looking at the local ones and state ones ... christian agency are good I went through one and they were wonderful !!! Still are wonderful and call me all the time to check up with me to see how things are going

[Free_to_be_me]

I agree that you should not move. There is no (good) reason any agency would tell you that you should.

Second, if you are considering adoption, you should find a counselor that 1)has experience with birthmothers, 2)you feel very comfortable with and 3) who will help you explore ALL of your options. It is important that you try to make the most informed decision possible so you can feel good about making the choice that is right for you and your baby.

I was 7 months along when I contacted the agency that I went through. I actually contacted two agencies. I hated the first. Everytime I asked a question or said something I wanted to do, the response was "Oh. We don't do that." or "Well, we really don't recommend that." I was not impressed. It was way too full of red tape and void of human emotion. My second counselor (and the agency she worked for) was fabulous. Even though I told her I had decided on adoption, she helped me to see that if I wanted to parent she would help me find a way to make it possible. Having a strong support person (no matter what I decided) who was connected to many many resources was invaluable.

There are a lot of books that can help you do some research. One of my favorites is "Pregnant too Soon. Adoption is an Option" by Jeanne Warren Lindsay. It is kind of old-my copy was printed when openness was still fairly new, but it is definately discussed in the book. It is also written in fairly simple terms-a young teen can easily understand it, but should still be helpful to college age folks. It has a lot of stories, comments and thoughts from women (and a few men) who have been pregnant and either parented or placed.

As far as finding parents is concerned, your counselor should help with this. Most agencies have "profiles" of prospective adoptive parents that you would be able to look through. Finding parents was, in an odd way, kind of fun. It was hard, of course, because I was making a permanent decision for this person who was suddenly more important than anyone else in my life-including myself.

Good luck as you work through your decision. If you have any more questions, keep asking.

[Le soleil]

Wow, this is so overwhelming, thank you all for your wonderful replies.

Faith2005, I have medical coverage right now, so is it important for me to still try to get medical coverage through my state?

I have an appointment with an OB on Tuesday. It was very hard to find a Dr. that would work with me because I am so far along, but at least I found one.

SchmennaLeigh, thank you for pointing out that bigger isn’t necessarily better, I hadn’t thought about that, but I bet you are right. I can see where someone might not get the personal attention they might need from a bigger organization.

Also, I have read a lot in the last few hours, and I keep seeing “Open Adoption” everywhere, including here. Can someone explain? I hate to admit that I am rather uneducated regarding adoption, because I’ve never really had any reason to know more about it.

One last question: How do you decide what you want? Faith2005, you mentioned a Christian agency in your last post, but religion or lack of, isn’t important to me. Will I still be able to find people who will work with me without force feeding me their religious beliefs?

Thank you,
Le Soleil

[SchmennaLeigh]

There are various kinds of adoption. If you are not familiar with them, you need to do your research NOW. I am definitely not being rude by saying that, either. I want you to be informed as possible before being sucked into the world of adoption and totally overwhelmed with terminology!

Closed adoptions are totally, as they say, closed. The adoptee has no access to information about you nor do you have any information about the adoptive family, where they are from, etc. Some people still choose this route. It is decreasing in popularity for various reasons; mainly because of the effect/affect it has on the child later in life to have no idea where he/she came from and the inability to find out due to closed documents.

Semi-open adoption is highly popular as it involves knowing the adoptive family (and conversely, the birthfamily) prior to placement. It involves the sharing of letters (emails) and pictures either through an intermediary (often times the agency) or directly from family to family.

Fully-disclosed/Fully-open adoptions involve pictures, letters, and visits but should never, ever be mistaken for co-parenting. The adoptive parents are still, first and foremost, the parents of the child. They make all decisions regarding the child and should be shown the utmost respect for their role in the child's life. The birthparent takes on the role of an open adoption birthparent, which James L. Gritter refers to in his book "Lifegivers: Framing the Birthparent Experience in Open Adoption" as affirmation parenting. Basically, the birthparent is there to show that the child is and was always loved, from day one, and to be available for any questions. This is gaining popularity, for obvious reasons. I have a Fully Open adoption with my child's adoptive family and, while it is tough stuff on occasion, it is just as rewarding. Of course, you get out what you put into it.

Again, please do your research so as to make the best informed decision.

[faith2005]

Defently !! The agency I wnt through did not force feed me any thing ... what I was going through was hard enough and they knew that. I would say call and set up appointments just cause you met with them doesnt mean that it is set in stone that you want to go through them get a feel for the agency and if you dont like it go to another one.

If you have medical insurance dont bother with medicade they wont give it to you. If you cant get a doctor to check you out ( I had the same problem ... ob that I tried to go to had a cut off date and I could not be seen ) call the health dept they WILL (at least SHOULD ) take you

I have a semi open adoption so I cant really tell you much an open adoption.

Jess

[faith2005]

Again I have to agree with Jenna and say to do your research .. not being rude just want you to make a informed desion like Jenna stated.