[faith2005]

I dont know where else to post this so I thought I would try here.

I have a question. Has any one else here ever experienced the break up of a family because of abortion. I am presently going through this because 30+ some years ago my mom had one and is now after 25 years of marriage and 5 kids she has contacted the man that helped her abort her child and now or was talking about getting back with him in some wierd twisted way hoping to heal the hurt and possible "bring back" her aborted child and all it has done is tear the 5 kids she does have away from her.

I was just wondering if anyone else has walked through something like this. Need others to talk to and see how anyone else has handled it even it was just a seperation for what ever reason

[cnelson8611]

I don't know if this will help much, my mother had 3 abortions before I was born and many miscarriages. She never tryed to get back together with the men in which she aborted the child. But I know that it will not help her "bring back" the child she aborted years ago. It actually could cause more hurt and anger towards herself for what she did.

My own mother feels bad about what she did and to help she named them. It doesn't bring them back but it helps to give an aborted child a name.

Just an idea... sorry I couldn't be of more help.

[faith2005]

Well my mom has named him but for 30 something years she has never gotten any counsole for the hurt that she has experienced and regret that she has experienced so finally she just gave up. I dont really understand but I know that this wont fix anything that she wants to fix it is only going to cause more hurt and pain but ... I just dont know any more. I dont know what to say to her or how to act towards her. I love my mother but it is hard to talk to her and respect her when she is doing something that could tear our family apart.

[Jennifer]

I don't know if aboortion has ever broken up a family but I can tell you that the pain and loss never go away. Back in senior yr of high school my best friend had an abortion at the insistance of her Mom because she knew what her Dad would have done out of his own pain and the pain he would have felt for what his daughter was going through. So anyway everything was arranged and I went with her to the hospital in Bronx, NY. Because she was right at the "no turning back" point she had they injected her with saline which after a very long period of time it brought on contractions... only difference between this and child birth was that the baby was not alive when he came out. To this day she remembers it like it happened yesterday and still lives with the regret of what she did to an innocent baby who did not ask to be conceived and definitely did not ask to have his life taken away from him. Having been there with her I can tell you it is so clear in my memories also... her pain and screams and the screams of all the others on the same floor. So I know kind of the pain your Mom has been carrying all these years and the guilt because that sme guilt has been eating at my girlfriend ever since 1976. When we got back home the next day after a couple bus trips it made realize how precious children are as I walked ino my own home totally exhausted physically and emotionally and saw my 6 month old neice playing on our floor. My Mom knew where i had been and what I had gone through and she asked if I was ok and than asked how D was and was kind of glad that D changed her mind about coming home with me. D never did have children of her own because she cannot conceive and as you can imagine feels this is all part of her punishment even though she believes God has forgiven her for taking the life of an innocent child ...... she still has trouble forgiving herself all these years. Nothing can ever bring back a child.

I know it is hard and on you and your family as well as your Mom. If you ever want to chat or if your Mom needs to chat feel free to email me at Poogiebr@ptd.net

You and your family will be in my prayers

Jen

[faith2005]

Thank you for sharing your story with me.
I know that my mother still has alot of hurt and pain and regret from what she did and for some weird reason it is as though she thinks that going to be with this man will help to fix and heal this but I know that it wont in the long run and possible the short it will just makes things worse. She wants me to tell her what I am thinking about all this and I dont agree with what she is doing and I know that I am going to have to tell her this but I dont know how to with out possible hurting her feeling and me in the process feeling like I have disrespected her.
this is just really hard and I dont know what to do or say to her. She told me yesterday that she can no longer live with my father cause he wants somethings done that she just cant do. So she is done with her marriage. She wants to go be with this other man and I dont know how to tell her that I think she is wrong.

[6boysrus]

FAith..

She needs to heal. Ive worked with post-abortive women some immediately following their abortions and others many years down the line. There is help available to her.. retreats, counseling etc.. to help her understand and grieve through the process.

Some sights that I would reccommend for you too look over to get her the help she needs:

http://www.hopeafterabortion.com
http://www.afterabortion.org
http://afterabortion.blogspot.com --this is a strong group of post abortive women who also have a great amount of resources and they will be willing to help you find the right resources and answers

Will be praying she gets the help she needs.. the dangers an be great for some women and it can lead them to dysfunctional and irrational thinking- sometimes worse.

Yvonne

[faith2005]

Well I have suggested to my mom counsoling with our pastors wife and she has said no. I have offered the post abortion counsoling at the Pregnancy life care center I have offered and offered and offerd and she says no to every thing. Right now she doesnot want help and it is a little scary. She has made up her mind and it is over between her and my father. They talked to day and my mom told him that she was through and I guess my dad lost it a little to much.I just dont know what to do not that I can't fix this cause it is not my problem my mom is going to have to do what she feels she needs to right now but at some point in time she is going to have to face the facts. I am getting the feeling that it has to do maily with this man and her abortion but there are other underlining things that have caused her to walk away from my dad.
I just am so frustrated and dont know what to say to either of my parents ... my mom is wrong for doing this and my dad is very angry but that does not make it right for him to dig the ditch deeper.